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Seewalds 47: Actions have Consequences; Sponsor Backlash Due to Jessa's Homophobia


HerNameIsBuffy

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On 2/5/2022 at 8:51 PM, Mama Mia said:

By that token I could say that people with depression issues aren’t really depressed because they can plaster a smile on at work or in family photos - what’s the difference? 

the difference for me is, if it weren't for meds, a good therapist and a stubborn streak a mile long, I'd have killed myself long ago. I smile and laugh just like anyone else but that's courtesy of the medications I take the attempt to balance my brain chemistry. Even with the meds, I still feel like I'd much rather go to sleep and stay that way. I'm just considerably less likely to act on it. 

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I wonder if it’s leftover from her being in charge of the family closet back in her teenage days - wasn’t she the main packer? I get the ease of a shared closet with very young children close in age - with my oldest three close in age, we had open bins to easily sort clothing by type, like pants or shirts or socks or whatever - BUT that was only when they were so young they needed parental help with every part of clothing - selection, putting on clothes - and to keep them from constantly emptying drawers out “for fun” 😫 

But beyond nursery age it feels like a large family management move or a way to keep control of clothing choices. I wonder how long the influencer fundies will curate their kids’ clothing. It’s an interesting departure from the prairie uniforms of their childhoods but still maintains the same control. 

 

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Spurgeon and Henry are both getting to an age that they should be able to care for putting away their own clothes, maybe even folding them. But I guess that's a girl's job, so no? 

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Spurgeon is a little older than my son and I can send him to his room to get out clothes for himself. It may not always be the outfit that I love which is why if I care about what he needs to wear on a particular day, I lay out clothes for him. But it's very possible. I think it's just easier for Jessa to have a family closet. But certainly not desirable for child development.

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They have never cared about child development.  They care about what makes life easier for them (understandable when you have a lot of children and are homeschooling while wrangling littles) and obedience.

Normal development is not something to be encouraged - if anything its to be stamped out from infancy to adulthood - blanket training to stop babies exploring their environment - teens not allowed out without chaperones.

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16 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

That she's continuing the Duggar communal closet is really sad to me, I think having things that are theirs is important for kids and that she's just Michelle 2.0 in this regard is pathetic.  Yes, it's more work to sort and put away clothes individually, so don't have more kids than you can handle and it won't be an issue...TTH always felt less like a home and more like a impersonal orphanage where the kids happen to be related to the people who run the joint and the communal closet is a big part of that.

 

Great way to describe it.

Edited by Cam
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I would think that a communal closet would be harder in many ways, especially with kids close in age. It would be so easy to grab the wrong leggings and not realize until you’re on the way out the door « oops, so and so’s pants are a tad short ». Ivy and Fern definitely can’t dress themselves yet but the other two can and should be taking a role in getting themselves ready. 
My kid decided that she was wearing cropped pants and a sleeveless shirt a few weeks ago. I apologized to the daycare, packed a hoodie and let it go. She wears a snowsuit and they weren’t going outside at -35 anyway. The daycare thought it was hilarious that she threw her seasonally appropriate clothes at me and welcomed me to the terrible two’s. 
To me, as long as kids are wearing something at least mildly appropriate (not a dinosaur costume to a funeral), there are bigger fish to fry. 

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53 minutes ago, Expectopatronus said:


To me, as long as kids are wearing something at least mildly appropriate (not a dinosaur costume to a funeral), there are bigger fish to fry. 

I try to make sure my 8 year old is seasonably appropriate. (It's 20F out there - no shorts). But he regularly comes downstairs with some portion of his outfit inside out or backwards. I only mention it when something (like shoes) are "uncomfortable". Well love, when your shoes are on the wrong feet... so if they're a little pinchy - try putting them on the right feet. 

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30 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I only mention it when something (like shoes) are "uncomfortable". Well love, when your shoes are on the wrong feet... so if they're a little pinchy - try putting them on the right feet. 

I'm not a parent...but this is what I hope to be like! Lots of love and a little humor go a long way it seems like!

