BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"

[FundieWatcher]

That Mary Magdalene-prostitution connection is common in regular entertainment. I guess the rumor really caught on.  I was watching some 90s Lifetime movie recently on YouTube. A woman's daughter got addicted to crack and became a prostitute.

Movie Cop: "But ma'am, your daughter might not be ready to face you. She was...a *prostitute*."

Movie Mom: "So was Mary Magdalene!" 

****dramatic triumphal music plays****

There is also a scene in Sister Act where the priest tells the church something about Mary Magdalene not being a "stranger to any man." 

Nat Geo did a whole show on Mary Magdalene. That is where I learned about the unnamed prostitute and MM being accidentally thought of as one person. 

[alba]

@FundieWatcher I might have picked it up from TV, then! Maybe fundies are onto something with their TV avoidance [emoji14]

[AlwaysDiscerning]

https://signpostsstrangeland.wordpress.com/2016/10/13/they-hate-me-and-what-i-teach/

[Koala]

From today's post:

Quote

Get married if you feel like and have only one, maybe two, babies. Once the babies are born have others raise them since they are way too much work. Many even regret having children. “It’s a huge taboo, admitting this kind of thing, but there’s a growing and largely ignored group of mothers all over the world who are confessing their regret over having children. Day after day, as they change diapers, drive to soccer practice, and help with college applications, they fantasize about a life unburdened by dependents and free from the needs of others. A do-over.”

Translation:

Quote

Get married for money and sabotage your birth control.  4 is a godly number of children to have. Once the babies are born hire a nanny and a housekeeper since they are way too much work. Many even regret having children. “It’s a huge taboo, admitting this kind of thing, but there’s a growing and largely ignored group of mothers all over the world who are confessing their regret over having children. Day after day, as they beat them with a leather strap, watch the nanny hold them for hours a day to keep them from crying, shame them over food, or the slightest weight gain. They fantasize about a life unburdened by dependents and free from the needs of others. A do-over.”  So they start a blog and tell others how to live their lives.  It helps to convince them that you speak for The God of the Universe.

Blessings!

[smittykins]

So they discourage daughters from being doctors, yet they don't want male physicians looking at their lady parts?  How exactly is that supposed to work? 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Maybe by not even going to the gyn. You know just juice away any gyn problem. For birth get a midwife and do it from home. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori seems to have lost control of her delete button for the comments on her FB post yesterday -- The idiotic one about women shouldn't have careers and you should discourage your wanna be doctor daughter.

The string of comments are actually kind of glorious in an OTT way.  Expand all the replies to see them all.

Edited to add.  Regarding today's post.  Lori just cannot get it through her stupid head that not all women are able to have children. Is she cruel to her oldest daughter who seems to have fertility issues? Why do I ask, of course she is.

She also cannot grasp the concept that there are single women who choose to not to be single mothers.

If the only thing a woman can do in her life is have babies, is Lori advocating that any woman who can get pregnant should have children -- including single unmarried women?11??  I would have though that unmarried mothers = sluts in Lori's world.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

She has said that "God opens and shuts wombs". I take that to mean if you are single and pregnant well then God must have opened your womb and that is fine with him! Why isn't God preventing all these unmarried women then from getting pregnant if its such a sin?

[foreign fundie]

I think Lori is right. There is a spiritual battle. (Now before you shoot me...) It is a battle between freedom and control, truth and lies, care and abuse. It is not Lori's side against fj. It is much bigger than her or us. And we have to make sure we are on the right side of this battle, everytime it presents itself in whatever form. Because people should be free and children should be safe.

End of my sermon.

[Hane]

6 hours ago, FundieWatcher said:

That Mary Magdalene-prostitution connection is common in regular entertainment. I guess the rumor really caught on.  I was watching some 90s Lifetime movie recently on YouTube. A woman's daughter got addicted to crack and became a prostitute.

Movie Cop: "But ma'am, your daughter might not be ready to face you. She was...a *prostitute*."

Movie Mom: "So was Mary Magdalene!" 

****dramatic triumphal music plays****

There is also a scene in Sister Act where the priest tells the church something about Mary Magdalene not being a "stranger to any man." 

Nat Geo did a whole show on Mary Magdalene. That is where I learned about the unnamed prostitute and MM being accidentally thought of as one person. 

