JinJer: When Shorts Attack!

[VineHeart137]

5 hours ago, Scrabblemaster said:

I am in this age when some /many friends start their family. At the beginning of this phase I was a little confused, I never knew how to react to a woman of whome I knew she wants a child/is trying to have one. Patiently waiting until they announce, well I am too curious for that and I love to tell Mr. Scrabblemaster that I believe she or she might be pregnant. I know I sound weird, sorry for that. So my personal method to get a hint without directly asking a woman who just ate a huge portion spaghetti is this: when we meet at our place and it is evening I ask if everybody wants a glass of wine/aperitif or something similar depending on the occasion. Just last week we had a couple over for a short visit in the afternoon for coffee and cake, and the woman had a food belly/ post baby belly/ new baby belly? So I asked if she wants coffee or tea... I know my method is not perfect, there are women out there who drink alcohol while being pregnant but most women I know will not. I would love to be sure to say no woman would drink alcohol while she is pregnant but I am not naive. The coffee method is more likely to fail because I know a little bit of coffee a day is allowed and maybe the women knew we had very good coffee and saved her daily coffee dose for us. (I know I am a bit crazy). 

with fundies I would have to use the coffee method, because jesus meant grape juice at the Kanaan wedding, you know .  So if anybody of us freejingers would stand behind jinger at starbucks and she would order a decaf ... we might know.

I have one very good friend and when she comes over I ask: Do you want a glass of wine or are you pregnant? But i would never ever do so if I knew she had fertility issues. I am not that dumb.

That's an awful lot of thought to put into what's going on in someone else's uterus.

Personally, my method is "If they want me to know, they'll tell me." Works 100% of the time and is a lot less conniving than trying to trick my "friends" into giving me proof that they're with child. But different strokes, I guess.

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

That's an awful lot of thought to put into what's going on in someone else's uterus.

Personally, my method is "If they want me to know, they'll tell me." Works 100% of the time and is a lot less conniving than trying to trick my friends into giving me proof that they're with child.

Your user pic is pretty much the face I made as I was reading that post. I mean... what the actual eff. 

What kind of information are you going to glean from such tactics, anyway? If someone refuses a glass of wine or cup of coffee, it could be for a million reasons besides pregnancy. They have to drive, they don't drink caffeine after noon, they already had three cups of coffee that day - oh, and when people have an upset stomach and are maybe a little bit bloated they will often avoid caffeine and alcohol. I'm sorry, I'm just so creeped out by the idea of going over to a friend's house and her being secretly obsessed with my uterus the whole time, trying to think of ways to trick me into betraying the fact that I'm pregnant or not pregnant, and discussing it with her husband. Just... what?

[jerkit]

Just now, singsingsing said:

Your user pic is pretty much the face I made as I was reading that post. I mean... what the actual eff. 

What kind of information are you going to glean from such tactics, anyway? If someone refuses a glass of wine or cup of coffee, it could be for a million reasons besides pregnancy. They have to drive, they don't drink caffeine after noon, they already had three cups of coffee that day - oh, and when people have an upset stomach and are maybe a little bit bloated they will often avoid caffeine and alcohol. I'm sorry, I'm just so creeped out by the idea of going over to a friend's house and her being secretly obsessed with my uterus the whole time, trying to think of ways to trick me into betraying the fact that I'm pregnant or not pregnant, and discussing it with her husband. Just... what?

I agree with this whole heartedly, but on the same token - my in-laws are obsessed with me being pregnant and so if it's offered, I *always* take a glass of wine just because I'm so annoyed by their prying. 

[seraaa]

52 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

Plus, Jeremy was just on his pregnancy center's FB saying that depression can't be treated by doctors but by confronting your sins, so his critical thinking skills can't be THAT great.

They're just totally opposed to any paradigm of thought which isn't their interpretation of Christian belief, aren't they?

On the surface, examining your behaviour and its effects on you and others in therapy might fall right in line with a Christian understanding of "confronting your sins", but they just can't allow any outside influences, lest they hear something which conflicts with their beliefs. Is this aversion to therapy common to other, less legalistic Christians? 

And this is where the culty-ness of IBLP reveals itself, imo, because most people do not go to such extreme lengths to sequester themselves from other ways of thinking. We all live in our bubbles and self-select our information and media to a degree, but most of us can freely explore other options -and reject them, if it pleases us - without the risk of being cut off by friends and family upon which we are wholly dependent.

A rant.

[JillyO]

18 hours ago, singsingsing said:

There was definitely speculation a long time ago that she might be courting JD, but I feel like if that was going to happen it would've already happened by now. Unless he's just been trying to work up the nerve to ask her her father, and then she'd have one of those awful, "I patiently gave him over to the Lord and waited for him to notice me for eight years" courtship stories.

FTFY.

[Fighter]

9 minutes ago, JillyO said:

FTFY.

