All Things Dillard - Part 5

[Four is Enough]

I seem to be significantly older than many of the cradle Catholics on this board. I began first grade, in a Catholic school, in 1960. I distinctly remember being encouraged to give up my candy money or my milk money to "save the pagan babies"... a certain number of coins on a card meant one more could be "saved"... for years we thought we were "buying" pagan babies that the Catholic missions were taking care of. So it's not completely unheard of.

Then there's the hymn... "Go Make of All Disciples"....

I do agree, though... the emphasis on conversion in my Catholic school was "let the experts do it. If you want to become an expert, sign up for convent/seminary."

[ClaraOswin]

My cynical male friends refer to this phenomenon as RBF, or 'Resting Bitch Face'.

And however much I hate to admit this - now that I am mindful of this 'RBF' - whenever I pass a woman with an exceedingly bad case, inadvertently and unwittingly I begin smiling -damnit!! Lest I become infected, haha. ::sarcasm::

Of course, 'resting bitch-face' is often just natural disposition. That is, unless you were hit with a rod whilst "learning" to appear always joyful!! ... ... ::cough cough -Duggars- cough cough!::

When I first heard it, it was called "bitching resting face." So when I hear "resting bitch face" it always drives me nuts. I refuse to call it that. My resting face looks bitchy.

[shard1118]

I'm a Catholic...An earlier post mentioned" Lumen Gentium" which is the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church. It's actually quite interesting in that The Catholic Church believes that through the power of the Holy Spirit, and by proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ HUMANITY as a whole might have an opportunity to receive Christ. Jesus’ dying on the Cross was an act of love for the world, NOT so he could be anyone’s personal Savior.

The Church believes that the truth of faith is plainly seen and becomes clear to unbelievers when they witness people acting in acts of charity, humbleness and in sacrifice for others.

As how the Catholic Church views other faiths:

Those who seek Christ in other churches are linked to us through scripture, prayer, love, and in specific sacraments. There are also many who are not Christian and through no fault of their own, such as being born into other doctrines of faith or do not know of Christ and his Church but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and, moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience or faith—those too may achieve eternal salvation." The key law of membership in hopes of obtaining is simple: to love as Christ loved.

[from the bible belt]

I seem to be significantly older than many of the cradle Catholics on this board. I began first grade, in a Catholic school, in 1960. I distinctly remember being encouraged to give up my candy money or my milk money to "save the pagan babies"... a certain number of coins on a card meant one more could be "saved"... for years we thought we were "buying" pagan babies that the Catholic missions were taking care of. So it's not completely unheard of.

Then there's the hymn... "Go Make of All Disciples"....

I do agree, though... the emphasis on conversion in my Catholic school was "let the experts do it. If you want to become an expert, sign up for convent/seminary."

I grew up in the dutch bible belt and at the age of 7/8 they encouraged us to save the milk money for african baby's and was because you will be a better person if you do so and saves you in the eyes of god. But if you could collect more money for the savior of israel then you would go to heaven because they are the promised ones to go and be with god in heaven.

Never could understand the logic on the last one, even as a kid, because if i am not good enough why would i do that? :?

I turned to catholism when i was about 15 but never went for the full bizz while they thought me to find something in repenting and forgiveness. Mother Mary grew on me (sorry duggars!) but not enough to go full. Now i am just at no religion whilst believing there is something after this and there is a power somewhere (male or female)

I went to catholic church because i wanted to and was never drown in by them, they made me feel welcome

[from the bible belt]

I'm a Catholic...An earlier post mentioned" Lumen Gentium" which is the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church. It's actually quite interesting in that The Catholic Church believes that through the power of the Holy Spirit, and by proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ HUMANITY as a whole might have an opportunity to receive Christ. Jesus’ dying on the Cross was an act of love for the world, NOT so he could be anyone’s personal Savior.

The Church believes that the truth of faith is plainly seen and becomes clear to unbelievers when they witness people acting in acts of charity, humbleness and in sacrifice for others.

As how the Catholic Church views other faiths:

Those who seek Christ in other churches are linked to us through scripture, prayer, love, and in specific sacraments. There are also many who are not Christian and through no fault of their own, such as being born into other doctrines of faith or do not know of Christ and his Church but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and, moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience or faith—those too may achieve eternal salvation." The key law of membership in hopes of obtaining is simple: to love as Christ loved.

