BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Several years ago (newlyweds) Mr RHBD and I were driving home from a sappy romantic movie and i asked him if he'd die for me, like the movie hero offered to do.  Without missing a beat he said "No  Dying's easy. I live for you. That's harder."

I still think it's the most romantic, loving thing he's ever said to me.

 

[Koala]

She is *still* on Amazon arguing with her critics, and totally ignoring her supporters.  Not a word of thanks or a hint of graciousness, even after she had to beg them to go over there and give her 5 free stars.  Just her normal shrewish shrieking, with an extra dose of flip out because she can't delete their reviews.

I honestly don't think she has any clue how ridiculous, unprofessional, and just downright crass it's making her appear.   

As far as the verified reviews, she still has 4 (and one of those is her DIL).  I'd say the odds are pretty high that the rest of them are family/close friends too.

 

[usmcmom]

I had hoped to review a couple more chapters today but I got caught up in the Amazon reviews and was like !!!

I especially love how Lori refuses to answer all the quesrions regarding negative reviews versus positive reviews when most have not read the book. Why is one wrong and the other is not??!!!? 

{Ken and Lori; please! Just this once, answer us about this hypocrisy. Also, you are making fools of yourselves.}

Sorry if I missed the discussion on this, but did Emily really edit the book?  

[polecat]

8 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I had hoped to review a couple more chapters today but I got caught up in the Amazon reviews and was like !!!

I especially love how Lori refuses to answer all the quesrions regarding negative reviews versus positive reviews when most have not read the book. Why is one wrong and the other is not??!!!? 

{Ken and Lori; please! Just this once, answer us about this hypocrisy. Also, you are making fools of yourselves.}

Sorry if I missed the discussion on this, but did Emily really edit the book?  

 

 

I have no idea where I saw it! But I was fairly certain she credited and thanked a professional editor (can't remember his name but she shared a link), Emily and someone else for editing the book. I really thought it was in the preview, but I don't see it today, so possibly not.

 

Ah, I found it! 

 

[polecat]

16 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

@FundieFarmer as you were talking about Lori picking her spouse it reminded me of the NPR segment I heard today.

http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2016-10-17/how-we-choose-our-spouses

Interesting listen!

 

I found this article after checking out your link (I am awful at auditory learning). http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html

EXCELLENT read! 

[Koala]

9 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I had hoped to review a couple more chapters today but I got caught up in the Amazon reviews and was like !!!

I especially love how Lori refuses to answer all the quesrions regarding negative reviews versus positive reviews when most have not read the book. Why is one wrong and the other is not??!!!? 

{Ken and Lori; please! Just this once, answer us about this hypocrisy. Also, you are making fools of yourselves.}

Sorry if I missed the discussion on this, but did Emily really edit the book?  

I would like to know why she (Lori) deleted her comments accusing this reviewer of lying:

Quote

The Always Learning blog obtained a negative buzz by becoming a place where Christians go to make shallow insults at one another- as well as complain about how their friends and family are not as pious as they are. This includes posting pictures of acquaintances, unbeknownst them, and insulting their clothes. All around bad theology is in abundance. Readers may want to keep in mind that Lori had nannies and housekeepers when her children were young. While Lori believes most family planning to be an insult to God, it is easy for her to say given that she had professional assistance. Anyone considering buying this book should first check out the Always Learning blog so they can see the philosophies Mrs. Alexander subscribes to. 

I can only assume it's because the reviewer came back and said the following:

Quote

What exactly are you contesting? I can cite anything to prove what I wrote is factual. 

Can't have that, can we?  Imagine, someone being rude enough to provide links proving that Lori is the real liar.

The reviews have shown her true colors like nothing else could have.  It's Lori's version of hell- she can only delete her own comments.

[FundieWatcher]

The only thing I can't actually prove is that she wants to turn herself into a brand. That is just a guess based on the blog change. I think she wants Transformed Wife to be the new Created to be His Help Meet. 

The rest came directly from her Always Learning blog. As long as the old blog is up then I can link to her writings to back up my review. 

[quiversR4hunting]

1 hour ago, polecat said:

...Emily and someone else for editing the book.. (snip snip)

So an editor reviewed the book... <shakes head>

I am going to order the book and be a verified reviewer. I was hoping to get it on my Nook but I will send off for it today. It isn't that I want her to get money, I want to leave a verified reviewer review. She claims on each of the 1 and 2 star reviews the people haven't read the book. The MAN that gave 2 stars said that his WIFE shared the BOOK with him and Lori copied and pasted the same dribble that the bad reviews are people that haven't read the book. Doesn't she teach we, women folk, shouldn't argue with men and should win them over without a word?!?!?

