Dillards 34: Finding Contentment

[JuicyDuggar]

27 minutes ago, BabyBottlePop said:

She is 26 until next May, so you are right. For some reason I thought she was older.

She was born in May 1991, she just turned 26. So Baby Samuel did not receive the blessing of being on Jim Boob's insurance. 

[ladybug15]

I had csection with my boys. I hemorraged badly, and they couldnt get my blood pressure under control. I was in recovery for 12 hrs, and didnt see them for 18 hrs. I was in the hospital for 6 days post partum, as they couldnt get my blood pressure down. it didnt help that every 3 hours I had to come back to my room from NICU to get hte blood pressure checked. So i wheeled and then walked to the NICU and back about 8 times a day.

Also,  the baby might be fine, but he will still be kept in the room with mom until she is discharged, especially as I think she might be breastfeeding.

[sparklymagie]

Thanks for all the reassurance.  My logic knows all this and that a c- section is my best choice, but my emotions are starting to knock on the door and say "you know, voluntary major surgery is pretty scary. "

For reasons I can't articulate, I'm also kind of sad at the thought of not going through labor (the c- section will be scheduled, obviously). I have no idea why, its not like labor is particularly pleasant, but I keep thinking I'll miss the anticipation  and build -up. Ehh, I don't  know. 

[Runningfromreality]

34 minutes ago, BabyBottlePop said:

She is 26 until next May, so you are right. For some reason I thought she was older.

The law requires insurance to let children stay on until their 26th birthday, then it kicks you off. Jill is a couple weeks younger than me and I just got booted off of my parent's insurance. Though I was able to get a continuation of coverage that would let me stay on theirs for a few more years as long as I pay the premiums. It's super expensive, so luckily I only need it for a really short time (I just finished law school and start working in September). I can't even imagine how something like an emergency c section would start adding up without insurance, I went to pick up my normal medication last week and before they put my new insurance information in, it was going to be $400 for a fairly common generic medication. 

[Jilli]

The law requires insurance to let children stay on until their 26th birthday, then it kicks you off. Jill is a couple weeks younger than me and I just got booted off of my parent's insurance. Though I was able to get a continuation of coverage that would let me stay on theirs for a few more years as long as I pay the premiums. It's super expensive, so luckily I only need it for a really short time (I just finished law school and start working in September). I can't even imagine how something like an emergency c section would start adding up without insurance, I went to pick up my normal medication last week and before they put my new insurance information in, it was going to be $400 for a fairly common generic medication. 

I think it can depend on parents insurance too. Because when I went through it, they kicked all the 26 year olds off at once, at the end of the year.

[shock928]

3 minutes ago, sparklymagie said:

Thanks for all the reassurance.  My logic knows all this and that a c- section is my best choice, but my emotions are starting to knock on the door and say "you know, voluntary major surgery is pretty scary. "

For reasons I can't articulate, I'm also kind of sad at the thought of not going through labor (the c- section will be scheduled, obviously). I have no idea why, its not like labor is particularly pleasant, but I keep thinking I'll miss the anticipation  and build -up. Ehh, I don't  know. 

I hope all goes smoothly for you and you feel at peace knowing you are making the best choice for you and baby. There are scary and unpleasant aspects to both. With my ptsd from vaginal delivery and hemmorhaging I think if I get pregnant again my husband and I have agreed c section would be less traumatic than labor and delivery and another retained placenta. Plus my third baby was born in under two hours and the thought of speedin to the hospital again or accidentally having the baby by at home with no help bleeding out terrifies me.

i wish you the best with your c section, and feeling at peace with your decision. Hugs!

I might be the minority here but I think Jill looks great. Pale, tired and blood loss probably yes,... But it looks like a genuine photo and she is looking adoringly at her newborn without a staged styled feel. She looks way better than i did. I don't think it's realistic when celebrities and stylish moms take these perfect make up, false eyelashes and beautiful photos in luxurious robes, like they are at a photo shoot. I mean some women do have more pleasant labors, so good on them, but it's unrealistic for us who understandably look like wrecks after childbirth. People should expect this to be the one time a woman can look as bad as she wants and not worry about it.

[Screamapillar]

Jill's picture is at least a lot more realistic than the one Beyoncé just put out.....which I kind of love because it's so ridiculous.

[Swamptribe]

11 hours ago, unicorncastle said:

My goodness! You just can't please some people, can you? First, everyone was up in arms that they weren't posting any pictures and now all people can do is make crazy, ridiculous assumptions and critique the quality, angles, and lighting?! I think everyone looks fine. Jill looks like she's absolutely in love with her new son. She also looks like she just had major surgery, oh wait, because she did. I really would love for some of you to share your first few photos after having given birth for all of us to critique. And yes I understand they chose to live in the spotlight but FFS they really are damned if they do and damned if they don't. 

