Bro Gary Hawkins 22: The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

I am sure it was kindly meant but what would a bad baby look like?

Got me - of course, I don't believe we are all born as sinners.

Heck, she's about 20 months old at this point - by Gary's standards, she's been wallowing in sinful behavior all that time.

I just hope he and Becky are the kinds of grandparents who are completely different with their grandchildren than they are with their children, and are gentle with her. And I hope that Michaela and her husband have split from the baby-beating crap.

[thoughtful]

Gary and his bigot friends are at it again. He was doing pretty well with spelling and grammar, until "GOD eye's."

Spoiler

Where in the bible does it say that the wrong hair length is a sin? I must have missed that part.

[griffin]

When that baby was born, Gary said something like he wanted to be the first one to hit her or spank her or something. He said it in one of those videos he used to do sitting in chair. I can't find it, but I remember being repulsed by him even more than usual

[AmazonGrace]

Are they aware of Samson? He had his luxurious locks shaven off and the Lord was no longer with him

 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges 16&version=KJV

[thoughtful]

 

16 hours ago, griffin said:

When that baby was born, Gary said something like he wanted to be the first one to hit her or spank her or something. He said it in one of those videos he used to do sitting in chair. I can't find it, but I remember being repulsed by him even more than usual

IIRC, it was in a message to a church, but I can't find it now either. He definitely said he wanted to be the first to give her a whipping.

Sick bastard.

36 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Are they aware of Samson? He had his luxurious locks shaven off and the Lord was no longer with him

 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges 16&version=KJV

Gary has preached on the story of Samson, as well as, IIRC, playing the part of the "dirty old devil" in a vacation bible school skit about Samson.

But men must have short hair to be Godly, because  . . . reasons.

[AmazonGrace]

Do you think that Jesus wore godly pants and button-down shirts, and Gary-approved hairstyles?

Edited June 5, 2023 by AmazonGrace

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Do you think that Jesus wore godly pants and button-down shirts, and Gary-approved hairstyles?

Some fundies believe that Jesus and his male buddies had short hair, and wore pants of some sort.

Gary may picture him that way.

ETA - of course, one of the people who believes that is Steve Anderson. If Gary knew he agreed with the Pissing Preacher about much of anything, he'd probably be very upset.

Edited June 5, 2023 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Some arguing under Gary's cross-dressing post:

Spoiler

Remember, "if a man hath long it is a shame not a sin."

[Alisamer]

It's amazing to read the responses there, and see how they vary both in grammar and spelling and in their opinion on what counts as "sin". It's like a battle of wits and Gary is completely unarmed, and is being beaten by people armed with cotton balls. He literally has no response to disagreement other than "Nuh uh! It Bible!!!"

One of them came very close to saying the quiet part out loud, though. God is a God of love (while we are trying to get people saved) but also a God of wrath (once we have them locked in and terrified of going to hell).

[AmazonGrace]

Gary is exactly what I picture the Pharisees were like.

 

[Xan]

I'd never heard of the "Nazarite" person.  If you look up the Biblical passages, it appears that it's just a person who fully consecrates their life to God.  It reminds me of joining a nunnery or priesthood although you only do it for a certain period of time and not an entire lifetime.  The person had to shave his/her head, abstain from wine (and from even eating grapes or raisins), and avoid any contact with a dead body.  For the record, there's nothing in there about the Nazarite "taking on the shame of the whole city".  Bro Dwayne was wrong.  Samson and John the Baptist could be considered Nazarites.  Jesus wasn't because he was around dead bodies and he drank wine.

[AmazonGrace]

So what does a Nazarite do if they're hanging out with the buddies and one of them suddenly drops dead? They just skedaddle and leave their late friend to rot?

The funeral is somebody else's problem?

[Xan]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

So what does a Nazarite do if they're hanging out with the buddies and one of them suddenly drops dead? They just skedaddle and leave their late friend to rot?

The funeral is somebody else's problem?

Actually, there are plans for that sort of thing.  The Nazarite has to be purified by giving offerings (the usual animal sacrifice stuff) and shave their head.  They then start over.  Apparently, being around the dead makes them "impure".  This kind of nonsense is the reason that I really dislike the Old Testament books.

[postscript]

Gary has been busy posting. He starts with one of those mark what you won’t eat games. He says he won’t eat 6 out of 60, but more than 6 items are marked. Either Gary can’t count or he just copied and pasted from someone else without changing that marking. In true Gary fashion, he follows up with a picture of something called hamburger and mushroom gravy that looks like someone puked on a plate. 

He also posted one of his “something to think about” items in which he says “Ok folks if you won’t go to Church because of hurt or Hippocrate Then I wouldn’t go to work, out to eat or even home. . .” Not sure how autocorrect came up with “Hippocrate” (which I assume is meant to be “hypocrite”).  I doubt Gary has heard of Hippocrates. 

[thoughtful]

36 minutes ago, postscript said:

Gary has been busy posting.

Thanks, @postscript. But you missed the most shocking revelation of all! Everybody ready? Don't faint, now:

Spoiler

Also, this stunning lack of self-insight:

Spoiler

Here's the whole "Hippocrate" post - Gary needs to learn to do no harm to the English language:

Spoiler

And here is the aforementioned foodlike substance, for those brave enough to click on the link (it's a crosspost from someone else, with a link to the recipe - no word on whether Becky has made it for Gary yet):

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Good news, folks - the devil don't hate you (Guy disagrees)!

[AmazonGrace]

If Gary won't go to work, home, or out to eat the only option is to eat at somebody else's house

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

 

Brava.

I was wondering if Midwest made one, but this seems to be their upper limit:

[thoughtful]

Can you get a cage for these animals at the same place as a Hippocrate? It would have to have solid sides, so they don't ooze out.

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

Ok folks the devil isn't after the world youth he has them. He after the Church youth. Think about it

Bro Gary Hawkins

I have thought about it. Now what?

[thoughtful]

Gary has solved all of our political problems:

[AmazonGrace]

 It God will that democrats win because Gary closest to being raptured? Wut?

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

 It God will that democrats win because Gary closest to being raptured? Wut?

Is it too frightening that I know exactly what his logic is for these statements?

[thoughtful]

Gary doesn't understand why people are surprised at all of the "things going on." Haven't they heard about the  imminent Rapture?

[Xan]

Hey -- if putting Trump in jail will bring on the Rapture, I'm good with that.  I wasn't aware that jailing dangerous people was one of the signs but that dip in population might just be what we need to get pollution under control.  Also, I do hope Gary is going to get picked to go.