BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"

[Petronella]

17 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Again- business major here- but the intestines and colon are 2 different organs. Connected, yes but you can have problems in one and not the other.

I was surprised by you saying this so I googled. The top hits all say that the large intestine and the colon are the same thing, which is how I've always understood it (granted, only superficially).

[polecat]

11 hours ago, jerkit said:

I have IBS but it's well controlled by eating only well-cooked foods and not raw vegetables or fruits

so uhh, sorry Lori?

 

Ibs-d here, and can confirm -- a big salad can wreak utter havoc on my digestive system for days. I happen to love salads, but I do pay for that indulgence. 

Lori, if cancer can be cured with raw foods, why couldn't your BENIGN tumor be cured with raw foods? 

Oh yeah, because you're a big fat hypocrite.

[TShirtsLongSkirts]

28 minutes ago, polecat said:

Ibs-d here, and can confirm -- a big salad can wreak utter havoc on my digestive system for days. I happen to love salads, but I do pay for that indulgence. 

Lori, if cancer can be cured with raw foods, why couldn't your BENIGN tumor be cured with raw foods? 

Oh yeah, because you're a big fat hypocrite.

 

Agreed. Also an IBS-er here and I follow the FODMAP diet which has quite literally turned my quality of life around. And guess what - tons of raw fruit and some vegetables make me very ill. Onions and garlic are triggers. As is wheat. Eating only white bread (like she reckons a doctor told her mum to do) would make me bloat up like a balloon and give me terrible stomach pains.

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, TShirtsLongSkirts said:

Agreed. Also an IBS-er here and I follow the FODMAP diet which has quite literally turned my quality of life around. And guess what - tons of raw fruit and some vegetables make me very ill. Onions and garlic are triggers. As is wheat. Eating only white bread (like she reckons a doctor told her mum to do) would make me bloat up like a balloon and give me terrible stomach pains.

Must google FODMAP. I've never been diagnosed with IBS, though my doctor has suggested the possibility. Every time I eat salads and certain other foods--peanuts tear my guts up--I spend days hovering near the bathroom (sorry, tmi). I don't understand how Lori's mom could have even survived on a diet like that with her condition. Frankly, I think Lori's made up most of it. 

[Emilycharlotte]

You have a small intestine and a large intestine. The large intestine  is also called the colon.

Any inflammation of the colon (large intestine) is called colitis, no matter what is causing it.  

Ulcerative Colitis, on the other hand, is a serious autoimmune disease similar to Crohn's Disease. UC affects the large intestine (colon), while Crohn's can strike anywhere in the digestive tract from mouth to anus. Both diseases are characterized by periods of active disease and (hopefully!) periods of remission; however, they are never considered cured. (Technically, colon removal is considered a cure for UC.)

Cases can be mild to severe. Some people find that diet changes are helpful; some do not.  The medications all have side effects or scary warnings, and these must be weighed against quality of life issues and the risk of irreparable damage to the intestines. Bowel rest is a treatment option in some cases, but I think it normally involves medical supervision, i.v. Fluids and sometimes tpn---not just deciding to go on a water fast.

Also, irritable bowel syndrome is a functional disorder--no damage to the body, but the symptoms can make you miserable and affect your quality of life. My FIL was told he had colitis in the 70s based on his symptoms, but I think he has always just had IBS. 

Sorry for the looong post--I guess my point is, I don't know what was wrong with Lori's mom, and neither does Lori. But her dispensing of uninformed, half-baked medical advice could really hurt someone.

 

 

[usmcmom]

 

From Koala:

For those of you just joining us, behold, the Vacation Sex post:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/08/are-most-men-pigs-when-it-comes-to-sex.html

If you make it through the post, you'll probably want to check out the comments as well.

Thanks so much, @Koalafor providing this link.  It's like coming home from track practice and finding that someone did my homework for me. Not that I ever would have condoned that, of course......

*****************

CHAPTER SEVEN: This Thing Called Sex

Lori opens this chapter with this poignant line, "Men like sex...a lot."  She then reminds us that God made them this way and that they have ten times the testosterone - aka "sex drive" - than we have.  We are reminded that one of the ways we loves our husbands is by consistently having sex "with the one we are supposed to love and please."

In this chapter she quotes The Joy Filled Wife a lot, even including one of her responses to a male reader. 

She ends the chapter with comments from the blog, which can be found in the link provided by Koala. 

