M is for Mama 15

[Smee]

The hashtag grates on me, both because of the superfluous “thing” and because no one said it was. Mothers who complain about how hard they are finding parenthood are not saying that having children is bad, they are saying that they are tired and struggling and need some empathy (& preferably a partner who actually parents equally!). The whole damn brand is gaslighting burnt out women.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Braggie just sucks at names. 
 

misformama always looks like misinformed mama to most people.

[feministxtian]

Motherhood is hard. There's no retiring from it (my oldest kid is 40). While physically, it's easier, I don't think it's any easier emotionally. Daughter just ended her LTR, and has taken one hell of a financial hit. She calls me to vent. I feel utterly helpless that I can't do a damn thing to help her and in turn it stresses me out. #2 son went thru a bad break up (found her with someone else) and is back here, living with me. Again, stressful. He has a job that's a 50 mile one way commute...and well, I'm mom, I worry. 

I wouldn't be surprised if her kids would go low/no contact as adults. She definitely wouldn't be someone who would be willing to just lend an ear or a bedroom. 

[SassyPants]

39 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Motherhood is hard. There's no retiring from it (my oldest kid is 40). While physically, it's easier, I don't think it's any easier emotionally. Daughter just ended her LTR, and has taken one hell of a financial hit. She calls me to vent. I feel utterly helpless that I can't do a damn thing to help her and in turn it stresses me out. #2 son went thru a bad break up (found her with someone else) and is back here, living with me. Again, stressful. He has a job that's a 50 mile one way commute...and well, I'm mom, I worry. 

I wouldn't be surprised if her kids would go low/no contact as adults. She definitely wouldn't be someone who would be willing to just lend an ear or a bedroom. 

And I don’t see her offering help to her kids/future grandchildren like her parents help her-

[feministxtian]

7 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And I don’t see her offering help to her kids/future grandchildren like her parents help her-

Me neither.

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And I don’t see her offering help to her kids/future grandchildren like her parents help her-

It’s always interesting when quiverful fundies get a lot of help from their parents because their parents weren’t quiverful. But then they themselves push quiverful beliefs on their kids but never help those kids like they were helped by their own parents. This happened with Mary Duggar helping JB and Michelle. This happens when Zoo has a baby and her mother in law flies in for 2 weeks to help. I think Jill probably got some help from her parents when her kids were little. I don’t know if Kelly Jo’s mom helped when her kids were little but it wouldn’t surprise me. Steve and Teri got a lot of help from Gigi. Those are just a few examples. 

[SuperNova]

I really appreciate it when people like Abbie are up front about their greed. It makes it so much easier to know who to stay away from. Somehow the phrase "maximum benefit to me" just doesn't sit right when the the person saying it is shilling a self help book. I hope someone takes one for the team and reads it so we can all hear Abbie's Shaun's non-existent ass give "Dad Thoughts". 

Spoiler

 

Edited March 19, 2023 by SuperNova

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, SuperNova said:

I really appreciate it when people like Abbie are up front about their greed. It makes it so much easier to know who to stay away from. Somehow the phrase "maximum benefit to me" just doesn't sit right when the the person saying it is shilling a self help book. I hope someone takes one for the team and reads it so we can all hear Abbie's Shaun's non-existent ass give "Dad Thoughts". 

  Hide contents

 

Christian moms must be so starved for any new Christian parenting books that they will read anything at this point. Her last book was trash and I’m sure this one will be as well. But Christian moms will buy it anyway. 

[SassyPants]

25 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Christian moms must be so starved for any new Christian parenting books that they will read anything at this point. Her last book was trash and I’m sure this one will be as well. But Christian moms will buy it anyway. 

Because so many of them are circling the drain with the weight of the decisions that they are making and need someone, anyone, to justify them staying on that path.

Baby, after baby, after baby is just not physically, financially or emotionally healthy for almost every couple or family.

And AH encourages that in her book(s.)

[luv2laugh]

She is bragging a lot today that it’s one of the top best sellers of all books on Amazon today 

[luv2laugh]

She just made a video bragging the book climbed to #4 in the top 10 best seller books of all book categories overall on Amazon and that the publishing company’s president sent her an email congratulating her on the strongest debut. 
 

I guess she beat Jinger?

Edited March 20, 2023 by luv2laugh

[neuroticcat]

I don't think so. Jinger's book is with Thomas Nelson, and Abbie is with Harvest House which is a smaller pub.  Jinger's book actually hit NYT bestseller list, and that won't be known about Abbie's until it actually releases. Abbie is likely one of Harvest's most successful current books because of her social media following and marketing savvy. In my understanding pre-orders are a big deal, and marketing decisions are made based on early numbers. So since she has good numbers, the publisher will throw more money behind her book: buying print ads, maybe, or endcap displays in bookstores. But this does not indicate her book will be a NYT best seller or that it will continue to hold this slot. Her amazon ranking is likely because her followers pre-ordered with the affiliate link and she asked them to order from via Amazon alone. This is the result they were hoping/working for. 

I will be curious to see if her book stays in this slot. The next launch push for a different book may knock it down and a lot depends on what other books are launching around the same time. Check back next week and after and see where it's at and in what category. I know people who have old books that do not sell many copies that occasionally still make these lists, because the Amazon algorithm will sometimes have small niche sublists. We'll see how it does on actual release day - could get another big boost or maybe not. But a good book marketer will still use this - put on the cover that it was a top Amazon best seller or something like that. If she does hit best-seller charts, she can continue to use forever that she's a "best selling" author. 

Abbie is interesting, because in my opinion she is just on the cusp of breaking into the real inner Christian publishing ring. Right now, she still has to do a lot of hustle - self promo, rally her followers, self-produce a video curricula, homespun podcast, but if she's successful, her reach will grow exponentially. Right now, she's speaking at smaller, local homeschool adjacent conventions, but if it snowballs, she might soon hit a Lifeway circuit or joint women's conference like IF or Bloom or Flourish or whatever they are calling them these days. She will have to tidy up some of the fundamentalist leaning posts, but she's been savvy enough about that all along that I don't know if she has too many skeletons that could pop out. She will cross promote with other Harvest House titles or other Christian women authors/speakers and they will all scratch each other's backs and "serve" their readers by taking their money.

I think the book will be harmful and have big problems with the way Abbie manipulates people. She also has put in hard word to promote the heck out of this book, tease it, boost it, and work that hashtag, so her efforts are paying off. If it wasn't so spiritually abusive I'd be like: well, this isn't that different from Jen Hatmaker or Rachel Hollis or other white influencer women who create their own following and grow wildly successful from it. 

What really gets under my skin, though, is her tearful video yesterday saying it's "all God." No. It's you, working for this for years, working your followers, selling your family, pushing on socials, pleading with people to preorder using your affiliate link. It's you platforming yourself as an example and saying this is grittier and so many more real-life things. That's what got this result. 

I really feel for the children. As if examples like the Duggars and Bates aren't bad enough, children raised on social media - not just by religious influencers - are coming of age and have lots to say about how horrible it was. It's so sad to think of how you can't just take that back. The internet is forever. And the kids dancing and cooking and her talking about wiping butts and naughty children will be a painful reminder even if they do break ties with their family and find boundaries. And if Abbie comes to her senses that's going to be a really expensive receipt for the price of a book that will be in print for a decade or so and be replaced by the next rising Christian motherhood expert.

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and thank God it was the days before social media. It was awful enough to hear her talking to her friends about us on the phone or those family Christmas letters, but I cannot even imagine what these kids endure day in and day out and the way it feeds the supply. What a nightmare.

 

P.S. Just was skimming Harvest's author list to see who they publish, and the, um, lack of diversity is something else. Wow.

[FiveAcres]

Wil Wheaton is best known for his portrayal of Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. As an adult, he is a traditionally published author (not ghost written, as far as I know) and still does some acting and voice overs. He is also very open on the subject about how he felt his parents, especially his mother, exploited him as a child and how much he hated being a well known child actor. On his blog, he recently wrote that a would-be Youtuber mom came up with her young son about ten years ago and wanted her son's photo with him so she could post it on Youtube. And Wheaton refused to participate and told her to let her son be a child.  He goes on to discuss the modern "influencers" exploiting their children as well. 

https://wilwheaton.net/2023/03/children-are-not-property-they-are-people/ 

The comment section on that blog post is good as well. 

 

 

 

[neuroticcat]

16 minutes ago, FiveAcres said:

Wil Wheaton is best known for his portrayal of Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. As an adult, he is a traditionally published author (not ghost written, as far as I know) and still does some acting and voice overs. He is also very open on the subject about how he felt his parents, especially his mother, exploited him as a child and how much he hated being a well known child actor. On his blog, he recently wrote that a would-be Youtuber mom came up with her young son about ten years ago and wanted her son's photo with him so she could post it on Youtube. And Wheaton refused to participate and told her to let her son be a child.  He goes on to discuss the modern "influencers" exploiting their children as well. 

https://wilwheaton.net/2023/03/children-are-not-property-they-are-people/ 

The comment section on that blog post is good as well. 

 

 

 

I wanted to applaud after reading his post. I hope Wheaton's comment and refusal to fawn to the mom bolstered that boy whatever his mother decided to do.

I remember once being out at a restaurant with my mother who was always horrible to waitstaff. I had to go to the counter alone for a napkin or straw or something, and the woman there said: I feel so sorry that is your mother. 