? 

[send*the*ferrets]

1 hour ago, nickelodeon said:

He starts out speaking pretty generally about "hopelessness" but about 3/4 of the way through he literally goes there:

At least he doesn't say to try eating a protein bar (he's non-denominational, not ATI, after all)

I had post partum depression, my answer was lexapro.

[Scrabblemaster]

1 hour ago, VineHeart137 said:

That's an awful lot of thought to put into what's going on in someone else's uterus.

Personally, my method is "If they want me to know, they'll tell me." Works 100% of the time and is a lot less conniving than trying to trick my "friends" into giving me proof that they're with child. But different strokes, I guess.

You gave me the opportunity to rethink my thoughts. And I really did so. At first I have to say I never had the intention to trick my friends into something they are not ready to tell me. But with our without intention, it seems that I had. And you are right: I should not put so many thoughts into what is going in in someone elses uterus. Holy shit but now I am asking myself why I do or did. I should stop it, you are right. I don't want to defend myself, but in the last years many women I know asked me when I will have a child. Not if. When. Especially after they told us that they are pregnant.  Or when we meet them with their kids. I don't like being asked that  question. I kind of really overreacted in a passive-aggressive way that was not a very good reaction (aka bad reaction). So you showed me that with my "method", I kind of did the same.I asked them without asking them.  That does not make it any better. I am kind of glad that I wrote this post this morning. Well I would have liked it more if I had realised this in a less public surrounding,  but hey that's life. I don't feel offended, more like: Oh  they are right, I am wrong. And I am okay with being corrected. 

 @jerkit  I sometimes order a glass of wine when I am with certain persons just to avoid their question. 

Does my post make any sense to you?

[Fun Undies]

16 hours ago, send*the*ferrets said:

I feel like anna is basically doomed either way. She wants lots of babies. She entered into the marriage wanting 10+ kids. Clearly Josh isn't happy with that- that plan has led to him cheating, and he doesn't look quite himself now. If he "puts his foot down" and says no- she will be miserable. He would be going back on the agreement they made before they got married. But if they keep going, he isn't happy with that either. Catch 22. 

Obviously fundies are a whole different ballgame, but if after having our first kid my husband had said, "sorry- I don't want any more"- I would have really struggled with that. I had made it clear before we got married I wanted at least two- if he changed the game plan, I would have felt a little cheated. I don't know if it's the same when you have 5 kids, but I think one partner changing the plan unilaterally is still upsetting.

^ this.  My husband and I discussed children before we even started dating, because both of us were only interested in something serious.  We agreed on at least two, and then to see from there.  But after we started dating, fear set in for him, and there was always one reason or another to push the conversation of when we're starting to later.  SEVEN YEARS LATER, I had to tell him I was done with excuses, and that if he had changed his mind about children, I deserved to know.  He admitted how sacred he was, we talked it over for several months, and then began trying.  And we are grateful for two healthy boys  

13 hours ago, calimojo said:

I must live in a weird vacuum, but no one that I know of spends time staring a women's bodies and gossiping if they are pregnant or not, in real life.  -snip-

I do imagine that some families might be pushing about having kids, but most of the men and women that I work with don't spend much time on this discussion, any more than a casual question, such as are you and and Mike thinking of having kids?  And if the person says 'someday maybe" or "yep, ASAP", or "We aren't sure yet", or "Definitely not",  that is pretty much it. 

-snip-

My SIL got married two years ago, she's 31, and is currently halfway "baked" with her first child.  Her husband and her had been together for several years before then, and she did say she had a five year plan of getting married, buying a house, and then having kids.  The house was actually bought just before the wedding, so I think both her mother, and mother in law were just kind of expecting based on what she had said (though she didn't give a timeline, so I was like, "If they're trying, and not conceiving, I'm not bombarding her with questions - and if she isn't trying because she's not currently interested, then my question would be annoying - she'll share if she wants to, whenever." <-- which is what I told her, when she shared how often her MIL was asking her about babies).

However, both her mother and mother in law, shortly after the wedding sent BABY presents for a baby they weren't even trying for! *gasp*  She was understandably annoyed, but I think too polite to say anything  

** please pardon any grammar mistakes, toddlers at my feet **

[MotherOfDragons]

I remember the Burris fiasco (he/she was totally batshit crazy, and it was glorious to watch that story unfold and crumble), but I somehow missed the constipated $1M fish. I'm kinda sad about that; it sounds like a hilariously absurd story. My life really sucks right about now, and I could use some laughter. 

[karen77]

18 minutes ago, MotherOfDragons said:

I remember the Burris fiasco (he/she was totally batshit crazy, and it was glorious to watch that story unfold and crumble), but I somehow missed the constipated $1M fish. I'm kinda sad about that; it sounds like a hilariously absurd story. My life really sucks right about now, and I could use some laughter. 