Side note: The idea that, in a book on Christian marriage, Lori takes the chapter on sex and focuses mainly on the importance of "vacation sex," is just mind blowing to me.  Where were her editors???  Was there nobody with enough sense to say "No, this is just STUPID! We need a rational, scripture based discussion on the blessings of a mutually satisfying sex life between man and wife!"?    As for husbands who are "devastated" if they can't have sex on family vacations....WHAT. THE. HECK??? Family vacations are for...you know...family.  The kind of sex they are demanding is appropriate for a weekend getaway when the kids stay with grandma or friends.  Of course these men probably would never treat their wives to a getaway and that is their loss.  Great sex happens on that kind of vacation. When a wife/mother is allowed to leave her household and childcare duties behind, relax, feel cherished and attended to....she will give her husband a weekend he'll never forget.  Sex....these people don't know how to do it. 

 

 

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I'm going to put on my doctor hat and without benefit of any medial training diagnose Lori  -- just like she does other people.  

After reading all about her years and year and years and years of being so sick and unable to do anything around the house or raise and home school her children, IMVHO I think Lori:

1)  Had IBS (not a gut full of parasites) and her insistence on big salads and raw veg/ fruits kept her in a near constant state of flare-ups.  Hence she felt awful most of the time.

2)  Had a pinched nerve in her neck/ shoulder that caused the severe head and neck pain.

3)  Possibly suffered migraines -- again the severe head pain and needing rest and quiet

But mostly I believe that whatever Lori had (prior to the brain tumor), it wasn't as debilitating as she makes out.

She milked it for all its worth, reveled in her self-imposed martyrdom and used it as part of her passive aggressive arsenal to get what she wanted -- and to get out of having to do the SAHM things she says she so desperately wanted to do,  but couldn't because she was 'too sick'.

I know women who have IBS, pinched nerves and migraines and go about life as normal people.  They know what triggers an episode and devise ways to still lead a normal life without constantly declaring they are too sick to do anything.

But then I've also known women like Lori who used their "illness" to control the lives of everyone around them.

Again just throwing out my opinion about Lori and no one else.

[usmcmom]

CHAPTER EIGHT: Win Him Without a Word

This chapter is fairly long, comparatively speaking.  I will give credit where credit is due and say that it is fairly well written.  While disagreeing with the premise of her words, it is precise and detailed in the advice it gives.  Lori cites several scriptures outside of Titus 2; she also quotes three Bible commentaries.  This appears to be the one chapter, so far, where Lori put any effort into the book.  I will assume she had a lot of help writing this chapter. 

She mentions a couple of specific mentoring situations and calls the women by name. I did not see anywhere that she might have said "names have been changed...." so I feel bad for the women discussed.  If these situations actually happened, I'm sure Lori did not receive permission from these women to use their stories. 

Among the questions Lori asks women who are considering divorce is "Do you realize the devastating effects that divorce has upon both young children and grown children?"  I agree with her on that, with qualifications.  My parents' divorce was definitely devastating because they allowed it to be so contentious. One parent, specifically, has allowed the bitterness to fester for forty years and it has even impacted my children.  HOWEVER, I have seen couples who do right by their children in divorce and keep their children's mental and emotional well being a priority. 

Lori tells us that she reminds women that their presence in the home will sanctify their husband, basically putting his eternal salvation on her shoulders.  I absolutely hate that.  I'm sure that's the kind of crap Anna Duggar has been told in order to remain married to Josh.

Lori tells us of a Bible Study in which she met a young woman who shared her marital struggles with the group.  After class, Lori made a beeline to her and asked if this woman would like a mentor.  Of course, Lori saved this marriage and, a couple years later, Ken and Lori ran into this couple at church. The woman hugged her and thanked her and told Lori what a wonderful mentor she was.  I have no idea if this actually happened and I think it's very telling that Lori has presented herself in such a way that people have to wonder about her truthfulness. 

Lori also includes a quote from Sunshine Mary in this chapter.  Don't ask me why. In it, Mary tells us it does not matter if we love our husbands, are attracted to them or even if we are happy.  Also we should never allow our own deceitful hearts to lead us.

I still have not figured out why these women believe we are all deceitful and hateful like them. 

She ends this chapter with a testimony from The Joy Filled Wife. 