[Koala]

22 minutes ago, FundieWatcher said:

The only thing I can't actually prove is that she wants to turn herself into a brand. That is just a guess based on the blog change. I think she wants Transformed Wife to be the new Created to be His Help Meet. 

The rest came directly from her Always Learning blog. As long as the old blog is up then I can link to her writings to back up my review. 

Yep.  About a year or so ago, several of us noted a change in the tone of her blog.  Then she started trashing other women bloggers/writers/teachers....even women she had previously endorsed.  I think leaving Always Learning behind all together was her final attempt to divorce herself from some of the crazier shit she's said.

I don't think it's any mystery that she is only directing Amazon reviewers to the new blog, which only has a handful of posts compared to the other one.  Always Learning confirms what the negativer reviewers are saying, and Lori knows that.  

I won't be surprised at all if she deletes Always Learning in the near future.

[FundieFarmer]

Even if she deletes it altogether...her Always Learning FJ thread is the 5th thing that pops up when you Google her. And after that, a whole slew of articles calling her out. Eesh. The's never getting away from it. The internet lasts forever, Lori! 

[polecat]

47 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

So an editor reviewed the book... <shakes head>

I am going to order the book and be a verified reviewer. I was hoping to get it on my Nook but I will send off for it today. It isn't that I want her to get money, I want to leave a verified reviewer review. She claims on each of the 1 and 2 star reviews the people haven't read the book. The MAN that gave 2 stars said that his WIFE shared the BOOK with him and Lori copied and pasted the same dribble that the bad reviews are people that haven't read the book. Doesn't she teach we, women folk, shouldn't argue with men and should win them over without a word?!?!?

 

Yep -- I'm waiting for the e-version, and then I'll buy it and leave a verified review based on my actually reading it. For one thing, I am an active Amazon reviewer and would like to maintain the integrity of my reviews -- but for another thing, the verified purchase reviews pack more of a punch. I really want to sink my teeth into that book and explain just exactly what I don't (and, heck, maybe do) like about it.

[Imrlgoddess]

Ever hear the phrase, it's not what you say, it's how you say it?  I think that's Lori's no. 1 crime.  Going waaaayyy out on a limb here (I do feel it shaking believe me), as much as she tries to convey a certain message that sounds right in her head, it comes out in print far different.

Take the whole "don't do unladylike things in front of your husband".  Instead of coming straight out and saying, "hey, a little mystery is good, throw some feminine wiles in there to keep him interested" it's "DON'T EVER EVER EVER FLOSS IN FRONT OF YOUR MAN!!! YOU DIRTY FEMINIST SKANK!"  I have no doubt her intention is the former, but she's so caustic in her attitude her message is totally lost.  I think that's why she's so uber defensive, because in her mind she said, "be ladylike" not "you're a prostitute" so she jumps on anyone who calls her out for her "advice" being unnecessarily harsh or not working for certain people. And it's abundantly apparent that she can't take criticism in any form, constructive or otherwise.  

Caustic attitude mixed with a thin hide and a pile of hypocrisy, she just keeps digging that hole deeper and deeper around herself.  

[molecule]

11 minutes ago, Imrlgoddess said:

Ever hear the phrase, it's not what you say, it's how you say it?  I think that's Lori's no. 1 crime.  Going waaaayyy out on a limb here (I do feel it shaking believe me), as much as she tries to convey a certain message that sounds right in her head, it comes out in print far different.

I absolutely agree. Even when I agree with her basic point (which I actually do on occasion), she says it in such a hateful way that I come away feeling dirty.

My latest theory on Lori is this: she is trying to get into heaven. Her health isn't good, and like many of us do when we see glimpses of our mortality, she is looking back on what a horrible wife and other she was. She can't undo any of it, but she can at least follow the Titus 2 instruction to teach younger wives. Maybe if she does that, her past sins will be overlooked.  Some of her posts about forgiveness and repentance and the like have struck me more as trying to convince herself than to convince others.

The bible says that faith is the pathway to heaven and that works without faith mean nothing--but I've wondered if Lori is just trying to cover all her bases, telling herself that following the Titus 2 instruction will make up for her past horribleness. She's afraid she's going to die, and she's desperate.

And clearly, I spend way too much time thinking about Lori Alexander.

