Bro Gary Hawkins 22: The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization

[AmazonGrace]

I have never had carts talking to me. We are a little backward over here. 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

I have never had carts talking to me. We are a little backward over here. 

But how about the horse?

Spoiler

 

 

[mango_fandango]

I saw that thing about boys versus men and thought “hmm, Gary sounds more like the ‘boys’ things than the ‘men’ things.” 

[thoughtful]

Well, it's been a long, long time, but here it is again - the classic, the one and only - the weens. Gary's latest post is below, and the picture that goes with it is under a spoiler, because I am merciful.

Spoiler

Clearly not the red weens in ME this time. Including the trash can in the picture seems so very appropriate, doesn't it?

 

[Xan]

This answers the question of "How can you make weenie gravy look even more nasty?"  Who would've thought it would be something as simple as adding sliced tomato?

[thoughtful]

18 minutes ago, Xan said:

This answers the question of "How can you make weenie gravy look even more nasty?"  Who would've thought it would be something as simple as adding sliced tomato?

IIRC, the last time he posted a picture of the weens with a tomato added, there were posts here about crime scenes and other bloody images.

[postscript]

Thank you for putting that under a spoiler. I debated a full 30 seconds about using the sick emoji. He has never once posted a picture of weeny gravy that looks remotely appetizing. Though it’s a change from Gary’s conspiracy-theory attempts at theology. So there’s that.

I wouldn’t be so sure your wife loves you, Gary. She may be purposefully trying to clog your arteries. 

[AmazonGrace]

I don't know which animal this is but I think it's cute 

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Comments under Gary's ween post:

Caleb also thinks gravy on biscuits (can't tell what the meat is in his) is proof of love (warning - there's a picture):

Spoiler

[thoughtful]

23 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I don't know which animal this is but I think it's cute 

  Hide contents

 

It's the pepper-specked biscuit bump - very fluffy (because Becky only uses White Lily flour!), rare and endangered, especially when Gary's around.

[MayMay1123]

Is that popcorn? Or some weird scrambled eggs? On a styro plate with a plastic fork. Yup, that's love 🙄

[postscript]

He also put up a photo of a bowl of what he calls blackberries. I couldn’t tell if they were blackberries or black raspberries, two of my very favorite foods. He mentioned that as a kid, he’d bring them to his mother to make pies (they wouldn’t last that long in my house). They were a welcome contrast to the weeny gravy. 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, postscript said:

He also put up a photo of a bowl of what he calls blackberries. I couldn’t tell if they were blackberries or black raspberries, two of my very favorite foods. He mentioned that as a kid, he’d bring them to his mother to make pies (they wouldn’t last that long in my house). They were a welcome contrast to the weeny gravy. 

Comments under the berries:

Spoiler

Gary's latest:

Spoiler

ETA - Gary got to say the dismissal prayer in church last night.

Edited June 27, 2023 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn]

On 6/23/2023 at 8:04 AM, thoughtful said:

Gary has an answer for the idea that churches didn't exist until Constantine. I didn't know tabernacles and temples had basements in those days. Anyway, his point seems to be that, even in those times, they had buildings.

 

The point was, they had buildings. Gary's depth of knowledge never ceases to amaze me.

[AverageGiraffe]

On 6/22/2023 at 6:11 PM, Xan said:

Seems a bit dicey to put basements under the temples in an arid land with sandy soil but then I haven't studied the KJV Bible like Gary has.  Maybe there's a whole section somewhere in Exodus.

To be fair, I'm not sure there's another human on earth who has studied the KJV Bible quite like our friend Gary has. 

[Hane]

40 minutes ago, AverageGiraffe said:

To be fair, I'm not sure there's another human on earth who has studied the KJV Bible quite like our friend Gary has. 

He’s the only person I know who’s found the word “septicker” in it!

[Xan]

I think Gary is one of those people who has studied the KJV Bible and still doesn't understand any of it.  The little bit he gets right probably comes from listening to someone else's sermons.  

Different topic -- I thought there was an idea that Becky wasn't happy in the marriage.  Now she's making him weenie gravy and getting him blackberries?  Is she just grateful that he's temporarily left the traveling circuit?  Didn't her daughter talk about Becky waffling over Gary recently?

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

 I thought there was an idea that Becky wasn't happy in the marriage.  Now she's making him weenie gravy and getting him blackberries?  Is she just grateful that he's temporarily left the traveling circuit?  Didn't her daughter talk about Becky waffling over Gary recently?

I think it's still vague and unknown. Here's my general impression:

 - one of Becky's daughters posted on Facebook about Becky seeming to understand that Gary was problematic, and it sounded like Becky made some noises about leaving him, but never did. But we don't know when these conversations took place. In fact, I got the impression that these conversations were years in the past, when her kids were still suffering under Gary's rule. I'd have to read it again to be sure.

