Dillards 33: Now Including Samuel

[lomo6]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Poor Markus- he's 4 right? 

How come the little ones seem to have such delayed, garbled speech patterns?

It's so unfortunate that the already born kids are not a bigger priority over creating the next. 

How come these folks do not get that each child becomes less important as the hours in the day do not grow to meet additional demands?

 

Also,  the oldest two would spend at least half the day in school by now in most families, giving them more age-appropriate instruction and  the parents more time to work with the younger ones. 

[RosyDaisy]

How come these folks do not get that each child becomes less important as the hours in the day do not grow to meet additional demands?

Because they are not really children. They are soldiers for God's army.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

2 hours ago, CreationMuseumSeasonPass said:

Before my Westie died, I called him "my little man." Our new Wheaten terrier I call, "my floofy boy." Nothing wrong with my canine headship!

I've been guilty of calling my canine headship 'Princess or 'Puppy Girl', but as she's matured this has evolved to me calling her 'Nubbin Queen', because she always demands that I rub her belly where her little nipples are. That being said, when people ask if my dog's a boy or a girl, I usually just state her name, because my dog can't speak, and therefore can't tell me what her preferred pronouns are.

[nst]

5 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Everybody from FJ needs to go to YouTube and downvote that fucker.

tell me how !!
I have to figure it out 

[kacarlton]

Kids can be a LOT of work, especially more difficult kids, and not everyone has the right sort of makeup to excel in that situation.

And if someone were having issues with depression and/or anxiety, the work would seem overwhelming.

[HarleyQuinn]

Maybe he has a zika complication and they're working on a PR angle?

[kacarlton]

I call my cat Catwoman so I guess I'm good. Except I thought Catwoman was a hero but then my daughter just told me that's actually a villain. Oh well, my cat seems to like it. She's trouble.

I have four dogs, 3 girls and a boy. Here are their nick-ish names:

Bandit Boy, sweet boy, stinky boy
Sweet Haven, Baby Girl
Bayleigh Girl, Wild Woman
Macy, stinky, cray cray (she's a handful)

[Georgiana]

17 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

@VelociRapture. Very true.  Maybe I'm just projecting.  It bothered me.

Are you a crier yourself?  Because I am stoic like Jessa (with a more emotionally flamboyant sibling like Jill), and I have been Jessa in that interview more times than I can count with my sibling's tears.  In an attempt to explain (and this post got out of hand and is NOT directed at you at all, just an expression of what it feels like to be in Jessa's shoes), it's not cruelty or direct anger or any meanness, it's really more that I am TRYING to express and process MY emotions too, but I feel unable to do so because my sibling here is taking up ALL THE EMOTIONAL SPACE with her tears.  I feel angry that there isn't space for my emotions. I feel frustrated and upset that my sibling is hogging all the emotional space.  I am hurt that she is disregarding my emotional needs and taking up more than her fair share for hers.  I feel incredibly dehumanized because I feel like I am not being given the resources to be a human being in this setting.  And that might not be my sister's FAULT...but also she's the one taking up the space.

It's frustrating and often insulting because you are made to feel like your emotions are somehow "less" just because public tears aren't how you cope.  Like you are for some reason required to table your own emotional drama to tend to your (ADULT) sibling, even if you don't have the emotional resources to do that AND process your own emotions.  So then you feel backed into a corner of either be considered a bitch OR hurt yourself.  And seriously, that sucks.  That's a TERRIBLE place to be in, especially when you are hurting, and even if it's no one's particular fault that you are there, you still have every right to be angry that you ARE there.  

So that's how it goes down if your sibling is a saint.  Now, my sibling is NOT a saint (nor do I believe is Jill), and she has used tears and her emotional flamboyance manipulatively in the past.  And if that has EVER happened, even once, THEN you have to entertain the thought of "Are these 100% real tears, or is this girl just trying to hog ALL the attention again and make EVERYONE feel SUPER sorry for her and 'oh poor you!' but just forget about stoic over there cuz obviously SHE's fine" and then maybe you have to deal with the memories of when you were little and your emotions were ignored because your sister just needed SO MUCH comfort from all the adults...

And if all you do in response to your sister's tears in cases like these is just display a bit of callous behavior and side eye, you should receive a medal.  You won't.  You'll get called an insensitive bitch.  You'll be told horrible things about the kind of person you are.  But you SHOULD receive a medal, because you're a fucking emotional hero.  

