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Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord


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When I last recapped Gary, I got partway through the 10/9 service, so I  should finish that one. Gary was preaching in his parents' kitchen chapel, wearing the life of Jesus tie:

Spoiler

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After screaming about judgment for a while, Gary asks them to "go to Job, chapter one, verses 8."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=job+1%3A8&version=KJV

Escheweth becomes "exchewed," of course.

After some of his usual screaming about Job, and how they should all be so good that the devil would consider them, Gary rants about Facebook and "Helloween" for a while, and has a groundbreaking insight in the middle of his non-stop babble.

"Ah'm gonna tellya, maybe transginder started on th'day Halloween started."

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As Gary looks proud of himself and nods a few times, I think I hear a woman (not Becky) say "That's good." I have no idea if she's saying it about his idea, though. He goes on, screaming in that small room:

"Maybe that's the day, 'cause hey - 'cause there's gonna be thousands an' thousands of people come 31st which ah know in West Virginia where mah wahf's from they even do it a day 'r two before Halloween an' they dress up t'be whatever they want to butchu know what? Ah - Krystal 'n' 'em go t'school an' ever'thin', in Pennsylvania, an' it's comin' t'North Cah'lahna so just hang ohn, but in Pennsylvania an' New York, they haveta put a cat litter box in thee schoolroom, just in case somebody wantsta ahdentifah as a cat."

Laughter, and a woman says "It's true."

Gary goes right on, "A wanna say somethin' to ya, ah was out here yesterday workin' on mah truck an' ah stepped inna dog stuff an' a started sayin' 'Ah hate dogs ah hate dogs now ah know wha ah hate dogs."

What? You don't see the connection? It was a smooth segue, on the subject of animal feces. Doesn't your minister rant about animal feces in every sermon?

A woman yells "AMEN!"

Gary says he doesn't know of any animal he'd want to identify as, and then circles back to his idea that it all comes from one source, "Butchu know where that come from? Prob'ly come from Halloween. 'Cause you kin dress up however you wanna dress up, you kin look lahk whatever you wanna look like, an' it's OK. But ah'manna say somethin' to ya - any Chri - an' now they changed it. Now the churches wanna change it - it's not Helloween, it's not Halloween, it's trunkah treat. We set it up in our little trucks an' we ha- give kids, an' we're givin' an' you know what? Ah  git - they all git mad at me an' ah could give a good flip. Ah think ah found out the older ah git, the more ah hate stupidity."

He babbles on about how he has to love everybody because the bible says so, but he doesn't have to like them, churches embracing sin, and rattles off the names of some old-time preachers who preached against sin:

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He goes on screaming about sin, judgment, sissies in the pulpit - the usual.

He stumbles through the next reading:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A22-23&version=KJV

And goes on screaming, this time about lost souls in Baptist churches and people who think they can work their way to Heaven, despite Jesus being (say it with me) "beaten upohn, spitten upohn, mawked and made fun of." Oh, and dying on the cross.

He screams about people who think that speaking in tongues gets you to heaven, and how "Ah just dealt with a gah just the other day, here's what he said: 'an' in tha name have cast out devils an' done many wonderful work' you know what? There's a place over in Acts where Paul was talkin' about where you could drink this poison an' not git harmed an' hurt? Well, there's a religion out there t'day that says that you kin drink this poison from th'snake an' ya won't git hurt. Well, here's th'problem with that. Ah have a problem with that ya say 'Wha?' They say that, but they don't back up what they say. They won't drink the poison, they won't do - they won't pour it down in their throat ya say 'Wha?' Because they're just havin' a doctor - a false prophet doctrine it comes up with somethin' that's not even true. An' then he told me also he said 'Yes an' there's a many a person that ah've seen people raise the dead.'"

Gary says he challenged him to go raise people from the cemetery and funeral homes. He rants on about other people who are the wrong kind of Christian for a while, then announces Matthew chapter 12.

I'll go there later.

 

 

 

 

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49 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah'm gonna tellya, maybe transginder started on th'day Halloween started."

Makes sense if you don't think about it

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Gary says he challenged him to go raise people from the cemetery and funeral homes. He rants on about other people who are the wrong kind of Christian for a while, then announces Matthew chapter 12.

Matthew 17:

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

You can do it, Gary.

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@thoughtfulis back! These must be a ton of work, but every recap is a masterpiece of interpretation of the incomprehensible and finding humor among the hate. Thank you for every one you do. I’ve tried, but can’t manage more than about two minutes of Gary at a time. I also don’t want to give him views. 

My initial thought was “what in hell is that tie?” Then I zoomed in and realized you previously mentioned it, It appears to be scenes from Christ’s passion. That would seem a bit Catholic for Gary, but he does get off on blood, so it makes sense, I would give something to see his tie collection. For having to carry all their worldly possessions and a tent with them, he has quite the tie wardrobe.

