Bro Gary Hawkins 22: The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization

[Black Aliss]

On 5/26/2023 at 12:16 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

That is one badly edited word salad even for Gary. Also a punctuation salad. Or maybe a word salad with tons periods as crutons?

 

I thought those were poppyseeds!

[thoughtful]

Steve commented under Gary's sowing post. Gary doesn't deserve such a gentle reminder of what the words mean, Steve - just tell him he screwed up.

The upvote is from Gary, who didn't take the hint - he hasn't corrected the post.

[AmazonGrace]

You sow! 

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Gary reposted:

I went to public school - nobody identified as a cat, and I know that the post should say "there are," not "there's," that "literal" is superfluous and clumsy in that sentence, and that "humans" should not be all caps.

Also, none of my teachers tried to convince me that I would burn in an eternal lake of fire for not being Christian.

[AmazonGrace]

The all caps thing  makes it seem like the problem is that there are HUMANS there.  Orcs, elves, dwarves would be fine... but there are HUMANS who go to school and it is an outrage.

[thoughtful]

Gary got a comment:

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

These people do love their false dichotomies... as if there's anything that guarantees that homeschoolers don't end up identifying as something they don't like.

[Xan]

They always go to the farthest extreme to try and make their lame points.  Back when the fundies were against gay marriage it was, "Next thing you know, people will be trying to marry goats!"  Now it's the cat thing which is just silly.  I guess the fear is that if they say something reasonable like boys who feel more like girls, they might be afraid that one of their congregation might think, "Yeah.  My nephew is like that and he's a pretty good kid."

[shesinsane]

10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary reposted:

I went to public school - nobody identified as a cat, and I know that the post should say "there are," not "there's," that "literal" is superfluous and clumsy in that sentence, and that "humans" should not be all caps.

Also, none of my teachers tried to convince me that I would burn in an eternal lake of fire for not being Christian.

Jen and her ilk believe the urban legend that litter boxes were placed in schools for use by students who identified as cats. No one can warn you of the evils of public school like someone who never attended one.

[griffin]

I think I've told this before, but my friend teaches grade school, and she has to keep a trash can filled with kitty litter in case there's an active shooter and the school goes in to lockdown and the kids can't go to the bathroom. I think that's what Gary's crowd is twisting.

[thoughtful]

Gary has weighed in on pride month, contradicting himself:

Spoiler

OK, got it - pride is bad. But this is the meme he posted with that statement:

Spoiler

Some comments:

Spoiler

I thought Billy Sunday died in 1935.

Also, WTF is June talking about? If she's comparing gay people to beasts as an insult, she can fuck right off. But if she's saying animals don't have offspring, she's been off the farm for too long!

[AmazonGrace]

Uhh the irony...pride is bad, and then these people are so proud that they were born heterosexual

[postscript]

What if you’re straight but don’t want to make babies? Not everyone sees baby making as one of the perks of heterosexual sex. 

[missy1228]

As a woman who didn't come out until I was 37 because of my fundie upbringing, FUCK you, Gary.  Oh, my wife of 8 years (together for 12!) says Fuck you too!

Edited June 2, 2023 by missy1228
spelling!

[thoughtful]

Gary's posting about Shadrach, etc., since he has nowhere to preach about them at the moment:

Spoiler

 

Some comments:

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

I know EXACTLY how Shadrach et al. feel. I don't bow or bend either, I also have a bad back.

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I know EXACTLY how Shadrach et al. feel. I don't bow or bend either, I also have a bad back.

But do you burn?

Gary has posted:

Gary, your daughter and son-in-law may have helped God out there a little bit. Unless you're telling us that your granddaughter just magically appeared in Tennessee, or you found yourself teleported to the Scruggs residence.

Please don't beat that child during those four (and a half) days, you piece of shit.

[thoughtful]

Oh, Gary, you're a bore.

[Xan]

If God is everywhere, why do you need to be in a specific building, Gary?  Two or three can "gather in His name" anywhere.  Oh, I guess the traveling evangelists don't get paid if there aren't butts in the seats.

I'd feel more kindly about churches not being taxed if they used the buildings during the week for things that help out the community. There could be daycares, study groups, traveling clinics, etc. that could use the space.  Nope.  Most of those churches just have to sit there empty until people like Gary show up to tell everyone how to behave and who to hate.

[postscript]

21 minutes ago, Xan said:

If God is everywhere, why do you need to be in a specific building, Gary?  Two or three can "gather in His name" anywhere.  Oh, I guess the traveling evangelists don't get paid if there aren't butts in the 

This was a major reason why I quit going to church. I communicated with God much better in nature than I did sitting in an uncomfortable pew listening to a pastor tell me that as a woman, I was a second-class citizen. 

 

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

Please don't beat that child during those four (and a half) days, you piece of shit.

That was my initial thought when I saw that post. I hope he doesn’t use that four and a half days to beat his granddaughter. 

[thoughtful]

Let's hope this guy is not one of the meek that shall inherit the earth:

Calm tf down, David.

[thoughtful]

Were there sinners helping you with your laundry? Did you throw them out, just when the dryer finished running? Well, Gary would like a word with you - they could be helping you finish the chore!

That's the first sentence. The second one may count as one of Gary's all-time great typos.

Spoiler

ETA - and that was the edited version - he's edited it twice. He can't seem to decide whether sin is singular or plural, but the errors go right by him.

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

Edited June 3, 2023 by thoughtful

[AmazonGrace]

It makes perfect sense that Gary thinks attending six week tent revivals every day would be a great way to spend your time. If you're sitting in a tent listening to somebody scream about God every day for hours on end, you can't be expected to do anything useful to help anybody

[thoughtful]

A comment under Gary's post about seeing his granddaughter, from (I assume, based on the last name) someone in his son-in-law's family:

Yeah, so don't lay a hand on her, Gary.

[AmazonGrace]

I am sure it was kindly meant but what would a bad baby look like?