[Timetostoplurking]

9 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Are you a crier yourself?  Because I am stoic like Jessa (with a more emotionally flamboyant sibling like Jill), and I have been Jessa in that interview more times than I can count with my sibling's tears.

OMG!!! You are me!!!  You just summed up (very eloquently) how it feels to have emotionally needy siblings.  well said!!

[viii]

I am that emotionally needy sibling, LOL. I am extremely passionate in everything, though, so I tend to react strongly to whatever it is. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

I am both the emotionally needy sibling and the stoic sibling. Being an only child is exhausting, y'all. 

[MadeItOut]

On 09/07/2017 at 8:09 PM, FakePigtails said:

Apparently it's a "thing" now among some crunchy pregnant women to skip GD testing, so I wouldn't assume Jill was tested for it. To be clear, I wouldn't assume she *wasn't* tested for it either, just that it's a real possibility.

Not aimed at you I promise (I'm totally with you on a lot of your post, just had to snip down).

In general though, can we perhaps aspire towards loosing this damned awful "crunchy" label? - It gets abused far too much and, IMHO, most importantly, more often than not it's used to belittle, disempower, and override women - & having been on the receiving end for the bulk of the last 20 years, I can tell you it really sucks!

There are a lot of us also who turn down the glucose tolerance test who aren't "crunchy" too. My survivors were 2001, 2005 & 2006 respectively. All, per our family pattern, teeny bodies originally (in the case of my daughter, doll clothes for the first three weeks), but good weights for preemies: 35+2 6lb 9oz 4.5days labour; 32+6 5lb8oz (after two weeks of steroids) 50 hrs; 36+6 7lb8oz 37.5hrs (the last four of that on induction).

I chose against the glucose tests because a) I have a little nutritional training and read widely, particularly across the journals. To deliberately overload your system with sugar seems too far into daft territory when weighed against any possible benefit tyo my child; b ) I can't bear sweet at the best of times and especially with hg (BEFORE it was trendy), the risk of throwing up even more just was not worth it.

Advocating for yourself/partner during pregnancy is already such a damned difficult thing anyhow. We don't need to be disempowering anyone in any decision they're making for the two bodies they're in charge of - heck, most people have enough trouble managing just one (and some of them hold political office)!

[gilora]

Jill's relative social media silence after Israel's birth may simply be due to the fact that kids are WORK.  Looking back, before my first child was born, I had all the time in the world.  I could come home from work, put my feet up and rest.  Like Jill, I got pregnant with my second when my first was 18 months old, and if I was tired after work, too bad, because I had a toddler who needed me.  

My experience was that two kids less than three years apart are easily double the work of one.  I have a zillion pictures of my first when he was a baby and only a few of my second and in most of those her brother is also in the picture. (Bad mom!)  

Right now, Jill is recovering from a long labor with abdominal surgery, probably disappointed with the second c-section, and she and Derick are also dealing with Israel.  They simply may not have the time.  Or they are waiting to whore out the photos to People.

As for the Josh and Anna video, I'm amazed that Anna still stares at Josh when he speaks as if he's the risen Lord.  You would think cheating and molesting his sisters would at least entitle Anna to an eye roll or two. 

 

[Jane M.]

Regarding Josh & Anna's video, only thing preventing me from puking is listening to Anna say "to join the herd". LMAO

[Beermeet]

Well, my whole life I wasn't a crier, at all.  Something happened in my life fairly recently that turned it upside down and now I can be pretty sensitive.   I don't like it.  Hence the possible projecting.  And, I am a comforter naturally.   I'm also not a sibling, so that whole relationshipis foriegn to me except watching others.

Generally if someone I love breaks down,  I would comfort them.  If I pick up right away they don't want that, I stop.  I just got the feeling Jill needed a hug or a touch.  Jessa too.  Or not.  Just my take on it.

 

7 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I am both the emotionally needy sibling and the stoic sibling. Being an only child is exhausting, y'all. 

Word!

[MadeItOut]

On 09/07/2017 at 8:51 PM, Beermeet said:

 

Hasn't anyone of them ever thought it's part of God's plan?  Natures plan?  For population control and a place for straight couples unwanted children if said gay couple wants children?  Gay humans still get to experience the beauty of companionship, love and sex and parenthood.

 

...or for just simply, more love.

Shame we only get to 'like' a post once.

[Georgiana]

5 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

Generally if someone I love breaks down,  I would comfort them.  If I pick up right away they don't want that, I stop.  I just got the feeling Jill needed a hug or a touch.  Jessa too.  Or not.  Just my take on it.