*******

The next chapter (9) is "Teaching and Training Children in the Way they Should Go."  I am going to try very hard to review it this afternoon but I have to pack.

You guys!! We are meeting our kids in Chicago and going to a World Series Game!!! I'm an Illinois girl who cares nothing about baseball but my family loves the Cubs and I get to see my far-away kids this weekend.  I'm letting evil happy emotions completely control my day today!!! 

Thank you for your patience as I work through this book. 

 

[quiversR4hunting]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

After reading all about her years and year and years and years of being so sick and unable to do anything around the house or raise and home school her children, IMVHO I think Lori:

1)  Had IBS (not a gut full of parasites) and her insistence on big salads and raw veg/ fruits kept her in a near constant state of flare-ups.  Hence she felt awful most of the time.

2)  Had a pinched nerve in her neck/ shoulder that caused the severe head and neck pain.

3)  Possibly suffered migraines -- again the severe head pain and needing rest and quiet

I agree and want to elaborate on the pinched nerve theory. In the book she calls it stenosis of the C3 and C4 which is the narrowing of the vertebras which can cause pinched nerves (depending on how narrow the opening has become), I was just diagnosed with a mild case of stenosis of the C3 and 4, I am doing exercises to hopefully help make it better. Don't know if it will work but worth a shot!

I think Lori just wants to be a martyr for Jesus thus look at me and all I did or couldn't do because of _____ (fill in the blank). <epic eye roll>

[smittykins]

Cool!  I'm a Yankees fan, but since they're out of it, I'm rooting for the Cubs, because 1908.

(I think that's a more mature response than "My team's not playing so I don't care!  WAAAAAAAH!" )

[Koala]

Color me shocked that Ken Alexander allowed Lori to quote Sunshine Mary in her book.  When he was here, we pointed out to him that she was a proponent of marital rape and domestic discipline.  She was quoted multiple times, and after much hand wringing, Ken finally said he was going to have to reevaluate their association with her.  

[FundieFarmer]

On October 26, 2016 at 2:44 PM, quiversR4hunting said:

She is a squirrel.

You don't say...I think "The Modesty Squirrel" has a nice ring to it.

Spoiler

 

[Koala]

For the benefit of those who may have joined FJ (or may be following along) just because of Lori Alexander's book, The Power of a Transformed Wife, I think it's important to point out that her husband, Ken Alexander is a member here.  

It has come to light that Lori quotes the blogger Sunshine Marry (SSM) in her book.  

When Ken was actively posting here in 2014, he was presented with the following quotes by Sunshine Mary:

Sunshine Mary

Quote

Consider asking your husband if he would be willing to spank you as part of foreplay.

Please don't panic. Spanking is not a slippery slope that will lead to BDSM, disturbing fetishes or deviant sexual practices. I can promise you that from personal experience; you won't be spanked one day and in leather restraints the next. Some people practice Christian Domestic Discipline, but that is actually not what I am recommending either. This is only to be about increasing your attraction to him by having him display dominance via consensual sexual aggression.

It is his decision if he would be willing to try this; this may be outside his comfort zone completely, and he may be feeling very mistrustful of you, but if he is willing to try it, you may not be sure of what to do. Here is one possible way to go: first, ask him to buy a wooden hair brush that has a very flat back (the curved ones tend to leave more bruises). The brush should be on your dresser.

He can sit down on the edge of the bed and tell you to bring the brush to him. Get it, and then kneel down on the floor in front of him and hand the brush to him. He can then pull you firmly but lovingly across his lap, either with lingerie on or no bottoms. It might be easier to have your legs supported on the bed, but your hands off the bed so that you are slightly off balance. He can then administer the spanking; he might want to know that he can swat fairly hard without causing bruises, but even if you do have a bruise the next day, you won't die.

The number of strokes should be up to him, not you; he decides when the spanking is over (h/t 7man for that idea), not you. When he is done, get on your knees in front of him and say thank you to him. You should thank him because he is doing something that may be outside his comfort zone in order to help you, and you do not deserve it. He is doing this out of love for you, so show him the gratitude he so richly deserves.

Scripture to meditate upon: For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Ken replied with the following:

Quote

SSM made very clear to Lori she is not an advocate of Domestic Discipline

 

Quote

SSM is teaching some sex training for a previous whore

 

Quote

She advocates adult spankings for hormone issues and depression. Do you know for a fact that this is not a help with these tough issues? 