Didn’t they get a new dog not long ago? I’m blanking on the name, but he posted a picture and said “he’s a good dog.” And he’s talking (again) about how much he hates dogs? And why did his congregation need to know he stepped in dog poop? He could have tied that to his message without much difficulty, but instead it becomes yet another random image in the never-ending saga of Life With Gary. These are the moments which make his sermons worth listening to. 

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@postscript, thank you for the lovely compliments. You give me the strength to go on, in the part of the listenin' to Bro Gary an' ah'manna tellya somethin', it ain't easy, in th'parta bein' not easy. Some of y'all'll git that after a whahl.

Uh-oh.

 

1 hour ago, postscript said:

My initial thought was “what in hell is that tie?” Then I zoomed in and realized you previously mentioned it, It appears to be scenes from Christ’s passion. That would seem a bit Catholic for Gary, but he does get off on blood, so it makes sense, I would give something to see his tie collection. For having to carry all their worldly possessions and a tent with them, he has quite the tie wardrobe.

You're right - I think it is just the end of the story. Hey, maybe the early parts of Jesus' life are on the skinny end, so they don't show, but the wearer knows they are there, close to his heart (and belly).

I kid, I kid - I think I found it on eBay:

https://www.ebay.com/itm/144179848345

 

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You're right about Gary being into the gore - he doesn't think of that as Catholic. However, he often rants about how some denominations "leave Jesus on the cross," since the resurrection is the point. Looking at the tie, I'm wondering if this image:

 

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Is supposed to be the resurrection, and Jesus appearing to someone. The image below it is a repeat of the first one. 

But the artist didn't portray Jesus being "beaten upohn an' spitten upohn, mawked an' made fun of."

Slacker.

And I just made a whole post analyzing a tie. Only for FJ.  😁

1 hour ago, postscript said:

Didn’t they get a new dog not long ago? I’m blanking on the name, but he posted a picture and said “he’s a good dog.” And he’s talking (again) about how much he hates dogs?

They had just gotten Gideon the chihuahua when he made this video, and yes, Gary seems to like him. So who knows - it's the mysterious mind of Gary.

Edited by thoughtful
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Gary and his Jesus ties always reminds me of the routine by the late Bill Hicks.  He said that if Jesus came back and saw all the crosses it would be like JFK coming back and seeing everyone wearing things with the image of a rifle.  He wasn't wrong.  I wish they would have found some way to honor resurrection without making an icon of something used for torture.

I understand that part of Gary's routine is to blab on about how much Jesus suffered for everyone's sin.  I just happen to find it revolting.  I suppose if they'd hanged Jesus instead of putting him on a cross, Gary would be wearing ties with pictures of nooses.

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I just hope we never get a religion in which the Holy One died vomiting and having explosive diarrhea.

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Not to be sacrilegious, but... is that umm, Jesus' arm??? 😳

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Continuing the 10/9 Helloween-caused-transginder rant in his parents' kitchen, Gary reads Matthew 12:36-37. Well, sort of:

KJV: But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
Bro Gary Version: An' ah say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give an account thereof in the days of their judgment. For by their words there shall be judged justified, and by their words thou shalt be condemned.

Now, see, this strikes me as a sign from God. Gary has just been nasty about transgender people, and God has clearly stricken him with an inability to read and distinguish pronouns, as a punishment.

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Gary goes on about the signs on the back of his truck, and his MAGA hats. He tells a story about how one of his hats was effective: "An' that turns it in, ah was even up in uh New York last year not this year last year was up there an' a gah workin' ohn mah vehicle lookin' at it an' doin' some things to it ananan' one gah got t'talkin' about it an' said you know, at that tahm it was, ah had Donald Trump you know 2024. An' it an' it turned it into the part that ah got t'start talkin' to th'Amish gah a little bit about God."

Got that, everyone? Clear as mud, isn't it?

A random spew of standard Garyisms follows - nothing new for a while. Then he gets onto the subject of actions.

"You know Josh works over at the school bus garage he was sayin' everybody seems t'think he's - they say pretty good things about it, but ah wonder what they would say behahnd his back. Joshua ah mean Joey works over there ah'm just sayin' wherever you work ah kin go over there an' say 'Hey, what about so-and-so?' What would they say aboutcha? What would they say aboutcha? Hey, it is comin' out - actions, hey! Ahdle words, you know what? You you kin say ah'm wrong here if you want to, that's OK everybody has the raht to be wrong, but everybody in here has got some kind of a secret. Well lemme say somethin' to ya, you may be hiding it from whoever it is you trahin' t'hide it from, you may be hidin' it. But ahmanna say somethin' ah'm gonna tell ya, yer not hidin' it from God."