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Can I just say my heart about melted when I told baby boy, after we returned home and I helped him take off his jacket and shoes: “Will you take your shoes and put them on the mat by the door”, and he DID IT!

I could hardly believe it. He’s not quite one and a half, doesn’t really speak much yet, so I’m often not sure how much he understands. I mostly said that as a joke, I really didn’t expect him to just follow my instructions.

I know it’s a small thing, but it felt mind blowing to realize he can actually understand and follow through with a simple task now. Not because it means less work for us parents, but because it’s such a HUGE step in gaining independence!

We do try to let him have some choice in the clothing he picks. For example, we hold up two shirts or two tights and let him choose one. Both are weather appropriate of course, and he’s so proud to get to choose what he wears.

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1 hour ago, SisterCupcake said:

I'm not a parent...but this is what I hope to be like! Lots of love and a little humor go a long way it seems like!

Sometimes I'll fight the good fight. "Honey - you need to wear this shirt with buttons to the funeral." But I try to make it fun at least "But DADDY is wearing the same shirt - you'll match!" 

And sometimes - I just roll with it because I have bigger fish to fry.

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For our “old enough” kids I made a laminated clothing chart to put in their closet.

1. Check the weather, plan accordingly. Poor planning on your part will not result in me driving you a new outfit (pack an umbrella or hat/gloves if needed).

2. Is your body adequately, and comfortably,  covered? If no, put that piece in the donate basket. 

3. If there is a casket, wedding dress, or job interview at your destination you had better be in top form: clothes clean and pressed, shoes shined, face clean, hair under control. 

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We live on a large property and the kids spend a lot of time outdoors. Their school has a fairly strict dress code. My kids like dressing smartly for fancy occasions. They LOVE dress ups. I tell them which of the first 3 categories to choose from and the expected weather for the day. Remind the younger ones how many layers are sensible and then wait to see what they choose. Starting age 2/3. 

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8 hours ago, Meggo said:

I try to make sure my 8 year old is seasonably appropriate. (It's 20F out there - no shorts). But he regularly comes downstairs with some portion of his outfit inside out or backwards. I only mention it when something (like shoes) are "uncomfortable". Well love, when your shoes are on the wrong feet... so if they're a little pinchy - try putting them on the right feet. 

I have subbed multiple times in kindergarten this year. In one particular class I noticed four or five students who had a problem with which feet do my shoes go on. I carefully put my stocking foot under the dock Cam and had students look at it. One side is pretty straight but the other side curves out. I then put one of my shoes under the dock Cam and we looked at how one side of the shoe is pretty straight and the other one curves out. We then talked about how the curvy part of the shoe needs to go on the curvy part of the foot. I don't remember seeing a lot of problems the next day.

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A communal closet throughout childhood or young adulthood, is just another way of implying all the kids are interchangeable.  I loved dressing myself as a kid - I had an orange patterned skirt with a royal blue blouse that I LOVED when I was in probably kindergarten and my mom let me wear it every week but drew the line at every day.  It probably looked terrible as no pictures appear to have survived.

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I’m going to defend Jessa’s “communal closet.” I don’t really think it means that her kids will have less input into their clothing choices because it’s  all stored in the same room. I think she’ll probably have a storage system with a bin and a section of a rack for hanging clothes for each kid. She’s talked about capsule wardrobes for her kids which I guess is having fewer items that all coordinate with each other. So it seems like she is trying to limit the volume to a manageable number of items for each kid. From watching her cooking videos with Spurgeon and Henry, I think Jessa is all about teaching skills to her kids and giving them age appropriate responsibilities. I just don’t see how the location of where her kids’ clothing is stored will limit their development or individuality.

Edited by JDuggs
Missed a word
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I’m still puzzled by the door/fireplace placement.  That’s one of the weirder things I’ve seen in a house.  I would have chosen to move the door to the other side of that room or filled in the fireplace (plain wall) to avoid that bizarre layout.  