[Imrlgoddess]

@molecule I wholehearted agree with all of that!  There have been many times I've read a couple of her posts and wondered who she's trying to convince...herself?  Or her audience.  Forcefully shoving her own self reflection down other's throats disguised as "advice" is only making her internal problem worse IMHO.  Instead of washing away the bitter, she's only added to it a healthy dose of pride and vanity, eating up that spotlight and arguing down every critic along the way.

[quiversR4hunting]

Amazon, oh boy! I couldn't just purchase Lori's book. I had to purchase other books to offset my purchase. 2 great mysteries and a classic children's book to introduce to my children. I hope the 3 books offset the 1 book I am sure I won't be able to shake for awhile after reading it. (Order should come in over the weekend. I will use my 2 mystery nooks a lure to quickly read the one book)

[desertvixen]

Just ordered it myself, along with my other "going to read it because it's so bad" book, the new Laurell K. Hamilton.

I love how now she is posting a "form response" to negative reviews:

Quote

Lori says:

Because the reviewers who are ridiculing me and my book without ever reading the book are now changing their responses to my comments after I catch them in mischaracterizations and lies, I am posting a standard response to each negative review:

From the very first days I began blogging, my biblical perspectives where read by more of those who scoffed and ridiculed me than by Christians who wanted to learn from my experience and wisdom. The louder they screamed the more God has blessed my work as the responses are hugely positive, yet the dissenters seem to stop at little in maligning me and my words. An organized group of women hiding behind their monikers on the Internet believe that biblical marriage as outlined in Paul and Peter’s writings are dangerous as they lead to abuse. No matter how many times I try to be clear that no wife should ever be abused, or allow herself to be abused, it will never be enough for their insatiable desire to shout me and my ministry down. Unfortunately, it is the nature of social media that anyone that disagrees with anyone can write whatever lies they want with impunity, attacking the good character of others, all because they disagree with a point of view.

If you read the book review comments section you will find positive reviews from Christian women who know the truth about me, my writings, and book. But if you choose to read the negative reviews, please keep in mind the source is tainted as their purposeful agenda is to try and keep women from reading a Christian alternative view to modern marriage and family. Please visit https://thetransformedwife.com/ and read for yourself my writings then drawing your own conclusions. I welcome disagreement, but because my work is to mentor Christian women who desire to learn from me, I won’t get into discussions that lead away from biblical truth.

I remind myself of the Apostle Peter’s words that come just below one of the most powerful passages on wifely submission: “But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.” (I Peter 3:15-17).

 

[usmcmom]

CHAPTER FOUR - "Allow Him to Lead"

In this chapter, Lori begins with her oft used argument that "every organization must have a leader; otherwise, there would be no structure, protection or authority. (I still can't wrap my mind around marriage being compared to an organization but I guess that does at least mesh with the Alexanders' transactional approach to living with one's spouse.)  We must not have a household run by two competing leaders or the family will fall to chaos and conflict and structure begins to crumble.

Again, Lori is assuming that if a marriage is not one of submission, it is one of constant conflict.  I have always thought her black and white thinking was very evident in her story of submission.  In her mind, if she stopped arguing with Ken, she had to move to a place of complete submission.  There is, in her mind (and Ken's) no middle ground of mutual respect and peace that comes from simply treating our spouse with common courtesy.  But I digress.

FEEL FREE TO PIN THE FOLLOWING QUOTE....onto the Amazon comment section.  Lori tells us, in chapter four, "ALL THROUGHOUT THE WORD THERE ARE ADMONITIONS NOT TO QUARREL, NAG, OR BE IN CONFLICT WITH OTHERS. THIS APPLIES TO MARRIAGE AS WELL."   *note, Lori specifically adds "this applies -to marriage as well, " meaning that the main gist of this scripture-based thought is to live peaceably and refrain from arguing with all those around us.

We are reminded that we must not follow our husbands order if he asks us to sin. She gives examples like porn, sex parties, drugs and drunk driving.  There is no mention of what we should do if our husband asks us to cheat on our taxes. 

We are also reminded that men are called to provide for their families, which includes risking their own safety for their families.  She stopped a hair's width from saying "lay down his life for..." but we all know what she meant.  Let's all say it together: if Ken Alexander was not willing to give up basketball for his ill wife, he's not likely to lay down his life for her. 

This chapter basically ends with Lori reminding us that the scripture on mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21) is negated by the verses following it.  The big question with mutual submission is "who will have the final say?"  Because, we all know, in ALL EGALITARIAN MARRIAGES IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER, the spouses just fight. They fight all the time and nothing gets done!! 

She closes this chapter with a post from the blog in which she says submissive wives have the happiest of marriages.  There are not studies or statistics to go with that, but Lori said it so....