I have never ever forgotten it, because there was someone who saw and spoke to me like a person. Abusers can fake out so many people or isolate from others, but a few times the mask slipped, and it mattered so much that someone saw. 

[neuroticcat]

The Wil Wheaton post led me to this worthy effort to introduce bills to protect kids from sharefluencers - which is an interesting term for parents who sell their kids privacy: 

 

https://quitclickingkids.com/resources/

 

Also listening to a fascinating podcast on momfluencers that was linked in their resources: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cult-of-momfluencers/id1566917047?i=1000597394515

[mango_fandango]

 

On 3/19/2023 at 9:10 PM, SuperNova said:

I really appreciate it when people like Abbie are up front about their greed. It makes it so much easier to know who to stay away from. Somehow the phrase "maximum benefit to me" just doesn't sit right when the the person saying it is shilling a self help book. I hope someone takes one for the team and reads it so we can all hear Abbie's Shaun's non-existent ass give "Dad Thoughts". 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

God, this photo… she looks so unbearably smug. She really, really thinks she’s better than everyone else. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

17 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

 

God, this photo… she looks so unbearably smug. She really, really thinks she’s better than everyone else. 

Oh she’s basically said this in a “Christian way” many times on social media. She absolutely thinks she’s better than everyone else. 

Edited March 21, 2023 by JermajestyDuggar

[0 kids n not countin]

She is insufferable. 🙄

Maybe she needs to take a break and actually spend some time mothering her seven blessings who are sick.

[neuroticcat]

The day of her launch she posted a story of how hard it was that a bug was going through her house and kids were puking on her prerelease day (of all things!) Did someone else see it? She was posting something - maybe the cover? or her matching nails? - and was like: there's a puking kid washing up in the background and her inability to see how that is the opposite of relatable will never fail to astonish me. Put down your phone and help your kid.

[Nancy-Druesel]

11 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

The day of her launch she posted a story of how hard it was that a bug was going through her house and kids were puking on her prerelease day (of all things!) Did someone else see it? She was posting something - maybe the cover? or her matching nails? - and was like: there's a puking kid washing up in the background and her inability to see how that is the opposite of relatable will never fail to astonish me. Put down your phone and help your kid.

I saw that and it bothered me. One of the huge perks of being a kid is that You should have someone to take the puke bucket from you and clean it, and get you a glass of water and a blanket. It shouldn't be until you're an adult that you have to have the joyless experience of cleaning out your own puke bucket, leaning against the sink and hoping you don't puke again while you're in the middle of cleaning. Her poor kids.

[FiveAcres]

Just now, Nancy-Druesel said:

I saw that and it bothered me. One of the huge perks of being a kid is that You should have someone to take the puke bucket from you and clean it, and get you a glass of water and a blanket. It shouldn't be until you're an adult that you have to have the joyless experience of cleaning out your own puke bucket, leaning against the sink and hoping you don't puke again while you're in the middle of cleaning. Her poor kids.

My partner and I are adulting wrong then. When I have a bad flare up of Meniere's disease, he cleans up after me. (I do additional wiping down and laundry after I recover.) Fortunately, I seem to be in remission these days.

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, FiveAcres said:

My partner and I are adulting wrong then. When I have a bad flare up of Meniere's disease, he cleans up after me. (I do additional wiping down and laundry after I recover.) Fortunately, I seem to be in remission these days.

That’s awesome. Sometimes my son will bring me things if I’m not feeling good. It’s very sweet. It’s what family members do for one another whether you are the parent or the child. My guess is that the kids who aren’t sick are taking care of the kids who are sick. Because Braggie is too busy bragging about her book sales. 

[SassyPants]

I just don’t think that Abbie is very maternal at all. Sad for all concerned that AH got it into her head that her salvation was dependent on the number of beings that she passed from her vagina. It’s a double whammy because she apparently is also a narcissist who thrives on the attention that all those offspring brings. Luckily, those kids get to move on from her, and spend most of their lives doing their own thing. I hope none of them are majorly dinged from being brought up in that environment.

[Nancy-Druesel]

5 hours ago, FiveAcres said:

My partner and I are adulting wrong then. When I have a bad flare up of Meniere's disease, he cleans up after me. (I do additional wiping down and laundry after I recover.) Fortunately, I seem to be in remission these days.

That's wonderful! Yes I definitely think partners should care for each other when sick as well - didn't mean to imply that they shouldn't haha.  I just vividly remember the first time having a stomach bug and puking after leaving for college, and realizing how much it sucks to not have someone to care for you when you're sick. Breaks my heart that Abbie's kids will never know anything different.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

As far as we know Shaun doesn't take care of them when the children are sick either.**

Braggie's children will only know the "parenting " of the older children or that from an early age they were on their own and took care of themselves

**Not that I think Shaun does parenting at any other time -- He's just there for the photos.