I think you are very correct.  Jill DID need comfort.  And I think Jessa did too.  But I think that's why it went down the way it did: because they weren't equipped with the emotional skills to mutually comfort each other.  That's ALL on JB and M "protecting" the kids from adult emotional experiences, which stops them from being able to have adult emotional skills in a crisis.

Instead, they were both needing comfort and stuck in their own needs, neither one able to reach out to the other without harming themselves.  

[Rachel333]

5 hours ago, bananabread said:

I remember someone on FJ commenting at some point that they had met Smuggar in person and found him to be unexpectedly charismatic/likeable/appealing. That's always the vibe I've gotten from him as well. No matter how many awful things he does, I can't help but WANT to like the guy. He has that charismatic personality trait (to some people, at least), and I think that is one (of many) reasons why he was able to worm his way back into Anna's/the family's/other fundies' good graces so quickly.

It's certainly possible that many people find him charismatic, but I have met him in person and just found him kind of obnoxious. I never got the impression that he was particularly well-liked among his peers either. I have a lot of friends who are close with the Duggars and even they would often kind of roll their eyes when talking about him. For example, I went to a homeschool graduation which had someone hired to take pictures and video but Josh kept going up to the front of the church and getting up in people's faces with his own camera, and the graduates weren't thrilled with his behavior.

I never heard about the molestations though or got the impression that others knew he had done something that bad.

The one I always found really creepy though was Jim Bob, and I was gratified to talk to other girls years later who had felt the exact same way. That politician smile of his can just be really uncomfortable when aimed your way.

[ThunderRolls]

Well said, @Georgiana. I especially like how you phrased this: " I am TRYING to express and process MY emotions too, but I feel unable to do so because my sibling here is taking up ALL THE EMOTIONAL SPACE with her tears.  I feel angry that there isn't space for my emotions. I feel frustrated and upset that my sibling is hogging all the emotional space.  I am hurt that she is disregarding my emotional needs and taking up more than her fair share for hers.  I feel incredibly dehumanized because I feel like I am not being given the resources to be a human being in this setting.  And that might not be my sister's FAULT...but also she's the one taking up the space."

Since that Megyn Kelly interview focused on Jill and Jessa, the latter is often cited as the emotionally distant Duggar. Jana, however, is not that openly emotional either. Jinger, however, seems to wear her heart on her sleeve.

 Just with how family dynamics tend to work and birth order, there really is only so much "space" for certain emotional characteristics to be acquired by each child. Being open can also backfire, people learn to play their cards close to the vest in order to protect themselves. It doesn't appear that Jim Bob and Michelle have been able to meet their children's emotional needs very well (I mean, they created the Josh in more ways than one). Maybe Jessa got brushed off during a time of need because her parents were too busy tending to another sibling or having a bad day and she learned to keep her emotions more private or controlled since that would feel "safer." This is obviously a very bare bones type of explanation for why Jessa isn't as openly emotive as Jill, but I do think Jessa is a warm person when she feels comfortable - she definitely seems to be able to comfort her children. 

[FleeJanaFree]

I always hate these videos, and can usually snark about them. But watching Anna, still, after all this time, give her cheating husband the patented Duggar-worship-the-headship-when-he-speaks-gaze just made me profoundly sad.

 

[kacarlton]

.

Regarding Josh & Anna's video, only thing preventing me from puking is listening to Anna say "to join the herd". LMAO

Maybe that was some insurrection instinct of hers? One can always hope

[Gobsmacked]

59 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Are you a crier yourself?  Because I am stoic like Jessa (with a more emotionally flamboyant sibling like Jill), and I have been Jessa in that interview more times than I can count with my sibling's tears.

You have just described the situation I'm in with my narcassistic younger sister! I love her too bits but she does my head in. I had to look after her a lot when we were young children because of our abusive mother's behaviour. 

 Sometimes  I could cheerfully strangle her. She ruined #1's christening because of her needs. Luckily I have good friends who could see the situation for what it was, they jumped in and saved the day.

i could never have explained the situation as well as you have Georgiana. Thankyou. 

[picklepizzas]

So officially more than 3 days in and still no "mama + new baby" pic? This is legit weird for them. 

[Glasgowghirl]

I don't have a problem with Josh and Anna posting the video but I hope it's not going to be a gateway to him being a show regular. It is however dumb not showing him at weddings and family events, hiding him with fake lights is stupid. They can't pretend he doesn't exist and they will have to show him when the baby arrives.

[Gobsmacked]

Thankyou coconut flan for snipping once again. I will learn eventually. for you.