***************************

CHAPTER FIVE "What Submission Looks Like"

Lori reminds us here that she had always thought she was a submissive wife because she cooked, cleaned, took good care of the children (um...okaaaay-uh) an dgave Ken lots of sex. She learned, though, that submission was much more than that. 

I do agree with some of the points Lori makes in this chapter, such as: one way to show love to our children is to love and respect their father.  "Too many wives neglect their husbands once they have children."  I get that. I think that does happen in some marriages.  But then she loses me when she says "we think they (our husbands) are grown mean and can take care of themselves but they still need a help meet."  Actually, they are grown men who can take care of themselves and that statement infantilizes men, which is something she admonishes against somewhere in one of these chapters (sorry - it can all run together) when she tells us it is wrong to call our husbands "one of the kids." 

In order to submit to our husbands we must find out what he likes: cook what he likes, wear the clothes he likes, act the way he likes, respond to him the way he likes, clean the house the way he likes.  We also must have sex with him whenever he wants it, which she will cover in more detail in chapter seven.

*note - in Lori's frequent mentions of sex so far, she has yet to refer to it as a mutually pleasant and satisfying union.  It is all about "giving HIM sex" "having sex when HE wants it...."

Basically be submissive means to we do not try to control our husband AT ALL. 

This chapter ends with the blog post which talks about how Ken likes Lori to stand up in church, despite the fact that standing causes her pain.  This is when she talks about Sheila's similar post and describes Sheila as "another woman who has a blog with many readers..." and tells us that she was in rebellion to her husband's leadership. *Note - was Sheila aware that Lori was quoting her blog in this book? Shouldn't there be a foot note or another citation for this? I am curious about how her "editor" advised her on this. 

*********

Next up: chapter six "Conflict Resolution.  I'll let these two chapters simmer for now. 

 

[quiversR4hunting]

@desertvixen and that form rebuttal to all negative reviews is why I bought the stupid book. I will be a verified reviewer.

@usmcmom nice quote from chapter 4!!

And has she never thought that one partner may be the "boss" of finances because that is their strength and another would be the "boss" of scheduling the family activities and then both partners come together to make final decisions.  Well of course she hasn't because then she wouldn't be able to passively aggressively  blame everything on Ken or her illness. Ugh

[desertvixen]

@quiversR4hunting, that would be my motivation as well.  I'd held off because I'm already doing a lot of reading for my godless advanced educational class (working on my 2nd master's) but I just can't resist.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

13 hours ago, Imrlgoddess said:

Ever hear the phrase, it's not what you say, it's how you say it?  I think that's Lori's no. 1 crime.  Going waaaayyy out on a limb here (I do feel it shaking believe me), as much as she tries to convey a certain message that sounds right in her head, it comes out in print far different.

Take the whole "don't do unladylike things in front of your husband".  Instead of coming straight out and saying, "hey, a little mystery is good, throw some feminine wiles in there to keep him interested" it's "DON'T EVER EVER EVER FLOSS IN FRONT OF YOUR MAN!!! YOU DIRTY FEMINIST SKANK!"  I have no doubt her intention is the former, but she's so caustic in her attitude her message is totally lost.  I think that's why she's so uber defensive, because in her mind she said, "be ladylike" not "you're a prostitute" so she jumps on anyone who calls her out for her "advice" being unnecessarily harsh or not working for certain people. And it's abundantly apparent that she can't take criticism in any form, constructive or otherwise.  

Caustic attitude mixed with a thin hide and a pile of hypocrisy, she just keeps digging that hole deeper and deeper around herself.  

Except that she very recently wrote that loud women are prostitutes, that women should stay in a marriage no matter what (well maybe if the husband is injuring them they may leave), that husbands can discipline their wives, that children must be spanked a lot for their own good. She still thinks all these things and she will write them again in the new blog. How many times she wrote something absurd and when called out she replied uhm no I am right and you are wrong and if you disagree with me you disagree with god, basically coming across as a heartless bitch. There's only one right way and that's Lori's, this is the problem, she can't accept even the slightest difference in opinion, her mind doesn't compute it, because out of two ideas one must be right and one must be wrong (and she can't be wrong can't she? because you know her "thought process is the word of god. Period") This is the reason for either she's a bitch or a submissive wife, no compromise is possible, no normal ability to mediate between different positions and see the validity of both (never mind three or four). Even her  proverbial ability to contradict herself proves it, she can't find mediation and balance even in her own thoughts and feelings,  she seems completely unable to understand complexities. So when her opinions evolve (as is normal none of us has monolithic opinions created once and for all) she can't change seamlessly, reconciling her own positions and recognising the change because between two different ideas one must be right and one must be wrong and she can't be wrong. The only change that she finds acceptable and is codified is her becoming submissive,  because it's no change at all, it's the apotheosis of her dualistic thinking process. 

