Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord

[thoughtful]

58 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Hold up. How can Hell be “burning with fire” and yet have no light? 

It's special dark fire, just for sinners who didn't get saved. Jesus makes it happen. Somehow (a miracle, or alcohol, salt and sodium lamps, maybe?).

Because we deserve it.

[thoughtful]

What do you szy?

I've never been to a JESUS Fair. Is it anything like Burning Man?

[thoughtful]

February is about to begin, and I have one wish. I want Gary to post complaining about how people care more about the "Supper Bowel" than they do about God and hell.

You have twelve days, Gary. Pretty please?

[thoughtful]

Some comments under Gary's post about fairness. Just stick with "amen," folks - you won't look quite as twisted.

[AmazonGrace]

these people think that everyone getting eternally tortured would be "fair".

I don't want to know what sins they have committed.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

these people think that everyone getting eternally tortured would be "fair".

I don't want to know what sins they have committed.

Don't forget, they also assume their sins are forgiven, "under the blood," because they are saved. So, no matter what they do on this side of the veil, they assume they are going to heaven, because they believe (or are supposed to believe) that the only sin that condemns one to hell is non-belief.

If Gary is any example, the worst they think will happen to them is a Godly slap on the wrist. I've heard the following: everyone seeing their sins (in Gary's imagination, on a big-screen TV), blood dripping off of their hands because they didn't save enough people, having an unclean heavenly robe, and not having gold crowns to throw at Jesus' feet.

I'm not sure if Gary's routine about being in the corner with John the Baptist is his own invention and just for him, or if that's another possibility for others.  I also can't remember anyone talking about  being in a tarnished part of the street of gold or in a smaller mansion, or if the catfish don't come out of the river of life fully cooked or the Chinese food isn't always ready for some people.

And how long this IFB version of purgatory lasts has never been made clear. Seems to me that the crown-throwing and sin-viewing would only happen near the beginning of one's eternal stay. I don't know if there is a heavenly "laundry-mat" for robe-cleaning (and if Lord Daniel is there!), or if the blood dripping stops at some point.

To paraphrase Cowper, these people's minds move in a mysterious way, their wonders to assume.

[postscript]

36 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Don't forget, they also assume their sins are forgiven, "under the blood," because they are saved. So, no matter what they do on this side of the veil, they assume they are going to heaven, because they believe (or are supposed to believe) that the only sin that condemns one to hell is non-belief.

 

Also known as the Josh Duggar loophole. 

 

[thoughtful]

Gary posted that he is glad he gets to go to church on Wednesday night, and reposted a video from someone else, about an Amazon store in London that doesn't require checkout, because you scan the Amazon app to get in, and whatever you pick up and carry out is billed to you later.

The narrator walks us around the store, while explaining (over scary music) that this system is very good at preventing theft (he almost sounds like he thinks that's a bad thing), so other retailers will be forced to do it as well, because Amazon will be making so much more money.

He ends by mentioning that the Book of Revelation says that there will come a time when people can't buy anything without "a particular mark."

I assume that's why Gary posted it - it's probably going around his circle of friends. It's the mark of the beast, folks!

Spoiler

https://www.facebook.com/reel/560928062594671/?s=single_unit

 

[AmazonGrace]

Well I mean, I have never been able to buy anything without this particular mark called local currency... so few shops are willing to accept just my beautiful smile as a payment.

[thoughtful]

More hell, and "fire bad" grammar from Gary:

Spoiler

I wonder if Gary will fight with Randy.

Also:

Spoiler

Comments under the Amazon/mark of the beast post:

Spoiler

See, @AmazonGrace, money is OK with Toby. However, Gary expects to get things for free (he leaves the smiling to Becky).

And, Matk (if that is your real name), if this technology has been in use for 15 years, aren't the End Times progressing awfully slowly? Oh, right - I forgot. Jesus said it would happen before the people he was talking to died, and that was 2000 years ago. But you guys keep waiting.

I love that posting on Facebook is OK with these guys - no way anybody can trace you through that, right?

[thoughtful]

A comment under Gary's "GOD still can" post:

Let's get Mikie!

He won't come back to life - he hates everything.

He's alive! Hey, Mikie!

[thoughtful]

Hey, Gary's paying attention to what "a Atheist" has to say!

Here is the link to the video:

https://www.facebook.com/reel/720584156315740/?s=single_unit

ETA: this is something Jilette says regularly, IIRC - it's not like he actually thinks proselytizing is a good thing and people should convert. He's just pointing out that Christians who believe that the unsaved go to hell and don't follow through on that should probably examine what their actual beliefs are.

Edited February 3, 2023 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

No, Gary and Stacey, it's not true and you're not right.

Why, just the other day, my mother was actually thanked for wearing a skirt! Of course, the gratitude came from a doctor who needed to give her an injection in each knee, so it was for practical reasons.

The doctor herself was wearing a nice pair of slacks.

[thoughtful]

Another comment under Gary's post about the Amazon store:

So, Charles, how much do you do differently in a traditional grocery store? Other than some person checking you out on a computerized register that also stores all kinds of information about you if you have a loyalty card or membership, or use a credit or debit card (or you using the self-checkout, if you don't hate those like Gary does and think it means the store is trying to make you into a robot somehow), it's the same.

Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe Charles tills the soil and raises and slaughters hogs to get his food (I doubt it). Or maybe he's one of those cash-only folks, and keeps it all under his mattress (that's a possibility).

 

[thoughtful]

If you stand for against any today you will be hated busy a good number.
You tell 'em, Gary!   Cross-stitchers, I think you have your next project.

Gary, you are hardly standing alone - you surround yourself with like-minded people.

ETA comments:

Spoiler

 

Edited February 6, 2023 by thoughtful

[postscript]

“Busy a good number” sounds like he’s trying to call someone and getting a busy signal. In the comments, “only dead fish go with the flow” is both incorrect and an unappealing picture. After Jill’s aquarium visit, she might want to consider that motto for one of her chatty pillows. “I am Jesus and me” sounds kind of Zen (debating between that word and “existential”). 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, postscript said:

“I am Jesus and me” sounds kind of Zen (debating between that word and “existential”). 

If something like that came from a progressive Christian, Gary would mock it. Too new-age, maybe even "woke!"

Douglas Ellis (he of the resurrected brother Mikie), has commented again, in all caps again:

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, postscript said:

 “only dead fish go with the flow” is both incorrect and an unappealing picture. After Jill’s aquarium visit, she might want to consider that motto for one of her chatty pillows.

Chatty pillows is a great phrase.

Spoiler

 

[FundamentallyShocked]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

If you stand for against any today you will be hated busy a good number.
You tell 'em, Gary!   Cross-stitchers, I think you have your next project.

 

I thought I was pretty good with translating Garyisms, but this one leaves me stumped. It was like the older Gary material that put him on our radar. This one is a beaut!

Does anyone have an idea on what he was trying to say??

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, FundamentallyShocked said:

I thought I was pretty good with translating Garyisms, but this one leaves me stumped. It was like the older Gary material that put him on our radar. This one is a beaut!

Does anyone have an idea on what he was trying to say??

I think "busy a good number" is supposed to be "by a good number" (of people, I'd assume). I think he's trying to say something along the lines of "if you stand up for our bigoted 'Christian' values today you'll be hated by a good number of people." or something similar. Since he stuck "against" in there he possibly might have also meant "if you stand against today's worldy values" or something also. 

I think it's his basic usual schtick. Christian rules declaring people sinners for who they are = good. Worldly acceptance of people different than you = bad. Insert whatever you like instead of "people" in there - "old time christian music =good; worldly music = bad" or "KJV Bible = good; a version that is more accurate and understandable = bad." 

[Hane]

Sounds like badly rendered speech to text, but can you even do that in FB?

[Xan]

Did Jesus "stand alone"?  I know he had followers.  They weren't powerful and they were in the minority but he didn't exactly stand alone.  

Gary is so invested in his persecution complex that he uses it all the time.  He is one of the only ones speaking the truth.  He is willing to talk about hell when other's won't.  He alone is against popular culture, television, music, technology.  People not liking him or agreeing with him has just made him cling more tightly to his twisted beliefs.  The fewer people who agree with him the better because he thinks it makes him more like Jesus.

I would sincerely love for Gary's wish to come true and Jesus descend on a cloud in front of Gary.  Then Jesus could tell Gary everything he's doing wrong.  Along with, "Stop throwing crowns at my feet and no, I don't have a bucket of blood with me, Gar."

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Xan said:

Did Jesus "stand alone"?  I know he had followers.  They weren't powerful and they were in the minority but he didn't exactly stand alone.

Not to mention that their beliefs say that God was with Jesus, and/or was Jesus. God seems like a pretty powerful ally, from a believer's POV. 

Well, I think they believe that; it's always so hard to be sure, since they slip around under that non-stick coating of contrasting arguments. Their concept of a deity seems to depend on the point they are trying to make.

When they want to cite the power of God beside Jesus (or God and Jesus as one being, plus the holy spirit), they go all out about how those beings will judge us, with no possible escape.

And then they turn around and cite poor, bereft Jesus, all alone, made to live as a human, suffer and die (and, in some versions, visit hell), with no help from God, his father/self.

And, then it's back to the all-powerful trio, who were in control all along. Which would mean that Jesus, as I've heard some folks describe it, had a bad weekend for your sins. He knew he'd come back to life, by this logic, and only suffered for a short time, if at all.

And then it's back to - well, you get the idea.

More comments under that post (Oketch, why don't you want to stand alone?):

Spoiler

 

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by thoughtful
removing extra screenshot

[AmazonGrace]

Well that last one with ulcers sounds like any online beggar I have ever encountered.

Gary and Gary's friends, you should all  give Joseph some money I am SURE he will help so many orphans with it.

[thoughtful]

Just now, AmazonGrace said:

Well that last one with ulcers sounds like any online beggar I have ever encountered.

Gary and Gary's friends, you should all  give Joseph some money I am SURE he will help so many orphans with it.

I got curious and looked at his facebook page. There are lots of pictures of little kids, and he says he is affiliated with The River Life Builders Mission - don't know if they are actually helping orphans or not.

https://www.facebook.com/TRLBM/

He changes his profile picture now and then - this one from a year ago may not have been the best choice, if he is pleading poverty:

Spoiler

A more recent one: