Bro Gary Hawkins 22: The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, postscript said:

It’s morning and my eyes aren’t focusing yet - I initially read this guy’s name as “Toxic Monaghan.”  

Maybe your brain was just trying to give him a more accurate first name.

Continuing Toxic Todd's message, he goes on to tell us that "gas stations don't let tragedies go to waste. Something happens and what do you see happen with the gas prices?"

He makes a noise and points up, to indicate that they go up.

At this point, God sends a clear message that he is full of shit, by making the sound go all wonky, but he soldiers on. I, however, have to skip some, because it not only renders him unintelligible, it's pretty painful to the ears.

When normal sound resumes, he is saying "We see shootings take place, and our president - well, we see shootings take place, and  we hear statements that instantly condemn the guns, and they wanna have the guns, and they wanna do this and they wanna do that instead of addressing the family and addressing the tragedy they see an opportunity to seize, gain, and do their best to keep control."

He goes on to complain about government control, saying, "in some states, if you go too fast, you can get a felony for speeding on your first offense, which allows you not to be able to purchase what?"

A few congregants obediently answer, "A gun."

But it seems he still is wandering: "But that's not my message - rabbit trail, boom, we shot him dead and we'll stick to this."

So, what is your message, Todd? Stop shooting rabbits with your beloved guns and get on with it.

He announces his bible reading, Ephesians 4, repeats the title of his message, warns them that he's gong to read about 26 verses, and finally reads:

Quote

 I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,

2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;

3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

He talks about his first pastor who was a "hard" preacher. He says a man even left the church due to the lack of love in the preaching. "I said in my head 'He's a sissy, he needs to leave anyways.'"

But the next pastor taught him the value of preaching with love. Gary would have agreed with your first pastor, Todd.

He is a much better reader than Gary (because who isn't?), but says "statue" for "statute" and "lascivioushness." He also scoops his voice down and extends the vowel sound on a few words, mostly "love," which adds a weird, Barry White sexy tone to his reading.

He also has to do this to read:
 

Spoiler

I don't know if it's just that the lectern is too short for him, or there's something about his eyesight that requires him to do that, but it looks pretty uncomfortable, especially during the next, very long, reading.

He re-reads verse 3 (error or on purpose? ), then goes on, occasionally adding a short comment, including telling them not to skip Sunday School:

Quote

4 There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling;

5 One Lord, one faith, one baptism,

6 One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

7 But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.

8 Wherefore he saith, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.

9 (Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth?

10 He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.)

11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,

18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:

19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

20 But ye have not so learned Christ;

21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:

22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;

23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;

24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour:

 

Here he interrupts himself: "Lemme say this - I am gonna hop on this rabbit trail - not only do we need to speak truth with our neighbor, but we need to speak truth with ourselves, I'm so tired of Christiannss not being honest with themselves. We don't like dishonest people - we want people to be honest with us. Some of us need to not like ourselves, and then make a change."

Back to Ephesians:

Quote

25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

27 Neither give place to the devil.

He finally starts his message in earnest. How do I know? He comes down in front of the lectern, and jumps down off of the dais with a thump, taking the cameraperson by surprise for a second:

Spoiler

Adjusting . . .

No, that's too low - try again!

There we go!

He tells them that they have to treat everyone with love. "That means the gay person - with love. That means the Catholic - with love. That means the Muslim - with love. That means your wife, that means your spouse, that can mean an ex spouse."

Captions:

Spoiler

And he goes on - luhhhhve for everybody. That's the only way to reach them, he says.

He says he "had a family member who was uhhhhhh . . . gay." He says he didn't jump down their throat, but gave them "the truth," and "you know what, they don't live that lifestyle no more. Amen? Glory to God."

He says his first pastor taught him to love people "right where they're at." Wait, I thought it was the second pastor who preached love.

After some more love, he gets back to Paul preaching unity. I'll unite with that later.

For now:

Spoiler

 

 

[postscript]

Gary has a new video up, and it has nothing to do with religion. They are sitting in their living room, and Gary is playing with a dog I don't remember seeing before and a "ballon," tipping it to the dog so the dog can send it back with its nose. In the background, Becky is lying in a recliner with a wheelchair next to her, and the TV is on. A little hard to tell what they are watching at first, until the unmistakable face of Svengoolie appears! Guess Gary isn't as ignorant of commercial television as he claims. 

[thoughtful]

I just watched the video.

We hear a woman's voice (not Becky) praising the dog. I figure she's the one filming - we only see her foot tap the balloon toward the dog once, when it gets away from both the dog and Gary.

Besides the wheelchair, I see a rollator in the background. I remember seeing a woman in the church videos who looked to me like the same woman Becky and Gary have occasionally sat with, using one that looked like that.

Spoiler

Yes, right at the end of the video, the dog happened to bop the balloon into the wastebasket, to everyone's amusement, including mine. She looks puzzled, herself.

Doggie cuteness:

I'm wondering if my hypothesis was correct, and they are living with that woman from the church.

I was guessing that's her dog, but then I saw this comment:

Spoiler

I vaguely remember Sarah posting about a puppy in need of a home a few months ago, and someone asking her if they were giving away their puppy (she never answered). That pup did look she could have grown up into this dog. Maybe B&G took C&S's dog with them to Tennessee.

I wonder what happened to Becky and Gary's dog(s). We don't know if Rascal is still alive, and we haven't seen Gideon the chihuahua either. Maybe it's just because B&G weren't posting things for a long time.

Edited May 21, 2023 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

The aforementioned puppy, wrestling with a cat in February:

Spoiler

The post (it was never made clear if it was serious or a joke):

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Hey, Caleb and Sarah, answer Donna, and make it a nice long explanation of why Caleb's parents are in Tennessee, and why they have your dog (and where their dogs are, and where Jacob is, and whether Gary has actually cheerfully accepted needing to work, and  . . . ).

Spoiler

The thumbs up on the first comment is from Gary - don't know if that's just his automatic reaction to anyone he's not fighting, a reminder to Caleb and Sarah that this is just a temporary arrangement, or what.

 

[thoughtful]

Becky has posted, for the first time in about a month:

Spoiler

Hey, Becky - if you really mean it, that's nice to hear. However:
 

Spoiler

1. Moses probably never existed.

2. You didn't "trust God" with your children's future - you dragged them into a nightmare with your brutish, stupid second husband, and tried to force belief and bigotry on them (not to mention heterosexuality, which turned out not to be what was natural for at least one of them).

3. Now you have to trust that their future will be OK, but I'm pretty sure that was forced on you, and whatever good has happened, or will happen for the rest of their lives, seems to be the result of the love, hard work, and emotional and financial support of their father and stepfather.

 

[thoughtful]

George Burkinshaw commented "Amen" under one of Gary's posts. Ordinarily, that wouldn't seem odd, but it's the post with the dog video.

I know these people seem to "amen" automatically, but this is ridiculous.

[thoughtful]

New post - I don't know if he means this was the message preached in church, or is just patting his own back for coming up with a good message.

The woman who is sometimes with Gary and Becky was in church with them this morning - we see her back, and Becky's, with a seat between them for Gary, who was shmoozing until the camera zoomed in on the pastor:

Spoiler

 

[Black Aliss]

On 5/20/2023 at 7:08 PM, thoughtful said:

Besides the wheelchair, I see a rollator in the background. I remember seeing a woman in the church videos who looked to me like the same woman Becky and Gary have occasionally sat with, using one that looked like that.

I wonder if they are living rent-free with that woman in exchange for caregiver duties. Because added responsibilities are exactly what Becky needs right now, amirite? Also because with no recent work or rental history they probably couldn't get a place of their own, even if they could afford it.

[thoughtful]

52 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

I wonder if they are living rent-free with that woman in exchange for caregiver duties. Because added responsibilities are exactly what Becky needs right now, amirite? Also because with no recent work or rental history they probably couldn't get a place of their own, even if they could afford it.

That was my hypothesis ride on the speculation bus, as well, from the first time I noticed her. Because Gary is a grifter.

ETA - if their living arrangement is something arranged through various churches, that would also solve the problem of needing to have a work or credit history. Any money or work exchanged would probably be without contracts or letting the IRS know anything.

Because everybody's such a good Christian - until they have a falling out and stab one another in the back.

Edited May 23, 2023 by thoughtful

[Xan]

I figure that this move is Becky's idea.  She had to be tired of all the traveling and, frankly, she was the one having to deal with figuring out meals and laundry in all the different locations.  Gary just drove and preached.  I think the health crisis gave her a good opportunity to tell Gary that she wasn't traveling anymore and, if he wanted to continue to have hot meals and clean underwear, he was going to have to settle down somewhere with her.

I wonder if this woman they're living with is part of Becky's extended family?  Maybe she's just a good friend.  Otherwise, I'd have thought that Gary would prefer to relocate to some place that needed a minister.  That way he could yell preach every Sunday and still hold down some sort of job.  He has to miss not being able to tell people they're going to hell.

I agree.  I bet this situation is rent-free.  I just hope Gary's making enough to cover food and medical bills.

[AmazonGrace]

How long could Gary get away with telling the same stories over and over again if he had a steady preaching gig to the same crowd?

[Xan]

1 minute ago, AmazonGrace said:

How long could Gary get away with telling the same stories over and over again if he had a steady preaching gig to the same crowd?

A few years ago I would have said "not very long".  However, I've listened to enough fundie preaching since then to realize that the people don't really go to hear a message.  They go to be part of their group.  It's a social function.  All of the fundie preachers talk about lost souls and burning in hell.  The crowd is just there to confirm that they're all better than the non-attending heathens.

