Dillards 34: Finding Contentment

[ThunderRolls]

@melon I found this article with some stomach-churning quotes from Michelle: 

 

2. But give it a rest sometimes. It’s not all sexytime at the Duggars. They abstain when Michelle has her period, and also after childbirth: 80 days before sex if it’s a girl, 40 days after a boy. (The timeline for abstinence after childbirth is loosely based on Old Testament traditions, but is more about what works for their marriage than about observing religious law, the Duggars say.) A bit of abstinence, they’ve found, does make the heart grow fonder.

“When you’ve missed it for seven days, you look forward to it even more,” Michelle says.

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/02/the-duggars-and-bill-gothards-sex-regulations.html

[LurkerOverThePond]

[VineHeart137]

I could have gone my whole life without reading that quote...

[Beermeet]

7 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

I could have gone my whole life without reading that quote...

Your avatar is perfect right now!

[VineHeart137]

1 minute ago, Beermeet said:

Your avatar is perfect right now!

I do love when that happens!

[Beermeet]

4 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

I do love when that happens!

I didn't mean to make a quote but whatever.  Lol

So, they don't have sex for about 2 weeks out of every month and never on a Saturday night?  That's a lot of no sex.  

[Rachel333]

Geez, for such "modest" people they talk an awful lot about sex.

 

1 hour ago, SamiKatz said:

I really disagree with this line of thinking with regard to anyone living a public life.  This kind of reasoning makes what happened to Leslie Jones re her nude photos being leaked, and the ensuing harassment all okay because she chose to go onto TV.  This is also what makes people think it's okay that Jill, Jessa, Joy and Jinger were publically exposed as the victims of Josh's abuse - because they (or their parents), chose to appear on a reality TV show.

This is of course, my opinion only and you are entitled to yours as well.

 

I kind of agree. I don't think this is the same situation as Leslie Jones, but I also don't think that being on a reality show means that everyone is entitled to know absolutely everything about someone's life.

[backyard sylph]

Subvocalizing in Michelle's voice is what makes it so...difficult to digest.

[Buzzard]

17 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

So, they don't have sex for about 2 weeks out of every month and never on a Saturday night?  That's a lot of no sex.  

Whats wrong with saturday night?

[JenniferJuniper]

I really can't understand  how waiting an additional 40 days to have sex if you are unfortunate enough to have a penis-less baby helps "work for the marriage". 

[VelociRapture]

1 minute ago, Buzzard said:

Whats wrong with saturday night?

I'm guessing they're appropriating the Sabbath from the Jews. Just like the menorah and the Star of David... 

[Buzzard]

Just now, JenniferJuniper said:

I really can't understand understand how waiting an additional 40 days to have sex if you are unfortunate enough to have a penis-less baby helps "work for the marriage".  

I think the assumption, way back when, was that a man may be more "eager" to impregnate his wife again and try for a worthy baby a boy ASAP, so the extra time is a bit of protection for the woman who shouldnt be subjected to another pregnancy so soon after giving birth.

Just now, VelociRapture said:

I'm guessing they're appropriating the Sabbath from the Jews. Just like the menorah and the Star of David... 

Except that its a Mitzvah to have sex on Shabbat.  Friday night is called "Mitzvah night."

[JenniferJuniper]

Just now, Buzzard said:

I think the assumption, way back when, was that a man may be more "eager" to impregnate his wife again and try for a worthy baby a boy ASAP, so the extra time is a bit of protection for the woman who shouldnt be subjected to another pregnancy so soon after giving birth.

I thought the original reason is that females are inherently "unclean" (being Eve's daughters and all) so the body needs more time to prepare itself for another, hopefully male, child. 

But Michelle isn't saying it's either reason.

[Beermeet]

5 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

Whats wrong with saturday night?

I read it from the link.  Gothard rule. Apparently not even old testament, more like medieval Catholic to abstain before receiving holy communion on Sunday.

[front hugs > duggs]

3 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm guessing they're appropriating the Sabbath from the Jews. Just like the menorah and the Star of David... 