From what I've read, Pope Gregory I propagated the already extant story about Mary Magdalene being a reformed prostitute. It's hung on like a leech. 

If you read the New Testament, you'll see that the writers are pretty specific about naming people. If the "woman taken in adultery" (all by herself--no man involved!) or the woman who washed Jesus's feet with her hair HAD been Mary of Magdala, she would have been cited by name. (Someone in my vast repository of books there's a scholarly study of her, which I bought at a Catholic retreat.)

edited to add info other than inaccurate memories

[feministxtian]

Going back to Lori's comment about being irritated by the husband multiple times a day...I can speak with confidence that when I get irritated with Mr. Xtian...I just usually stay that way for a while, then I TELL him why I'm irritated with him. It works wonders in getting him to change the behavior that irritated me in the first damn place. 

And...if I get irritated with him, so be it. Hell, he gets irritated with me too! And, in reality, I usually feel sorry for the poor guy...there are times that I don't like living with me, I can only imagine how shitty it may be for him.

[usmcmom]

CHAPTER TWO: "Why I Mentor Women."

*basically - Titus 2 and "I am the voice of God,* but I promised you a book review so here goes.

*******************************

Lori begins this chapter by telling us the meaning of "mentor" according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person."

Lori has mentored women for ten years. These are women who have husbands who were having affairs, drinking way too much, deeply addicted to pornography, lazy and not working, never home due to work, not interested in God or were absent fathers to their children.  I found myself wondering which of these issues applied to her and Ken, but that's not the point of the book.  It is at this point that she mentions that she and Ken worked in a pre-marital counseling program with "a church."  Interestingly, she does not refer to it as "our church," but "a church."  Did "their" church not want them to counsel young couples?  Reader raises eyebrow.

Am I supposed to be keeping track of how many times she mentions Titus 2? 'Cause it comes up again on the first page of this chapter. She specifically cites this as KJV and then tells us what "blaspheme" means - to speak evil about.

We are reminded that most women today did not grow up with a mother who would teach them the important lessons of Titus 2.  Instead, most of us have "grown up in homes of parents with poor marriages or come from divorced families.  They are also encouraged to go out and get loans so they can go to college, get a career, and then travel and enjoy life before being 'tied down' to a husband and a baby - as if these are bad things."  Then, these woman (ALL OF THEM!!) have surgery to prevent more children after they have had two (a boy and a girl, of course). 

She lists several scriptures to back up her decrees.  Then she once again laments that there seem to be no churches - no pastors - that actually believe in wives being keepers at home and submissive.  It seems to me that Lori and Ken have done a lot of church-hopping and, if the sermon is about anything other than submission, they deem it unworthy of their attendance.  Do they really expect a sermon EVERY WEEK on submission??? We are reminded that God would never allow two leaders in one home and that women have fallen prey to feminist philosophy. 

She tells us that in her "counseling experience" she has seen women gain great joy in giving up control and being submissive.  She tells us "there needs to be peace and joy among family members..." which makes me wonder how that worked as she badgered her daughters about their weight and labeled any emotional expression as "sinful." 

She ends this chapter with a passage from John MacArthur in which he reiterates her beliefs on the evils of working women. Then, of course, she adds an entry from her blog which begins with blaming all the world's evils on feminism.  She lists things women can do in the home.  Interestingly, she lists "being a fruitful member of the household of God by actually having the time to participate in ministry and devote time to prayer."  I believe she is saying that women would have time to devote to ministry within the church, because we all know Lori spends countless hours working at her church and serving in the community, right? 

Oh, wait. 

CHAPTER THREE: "Let it Go" (Reader searches desperately for anything "Frozen" to take the pain away. Elsa, where are you?!?)

Right off the bat, we are reminded to "let it go."  WE CAN NO LONGER TRY TO CONTROL OR CRITICIZE YOUR HUSBAND IN ANY WAY!! 'Cause we all know that ALL WOMEN IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER want to control their husbands.

But wait, then we instantly get to read about food.  Again, with the food.  Seems Ken was a donut-and-pizza man when they married.  Even worse, he actually thought a salad was "some iceberg lettuce, a few slices of carrots, and tons of blue cheese dressing and croutons!"  I am not even kidding, you guys! I don't know how Lori managed to stay with such a food sinner.  Seriously, that part was painful to read.  Poor woman.  She was raised as a "health nut," you know (see also, food snob).  Her mother cured her colitis by giving up medications and eating healthy fruits and vegetables and "after several years of healthy eating, her colon was completely healed." 