I suspect that in some passages of the book @usmcmom related, her editors worked hard to smooth the rough wrinkles. Personally I think the new blog is just an attempt to promote the book, it will soon become the exact same thing of the previous one with nasty bits and contradictions everywhere. Imho she won't cancel the old blog anytime soon, she likes it and she still thinks most of it and why erase the word of the god of the universe? I think she will cancel it only if people will start quoting back the bits where she contradicts herself on amazon, she doesn't care if we do it here (it's proof we are trolls) or on the new blog (delete button) but amazon is painfully out of her control. 

I agree though that what she feels we don't understand and "mischaracterise" are her good intentions. She thinks that since she has good intentions and wants to do what is good then she's doing it and we have bad intentions in criticising her because she's doing good and if we don't agree then we are doing bad and have evil intentions, tertium non datur. Problem is she has no idea of what good, healthy and balanced are, but she's the godly mentor so she must be right and we are wrong. 

[alba]

How can she have enough material for an entire chapter on Conflict Resolution if the whole point of submitting is to avoid conflict?

 

4 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

@desertvixen and that form rebuttal to all negative reviews is why I bought the stupid book. I will be a verified reviewer.

@usmcmom nice quote from chapter 4!!

And has she never thought that one partner may be the "boss" of finances because that is their strength and another would be the "boss" of scheduling the family activities and then both partners come together to make final decisions.  Well of course she hasn't because then she wouldn't be able to passively aggressively  blame everything on Ken or her illness. Ugh

This is kind of how my parents do it. My mum was an accountant before becoming a SAHM, so even today, when she's been back in the workforce (not in accounting anymore) for over fifteen years and full-time for more than five years, she's still in charge of purchases. Back when she first became a SAHM, she bought Dad's clothes and such just because it was easier for her to do it while he was at work than for him to try and do it outside of business hours, so between her having the time for shopping and having the financial background, she ended up in charge of finances, though of course she consults my dad before making any big decisions.

And, to be honest, from the example of my parents I'm not really sure how a submissive wife can function as a SAHM. You're at home 8-10 hours a day without your husband, constantly making decisions for your family in his absence. And I thought women were supposed to be SAHM, eh, Lori?

[AlwaysDiscerning]

At the bottom of Lori's post today she is offering signed copies of her book! You just have to pay her via paypal and provide an address.

Wow, because a signed copy is much more holier and godly. Its like its been touched by God himself. Blessed with holy water. 

I thought this was about helping women. Talk about being full of yourself and thinking you are so important that people now want your signature. 

[kpmom]

14 hours ago, usmcmom said:

CHAPTER FOUR - "Allow Him to Lead"

 

*note - in Lori's frequent mentions of sex so far, she has yet to refer to it as a mutually pleasant and satisfying union.  It is all about "giving HIM sex" "having sex when HE wants it...."

 

 

I've noticed this, and it almost makes me feel sorry for her.  Lori, girl, you do not know what you are missing!!

And believe me, it ain't no 10 minutes and lube either.

[Hisey]

On 10/18/2016 at 6:51 AM, Koala said:

I would like to know why she (Lori) deleted her comments accusing this reviewer of lying:

I can only assume it's because the reviewer came back and said the following:

Can't have that, can we?  Imagine, someone being rude enough to provide links proving that Lori is the real liar.

The reviews have shown her true colors like nothing else could have.  It's Lori's version of hell- she can only delete her own comments.

No, it's about creating a brand so Lori can go on speaking tours and feel important.

[feministxtian]

18 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

And has she never thought that one partner may be the "boss" of finances because that is their strength and another would be the "boss" of scheduling the family activities and then both partners come together to make final decisions.  Well of course she hasn't because then she wouldn't be able to passively aggressively  blame everything on Ken or her illness. Ugh

I'm the "boss" of our finances, however shitty they may be. Hubs doesn't remember things like when bills are due and all that so he is not qualified for that job! He is fond of saying that I can squeeze a buck and get 5 quarters out. I'm "in charge" of finances, car repairs, meal planning, cooking and occasionally the TV remote. He is in charge of decorating, furniture placement, laundry and general cleaning. We divide things according to our strengths, not chromosomes. Hell, it's worked this long...I won't mess with success!