The line in bolt: there is the difference with the bible belt as i know it and they think that everybody is a sinner and going to hell unless you are living the right way. Otherwise you you are going to hell, definitely. I saw people so scared of dying because of this (I am a oncology nurse)

[samurai_sarah]

Can somebody fill me in on the background of this smile story? I don't understand

It's quite common in the Anglo-Saxon world to cat-call women by telling them to smile. Things like "smile, luv - can't be all that bad". Basically a form of street harassment, aimed specifically at women.

[from the bible belt]

It's quite common in the Anglo-Saxon world to cat-call women by telling them to smile. Things like "smile, luv - can't be all that bad". Basically a form of street harassment, aimed specifically at women.

I am dutch but.............. wauwww, just wauwwww :pink-shock: and they have the right to do so? why? what? how?

Nobody had that right, right? I am in shock here :(

[Rachel333]

I had a discussion about that with my family recently. I mentioned a stranger telling me to smile and my dad said how weird that was and that he had never heard of anyone doing that before. Both my mom and I told him how common it is and that we had both experienced it many times, and he was shocked because he didn't believe it was actually a "thing."

It's interesting how men can be completely ignorant of the things that most women experience.

[from the bible belt]

I had a discussion about that with my family recently. I mentioned a stranger telling me to smile and my dad said how weird that was and that he had never heard of anyone doing that before. Both my mom and I told him how common it is and that we had both experienced it many times, and he was shocked because he didn't believe it was actually a "thing."

It's interesting how men can be completely ignorant of the things that most women experience.

But why? because of what?

America is a free country, true?

Why???????

And don't understand

[MatthewDuggar]

It's interesting how men can be completely ignorant of the things that most women experience.

That's pretty offensive. I've met quite a few seriously ignorant women. Let's not get into being sexist now

[Ali]

It's quite common in the Anglo-Saxon world to cat-call women by telling them to smile. Things like "smile, luv - can't be all that bad". Basically a form of street harassment, aimed specifically at women.

I have had it happen to me a lot. Usually I am deep in thought or just focused on something. Usually, I just smile to get them to leave me alone. I wish I was a little more bold sometimes.

[Rachel333]

That's pretty offensive. I've met quite a few seriously ignorant women. Let's not get into being sexist now

How is that offensive? Men don't experience the same things as women so they can be unaware of what women do experience. That doesn't necessarily reflect negatively on them, but even if it did I didn't say it was all men, or that women can't be ignorant. (I meant "ignorant" as in "unaware", not in a pejorative sense, by the way.)

[samurai_sarah]

But why? because of what?

America is a free country, true?

Why???????

And don't understand

Can't speak for America. In the UK it's seen as a kind of "flirty joke". If you react badly, you have "no sense of humour". But it objectifies women and is about exerting power. A woman is supposed to smile, just because a man tells her to...

[from the bible belt]

Can't speak for America. In the UK it's seen as a kind of "flirty joke". If you react badly, you have "no sense of humour". But it objectifies women and is about exerting power. A woman is supposed to smile, just because a man tells her to...

:pink-shock: Where does this come from in your opinion? This isn't coming out of the blue or is it?

[FakePigtails]

How is that offensive? Men don't experience the same things as women so they can be unaware of what women do experience. That doesn't necessarily reflect negatively on them, but even if it did I didn't say it was all men, or that women can't be ignorant. (I meant "ignorant" as in "unaware", not in a pejorative sense, by the way.)

+1. Ignorant /= stupid. It only means being unaware. An another example, my husband, who is amazing about gender issues, was stunned when I drove us somewhere after dark and remarked about it being nice to be able to park based on which spots were more convenient instead of which were safest since he was with me. It was completely foreign to him to have to consider any of that (I told him the whole list - lighting, visibility, choosing where more people were around along the whole path to the destination, NO parking garages, etc.) and it was completely foreign to me to not have to. No anger, no condescension, just mutual expressions of "Huh, so that's how it is for you? Wow!"

[JillyO]

I've had this happen to me in Germany just as much as in the US. I've also had it happen in England, France, Italy, Turkey and Morocco, though not as often, since I've only been there on vacation (and these are just instances I remember off the top of my head). I don't think this is particularly location-specific. It's a sexist world we live in.

[VelociRapture]

:pink-shock: Where does this come from in your opinion? This isn't coming out of the blue or is it?

