JinJer: When Shorts Attack!

[Grimalkin]

38 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

It's so infuriating to witness and experience things like that. I'm really trying to undo the damage those attitudes do within myself at work; I'm being given more and more responsibilities that involve telling people to do things and give me things (like signatures and data), and I'm always agonizing over how to phrase emails so that I don't sound "bitchy" or "bossy". But I'm trying to stop doing that; if telling someone bluntly that they should have signed something I needed from them a week ago and they need to send it to me now makes me a naggy bitch, so be it.

       I finally decided in my late thirties when  I spend so much time and energy trying to phrase things nicely people miss the point anyway. Just be direct. Who would of thought!? I'm not rude on purpose. . I think the assholes squawk the loudest and are a minority. This woman won the primary election so many people voted for her and noticed she isn't a bitch.

                   The 'queen bee' mom at my kid's school is the most passive aggressive person i ever met. I've been shuned from her and just quietly help out at the library now. Me, the librarian, and the kids. It's better that way. I think she will shit twice and die when one of her kids go to HS next year. Nobody will put up with her lol. 

[nastyhobbitses]

19 minutes ago, Grimalkin said:

       I finally decided in my late thirties when  I spend so much time and energy trying to phrase things nicely people miss the point anyway. Just be direct. Who would of thought!? I'm not rude on purpose. . I think the assholes squawk the loudest and are a minority. This woman won the primary election so many people voted for her and noticed she isn't a bitch.

                   The 'queen bee' mom at my kid's school is the most passive aggressive person i ever met. I've been shuned from her and just quietly help out at the library now. Me, the librarian, and the kids. It's better that way. I think she will shit twice and die when one of her kids go to HS next year. Nobody will put up with her lol. 

I find being direct so much more liberating, and I'm lucky to be in a workplace where I feel respected and my boss is very, very chill and open to dialogue and criticism (I don't tell him how to do his job; I just say if I think that there might be a more efficient way to do something or things like that). I still struggle with the fear of being labeled bossy, naggy, bitchy, etc, but I think I'm making progress. Having a lot of strong female role models in my life has really helped.

That said, I think that it isn't a bad thing to say when a person, female or male, is being an asshole. My one criticism of the "ban bossy" movement is that taken too far, it could teach young girls that it's OK to be an asshole; the focus should be on teaching and encouraging positive leadership skills in girls (and boys) -- be assertive and stand up for yourself, but still take others' feelings and perspectives into account; work to reach compromises rather than just steamroll everyone; be forthright, direct, and honest, but respectful of the people you're talking to. I think it's wrong to teach girls to be meek and submissive and kumbaya, but I also think that it's important not to conflate being disrespectful or insensitive with assertiveness and strength.

[kacarlton]

It's so infuriating to witness and experience things like that. I'm really trying to undo the damage those attitudes do within myself at work; I'm being given more and more responsibilities that involve telling people to do things and give me things (like signatures and data), and I'm always agonizing over how to phrase emails so that I don't sound "bitchy" or "bossy". But I'm trying to stop doing that; if telling someone bluntly that they should have signed something I needed from them a week ago and they need to send it to me now makes me a naggy bitch, so be it.

This right here. It is so ingrained in us. I once had a job where the boss didn't want to assert herself, so she made me do it for her. Guess who ended up being the overworked, underpaid "bitch?" Not long before I left, she asked me to tell the staff something I knew everyone was going to have a cow about. I told her I would only do it if she backed me up, in the room, while the cow was being born. She promised and then sat there while everyone argued with me. I resigned the next week and it was the best thing I've ever done!!

[nelliebelle1197]

4 hours ago, Flossie said:

Who is DGayle, please?  I've heard the name mentioned here before.

A troll, I assume, but what is the purpose of his/her posts?  Is it just someone who wants attention by having the saddest of the sad stories?  Political or religious motivations?  Emotional manipulation so she/he can sit back and laugh at starting an argument or keeping an existing one going? 

Flossie, DGayle was a poster who had a story for everything, a family member with every disease, she homebirthed while walking 6 miles uphill in the snow. She escaped Scientology. She lived in an RV. All sorts of things. Sound familiar? And she said her real name was Dani Gayle. She came back as Jingerbread, laid low but then couldn't help herself. It's attention AND manipulation I would say.