Look, these are people who put their lives on television for everyone to see.  They have a huge social media presence and milk it for all it's worth.  They put their kids out on the various media formats before the poor things are even born.  Soo, they have nothing to whine about when people speculate.  They brought this on themselves by being such publicity seeking media whores.  If they want privacy, then they should have kept their lives private.  If they don't want people talking about their lives, speculating on them,they should have kept out of the lime light.

[Fluffy14]

2 hours ago, sparklymagie said:

Knowing I face a c- section has made reading here the past few days difficult with all of the dire stories and speculation about what happened to Jill.

I have a feeling a C- section will be less troublesome and less pain than what you experienced. I had 4. And to be quite honest I was just super happy with a baby. Just do recovery slow, and don't push the limits. And don't carry that car seat around if you don't have to.  Just lift the baby...and take lots of time laying and sitting around and you will do well.

[TuringMachine]

53 minutes ago, MiddleAgedLady said:

He won't. A little more than 2 weeks after Israel was born, they went to the Big Sandy conference in Texas. 

And almost suffocated Israel with that damn sling 

[Mrs. Figg]

15 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

Jill's picture is at least a lot more realistic than the one Beyoncé just put out.....which I kind of love because it's so ridiculous.

I strangely love it, too. I'm going to go hide in shame! 

[shock928]

25 minutes ago, Mrs. Figg said:

I strangely love it, too. I'm going to go hide in shame! 

Lol! Only Beyoncé. Correct me if I'm wrong though isn't it a one month photo?

[Californiacicle]

17 hours ago, Dugg@rTime said:

No sweet fellowship for 6 weeks?

i understand if you don't feel like it, but that's not something I was ever told. In fact I'm sure one of the questions at the 6 week check up was whether I had resumed relations.

My midwives said no earlier than 6 weeks.  All the women in my online birth group were told the same. In my case it was more like 4 months thanks to a bad tear and the fact I was still bleeding 8 weeks out. 

[Funwithfundies]

15 hours ago, Mrs. Figg said:

Is it an inverted elbow?! A chicken leg? Contorted Derrick arm?! Whose is it? So confused.

Derrick appears to be hyper mobile, which doesn't surprise me in the least, given his general appearance and other health issues.  I'm going to leave it at that so as not to get caught up in 'diagnosing' him.

[SapphireSlytherin]

1 hour ago, JuicyDuggar said:

She was born in May 1991, she just turned 26. So Baby Samuel did not receive the blessing of being on Jim Boob's insurance. 

The baby would not be eligible for Jim Boob's insurance, even if Jill had been under 26. My friend's daughter is 23, is on her father's insurance, and just had a baby. The baby is NOT eligible for coverage under insurance because it's a grandchild - not a child. They had to buy a private policy for the baby.

[ThunderRolls]

3 minutes ago, Californiacicle said:

My midwives said no earlier than 6 weeks.  All the women in my online birth group were told the same. In my case it was more like 4 months thanks to a bad tear and the fact I was still bleeding 8 weeks out. 

Same. I actually waited until 12 weeks mainly because I was so scared haha. I tore in 3 places (one bad one from vag to anus which my mom told everyone about because it shocked her so much... - she was in the delivery room with me so she saw everything) since the baby had to be vacuumed and then my placenta didn't detach and my doctor was elbow deep in me for 30 minutes (even with an epidural, this was excruciating). On top of that, the near constant pushing for 4.5 hours gave me hemorrhoids from hell (I swear, I met 20 people 'rrhoids first when I was in the hospital...a humbling experience). Like you, I was still bleeding 8 weeks PP. It's interesting because most of my friends who had C-sections had faster recoveries from me - just walking was awful. The hemorrhoids were actually much worse than the tears. About 2 weeks PP I broke down to my husband and cried, "Is my butthole going to be like this forever?!" I was also starting to get knee-deep in some pretty wretched PP anxiety and OCD at that point so everything was a big deal. It took about 2 months for the tears and hemorrhoids to heal. My husband was a saint and didn't put any additional pressure on me thank god. Anyway, apologies for the TMI ramblings. 

[Finduilas]

2 minutes ago, ThunderRolls said:

Same. I actually waited until 12 weeks mainly because I was so scared haha. I tore in 3 places (one bad one from vag to anus which my mom told everyone about because it shocked her so much... - she was in the delivery room with me so she saw everything) since the baby had to be vacuumed and then my placenta didn't detach and my doctor was elbow deep in me for 30 minutes (even with an epidural, this was excruciating). On top of that, the near constant pushing for 4.5 hours gave me hemorrhoids from hell (I swear, I met 20 people 'rrhoids first when I was in the hospital...a humbling experience). Like you, I was still bleeding 8 weeks PP. It's interesting because most of my friends who had C-sections had faster recoveries from me - just walking was awful. The hemorrhoids were actually much worse than the tears. About 2 weeks PP I broke down to my husband and cried, "Is my butthole going to be like this forever?!" I was also starting to get knee-deep in some pretty wretched PP anxiety and OCD at that point so everything was a big deal. It took about 2 months for the tears and hemorrhoids to heal. My husband was a saint and didn't put any additional pressure on me thank god. Anyway, apologies for the TMI ramblings. 

