Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord

[thoughtful]

Some of Gary's usual crap, and a mystery post:

[Xan]

"No works to get into Heaven" -- this is one of the reasons why I detest Gary and most of our fundies.  Isn't it convenient that they don't have to do good works?  Gary and his ilk can think they're better than everyone else but they don't even have to do nice things for their fellow man.  They don't have to feed the hungry or care for the sick.  They don't have to look after the elderly or help the unfortunate.  They just have to brag that they believe Jesus died for them and they're guaranteed a spot in Heaven.

[thoughtful]

The "they think being holy will get them into heaven" schtick of Gary's always makes me think of the Peter Paul and Mary version of "This Train," because it contains the line "If you want to get to heaven, well, you've got to be holy."

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

I just watched this because another thread reminded me of it, and it made me think of Gary's tadpole "joke," that he always screws up. For those who don't know:

Spoiler

Gary has a routine with a potentially funny line in it. I've heard him do it correctly, once (maybe twice), years ago.

He said he's been baptized so many times, the tadpoles know his sunscreen number.

But, after those first few times, he started saying social security number, and he's said it that way, many, many times, ever since.

Of course, that makes no sense, since people don't have their social security number tattooed on their bodies. But now the mystery has been solved!

Gary is the famous Lydia, of the song!

Spoiler

 

 

Edited January 20 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Are you all sitting down? OK, folks - Gary actually reposted a request from another preacher, looking for the same kind of wandering fill-in and guest preaching gigs he does.

It's a miracle!

I listened to a few minutes of two of his sermons, and he's definitely not a screamer. I saw no sign of the page he mentions, though. A link might have been nice, Kelly.

[thoughtful]

It seem to me if Gary want to be understood, should use grammar. Fire bad.

Comments are some amens, and:

Spoiler

Good to know Barbara's preacher is not a hologram.

Spoiler

 

Edited January 21 by thoughtful
riffle

[postscript]

Odd that he’s stopped posting about his travels, and that he hasn’t been sermonizing on social media. I wonder if something happened during his Facebook absence to either keep them off the road or make him rethink spewing his messages on social media. Not that he’d likely care - he would wear Facebook jail as a badge of honor - but I can’t figure out why he’s retreated from lengthy videos of every sermon to brief, grammar-free holier-than-thou posts. 

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, postscript said:

Odd that he’s stopped posting about his travels, and that he hasn’t been sermonizing on social media. I wonder if something happened during his Facebook absence to either keep them off the road or make him rethink spewing his messages on social media. Not that he’d likely care - he would wear Facebook jail as a badge of honor - but I can’t figure out why he’s retreated from lengthy videos of every sermon to brief, grammar-free holier-than-thou posts. 

@postscript, it puzzles me too. But we do have to be careful, for our own safety - trying too hard to figure out Gary's logic  train of thought  mental processes bullshit might be dangerous!

[thoughtful]

OK Gary, before posting on Facebook Think.

Spoiler

Here's a deep and inspiring comment. This will convert those allergic heathens!

Spoiler

God and Jesus are pretty rude - neither of them said "Me bless you!"

ETA - come to think of it, most people don't excuse themselves when they sneeze. I wonder if she burped or passed gas, and is too embarrassed to say that, or thinks it's not ladylike, or proper, or something.

 

Edited January 22 by thoughtful

[postscript]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

OK Gary, before posting on Facebook Think.

  Reveal hidden contents

Here's a deep and inspiring comment. This will convert those allergic heathens!

  Reveal hidden contents

God and Jesus are pretty rude - neither of them said "Me bless you!"

ETA - come to think of it, most people don't excuse themselves when they sneeze. I wonder if she burped or passed gas, and is too embarrassed to say that, or thinks it's not ladylike, or proper, or something.

 

I’m intrigued by the singing. Why was she sitting in her car singing? Was the song gospel related or heathen music? Why did we need this detail in the first place? 

[thoughtful]

Gary, why are you posting things you think are funny? People are dying and going to hell!

Spoiler

Various Michaels all seem to appreciate it:

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Gary posted the advertisement for their "college" again. Some comments:

Spoiler

Ed is a real piece of work, if anyone wants a new rabbit hole:

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081513940938&comment_id=Y29tbWVudDo2MjI4NjczMTU3MTc3NDY2XzEyMjI1NDUwOTg2NjM2NjQ%3D

[thoughtful]

OK folks, how I know Gary doesn't know how to count, spell, or indicate past or present tense (a brain only Jesus could love!):

Spoiler

Again - is this present or past tense, Gary? And the brain trust comments in pretty much the same style.

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

A comment under Gary's list of how he know Jesus loves him. Lenny thinks you forgot an important one, Gary:

That thumbs-up is from Gary, so he was actually gracious about being corrected. 

[postscript]

Burning question - does Gary come up with these profound insights all on his lonesome, or does he copy them from other sources? The laundry list of reasons for Jesus seems a bit above his reasoning capability, but so does the concept of copy and paste. 

[thoughtful]

1 minute ago, postscript said:

Burning question - does Gary come up with these profound insights all on his lonesome, or does he copy them from other sources? The laundry list of reasons for Jesus seems a bit above his reasoning capability, but so does the concept of copy and paste. 

This one strikes me as all Gary, just because it's so sloppy and full of errors.

I guess there could be lots of people out there who are just as incoherent as Gary, from whom he could have copied it.  But most of Gary's contacts, while idiotic, seem to be a teensy bit better at spelling, writing, and using Facebook's little background doodads than Gary is.

As ever, he is a mystery, deep and inscrutable.  

[postscript]

I didn’t realize there were this many incoherent, semi-literate idiots in the world until I started following Gary. He seems to attract crazies, or perhaps they attract him. 

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

He my comforter

I'm sorry Jesus but I picture you as a blanket

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I'm sorry Jesus but I picture you as a blanket

I always think of this (part of my family has been in the linen business for years, so it comes naturally).

Whenever fundies sing the hymn The Comforter Has Come, I picture a big box on the front stoop from The Company Store or a similar supplier.

[AmazonGrace]

I had a notification that said Pumalover reacted to a post in this thread and in my tired brain I read it, Puma overreacted to a post.

[thoughtful]

More comments under Gary's post about hell - "fire n brimstone"  sounds so cute (not to mention "sickness n disease")! And Robert heard a pun-like, not-quite-rhyming thing somewhere and liked it, I guess:

Spoiler

Gary's latest post, and one of the comments (the rest are all just "amen" and the like):

Spoiler

Gary, I actually do celebrate waking up every morning. However, I think of it as another chance to have a lovely day - check FJ, try to learn something, teach some piano lessons, enjoy the pets, talk to my Mom, care for my loved ones, and so on.

Getting "saved" has never been on my "to do" list, because I think your entire raison dêtre is imaginary. I'm sorry you are wasting your time, and even sorrier that you are wasting the time of other people, and possibly frightening them over nothing.

[AmazonGrace]

How is a person overorganized about souls? alphabetized and sorted by size?

[FiveAcres]

17 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

How is a person overorganized about souls? alphabetized and sorted by size?

No, no, no. First you sort by size, then you alphabetize. 😀

[EyesOpen]

22 hours ago, postscript said:

I didn’t realize there were this many incoherent, semi-literate idiots in the world until I started following Gary. He seems to attract crazies, or perhaps they attract him. 

It’s terrifying to think about the number of people, including those we follow and discuss here, who have such poor education but such extreme views they want to see elevated. 

[mango_fandango]

Hold up. How can Hell be “burning with fire” and yet have no light?