When Lori met Ken she was "determined to change his eating habits." She actually became angry every time he came home from the grocery store with bags full of "junk."  Also, Ken actually ordered steak when they went to dinner!!!  (Dear God! how much must one woman endure?!?) Lori, of course became angry about the steak and, like all mature women, gave him the silent treatment the rest of the night because of the steak. 

She says the food issues became a huge issue in their marriage. She says she hated being so rigid.  No really, she said that.  Interestingly, Debi Pearl's book helped her to see she must give up these food issues.  When she stopped controlling his food, he just started making better choices on his own. 

Then we are treated to her blatant misuse of scripture and she reminds us that in Genesis 3:16, the word "desire" refers to "desire to control."  Please. PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU! Don't make me read that part again.  She is a blatant hypocrite whose teachings are straight from the pits of Hell. Just had to throw in a Cabinet Man quote there.

We are reminded that men struggle most with sexual purity while women struggle most with wanting to control men.  Then she ends with an entry from her blog in which she writes about control and how the women....they all want it.   

 

[Lurky]

@usmcmom I am so so grateful for you doing this!  Thank you!

[Koala]

So, this review went up today:

Quote

I need to tell my story. Lori will not post dissenting comments on her blog and I thank Amazon for allowing me the opportunity to tell my story.

Following Lori Alexander's advice nearly cost me my marriage. Up until a year ago, I had a wonderful egalitarian marriage that was based on a deep and lengthy friendship between me and my husband. We got along well and enjoyed our life together. It was the biggest blessing in my life. I initially started reading Always Learning because I found it so shocking and it was sort of fun because it got me all riled up. After a few months, it started impacting me and the way I thought. I am a Christian, though not the type that Lori seems to be. I began to believe that I had to follow Lori's rules. I thought that I could not share any opinions or thoughts with my husband EVER. Based on Lori's teachings, I began to do whatever I could possibly do to make him happy. I agreed with everything he said, always. If he asked for my opinion, I would simply say "whatever you think."

Following Lori's rules back fired entirely. My once lovely marriage became an ugly shell of what it once was. My husband begged for his wife back and I marched ahead towards "Godly submission," modeling my behavior after Lori's rules. My husband and I no longer had emotional intimacy because I was not communicating with him. I was a "yes woman" just like Lori taught me and my husband withdrew. He barely recognized me and did not like the new version of me one bit. Our once thriving physical relationship was relinquished to duty sex (one of Lori's rules is that you must always be available to your husband for "15 minutes and some coconut oil lube") and I did that. But based on Lori's teachings, I thought that I was not allowed to enjoy intimacy. I simply had to make *him* happy. Lori has a habit for elevating her own personal preferences to the status of "Biblical truth." One example of this is that she believes women should not floss in front of their husbands. I would HIDE from my husband every night, trying to shield him from my flossing. He would want to come into the bathroom to spend more time with me at night and I would shut him out, not wanting him to see any of the "unfeminine" parts of me. This is just one example - there are many other of Lori's preferences that she claims are scriptural and must be followed by all women, with no exceptions. I spent a lot of time trying to read my husband's mind, anticipating his every need and desire. I would beat myself up emotionally if I forgot to pack his lunch or missed a spot while vacuuming.

I snapped out of it about three months ago. I realized that I was not living in the freedom of Christ. I was shackled by Lori's rules about what it means to be a wife. I woke up to the reality that if I continued down this path, I would lose my husband. I confessed to him that I had been following a Christian blog that was influencing my behavior towards him. He held me as I sobbed and apologized for ruining our marriage. I began to open up to him again and we fell into our old selves - the best of friends, life partners, and lovers. I don't know what would have happened if I had continued following Lori's rules, but I really think I would have ended up divorced. I now view Lori's blog as an addiction I need to break. I can never become enslaved to her rules again because her rules nearly cost me my marriage. I am trying to focus on the love of Christ and how the law no longer rules my life, but love. I am trying to let the Holy Spirit break down the walls between me and my husband so that our marriage can be fully healed from the damage that was done over the past year.

Women, beware. If you have a terrible marriage, perhaps following Lori's rules will help you. But if you already have a wonderful friendship and partnership with your husband, Lori's rules just may ruin your life. Approach this book with extreme caution and never lose sight of Jesus. Don't allow Lori to become your Lord, like I did. Learn from my mistakes.