You just cured my ovaries going 'awwww' with the baby pics for a long while.

Thanks for that and you are truly a superheroin human-maker!

[Hmmm_idolatry]

1 hour ago, Swamptribe said:

Look, these are people who put their lives on television for everyone to see.  They have a huge social media presence and milk it for all it's worth.  They put their kids out on the various media formats before the poor things are even born.  Soo, they have nothing to whine about when people speculate.  They brought this on themselves by being such publicity seeking media whores.  If they want privacy, then they should have kept their lives private.  If they don't want people talking about their lives, speculating on them,they should have kept out of the lime light.

In addition to that, they also work very hard to try to get their beliefs legislated and inflicted upon everybody else.  They don't keep to themselves, and they don't respect anybody else's beliefs and way of life.

I do genuinely feel sorry for Jill.  It appears she went through a very traumatic birth (again), and she is most likely in physical agony right now.  I really do hope she recovers and never has to experience another traumatic birth.  I don't think anybody here wishes ill upon her or the baby.  

But like Swamptribe said, these are public people and there is nothing wrong at all with discussing something they have made public.  

[QuiverFullofBooks]

I wouldn't be surprised if Jim Bob's property management company has an insurance plan that he uses to insure the kids and grandkids as "employees" and their dependents.

[ThunderRolls]

lol @Finduilas - thanks, but don't let my experience stop you! 

[SamiKatz]

1 hour ago, Swamptribe said:

Look, these are people who put their lives on television for everyone to see.  They have a huge social media presence and milk it for all it's worth.  They put their kids out on the various media formats before the poor things are even born.  Soo, they have nothing to whine about when people speculate.  They brought this on themselves by being such publicity seeking media whores.  If they want privacy, then they should have kept their lives private.  If they don't want people talking about their lives, speculating on them,they should have kept out of the lime light.

I really disagree with this line of thinking with regard to anyone living a public life.  This kind of reasoning makes what happened to Leslie Jones re her nude photos being leaked, and the ensuing harassment all okay because she chose to go onto TV.  This is also what makes people think it's okay that Jill, Jessa, Joy and Jinger were publically exposed as the victims of Josh's abuse - because they (or their parents), chose to appear on a reality TV show.

This is of course, my opinion only and you are entitled to yours as well.

 

[sparklymagie]

@ThunderRolls I totally commiserate and understand what you're saying and went through.  

My husband and I were together for 12 years, married for 7 of them, before we had our daughter.  Before the birth we had a solid policy that some things (mainly, bathroom things) did not need to be shared and a little mystery was a good thing.  All of that went WAY out the window as I recovered from the birth.  Everything was all messed up down there and he was a great support to me. I never knew how much bathroom things can totally mess with your brain and mood....

There's nothing modest about giving birth or the post-birth recovery.  I always wonder how these fundy women deal with that with men that, really, they barely know. It was embarrassing enough to me with a man I had been with for so long, had shared so much with, and trusted and loved completely. 

[ThunderRolls]

@sparklymagie, you are so right. I was with my husband for around the same amount of time as you when we had our baby and there was a solid comfort level already established before he got his visual education haha. 

Besides barely knowing their spouses before they have to give birth, they're so young and generally inexperienced. The episode of Joy and Austin's wedding where she's asking him how he would like her hair and was needing that reassurance - ugh, that was totally how I was at that age. I was constantly asking my husband, when we were dating and still in our early 20s for constant reassurance, especially about my physical appearance. I nearly drove him nuts. Interestingly, what helped me a great deal was getting my bachelor's degree. It gave me confidence and independence. Sadly, I don't think any of the Duggar girls will have that. They're raised to live for their husbands and not have a strong identity of their own. With all of this modesty crap that all of the children are raised with, I wonder how the husbands even deal with childbirth and how helpful they are with certain things. 

[melon]

19 hours ago, Dugg@rTime said:

No sweet fellowship for 6 weeks?

i understand if you don't feel like it, but that's not something I was ever told. In fact I'm sure one of the questions at the 6 week check up was whether I had resumed relations.

Don't they follow some biblical thing,where they abstain for a certain about of days,after having a male child,a certain larger number for female babies?

[Buzzard]

2 minutes ago, melon said:

Don't they follow some biblical thing,where they abstain for a certain about of days,after having a male child,a certain larger number for female babies?

In proper, fundie King James version:

Quote

Leviticus 12

And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,

2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.

3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.

4 And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled.

5 But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.

6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or a turtledove, for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest:

7 Who shall offer it before the Lord, and make an atonement for her; and she shall be cleansed from the issue of her blood. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female.

8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.