Ah, those Hawkins family gatherings - so loving, so supportive. "Ahdle" is how Gary pronounces "idle," in case that wasn't clear.

His "God don't have amnesia or Altahmer's, God's not poppin' pills" crap follows. Then comes another familiar bit, wondering about "so-and-so's died, what if they can look over the bannisters of heaven" and see what other so-and-sos are really like. The captions have been doing a fine job until now, but that one gets them:

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"See you kin you kin hide a lotta things, you can have a lot  you can talk bad about people. Don't - git it raht, hey don't - mean what the bahble says  hey, if ya gotta problem with a brother hey whatcher supposed t'do is is go an' trah t'git it raht. Well, Joey, an' Joey ah had no idea what Joey was teachin' fer Sundee school, ah ain't talked t'Joey other than tellin' him ah needed t'text a few sins. But ah'm gonna tell ya somethin', every ahdle word, what about this, you say 'Well, ah won't say it, ah'll think it. Hmmm. So God can't read yer mahnd."

Captions:

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As you can see, Gary has come around the counter during this babbling load of crap. I get the distinct impression that he is trying to send Joey (which, BTW, he pronounces exactly as he does "joy") some sort of message.

"Now they got places around they got places that'll go around and you you pay 'em so much money an' they're supposed t'read yer palm. Well, God, God's already got it tooken keer of He don't need He don't need you to pay, He already knows. Whatchu think, whatchu say, whatchu do, yer actions prove out, you know that, amen?"

Places that'll go around? Has Gary had Kat Kerr's vision of heaven, with the rotating houses?

More familiar crap follows, about the need to go to church, follow commandments, being an ambassador for Christ, and lots about gossiping. I don't know if the guilt-mongering is aimed at Joey (or Josh), or is just Gary's usual guilt-slathering blathering, to nobody in particular.

He comes back to his anti-Halloween stuff, and tacks on April Fools' Day, for good measure. "It's a devil's day - April Fooooooools Day."

Captions:

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He announces Luke 18,  then gets in one more guilt shot. "You say 'Well you didn't say nothin' about mah name, so ah must be doin' pretty good.' Well, listen ah'm gonna say somethin' to ya, ah don't haveta have yer number, an' ah don't haveta mintion yer sin fer God t'sh - fer God to convict yer heart.

Take that, Joey or Josh or whoever.

I need a break.

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7 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I can't see Gary's FB.

None of us can, as far as we can tell. We don't know if he's in Facebook jail or if something else is happening.  :confusion-shrug:

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Finishing up the 10/9 kitchen rant, Gary yell-reads Luke 18:11-12, adding words and changing "extortioners" to "exhorters." It's the proud Pharisee stuff. He then mocks people who boast about being in church and about how many doors they knocked on.

"You know what, this numbers game? Ah b'lieve it's outta th'pitsa hell."

Gary, you hypocrite, I've heard you talk about how many people have gotten "saved" at your events, and you made a point of talking about how you never missed church during the pandemic (which is a lie, BTW), in almost every service I've recapped.

But, of course, he's just boastin' ohn Jesus, just a sinner saved by Jesus, no better than the local drunk.

"Ah had somebody t'come up t'me the other day beggin' fer money ah said 'Whattaya gonna do with this?' He said 'Ah want some food.' Ah give him a dollar's wortha change he's not gonna git much for that. He's not gonna git drunk on it let's just say that. An' he def'nitely ain't gonna get pot on that."

How charitable of you, Gary. 😡  And how do you know if marijuana is more expensive than liquor?

Another Gary story: "Ah was preachin' up in New York here an' there's a gah comin' he is seeking the Lord, he is - ah ah ah mean he's gotta be seekin' the Lord ah don't believe he be 'specially comin' t'hear me preach or whatever an' that naht he came, Lord changed mah message an' ah just plain put out a complete good plan of salvation what from the King James bahble that's the plan of salvation that's how good it is. He didn't come back the rest of the week. Y'say 'Wha?' He - got convicted. Ah talked t'him before he left. Still far's ah know hasn't got saved, but he's comin' t'church."

Gee, Gary, maybe he didn't come back the rest of the week because you're a shitty preacher, and he waited until the regular pastor was back.

For anyone new to fundie-speak, the man didn't stop coming to church because he was in prison, "he got convicted" means he knew God was calling him to repent and be saved. Gary and some others believe that it scares some people off, because they don't want to give up their sin.

Gary babbles about before he was saved, and someone whose name sounds like "Larry Cancel" kept asking him when he was going to get saved, while "we was workin' on buildin' a buildin' at Lighthouse Baptist Church in Bolivia there."