 

[louisa05]

14 hours ago, polecat said:

"In the average marriage ... such punishments are given often and many times a day ..." 

I really want to know what kinds of couples she knows. The few I've known who've constantly been at each other's throats (verbally) are those on the path to divorce. Precious few marriages involve all that nastiness "often and many times a day." If it did, the whole institution would be unbearable! Who wants to live with someone who is constantly giving out hatefully sarcastic comments, the silent treatment or worse? Not I! 

And Ken, I am utterly disgusted at you calling Mary Magdalene's and the other women's trip to see Jesus a "field trip." It was a tremendous honor -- and the men, if you recall, treated their experience disparagingly, too: 

WTF is wrong with you? You two are disgusting and hateful -- how dare you call yourselves Christians when you sit and mock God and Jesus every time you open your ignorant mouths?

We know a couple who are so passive aggressive with each other all the fucking time that the air in the room is just tense no matter where we are with them or what we are doing. They live 8 hours away and my husband and the husband were friends in school. But another school friend lives in the same city and he and his wife are normal. So we go up to visit the normal couple and there is always all this tension and conflict about us not staying at P-A Central and spending more time with the normal ones. 

I thought of them when I read Lori's description. 

[FundieWatcher]

Holy crap @Koala ! I really hope that review isn't real. I hate to think a good marriage really got messed up by Lori. 

Random thought. "Mentoring" is a part of Jeffersonianism- the education methodology Thomas Jefferson created. Thomas Jefferson= progressive of his time. Progressives= The Enemy/Godless/Pagans to fundies. Could a case be made that mentoring is actually somehow ungodly...yeah that is a stretch, I know ...

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

I've been away and am catching up with everything, I just wanted to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to @usmcmom!   You're amazing.  Also everyone who has left a review.  I should, I know I should, I will be if I can formulate anything more coherent than raging about Ken's "stance" on incest and molestation.

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

When Lori met Ken she was "determined to change his eating habits." She actually became angry every time he came home from the grocery store with bags full of "junk."  Also, Ken actually ordered steak when they went to dinner!!!  (Dear God! how much must one woman endure?!?) Lori, of course became angry about the steak and, like all mature women, gave him the silent treatment the rest of the night because of the steak. 

They were doomed from the start... Lori, you sinner, you let a MAN do your grocery shopping for you?  And you guys go out for dinner, to a restaurant? Eating a dinner that you didn't go into any trouble to make? In a place with some random people? who dress up and  drink beer and wine and have fun with their friends?

[AmazonGrace]

On 13.10.2016 at 0:05 AM, Hisey said:

Because she and Ken are so hateful to each other, she thinks everybody is. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I can totally believe the reviewer's story.

The other night over dinner, i asked Mr. RH,BD if he wanted a totally submissive wife  -- just to gauge his reaction.  Lori says that's what men want and I thought, well ... let me do some research  [Side note -- we have one of those (according to Lori) "miserable" equal marriages, where we treat each other with respect, make joint decisions, share the household chores, etc., etc.]

Anyway -- so he looks at me with a Huh and I briefly explain wifely submission and Lori's rules for being a godly wife.

I got a resounding No! and and he said (direct quote) "That's nuts, why would i want that? That would be so boring".

I asked why and he said he, and most men, look to their wives for love and support  (and yes enthusiastic sex) and to be their #1 cheerleader but also to be a reality check. To let them know when they're off track, acting like idiots or proposing absolutely ridiculous things. Not nagging, but looking out for the other person.

He then got a worried look and said "Please don't tell me you're going to do that nonsense"  I assured him no and he happily went back to his pork chops [Yes, evil feminist that i am. I still cook dinner]

So there you have it, research done on the average man proving that Lori's way is nuts,

Snark aside, I think most normal men -- not patriarchal domineering Cabinet Man-type asshats -- would reject the idea of a totally submissive wife.

I don't think Lori knows any normal men (Ken is not normal),  And I firmly believe Lori isn't teaching submission -- she's teaching passive aggressive behavior.  If we follow what she actually does (not what she says) we'd get everything we want -- all by acting as passive aggressive beyotchs.