To me, it seems most of the time the person saying it is simply trying to be nice or friendly - sometimes flirty. Seriously doesn't come across that way though. I usually just give them a :wtf: look and continue on my way.

So basically, what samurai_sarah said.

[Rachel333]

I think I've heard it most often from old men, who I'm sure mean well but don't realize how uncomfortable it is for women to be told to smile.

[Jinderella]

It happens in the Netherlands. I had it said to me during a very trying period in my life, always by old men drinking coffee in the supermarket. First time I was flabbergasted and didn't respond. After that, I would honestly say: sorry, my child is going trough chemo and he is having terrible pains and I can't do anthing to make it better. I worry he will not make his 10th birthday.

The old man would mutter to the other old men around that he couldn''t have known that. Never had one saying sorry. Be I would feel better. I was quite aggresive during that period :embarrassed:

Never hear it any more, I think I look more relaxed doing my shopping recently. But if it happens again, I will say my grandmother just died or something. Because i'm evil. :twisted:

[VelociRapture]

It happens in the Netherlands. I had it said to me during a very trying period in my life, always by old men drinking coffee in the supermarket. First time I was flabbergasted and didn't respond. After that, I would honestly say: sorry, my child is going trough chemo and he is having terrible pains and I can't do anthing to make it better. I worry he will not make his 10th birthday.

The old man would mutter to the other old men around that he couldn''t have known that. Never had one saying sorry. Be I would feel better. I was quite aggresive during that period :embarrassed:

Never hear it any more, I think I look more relaxed doing my shopping recently. But if it happens again, I will say my grandmother just died or something. Because i'm evil. :twisted:

They probably didn't apologize because you gave an honest answer instead of just smiling - they were caught off guard. The polite and respectful thing would have been for them to apologize, but at least you gave them an excellent learning experience.

And how is your son now, if you don't mind sharing? Is he alright?

[EmmieJ]

I have had it happen to me a lot. Usually I am deep in thought or just focused on something. Usually, I just smile to get them to leave me alone. I wish I was a little more bold sometimes.

The good news: The older a woman gets, the less often this sort of shit happens.

The bad nows: The older a woman gets, the more she is ignored or tuned out by the general population, which can be aggravating when you are in line at the grocery store and the clerk has been chatting away with the younger woman in line ahead of you, but then when it's your turn, barely says hi and doesn't make eye contact.

However, when it did still occasionally happen to me, I finally did find a way to respond that worked for me. I would just stare at them blankly for a few seconds, then go on my way. It's hard at first because growing up, it was ingrained in me to be polite to others. Took awhile to realize that being told by some random strange guy to "smile" for him was in itself quite rude and therefore not deserving of polite compliance with said request.

[halcionne]

That's pretty offensive. I've met quite a few seriously ignorant women. Let's not get into being sexist now

It's not sexist to point out sexism. I'm 99% certain you're a man (you've said your rl name is Matthew, but I suppose you could be a woman named Matthew), so I'm not sure how valid your opinion is on this anyway. Talking over women on a woman-dominated forum about a women's issue is probably not the wisest move.

[halcionne]

:pink-shock: Where does this come from in your opinion? This isn't coming out of the blue or is it?

Male entitlement. We are supposed to look pretty for them at all times, and if we don't, men feel entitled to bring it to our attention. I'm old enough now to not get as often as I did when I was in my prime. And old enough to just give them a death stare when I do get it.

[Bunnybutts]

I was wondering if I was the only one this "smile" crap happened to. I thought I must really look miserable!! I've never heard anyone talk about it before. I only started getting told to "smile" when I was in my mid teens. Never told by women of any age, it was always by older men. It always caught me completely off guard and made me very uncomfortable. If I didn't respond right away, they would sometimes say it multiple times and stand there until I obliged. I'd say it pretty much stopped in my late 20s.

[Jinderella]

They probably didn't apologize because you gave an honest answer instead of just smiling - they were caught off guard. The polite and respectful thing would have been for them to apologize, but at least you gave them an excellent learning experience.

And how is your son now, if you don't mind sharing? Is he alright?

He is 13 now and doing okay, thanks for asking!

I used to be very shy and polite once and comments from strangers would hunt me for days. But now I'm older and wiser and mean :twisted: . It would be nice if people learn something from my unsensitive remarks, but at least I hope it brings some shame on the right person....