Same here, caught Burris, but not the fish!! oh well.

[Scrabblemaster]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

 If someone refuses a glass of wine or cup of coffee, it could be for a million reasons besides pregnancy. They have to drive, they don't drink caffeine after noon, they already had three cups of coffee that day - oh, and when people have an upset stomach and are maybe a little bit bloated they will often avoid caffeine and alcohol. I'm sorry, I'm just so creeped out by the idea of going over to a friend's house and her being secretly obsessed with my uterus the whole time, trying to think of ways to trick me into betraying the fact that I'm pregnant or not pregnant, and discussing it with her husband. Just... what?

I am not obsessed with the uterus of my friends. Really! I do not sit in my office with my coffee - wine- chart making crosses and circles about who drank what in the last 28days. Sounds like a opening scene of a psycho-thriller. I kind of feel creeped out myself now.  And honestly I never get any sense-making information out of my method. Because of the points you wrote above. The funny thing is: If somebody tried to evaluate if I am pregant with my method, I would totally ruin it: I am thin but I nearly always have a food belly because of ... well food. I never drink and drive and I sometimes do not drink alcohol just because I do not want to. And after two coffees I have to switch to decaf or tea because of too much caffeine.

I don't invite my friends to check if they are pregnant. Maybe my method developed itself during the time so many friends got pregnant out of the blue to me and the first things I noticed was them not drinking wine or coffee any longer. And I hate that I write about my method because it never really occured to me that I have one. And I do not use it on purpose. 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

39 minutes ago, MotherOfDragons said:

I remember the Burris fiasco (he/she was totally batshit crazy, and it was glorious to watch that story unfold and crumble), but I somehow missed the constipated $1M fish. I'm kinda sad about that; it sounds like a hilariously absurd story. My life really sucks right about now, and I could use some laughter. 

Glorious is not the word I'd use for pretending to be a concentration camp guard, but I am not you. If you are interested in the fish story look up Maltese Baby, there's much more than just the fish and the whole thing was a lot more hilarious than the whole Burris debacle. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

People tell me things whether I want to know them or not. I never ask personal questions yet everyone spills their guts on me. It's probably because people know I never repeat things they tell me. And I'm not a judgy asshole.

[nausicaa]

5 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

People tell me things whether I want to know them or not. I never ask personal questions yet everyone spills their guts on me. It's probably because people know I never repeat things they tell me. And I'm not a judgy asshole.

See, I am kind of a judgy asshole, but people always feel compelled to spill their guts to me. I can't tell you how many first dates have turned into therapy sessions where I help some guy figure out why things didn't work out with his ex. 

[formergothardite]

I personally enjoyed DGayle's second incarnation where her best friend was dating a mega Hollywood star and she could tell us all about it, but not the star's name. There will really not be anything like the million dollar constipated fish, though. 

[MotherOfDragons]

52 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

Glorious is not the word I'd use for pretending to be a concentration camp guard, but I am not you.

 I used the word "glorious" because it was amazing to see Burris getting called out on all the details... such an intricate ball of lies, and Burris kept waxing poetic. I was so proud of my fellow FJ'ers for standing strong against someone they knew was full of shit. I learned so much history from that thread.

 

Just caught up with this thread... Holy hell, I had no idea Anna had announced a pregnancy (though I'm not surprised). And I won't chime in on whether Jinger's uterus is vacant or occupied until she announces it herself. I seem to remember Michelle (who claims to have suffered from anorexia as a young woman) taking a then-teenaged Jana to Weight Watchers with her, and I just can't talk about their bodies until the official confirmation. That's just me, though.

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, jerkit said:

I agree with this whole heartedly, but on the same token - my in-laws are obsessed with me being pregnant and so if it's offered, I *always* take a glass of wine just because I'm so annoyed by their prying. 

I like your style. Lol!

---------

In regards to a Jinger, I can't remember who said it - but I do think it's not entirely cool to speculate about a possible pregnancy when she and Jeremy have been purposely keeping a low profile since they married. There really hasn't been much or any teasing about potential pregnancies. If they start doing that then I think I could understand the interest more, but as it stands now it just seems odd.

And I'm honestly curious and would really appreciate an answer from someone who is pro-speculating: Someone mentioned that the Duggars want us to speculate. I asked why we should give them what they want and never got an answer. Can anyone please explain? Why should we give them that type of attention if it's what they actually want?

[nausicaa]

25 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I personally enjoyed DGayle's second incarnation where her best friend was dating a mega Hollywood star and she could tell us all about it, but not the star's name. There will really not be anything like the million dollar constipated fish, though. 

And didn't one of his movie star friends have a thing for her and was trying to get her to go on a date with him but she thought his ego was too big? 

I kinda miss that full tilt boogie of crazy. :sniffle:

[choralcrusader8613]

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