Lest you get your hopes up that Gary has ever had a "burden" for anywhere outside of the US, that was Bolivia, North Carolina.

After several minutes going through some of his standard routines, Gary announces 2 Corinthians 5, "verses" 10.

"Hmm. Now we gonna stand before God for what we do."

Gary, you already talked about actions - did you get which reading went with which set of riffs out of order?

He assures them that this is still not about "works," but about godbothering, and lays some guilt on his father. 

"There, whats is it over in Ezekiel  where it talks about blood bein' on your hands? Ah'm sure Daddy remembers this very well, Clifton Jones up 'ere, he said he kep' he needed t'get there an' go see him one tahm an' an' fahnally went bah there an' the funeral sahn was up 'ere."

I figure Clifton Jones was the man who ran the gas station and convenience store - Gary tells this story a lot, but I've never heard a name before. I guess he doesn't bother with the name when talking to strangers, but, in the bosom of his family, he makes sure to remind them exactly whose blood is on his father's hands.

Gary yells at them about people wasting time with electronics and their family, instead of using the time to talk to people about Jesus, and rants on about rewards. Various family members have been wandering in and out of camera range during the whole message, but there is an uptick in movement, and a dog barking, during this part, distracting Gary a bit.

He tells them to go to Philippians chapter one, then corrects himself - chapter 2.

KJV: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
BGV: That the - that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, of things in heard - things in heaven and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to glory of - to the glory of his -  of the father - glory of God - of God the Father.

"Hmm. What about you know what? People think people don't think they're gonna bow before God one day."

This "Hmm" after every reading is something I haven't heard from Gary before. I wonder how long he stuck with that schtick.

He tells the story about the guy on the street in Chicago who wouldn't take a tract, how there's no such thing as an atheist, because they always say "Oh, God," whenever anything goes wrong.

He announces James 4, no verse, but I find it: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

Gary says that people don't know right from wrong any more, and "Ah think 2020 has destroyed ever'body's mahnds."

"If you've ever heard the truth, an' or maybe you you know you shouldn't do it an' you do it anyway, your knowledge is standing before God 'Well God ah knew it was wrong, ah just - ah thought is was OK.' _____ (incoherent ah-oh sounds) an' here's what they justifah: 'Well, all it was was ah just killed a bee or ah just - ah mean - ah ah maybe ah just slapped somebody or spit in somebody's face ah didn't murder nobody God so ah'm in good shape,' lemme just tell you somethin', we can justifah all of the sins that we want  to, an' murder's wrong an' rapin' chil'ren's wrong an' commitin' adult'ry's wong AMEN an' shackin' up's an' all the different kindsa things but ahmanna tellya somehin' when God looks at sin, He just looks at sin. It's all wrong."

Killed a bee? Ah, sin-leveling; one of the weirder and more disgusting aspects of fundie-brain.

Gary says that God might not forgive them. If someone protests that God forgives every sin, Gary says, "Well, it's accordin' t'how you ask Him." If you think that saying a prayer will get you to heaven, you're wrong - OK, that's standard Gary.

But then he says, imitating one of these people he thinks won't get into heaven, "'Well, th'bahble says believe on th'lor' Jesus Chras an' thou shalt be saved,' so you just gonna run one scripture well then that way here so here's the case - you just look forward to it because the devil's gonna be in heaven agin. If that's all you gotta do is believe on Lor' Jesus Christ, then every'body's goin' t'heaven an' includin' the devil because the devil's uh the bahble says the devil believed an' trembled, didn't say he got right. Hmm?"

But Gary, don't you go on and on about how the way to heaven is to believe, and nothing else matters? You're contradicting your usual shit about saved people going to heaven, and then needing to face the review of their sins, but you've never said anything about believers not getting into heaven at all.

Oops.

"Go to Revelations real quick like."

KJV and BGV: And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.
Captions:

Spoiler

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So, eternal snow, instead of flames?

Gary thinks God will hand you the part of the lamb's book of life where you should find your name (I guess there are a lot of volumes - alphabetical, perhaps?) and tell you to try to find your name. "An' then whenever you cain't fahnd it He can say 'Well, yer name's not there.'"

I think Gary likes the cruel image of God and everyone in the line for heaven watching someone search desperately for their name and not finding it.

Hey, you know what? Who was that singer that just dahd the other day, Becky?"
Becky (instantly): "Loretta Lynn."
Gary : "Loretta Lynn. Ah don't know nothin' about Loretterin."
Captions:

Spoiler

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"Ah prob'ly useta listen t'her years ago, ah don't listen to that junk no more 'cause it's filthy, it's ungodly, an' it's fulla hell. Butchu know what? Ah watched Facebook - she's in heaven. She's in heaven, onna streeta gold, singin' her country sohngs.  An' you know what ah seen ohn Facebook? Mah so-called preacher friends sayin' 'Oh, man, she was such a good singer.' An' ah'm just gonna let you know somethin' - she knows where she's at. An' ah'll promise you raht now, she may be in heaven - "

I had to capture this pose before going on:

Spoiler

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"Ah have no idear, but ah promise ya this much - she don't want that junk put on Facebook."