My MIL is the Queen of Passive Aggressive, and while never pretending to be submissive, ruled her husband and children with a passive aggressive iron fist.  When we married she took me aside and told me her "secrets" for getting always getting her way in marriage and life without ever letting people suspect.  And told me stories of how well it had worked on her husband and her son (my hubby).  I was appalled.  But I got to give her props because she's a genius at it -- evil genius, but genius no less.

I think of Lori the same way.

[littlemommy]

12 hours ago, FundieWatcher said:

Holy crap @Koala ! I really hope that review isn't real. I hate to think a good marriage really got messed up by Lori. 

Random thought. "Mentoring" is a part of Jeffersonianism- the education methodology Thomas Jefferson created. Thomas Jefferson= progressive of his time. Progressives= The Enemy/Godless/Pagans to fundies. Could a case be made that mentoring is actually somehow ungodly...yeah that is a stretch, I know ...

Wasn't there an FJer that followed Lori and then said it was ruining her marriage just by reading Lori's shit? Jerkit or Firiel or someone? I wonder if they wrote that review. Anyway, Lori is toxic. I'm glad her book is "temporarily out of stock".

[Flossie]

21 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

...I firmly believe Lori isn't teaching submission -- she's teaching passive aggressive behavior. 

I agree.  It's not a good way to live.  I wonder why Lori is that way.

[jerkit]

6 minutes ago, littlemommy said:

Wasn't there an FJer that followed Lori and then said it was ruining her marriage just by reading Lori's shit? Jerkit or Firiel or someone? I wonder if they wrote that review. Anyway, Lori is toxic. I'm glad her book is "temporarily out of stock".

Yes.

I've alluded to it before, but Lori really, really messed with my head. Like, I should probably go to therapy lol. I tend toward extremes, in general. That's sort of just part of my personality. I can't just do something halfway. And reading and following Lori got under my skin. 

I am just so grateful that I snapped out of it when I did. It could've gotten a LOT worse. 

[polecat]

1 hour ago, jerkit said:

Yes.

I've alluded to it before, but Lori really, really messed with my head. Like, I should probably go to therapy lol. I tend toward extremes, in general. That's sort of just part of my personality. I can't just do something halfway. And reading and following Lori got under my skin. 

I am just so grateful that I snapped out of it when I did. It could've gotten a LOT worse. 

 

I'm so sorry, Jerkit. I'm glad you've gotten out of that mess. She's toxic.

[Hisey]

2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I can totally believe the reviewer's story.

The other night over dinner, i asked Mr. RH,BD if he wanted a totally submissive wife  -- just to gauge his reaction.  Lori says that's what men want and I thought, well ... let me do some research  [Side note -- we have one of those (according to Lori) "miserable" equal marriages, where we treat each other with respect, make joint decisions, share the household chores, etc., etc.]

Anyway -- so he looks at me with a Huh and I briefly explain wifely submission and Lori's rules for being a godly wife.

I got a resounding No! and and he said (direct quote) "That's nuts, why would i want that? That would be so boring".

I asked why and he said he, and most men, look to their wives for love and support  (and yes enthusiastic sex) and to be their #1 cheerleader but also to be a reality check. To let them know when they're off track, acting like idiots or proposing absolutely ridiculous things. Not nagging, but looking out for the other person.

He then got a worried look and said "Please don't tell me you're going to do that nonsense"  I assured him no and he happily went back to his pork chops [Yes, evil feminist that i am. I still cook dinner]

So there you have it, research done on the average man proving that Lori's way is nuts,

Snark aside, I think most normal men -- not patriarchal domineering Cabinet Man-type asshats -- would reject the idea of a totally submissive wife.

I don't think Lori knows any normal men (Ken is not normal),  And I firmly believe Lori isn't teaching submission -- she's teaching passive aggressive behavior.  If we follow what she actually does (not what she says) we'd get everything we want -- all by acting as passive aggressive beyotchs.

My MIL is the Queen of Passive Aggressive, and while never pretending to be submissive, ruled her husband and children with a passive aggressive iron fist.  When we married she took me aside and told me her "secrets" for getting always getting her way in marriage and life without ever letting people suspect.  And told me stories of how well it had worked on her husband and her son (my hubby).  I was appalled.  But I got to give her props because she's a genius at it -- evil genius, but genius no less.

I think of Lori the same way.

My dh responded in almost exactly the same way when I told him about Lori's "methods" years ago!