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1 hour ago, JDuggs said:

I’m going to defend Jessa’s “communal closet.” I don’t really think it means that her kids will have less input into their clothing choices because it’s  all stored in the same room. I think she’ll probably have a storage system with a bin and a section of a rack for hanging clothes for each kid. She’s talked about capsule wardrobes for her kids which I guess is having fewer items that all coordinate with each other. So it seems like she is trying to limit the volume to a manageable number of items for each kid. From watching her cooking videos with Spurgeon and Henry, I think Jessa is all about teaching skills to her kids and giving them age appropriate responsibilities. I just don’t see how the location of where her kids’ clothing is stored will limit their development or individuality.

I think it makes sense organizationally…when the mom is in charge of the clothes. It prioritizes her task list over kids’ learning to select and care for their things. It makes sense to me for very young children but not for orders especially as it becomes a matter of privacy or having your own space in the home. For instance, do you have a closet and room you can go change in? Or do you have a locker and dormitory style bedroom? I think the question of controlling their clothing choices isn’t dependent on communal closet. I wonder if new generation fo fundies will control in new ways - Instagram worthy outfits (vs, modesty standards). 

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19 hours ago, SisterCupcake said:

I'm not a parent...but this is what I hope to be like! Lots of love and a little humor go a long way it seems like!

When my kids we’re younger and they’d do something silly that they shouldn’t do (not something actually bad which needed correction, just silly kid stuff) I’d always say…ok this is number 572 on the list of things I never thought I’d have to tell another person…do not skip while going down the hall with a full glass of water 😂 The kids would laugh but they got the message, hey if I skip the water spills all down the hall carpet. Just one example I clearly remember but I’d say the same thing and give some random number in the hundreds each time.  It kept things light and got the message across. 

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Was it the Duggars that had the ‘shoe basket’ where the kids just dipped in for shoes?? I’m not really bothered about communal clothes for young children, but communal shoes? Never! 

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One of my friends lived in a house where the master bedroom opened up directly into the kitchen. That's the oddest location for a bedroom I've seen.

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6 hours ago, Idlewild said:

Was it the Duggars that had the ‘shoe basket’ where the kids just dipped in for shoes?? I’m not really bothered about communal clothes for young children, but communal shoes? Never! 

Not sure about the Duggars but the Beardsley family did this (the blended family with 18 kids upon which the movie Yours, Mine, and Ours was based.)  I remember watching that movie with my mom and her shaking her head each time the scene came on with the shoes saying how bad it is to share shoes.  

(I know that was a movie, but the shoe thing was confirmed either in their book or by interviews with the kids, but as I can't remember the exact source grain of salt and all that.)

I also remember even as a kid not understanding why Lucille Ball was cast in a role where she was pregnant in the final part of the movie since even little me could see she was way too old for that.  My mom said something about suspending disbelief for movies, but I didn't like it then and I don't like it now.

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19 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

I have subbed multiple times in kindergarten this year. In one particular class I noticed four or five students who had a problem with which feet do my shoes go on. I carefully put my stocking foot under the dock Cam and had students look at it. One side is pretty straight but the other side curves out. I then put one of my shoes under the dock Cam and we looked at how one side of the shoe is pretty straight and the other one curves out. We then talked about how the curvy part of the shoe needs to go on the curvy part of the foot. I don't remember seeing a lot of problems the next day.

We've done that - we put stickers on the insides that he had to match up, we put HUGE sharpie arrows right on the inside of each heel so he could line them up - he absolutely does NOT care or notice. Until the shoes don't fit right. :)

 

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1 minute ago, Meggo said:

We've done that - we put stickers on the insides that he had to match up, we put HUGE sharpie arrows right on the inside of each heel so he could line them up - he absolutely does NOT care or notice. Until the shoes don't fit right. :)

 

If it makes you feel better I was that kid, I figured it out eventually :) 

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Just now, HerNameIsBuffy said:

If it makes you feel better I was that kid, I figured it out eventually :) 

Oh I'm sure he'll figure it out. Eventually. Really - in the grand scheme of things - it's no biggy. 

Now why on earth he insists on taking his shirt off to poop (and then puts it on backwards/inside out - however it came off) - this is still a mystery. every.time. No matter where he is when the mood strikes, home, school, daycare, out at a restaurant... 

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