Don't ask me - I have no idea what junk he means - her former dirty songs or praise for them, now that she's dead and knows better? The people who are convinced she went to heaven? Who knows?

He goes on, about Elvis Presley, who "grew up, learned how t'play guitar, sung in a choir, in an independent fundamental bahble-believing church!"

Gary, Elvis was raised going to a Pentecostal Assemblies of God church - you usually scorn them.

"An' some years later, him an' Jack Hyles met each other on the elevator an' here's what he said - Jack Hyles was a soul winner an' he says 'Hey! What about Jesus? What about gittin' saved?' Here's what Elvis Presley said, he said 'You lookit mah suits an' you look at your suits, an' you'll know whah ah don't want nothin' t'do with God."

I hope they weren't shrieking this conversation at the top of their lungs in the elevator, as Gary did.

The captions have a little trouble with Gary's pronunciation of Hyles' name:

Spoiler

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I searched, and found several versions of the story, paraphrased, and one that is supposedly what Hyles himself wrote about the encounter:

Quote

Many years ago when I was pastoring in Garland, Texas, I had a daily radio broadcast. Ordinarily the broadcast was live. However, on occasion, if I were scheduled to be out of town for a day or so, I would make a tape and take it to the radio station located on the eleventh floor of the Stoneleigh Hotel of Dallas, Texas. On one occasion I took a tape to the station. When I got on the elevator, I told the operator, who was an attractive young lady, that I wanted to go to the eleventh floor. She didn't hear a word I said! She was in a daze because Elvis Presley had just ridden her elevator. Finally I convinced her that I needed to go to the eleventh floor, and all she talked about was the fact that she had been alone with Elvis Presley for a few minutes. She finally gathered herself together and took me to the eleventh floor. She waited as I took the tape across the hallway to the station and then took me back to the main floor. On the way, however, she stopped the elevator, and Elvis Presley got on. He had on a green satin suit and at that time was in his heyday. I introduced myself to Elvis, we shook hands, and then I asked him, "Elvis, do you know, if you died today, you would go to Heaven?"

His answer was startling. "I certainly do," he said. "I was saved when I was a child." Then he proceeded to tell me the circumstances. As best I remember, he said that his grandmother or some other relative had taken him to hear an old-fashioned Gospel preacher. He had received Christ as his Saviour. He told me in clear, positive language of his salvation.

I then looked him square in the eye and said, "Elvis, how could a person who is born again live the kind of life that you are living?"

He said, "Jack, I got tired of the rules. I wanted to be free."

Need I say more? The very type of death that he died is living proof that though he thought he was leaving slavery to go to freedom, he was leaving freedom to go to slavery.

None of them mentions wardrobe, other than Hyles noticing that Elvis had on a green satin suit.

With a belligerent, pissy face, Gary goes on: "You say 'You just sayin' that.' No, ah know it," silently stares his pissy stare at them, then suddenly starts screaming again, starting with meaningless sounds, then something that sounds like "Ah'm OK with it" then the reptobate verse.

Pity the poor caption program:

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Gary says he doesn't play games, he doesn't walk on eggshells, but "here's what uh - the Baptist Pope, what's his name, Becky? Billy Graham. Here's what Billy Graham said. That he says 'Well when ah lookit the fahr in hell, ah don't believe ah believe it's just a separated from God.' The lake of fahr, huh."

Captions:

Spoiler

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I guess that's more pleasant than the lake effect.

Rich man in torment, you better make sure you're saved, KLove is straight outta the pitsa hell, etc.

There has been a young-looking woman sitting behind the counter, to Gary's right - every now and then she can be seen at the left side  of the video, and she got up, went out and came back at one point.  I haven't been able to tell if she was still there when Gary said this - I don't know if there is another way out of the room on that side, but I figure people wouldn't be walking in camera range if they didn't have to do so. Now Gary points over there:

Spoiler

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He says "Hey, everyone that's here as far as family members, she thinks she _______ (I think it's "walks away," the captions think it's "wants me"), she'll figure it out one day."

A woman's voice says "Right, absolutely."

Gary goes on, telling them that, if he's going to go around the world telling people they need to get saved, he's going to tell his own family.