2 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

Trolls, socks, and a constipated fish? WTH kind alternative universe am I in?

You know exactly where you are, Rosy

Maltese Baby was apparently a millionairess with a child who could read the NYT at 9 months and a million dollar fish that was constipated. Obviously, she was yet another unhinged liar. We attract those kind.

[ScorpiousMalfoy]

17 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I find being direct so much more liberating, and I'm lucky to be in a workplace where I feel respected and my boss is very, very chill and open to dialogue and criticism (I don't tell him how to do his job; I just say if I think that there might be a more efficient way to do something or things like that). I still struggle with the fear of being labeled bossy, naggy, bitchy, etc, but I think I'm making progress. Having a lot of strong female role models in my life has really helped.

That said, I think that it isn't a bad thing to say when a person, female or male, is being an asshole. My one criticism of the "ban bossy" movement is that taken too far, it could teach young girls that it's OK to be an asshole; the focus should be on teaching and encouraging positive leadership skills in girls (and boys) -- be assertive and stand up for yourself, but still take others' feelings and perspectives into account; work to reach compromises rather than just steamroll everyone; be forthright, direct, and honest, but respectful of the people you're talking to. I think it's wrong to teach girls to be meek and submissive and kumbaya, but I also think that it's important not to conflate being disrespectful or insensitive with assertiveness and strength.

You are so right! I think it's important to teach everyone that people should be assertive, but respectful. I also hate when a woman hits a guy for a stupid reason or no reason at all and everybody applauds her: "You go girl" "Show him!!!" etc. Nope. Violence is bad wheter it's woman hiting a man or the other way round. Or a woman hitting a woman, Or... well, you get my point. 

[VelociRapture]

I remember the constipated fish. Good times, good times.

---------

@nastyhobbitsesLet the hate flow through you!!!! 

But seriously, thank you. I'll keep what's been said in this discussion in mind as I'm raising my daughter. And I swear to God, if anyone calls my child "bossy" or a "bitch" when she's actually just being a strong and assertive woman... 

(I mean, if she's actually being a bitch or asshole that's another matter.)

[SweetFellowshipper]

I guess I'm somewhat in the minority re: the chef scene. I didn't think anyone was rude or it had anything to do with gender, chefs' dispositions, or Australians-- just badly acting out a clearly scripted plot. 

And wow, didn't know about the troll...

[Grimalkin]

@nastyhobbitses if I recall correctly are you from the U.K.? My husband is and he is known for being very direct. I sometimes wonder if it's cultural. I will say some people really really like him and some really really don't- but it took time for people to get used to him and realize it's not personal. And many people figured out he was right and knows what he is talking about. I feel it's important to mention he is not afraid to admit when he is wrong too. 

     So maybe you have to look at the big picture and the long run and stick to it. People may not like what they hear but they like results and knowing what's going on. If it's bad news they may be upset but at least they know, and often come around to understand it.Don't take their first reactions and arguing personally either. Sometimes it's just a first reaction. People are not used to bluntness. 

[Iamtheway]

52 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Flossie, DGayle was a poster who had a story for everything, a family member with every disease, she homebirthed while walking 6 miles uphill in the snow. She escaped Scientology. She lived in an RV. All sorts of things. Sound familiar? And she said her real name was Dani Gayle. She came back as Jingerbread, laid low but then couldn't help herself. It's attention AND manipulation I would say.

You know exactly where you are, Rosy

Maltese Baby was apparently a millionairess with a child who could read the NYT at 9 months and a million dollar fish that was constipated. Obviously, she was yet another unhinged liar. We attract those kind.

I feel like I should have made up a persona too. How boring to just be myself. Forget everything I have said before now. I'm actually a billionairess that fly my own private jet and Miniway is a child genious that were too smart for Mensa. We don't have a constipated fish though. We have a unicorn with allergies! 