- we've speculated that their getting off the road and his getting work may have been due to Becky putting her foot down, but we don't know for sure. I find it hard to believe that Gary would understand the situation and volunteer to give up his burden for wandering around and shouting  America. But we don't know if Becky actually stood up for herself. Someone Gary sees as an authority figure might have intervened on her behalf.

- I don't remember seeing anything indicating that they don't still adore one another. One of the weird fascinations about Becky and Gary is that they seem genuinely gaga over one another. Even her jabs at his stupidity and his at her just being female seem to be part of their foreplay (I know - ew. Sorry).

As  for the cooking being a sign of love and devotion, I feel like we don't know, and have never known, whether Becky cooks what Gary loves out of love for him, because she loves cooking,  because she needs validation, because of traditional gender roles, or any combination of reasons.

She may wish he'd kept off the weight he'd lost, but feel she must cook what he wants because wives submit, but it trying to sneak in healthful treats like the berries. She may be reveling in being the one who kept the weight off, when he gained his back, and enjoying sabotaging him. Who knows?

It's such a weird (and, to my eyes, sick) symbiotic relationship, that it's really hard for me to imagine what makes her happy or keeps her with him.

[thoughtful]

I found the FJ thread in which @keepercjr posted the Facebook stuff from the daughters.

This last comment, from the youngest, is, I think, what you were remembering:

Spoiler

I see what you mean, and I did remember wrong - the last sentence does sound like Becky was claiming she was trying to get away from Gary as recently as this past February. 

It may have been Becky just trying to placate her daughters, or maybe at that point she was despairing of him giving up the road due to her health. And Becky has looked glum and tired in recent videos, but that could be due to ill health and worry as much as it is about having a sack of shit for a husband, since, in the past, she seems to have been enamored of that sack.

Who knows? It's Becky and Gary.

[FiveAcres]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

I found the FJ thread in which @keepercjr posted the Facebook stuff from the daughters.

 

I see what you mean, and I did remember wrong - the last sentence does sound like Becky was claiming she was trying to get away from Gary as recently as this past February. 

It may have been Becky just trying to placate her daughters, or maybe at that point she was despairing of him giving up the road due to her health. And Becky has looked glum and tired in recent videos, but that could be due to ill health and worry as much as it is about having a sack of shit for a husband, since, in the past, she seems to have been enamored of that sack.

Who knows? It's Becky and Gary.

It is hard enough for older people with a fixed address to get continuity of care in our US health care (so-called) system. It must be a nightmare to try to do so while unhoused or being the camp-follower of an itinerant preacher. 

[thoughtful]

Gary has posted something new and surprising, in full sentences with capital letters only where they belong!

I kid, I kid.

Spoiler

Want to have a really horrible image in your mind? Worse than weens? Read this comment:

Spoiler

 

[postscript]

There is an option worse than a second term of Trump! The idea of Trump and Gary as a presidential ticket would be amusing if it weren’t so scary - Gary attempting to convert Trump, Trump condescending to Gary, and both of them spouting ungrammatical slogans. Shudder. 

“Once saved always saved” - I thought Gary was the one who got baptized so often the tadpoles had his sunscreen number. I know he’s got some story about not really being saved and then Jesus telling him it was his last chance, but the multiple dunking seem to negate this statement. 

[thoughtful]

49 minutes ago, postscript said:

“Once saved always saved” - I thought Gary was the one who got baptized so often the tadpoles had his sunscreen number. I know he’s got some story about not really being saved and then Jesus telling him it was his last chance, but the multiple dunking seem to negate this statement. 

He believes that getting baptized doesn't do anything - it's just something a person should want to do after getting saved. His line is that he was "playing church," going through the motions by getting baptized, being a "pastor's right-hand man" and a song leader, but wasn't actually saved.

He never actually says he was a lying liar who lied, and knew he wasn't saved. Nor does he say that he didn't actually know what being saved was supposed to feel like until July 11, 1999, and thought he was saved. So it's unclear (what a surprise!) what he was feeling about his own salvation in those days.

Oooh, the anniversary of Gary's salvation is not so far off. I need to buy hot dogs.

[Xan]

No, @thoughtful.  You need to buy weenies.  

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, Xan said:

No, @thoughtful.  You need to buy weenies.  

I almost called them weens, but just couldn't make myself do it. Nor can I remotely imagine eating them the way Gary does.

When discussing Gary's weenie gravy, some people have mentioned that they like sausage gravy on biscuits - it's just Gary's version of the dish that grosses them out.

I come from a completely different perspective. I grew up in a gravy-free environment. I cannot eat, or imagine eating, anything with gravy (meaning meat liquid thickened with starch, not tomato sauce, which I know some people call gravy).

My weens will be broiled in the toaster oven - no gravy will be involved.