"Far as ah know ah guess other than she hadta been here ah told her she ought to stay in, hear a real preacher for one tahm."
The captions know:

Spoiler

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Woman: ________ (can't understand what she said)
Gary: HUH?
Woman: "She did smahl when you said it."
Gary: "Yeah, ah told her she gohn go listen to a fake preacher. Say wha? That's what he is. He won't tellya Je - he'll tellya Jesus loves ya an' that's a far as it goes."

He says he's done - there are about two more minutes on the video. Not bad, for Gary.

A man they met in New York said he knew the day Jesus was coming, and was depressed, but Gary assures them that nobody knows, not even Jesus.

He does his "every second, six people die" bit, then tells them to "count that up" for 24 hours. "Joey's a mathematic, maybe he can tellya real quick-like."

He says there are "a lot of Baptists ain't goin' to heaven."

A deep, resentful-sounding man's voice says "You judgin'."

Gary is fine with that. "Ah judge bah their fruits. Ah know their fruits."

The captions think he is being bigoted again:

Spoiler

image.png.ff12a99db153825fc268fe252b31e6ce.png

Gary takes one last nasty shot at his family as he says his final prayer (emphasis on "this"):

Spoiler

image.png.fe7f8d182cd53b2908536bae03a9ce85.png

What a fun family! 

Edited by thoughtful
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"Larry Cancel" kept asking him when he was going to get saved, while "we was workin' on buildin' a buildin' at Lighthouse Baptist Church in Bolivia there."

Gary was working. But then he got saved.

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4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Far as ah know ah guess other than she hadta been here ah told her she ought to stay in, hear a real preacher for one tahm."

Good grief.  I knew Gary was a pissy little ass but I'm surprised that he did this to his own family.  And he thinks he's a "real preacher"?  

I'm confused too about what Gary considers necessary for salvation.  He's been telling us forever that it isn't works and now he's upped the ante.  

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3 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary was working. But then he got saved.

Really. I was actually quite disappointed when he didn't list work as one of the things people waste time with, along with family and electronics. Gary knows the secret of having enough time to live for Jesus - make everyone else support you!

18 minutes ago, Xan said:

Good grief.  I knew Gary was a pissy little ass but I'm surprised that he did this to his own family.

He was always pissy and self-righteous enough to say nasty things about his family when he was far away and making vague, nameless third-person references, so I'm not surprised he thinks that way. I just figured he was too cowardly (and desirous of their money) to say it to their faces.

 

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So much material in this one, starting with the high opinion Gary has of himself as a preacher. He obviously pictures himself as on par with his beloved old-timey preachers. 

 

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"extortioners" to "exhorters."

Somehow in Gary's world, the two are synonymous. 

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah think 2020 has destroyed ever'body's mahnds."

Which part of 2020 - the mind-numbing months of quarantine which apparently meant nothing to Gary, or the not-stolen election which resulted in a small measure of sanity returning to politics? 

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I think Gary likes the cruel image of God and everyone in the line for heaven watching someone search desperately for their name and not finding it.

This entire sermon reinforces the image of Gary as a bully.  Bullies for Christ, perhaps? If there are bullies like Gary in heaven, I have no desire to go. However, I also think his heaven and mine will be very different places. 

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

ah don't listen to that junk no more 'cause it's filthy, it's ungodly, an' it's fulla hell.

Loretta Lynn's music is filthy? Granted, I'm not a particular fan of country music, but much of it has strong spiritual undertones (along with the cheatin', drinkin' and lyin').  Gary's taste in music seems to be limited to about ten songs.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Baptist Pope

Oh, I like this one. It needs to go in the ever-growing list of Garyisms (which has been on hold while life continues to kick my ass, but will eventually be finished). 

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

A deep, resentful-sounding man's voice says "You judgin'."

Gary is fine with that. "Ah judge bah their fruits. Ah know their fruits."

Yes, Gary. You judgin'. You're more open about it because you're among family, but in your mind, nobody is going to wind up in heaven but you, your old-timey preachers, and maybe Becky. Enjoy sitting with your idols listening to them judge you. 

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The evening service for 10/9 was under the tent (well, a tent - we don't know if it was Gary's. This was part of the revival with Gene Gouge, and I know @clese and @postscript watched some of these services already. I'll recap as much as I have the patience to bear.

The video starts with Becky at the piano but not playing, and (I think) Caleb and his wife singing. She drones quietly, he plays the guitar pretty well, and his singing is not quite as bad, as far as I can tell while fast-forwarding.

There's a long pause while Becky fusses with something. Someone (Danny?) calls out, "Y'all gonna sing now, Becky?" and she answers "As soon as I get this workin' right." She sings the song about Jesus praying in the garden. I fast forward.

After another long pause, Pastor Daddy Danny comes up and mumbles for a while, beginning with the soul-stirring words, "Um . . . um . . .  well, it's Sunday naht."

