Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord

[AmazonGrace]

Gary is not seeing the Lord do HE work.

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[MayMay1123]

8 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary is not seeing the Lord do HE work.

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AltAr, it's an A, not alter, which means change. For Pete's sake BroHawk, it's right there in the meme!

[thoughtful]

19 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

AltAr, it's an A, not alter, which means change. For Pete's sake BroHawk, it's right there in the meme!

I don't think he's ever spelled it correctly. I secretly love it, since one common use of "alter" is:

Spoiler

Gary, your prayers are neutered - they have no testicles or uterus, and produce nothing.

 

[postscript]

I’ve read a number of books about multiple personalities. In the books. The various personalities are frequently described as “alters.” That’s what I think of whenever Gary uses that word. 

[EyesOpen]

I would be wasting my breath to try to explain this to Gary… that KJB is his idol 🙄

[Ozlsn]

15 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary is not seeing the Lord do HE work.

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You know if the meme said "the pews are too" I would read it far more as "the churches are empty". Not sure if it's the Halloween talk but my first thought was "the altars need more... human sacrifice?" 

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

You know if the meme said "the pews are too" I would read it far more as "the churches are empty". Not sure if it's the Halloween talk but my first thought was "the altars need more... human sacrifice?" 

That's why Gary loves the altar - the animal sacrifices of old were replaced by a human sacrifice - Jesus. Gary seems to relish the horrors Jesus went through just to save Gary and his buddies.

Except, of course, he's grossed out by Becky's nurse stories, afraid of cemeteries and funerals, and I suspect he'd faint trying to put a Band-aid on a boo-boo. All talk, that Gary.

[Xan]

Gary wants us to know he voted "Biblically".  No, I don't know what that means either although I suspect it means that he voted straight Republican and probably wrote Trump's name in somewhere.

[EyesOpen]

But not in person? Let me clutch my pearls. Im Sure he’ll claim fraud and not one ELSE should get to vote by mail… 🙄

[thoughtful]

16 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

But not in person? Let me clutch my pearls. Im Sure he’ll claim fraud and not one ELSE should get to vote by mail… 🙄

Well, yeah, @EyesOpen - Gary lives by his own rules - white right-kind-of-Baptist Republicans get to do whatever they want, because reasons. Everyone else is evil and up to no good.

But that's actually OK, because our evil is a sign that the Rapture will come soon.

But he'll still vote to defeat the rights of the rest of us, even though letting us have our evil way is a sign of the impending Rapture, and what we're supposed to be doing.

The fact that it makes perfect sense to him never ceases to make me want to

[AmazonGrace]

Gary posted a mug shot

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[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary posted a mug shot

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LOL not gonna lie that stuff is super cute.

[postscript]

Gary has posted 4 anti-Halloween memes in the past couple of days, all essentially saying that you’re not saved if you’re willing to participate in the holiday. He’s always preached against Halloween but this is extreme even for him. 

[Ozlsn]

What always strikes me about Gary and his ilk is how little they offer as an alternative and how joyless and, well, kind of boring their alternatives are. At least the Hell Houses mob offer a bit of a fun alternative (still terrible theology.) Gary doesn't even try to think of ways to engage people, he just shouts at them.

[AmazonGrace]

OK folks Looking forward to seeing what the LORD has for us. Come on out and hit Gary's Tupperware party

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[Xan]

Gary still wants us to vote Biblically, I think.  It's a bit hard to decipher.

[Ozlsn]

13 minutes ago, Xan said:

Gary still wants us to vote Biblically, I think.  It's a bit hard to decipher.

Still working out this voting Biblically thing... are we totally sure he doesn't mean "naked"? Because I'm fairly sure that's illegal most places. Perhaps he means on a giant scale, in which case yeah - get out and vote Biblically!

[thoughtful]

If only Gary and his buddies were just a little bit stupider (hard to imagine, I know), and had a bit more faith in the power of their version of God, and someone told them that the way to vote biblically was to write down the names of the candidates they choose, put it in their bibles (perhaps on the page with Matthew 7:7), then pray and pray that their candidate wins.

[AmazonGrace]

I decided to try to do everything biblically today so I reverted to my trusty random Bible verse generator. 

Here's what I am going to do:

1. Avoid my brother.

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Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.

 2. "Yes" and "no" are banned words: 

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but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.

3. Practice BDSM as a submissive: 

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Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

4. Bad people should have a vasectomy: 

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For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

5. If I donate to charities people will believe I'm a good person. 

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And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

6. Do not plan what to do tomorrow. 

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Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

7. Kill some plants: 

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The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.

 

8. I am finally going to lose some weight. Probably. 

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And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, Being forty days tempted of the devil. And in those days he did eat nothing: and when they were ended, he afterward hungered.

 

[Alisamer]

On 10/31/2022 at 4:55 PM, Ozlsn said:

What always strikes me about Gary and his ilk is how little they offer as an alternative and how joyless and, well, kind of boring their alternatives are. At least the Hell Houses mob offer a bit of a fun alternative (still terrible theology.) Gary doesn't even try to think of ways to engage people, he just shouts at them.

The interim pastor at my church participated in Trunk or Treat this past Sunday - he dressed as a pirate, decorated his convertible car like a ship, and had a sort of candy delivery system involving a tube he'd send the candy down into the trick or treat bags. And it was real candy, I hear, not Testa-mints or tracts or lollipops with "how to be saved" on them. No preaching, just talking like a pirate and handing out candy. The kids loved it.

So, let's look at this. Random family who doesn't go to church. They are on Facebook. They see a church pastor having fun handing out candy and helping make a holiday special for the local kids, and they see Gary with his diatribes against "evil Helloween". Which church do we think they are most likely to visit?

And Gary wonders why people are turning away from the church. Hatefulness sucks! Life is difficult enough without having all the joy sucked out of it with the fear of hell. 

[AmazonGrace]

Why is it so evil anyway? If you disapprove of devils or witches or scantily clad nurses by all means don't dress up as devils or witches or scantily clad nurses. But there are other costumes and what on earth could be wrong with pumpkins, opening your door to strangers,  or candy?

Gary could dress up as Estus Pirkle.

[postscript]

Imagine being a kid, ringing a random doorbell and expecting candy, only to find Gary on the other side, yelling “Boo!” That would scar most kids for life, even without the inevitable ranting about hellfire. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if part of his aversion to Halloween is that he’s too cheap to shell out for candy to give to the unsaved. 

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, Alisamer said:

No preaching, just talking like a pirate

Saying prayers like a pirate could be fun - "Arrrrr father, which  arrrrrt in Heaven . . . "

"Barrrrrruch atah adonai, matey . . . "

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Bro Gary is preaching against Halloween and it's incredibly transphobic. He also claims to "hate dogs" and he hates stupidity. @ Bad Sermons has the clip of this terrible rant in the kitchen.  It's a longer clip.

Trigger Warning: Here is the link. Transphobic crap. No school is letting (or forcing) kids to use litter boxes. Dumb, shameful, cruel hate. 

 

[Cults-r-us]

13 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

 

Trigger Warning: Here is the link. Transphobic crap. No school is letting (or forcing) kids to use litter boxes. Dumb, shameful, cruel hate. 

 

I volunteered last week with a lady who believes this stupid litterbox narrative. Additionally, she seems to have a pathological hatred of Elizabeth Warren.