[Grimalkin]

1 hour ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Flossie, DGayle was a poster who had a story for everything, a family member with every disease, she homebirthed while walking 6 miles uphill in the snow. She escaped Scientology. She lived in an RV. All sorts of things. Sound familiar? And she said her real name was Dani Gayle. She came back as Jingerbread, laid low but then couldn't help herself. It's attention AND manipulation I would say.

You know exactly where you are, Rosy

Maltese Baby was apparently a millionairess with a child who could read the NYT at 9 months and a million dollar fish that was constipated. Obviously, she was yet another unhinged liar. We attract those kind.

      I loved Maltese Babies room full of Asian beauty subscription boxes. I can really use some products I've been neglecting my skin lately.

[Coconut Flan]

Quote

We had had problems with this issue before with this particular teacher planning "mandatory"  events that interfered with religionous classes

This DOES NOT happen.  California schools can NOT make outside school activities mandatory except in the sense of homework, projects, etc.  Certain types of diplomas require community service but that is set by the individual. 

[FeministShrew]

4 hours ago, Flossie said:

 

Well, damn.  I often have a life story that I tell, either mine or someone else's.  But I'm not Dgayle.  I'll dial back on the life stories, but I just posted one on another thread!  Sometimes it's kind of theraputic, sometimes I'm just adding to the conversation, and sometimes it's theraputic for me.

 

Dgayle (or someone similar, I can't remember) is one reason I stopped posting for a long time (along with life getting in the way). I'm almost 50 years old, feel like I've lived four or five very different lives, and have lots of stories about experiences I've had or people I knew had. I'll read a post, think, hey, I should tell them about XYZ - but wait, they'll think I'm making shit up...
I guess maybe if you're worried about being perceived as a fake, you're not a fake?  

I've read posts before and thought, yeah...that didn't happen. And usually someone starts asking questions, and the story unravels. FJers are pretty sharp.

[RosyDaisy]

I feel like I should have made up a persona too. How boring to just be myself. Forget everything I have said before now. I'm actually a billionairess that fly my own private jet and Miniway is a child genious that were too smart for Mensa. We don't have a constipated fish though. We have a unicorn with allergies! 

I would get outed in a heartbeat. I don't think I could keep my stories straight. I'm content being myself. RosyDaisy, liberal Christian from Alabama, married to an EMT, and under the authority of a feline headship named Eli.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

6 hours ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

Wait....they actually said they had a constipated fish?  how would that even work 

Not sure about a fish, but we did have a constipated cat, brat cost us $300, for x-rays and kitty enemas. Who knew that was a thing?  But I'm now trying to picture  x-raying a fish and giving it an enema.  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

16 minutes ago, FeministShrew said:

Dgayle (or someone similar, I can't remember) is one reason I stopped posting for a long time (along with life getting in the way). I'm almost 50 years old, feel like I've lived four or five very different lives, and have lots of stories about experiences I've had or people I knew had. I'll read a post, think, hey, I should tell them about XYZ - but wait, they'll think I'm making shit up...
I guess maybe if you're worried about being perceived as a fake, you're not a fake?  

I've read posts before and thought, yeah...that didn't happen. And usually someone starts asking questions, and the story unravels. FJers are pretty sharp.

This is me, I'm a talker/typer but I can't keep my life straight, throwing made up details into would send me over the edge. I'm 46 have lots of opinions and advice and am mouthy and bossy and damnit I have leader ship skills.  I have  a low bull shit thresh hold, I don't tolerate it and I don't deal in in it, and evidenced by my being in the prayer closet I don't know when to back down from a fight. 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Iamtheway said:

I feel like I should have made up a persona too. How boring to just be myself. Forget everything I have said before now. I'm actually a billionairess that fly my own private jet and Miniway is a child genious that were too smart for Mensa. We don't have a constipated fish though. We have a unicorn with allergies! 

Pfft. That's child's play.

I'm actually a living, breathing Velociraptor who feasts on sweet, sweet fundie flesh. Velocibaby is still a hatchling and already hunts on a Tenth Grade Raptor Level. Velocipuppy is actually just a shrunken down TRex. And Mr. Raptor was recently crowned as King of the Raptors. 