I guess incorrectly appropriating since the Jewish Sabbath is on Friday nights 

[Buzzard]

5 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm guessing they're appropriating the Sabbath from the Jews. Just like the menorah and the Star of David... 

The Mishnah would have them doing the deed daily:

http://www.sefaria.org/Mishnah_Ketubot.5.1?lang=bi

Quote

One who, by vow, interdicts his wife from intercourse, Beit Shammai say, [she must wait] two weeks. Beit Hillel say one week. Students who leave for the purpose of studying Torah without the consent of their wives [have] thirty days; laborers, one week. [The law of providing sexual] pleasure [to one's wife] that is stated in the Torah [is as follows]: one at leisure, daily; laborers, twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; camel drivers, once every thirty days; navigators every six months; these are the words of Rabbi Eliezer.

I'm assuming Boob would be considered "one at leisure" because they dont do shit.

[Dutchie]

4 hours ago, sparklymagie said:

Thanks for all the reassurance.  My logic knows all this and that a c- section is my best choice, but my emotions are starting to knock on the door and say "you know, voluntary major surgery is pretty scary. "

For reasons I can't articulate, I'm also kind of sad at the thought of not going through labor (the c- section will be scheduled, obviously). I have no idea why, its not like labor is particularly pleasant, but I keep thinking I'll miss the anticipation  and build -up. Ehh, I don't  know. 

I completely understand. I was induced for medical reasons so had the vaginal delivery. But I feel I missed out on the. "Is this a contraction or isn't it part" seems dumb but he, how often you (most normal people) give birth in life? 

[JenniferJuniper]

3 minutes ago, Dutchie said:

But I feel I missed out on the. "Is this a contraction or isn't it part" seems dumb but he, how often you (most normal people) give birth in life? 

You did miss that part.  But it's sort of akin to missing what it feels like to be run over by truck.  Better to just stay curious sometimes.

[Bad Wolf]

@sparklymagie A c section is easier when you're prepared, and haven't been in labor. It's amazing how fast your body heals, and how much better you feel each day. Don't be afraid to use pain meds when you need them. Of course, this was my experience with Wolf 2. Not saying it applies to everyone.

[Coconut Flan]

13 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

I read it from the link.  Gothard rule. Apparently not even old testament, more like medieval Catholic to abstain before receiving holy communion on Sunday.

It developed as part of fasting before receiving communion.  So from dinner time Saturday until after church on Sunday one would fast not just from food but also pleasureful or worldly things.  I've even heard an eastern orthodox priest or two still mention the custom. 

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

Did Michelle literally say, "Its not all sexytimes at the Duggars"? 

"Sexytimes" and "Duggars" are two words that should never, ever be used in the same sentence. 

[ThunderRolls]

4 minutes ago, TeamDefraudinSquad said:

Did Michelle literally say, "Its not all sexytimes at the Duggars"? 

 

No, she didn't say that specific sentence. The part Michelle said is, 

“When you’ve missed it for seven days, you look forward to it even more,” Michelle says.

Still pretty barf-y.

[VelociRapture]

55 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

Except that its a Mitzvah to have sex on Shabbat.  Friday night is called "Mitzvah night."

I never said they were good at appropriating Jewish culture. 

[HarleyQuinn]

The worst part about that link to Libby Anne's blog is the link within the link to Debi Pearl's own words. 

[FakePigtails]

1 hour ago, JenniferJuniper said:

You did miss that part.  But it's sort of akin to missing what it feels like to be run over by truck.  Better to just stay curious sometimes.

Like @Dutchie, I was induced, and I got the epidural before I felt any more than twinges (I did have horrible pain from an old injury at one point, just during contractions, but I don't count it since it was confined to the messed-up spot and thankfully a top-up of the epidural fixed it) and every now and then I wonder about this, especially since my chances of a do-over are very low. Then I remember that getting to that point risks a too-fast labor or requesting an epidural when the anesthesiologist is busy and decide I'm better off this way .