As he mumbles on, it seems he is trying address whatever happened that morning (wish I could see Joey's Sunday school message), so let me see if I can understand any of his noises.

"You know this morning Joe, a good Sunday school, gittin' us started there. Lord's a forgivin' God, an' ah thank God for that. If it wasn't for His  forgiveness ah'd be in a mess ah think everybody else would, too. 'N' Gary an' preachin' this mornin', it's um -" (long pause)  "It's a fine line sometime, y'know ah go back, ah look ah see men that had the power of God on 'em, an' the main thing was that they preached ohn sin."

Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.e772f60f75bf1d06f03f497b13f4bb09.png

I think the captions were confused by the location of Gary's rant that morning - he was preaching on the sink, after all.

"You kin take Spurgeon. Spurgeon had Calvinistic blood an' that was terrible, but __________ (? sounds like "he's prince ah preachin'), but he did stand against sin. Ah guess tonaht  __________ (? sounds like "did in standin'"). Ya gotta know how t'stand."

"Ah dunno as ah've learned all that yet but what ah wanna say t'night we need t'be careful how we  - y'know, ya down this person or ya down that one. The best illustration ah could giveya tonight, a good whahl back, when ah had the pow'ra God on me real good, we had left Shahnin' Light in the perfect willa God we had to, and, uh, ah won't get into all that, an we would go down to Brother Paul ______ (? sounds like "Sense"), great manna God, now lemme say don't cut me off in the middle, great manna God, preached the worda God. Tracy, she was at home man, an' uh, of course, uh, ah was just a little bit before Josh ah guess, or raht along that tahm, but anyway, ah'd say 'OK ah'm gohn join today, ah'm gone down' an' boy Tracy tickled t'death, chillun was rarin' t'go - "

I must let you see what the poor captions did with that:

Spoiler

image.png.12d010ddce59fc8d7be81a3f17d6bb88.png

"We'd go down there an' God would not let me - He wouldn't let me join. An' ah couldn't figure it out, but ah knew ah'd git ____ (? done), ah knew ah'm not supposed to join yet. An' Roger Williams how many tahms have you all heard me say his name? A manna God, right in his heyday, boy ah kin see him up there now now he could _________" (? there is a feedback noise, making it even harder to understand him).
Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.e93c816683ca9adc12ec885b271ba9dc.png

"All way up, an he's sayin' 'Now you don't lahk this it's t'run down here about 99 mahl an hour an' run inta this fist here, y'know, an' ah mean boy he just an' that was mah tahm t'preach it, man ah left.  An' on a Wednesday naht there, ah ah was there, an' on Thursday naht ah knew. Now ah want y'all t'git this,  stay with it. Ah knew - ah joined another church an' ah ain't gonna mention names, y'all prob'ly know ah don't wanna say it much here t'naht, but in th'perfect  willa God ah remember that so well standin' there in fronta that church joinin', an' sayin' Lord, what inna world am ah  doin' here? But ah knew it was the willa God an' ah ah mean ah ah it's our best way ah can describe it."

I'm exhausted - I have to summarize some of the next part - Danny goes on to say that he spent three months at that church, and learned more than he ever could at a bible college, and drove the bus.

"But he was liberal."

Spoiler

 

"Now back then he wouldn't be today's sayin' about what all _________"  (? I'm pretty sure he's saying this guy wasn't as liberal as many churches are now), "but  ah'd come out of an olllll' fashioned independent, fundamental, pre-millenial, bahble believin' Baptist where they stood."

He says "that preacher" (I think he means the one from his previous church) would preach hard, then tell them he was going to go take a half a baby aspirin and go to sleep (I assume the implication  is that he didn't care what they thought of his anti-sin preaching and making them feel bad). So that's where Gary got that crap.

Back to the liberal preacher, who let Danny preach once. Danny preached on sin, and the pastor got up and apologized for what Danny preached. Danny decided to leave and start a mission, the liberal preacher tried to talk him out of it, and got him to meet with another preacher, who also tried to talk him out of it. "We met at McDonalds ah got a free meal out of it amen."

"God knew what He was doin', an' ah joined with Brother Paul, a great manna God, let me say that again. It woulda changed everything. Ah wouldn't left this quit, ah woulda been under great preachin', but God didn't call me to set - on a pew."

Ah, like father like son - nobody makes Danny or Gary follow rules or a schedule or get along with other people.

"But here's what ah wantchu to git out of it - ah couldn't stand his liberalness."
Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.a3c321093db35a6e3b876ac57dc82919.png

 

"Ah'll even say you say ah'm mean, his wife would wear pants an' ah couldn't handle 'at mah Lord! Ah came t'day much less back then, ah'm not, ah don't mean t'church ah mean out in different places that just couldn't happen ah told him ah said 'Brother, ah cannot, ah just can't do it.'"