[nastyhobbitses]

1 hour ago, Grimalkin said:

@nastyhobbitses if I recall correctly are you from the U.K.? My husband is and he is known for being very direct. I sometimes wonder if it's cultural. I will say some people really really like him and some really really don't- but it took time for people to get used to him and realize it's not personal. And many people figured out he was right and knows what he is talking about. I feel it's important to mention he is not afraid to admit when he is wrong too. 

     So maybe you have to look at the big picture and the long run and stick to it. People may not like what they hear but they like results and knowing what's going on. If it's bad news they may be upset but at least they know, and often come around to understand it.Don't take their first reactions and arguing personally either. Sometimes it's just a first reaction. People are not used to bluntness. 

Nope, I'm a red-blooded 'Murican. But I did spend a year getting my MA in the UK, and these days I really regret deciding not to bother with the rigamarole to switch my student visa to a work/residency visa. I really loved it there, and having a lot of British friends who were very blunt and direct definitely influenced me. I also had a few German friends there who were the same way.

[formergothardite]

"Bigfoot" attended 12 schools and was homeschooled. Those in-laws who didn't want her to say anything also paid for him to go to private school. And he did quantum mechanics as a small child. He was also almost kidnapped twice. 

People do have crazy stuff happen to them. But MalteseBaby and DGayle create stories that don't seem based in reality and often come off as trying to one up everyone. I think that is what makes them stand out. 

 

[grandmadugger]

Well shit, here I have been your typical midwestern, semi-fundie gal who went to an uber conservative private college, spent some time as a volunteer fire fighter, and now trying to get some company to pay me to shill their shit, well at least that's my FJ persona.  After all of this I had to admit who I really am.  I am really the 20th Duggar, they didn't name me a J name so I've been kept out of the spotlight.  My job is to read FJ and let the family know what they need to change.

[Fascinated]

Are we coming clean here, then?  Ok. At the risk of doxxing myself, the real reason I've been away from FJ lately is that I've been ridiculously busy cleaning up after the verbal diarrhea spewed by my boss. I was horrified recently when someone snapped a pic of me with my feet curled up on his office couch, trying to log in to FJ. Thankfully, no one realized!  *hair flip*.

 

[Mela99]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Pfft. That's child's play.

I'm actually a living, breathing Velociraptor who feasts on sweet, sweet fundie flesh. Velocibaby is still a hatchling and already hunts on a Tenth Grade Raptor Level. Velocipuppy is actually just a shrunken down TRex. And Mr. Raptor was recently crowned as King of the Raptors. 

Liar! Velociraptors aren't lethal before they're eight months old! Thank you, Robert Muldoon. 

[Fighter]

5 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I feel like I should have made up a persona too. How boring to just be myself. Forget everything I have said before now. I'm actually a billionairess that fly my own private jet and Miniway is a child genious that were too smart for Mensa. We don't have a constipated fish though. We have a unicorn with allergies! 

But the unicorn has pink snot right I mean since it's a unicorn!

[Irishy]

On 18/03/2017 at 3:07 PM, VelociRapture said:

Personally, I find it kind of odd when fellow US-born Irish descendants hold very militant or strong opinions on North Ireland. I mean, it'd be nice to see Ireland reunited under the Irish flag, but that's for the actual residents of Ireland and North Ireland to decide. And personally, I'm just glad innocent citizens (both North Irish and Irish) aren't still being killed by car bombs or terrorist attacks. 

@formergotharditeI'm going to have to google Orangeman at some point because I've never heard it before - and I'm guessing it has nothing to do with Trump.

We find it odd too! Most Irish people living in Ireland do not have militant views on a United ireland. Sure, it'd be great, but peace is far more important and our economy cannot absorb the north anyway. And there's also the teeny tiny fact that a decent chunk of Nordys WANT to remain as part of the United Kingdom. 

[nelliebelle1197]

Guys, you are hilarious. I like your made up lives!

[grandmadugger]

1 hour ago, Fighter said:

But the unicorn has pink snot right I mean since it's a unicorn!

My unicorn doesn't have snot.  It does poop glitter, though.  I can't speak for @VelociRapture though.  She may have went with the cheap model and her's may be snotty.