It was also pointed out to Ken that Sunshine Mary was a proponent of marital rape:

Quote

 

Repeal marital rape laws, not because men are just dying to rape women (they aren't) but because these laws give women the mistaken impression that they have the right to refuse sex with their husbands.

Why: If we want men to have to marry in order to have access to sex, which is necessary if we are going to foster traditional sex roles and enhance family formation, they must have assurance that they will actually get sex after they marry. If a woman wants to live in a man's house and eat of his bread, she had better be willing to serve him in this way (barring illness of course); if she refuses to give it to him, he should have the option to take what is rightfully his.

 

Ken Alexander replied:

Quote

I see a brilliant writer and advocate for submission in a Christian marriage, but you and your friends are giving Lori and me pause to reevaluate

Quote

I am rethinking SSM, but can't take your word for all of this.

Quote

I don't know anything about this... If what you say is true it is far from our thinking. 

In summary, Ken Alexander was fully aware of Sunshine Mary's statements on domestic discipline and marital rape.  He was provided links and direct quotes to her writings.  

He was made aware of these things 2 years ago (in 2014), yet quotes attributed to Sunshine Mary appear in Lori's book released in 2016.  

[Lurky]

@usmcmom I know I've said this before, but THANK YOU for reading the book so we don't have to!

[polecat]

Quick question: Why does a "previous whore" need, erm, sex training?

If anything, I'd think a sex worker would know pretty much alllll the tricks of the trade ... no pun intended.

[quiversR4hunting]

The previous wore quote irks me. I thought all these "right kind of christians" believed all wrong doings before becoming christ are erased once they see the light.   I guess that is only true for the men because penis.

<grrr>

@usmcmom you rock at doing the review! Great job!

[Granwych]

 Because I clearly have a warped sense of humor, I have to smile at the title of Lori's, er, efforts:  If she climbed to the top of an electrical transforming station and grabbed a wire with both or even one hand, she'd really be full of power.

I really should just go to sleep.

[foreign fundie]

Eew, so happy I missed the Sunshine Mary discussion. Sounds like a pretty sick woman. Hope she has no daughters. JB's lego talk is pretty benign compared to her hairbrush shit. I would never have contemplated that could be a part of  Christian mentoring. 

The question I keep asking myself is, which Bible do these people read? 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

I am curious if she quoted her as Sunshine Mary or used her real name.  Wonder if she knows about it too? You would think SSM would be promoting her book if she did. 

[December]

On 10/27/2016 at 8:33 AM, usmcmom said:

Lori tells us that she reminds women that their presence in the home will sanctify their husband, basically putting his eternal salvation on her shoulders. 

There's so much emphasis on women being fundamentally evil and incompetent, and yet these fundies are willing to stake the development of children, as well as the whole family's salvation, on them. Something just doesn't add up there... 

[desertvixen]

She refers to "a blogger known as Sunshine Mary".

[Koala]

Good.  I am glad she identified her in a way in which she can easily be found on the internet.  Ken Alexander and Lori Alexander are in knee deep with a woman who advocates marital rape.  I think we're so used to Lori's brand of crazy, that we're almost dulled to it, but if you take time to really think about that...about the men who might take her advice and literally rape their wives, it makes you want to vomit.  Do they ever think about those women?  About the horror they endure?  Marital rape is a real thing, and a marriage licence does not give you the right to violate a woman).  Readers of The Power of a Transformed Wife might find that information pertinent.  

Lori and Ken are welcome to request links or quotes pertaining to any of these assertions.  When Ken was here we provided them for him.  None of this is news to them, they just don't care.

When you Google The Power of a Transformed Wife, FreeJinger (this thread, specifically) comes up #3.

[Workingmom]

Marital rape is awful.  You never feel save , not even in you own home, not even in your own bed. You can never let your guard down. And because he is the father of your  children, everything gets so twisted .  You don't want to tell your children this dark secret.  But how can you explain  you despise the man?

[Hisey]

11 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

Eew, so happy I missed the Sunshine Mary discussion. Sounds like a pretty sick woman. Hope she has no daughters. JB's lego talk is pretty benign compared to her hairbrush shit. I would never have contemplated that could be a part of  Christian mentoring. 

The question I keep asking myself is, which Bible do these people read? 

She has five daughters!

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Hisey said:

She has five daughters!

No, she has two daughters. The other three exist solely in her imagination.