[AmazonGrace]

Uhh I do HOPE that Becky has more sense and compassion than to abandon a baby in a basket in the river.

Spoiler

That would be worth a lot of jail time, IMO.

That mother is a heroine because it bible but realistically it would be child neglect at best and murder at worst.

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Uhh I do HOPE that Becky has more sense and compassion than to abandon a baby in a basket in the river.

  Reveal hidden contents

That would be worth a lot of jail time, IMO.

That mother is a heroine because it bible but realistically it would be child neglect at best and murder at worst.

But, but, but . . .  she left his big sister Miriam hiding nearby to make sure he'd be OK - an early instance of sister-mom duties.

Gary, now you can preach about Tina Turner (not to be confused with Loretta Lynn) dying and not going to heaven.

 

[Xan]

Plot holes.  Everywhere you look -- plot holes.  Moses, who somehow managed to get to be three months old and no one had found him yet, gets put in a basket that is totally waterproof.  A basket.  Completely waterproof.  Okay, then.  His mother either puts it in the the rushes or in the River Nile (depending on the version you're reading) and he's found by the Pharaoh's daughter.  Not a fisherman.  Not a worker.  The Pharaoh's daughter.  Miriam, standing nearby, gets the Pharaoh's daughter to use Moses' own mother as a wet nurse.  Tidy how that worked out.  

Romulus and Remus were also left in a river.  (Bonus points:  Romulus and Remus were twins born of a virgin.)  The Sumerian king, Sargon I was also left in a basket in the river.  Sargon's basket was also made waterproof.  There are almost as many babies in the river stories as there are virgin birth stories. 

Come back next time for "Xan Ruins Virgin Births:  Plato!"

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

I do believe waterproof baskets are totally a thing in the before times...plastic, metal containers etc.

In England? Middle ages they had little one man circle baskets/boats that they lined with...probably skins...and used for fishing small lakes.

 

I think the royalty finding the baby speaks to the many desperate women in ages past, before readily available birth control and abortion, who had too many children and had to leave them out/"expose" them. There's always that hope that the baby was rescued.

It's in a lot of Greek myths too.

[thoughtful]

Nothing new from Gary, but someone has tried to out-righteous him under a recent post:

[thoughtful]

Gary has found a place to spread God's word (aka a captive audience to who whom he can bellow and whine):

I don't think I've ever heard him use the word devotional - excuse me - Devotional. It sounds like it should be a session of quiet prayer, with no preaching, but this is Gary, after all. I wonder if and how that differs in his mind from just preaching.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Nothing new from Gary, but someone has tried to out-righteous him under a recent post:

That is one badly edited word salad even for Gary. Also a punctuation salad. Or maybe a word salad with tons periods as crutons?

 

[postscript]

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary has found a place to spread God's word (aka a captive audience to who whom he can bellow and whine):

I don't think I've ever heard him use the word devotional - excuse me - Devotional. It sounds like it should be a session of quiet prayer, with no preaching, but this is Gary, after all. I wonder if and how that differs in his mind from just preaching.

I always wonder what he has in mind with the phrase “we can be a help.” To me, that means assistance with physical labor, or perhaps talking to lonely people who need some stimulation. However, Gary has made it abundantly clear he doesn’t do either of those things. I fear “be a help” in his mind equates to “converting people to my micro-brand of Christianity by using fear tactics.” 

[thoughtful]

This "none believer" will continue to mock you, Gary, since you deserve it.

[thoughtful]

Gary has been busy on Facebook, telling us to "quick worring about what offending ever one:"

Spoiler

 and messing up what "sow" means again, not to mention leaving out "reap" altogether:

Spoiler

Good thing Gary's not trying to be a farmer.

[Xan]

In some ways, it's reassuring to see that Gary is ignorant on every topic.  He grew up in the rural south.  He ought to understand about reaping or harvesting.  To think that it's all "sowing" is pathetic.  It's okay though.  I'm not worred about it.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

In some ways, it's reassuring to see that Gary is ignorant on every topic.  He grew up in the rural south.  He ought to understand about reaping or harvesting.  To think that it's all "sowing" is pathetic.  It's okay though.  I'm not worred about it.

Really - his father gardens, other family members worked in the tobacco industry.

Maybe it's just them there fancy KJV words that confuse him. If his bible said something like "a man will harvest what he planted" for Galatians 6:7, he might remember - he does seem to understand the point to the metaphor.

But no - KJV it is.

Glad you're not worred. 😁

I will have to tell my mother about this latest post of Gary's. She often needs to be reassured about her worries and fears, and I suspect that "quick worring" could become a running gag that makes her chuckle instead of fretting.

Edited May 28, 2023 by thoughtful
grammar