Do it? Really, Danny? You couldn't handle occasionally running into this woman at Walmart and seeing her in slacks? It's not like they were asking you to buy the pants, tailor them,  launder them, and put them on her!

Danny says he stayed friends with this pastor, even fellowshipped with him even though "it was a little odd," and the man came and helped him build Open Door Baptist Church in Marion South Carolina (you know, where Gary got saved on July 11, 1999!), and Danny went and helped him clear off some land to build his church. And Gary's going to go down and preach revival for him.

He mumbles on about various churches he left or doesn't agree with, but he still wants to help, even the Methodist church, but "ah cain't git down in the ditch with 'em." He says he'd still be in the ditch with Brother David if he'd stayed at the liberal church.

Then there's this weirdness: "Some of the best women ah know of, ah wanna tellya, ah - ah might mention their first name in - Brenda. At a church ah was in, ah actually one tahm she came back bah here an' ah seen her an' ah thought her face was glowin'."
Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.b22678ad6506796d04f48d11bbeea945.png

"That woman, ah'm teh - had God all over her! And her pasture is the one who set mah wahf free from them things, amen. But now they say she works. Her her her husband dahd."

After some babbling about how he could go on and on, he goes on. And on.

"Ah remember over there at th'health department, a girl that'd come out of the church Sheila was out of, there ah thought that was the purtiest young lady ah ever done seen. Ah mean never no wrong thinkin' but ah just - she's the Godliest lookin' woman you ever done seen. But she left a good ol' fashioned independent fundamental pre-millennial bahble believin' Baptist church an' she wen' over that other church, you know the last tahm ah saw her - don't wanna say too much y'know what ah'm talkin' about she worked the health department. An' ah seen her come out, an our faces we met, an' ah bet she talked something bad ah 'bout near cried." (? maybe? I'm not sure).

Then I think he says "She had them white motorcycle britches on ___________ (drowned out by traffic noise) where ah came from."

The point (yes, he had one!) is don't burn bridges.

Oh, and he eventually lets the last name of the liberal pastor slip out - it was someone named David Brady.

Then he calls Gary up and tells him to "preach t'yer heart's content." Gary is probably pissed that they are already 20 minutes into the service - he rushes up with his towel-wrapped bible

Edited by thoughtful
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Some people worry about children going to bed hungry or people dying in wars.  Others worry about how many in this world are struggling to survive or dealing with serious illnesses.  Danny worries about women wearing white motorcycle britches.

Danny and Gary are petty, ignorant fools.  I appreciate you listening to this for us, @thoughtful, because I don't think my blood pressure could handle listening to him actually speak.

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Spoiler

Yes, Gary. You judgin'. You're more open about it because you're among family, but in your mind, nobody is going to wind up in heaven but you, your old-timey preachers, and maybe Becky. 

And the long line of the Lost that Gary thinks he has saved.  

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kuva.png.50503ef180bb72b1bfa421179d1965c4.png

Must be one of those kitchen rants

Quote

I appreciate you listening to this for us, @thoughtful, because I don't think my blood pressure could handle listening to him actually speak.

I am in awe that you can actually understand what he's saying. Half the time I can't.

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Wow, that sermon. I didn’t think it was possible for a preacher to be less articulate than Gary, but Daddy Danny takes the prize. Gary sounds well-organized next to his father. However, somewhere in that whole anecdote about the liberal preacher and the “Godly looking” (read: attractive) woman in the white motorcycle britches, there are clues as to why Danny and Gary hold the heinous beliefs they do. 

11 hours ago, Xan said:

Danny and Gary are petty, ignorant fools.  I appreciate you listening to this for us, @thoughtful, because I don't think my blood pressure could handle listening to him actually speak.

I’m also appreciative. I try because I find them amusing, but I can’t take more than a minute or two at a time. Gary is best taken if I fast forward and listen to random snippets. And I agree with @AmazonGrace that deciphering what he’s saying (and Danny is even worse) is its own challenge, one I usually can’t handle. Luckily Gary is nothing if not repetitive. 

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On 11/20/2022 at 10:35 AM, thoughtful said:

However, he often rants about how some denominations "leave Jesus on the cross," since the resurrection is the point.

A pastor at my former fundie-lite church had previously been a missionary in Barcelona for something like 13 years, and claimed “We had the only church in the city with an empty cross.”

Quote

Gary and his Jesus ties always reminds me of the routine by the late Bill Hicks.  He said that if Jesus came back and saw all the crosses it would be like JFK coming back and seeing everyone wearing things with the image of a rifle. 

A former coworker of mine who is a JW, who lost her oldest son in a drowning accident, once said that for her, having a cross on the wall would be like keeping a container of water from the lake where her son died.

Edited by smittykins
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