Katie & Travis 3: Married and Expecting to be Expecting Soon….

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I do have a touch compassion for all these couples because they’ve grown up in a cult and many, especially the younger ones, seemingly do not have any idea of how to make their own, adult, individual decisions. As each of these folks gets older, has more distance from the mothership and especially when start having kids of their own, my sympathy quickly diminishes.

I’m on this page too. I feel bad for Katie, but I often remember that she’s in a much better situation than many fundies. She has access to money so many other fundies don’t. If she left Travis, her parents would welcome her back home. If she needed to work and support herself and kids, she could definitely work as an influencer. So while yes, her situation is not great because of the choices their parents made, she has more options than many young fundie women. 

[Tangy Bee]

In the beginning I was cool with the relationship. Travis is catalog cute, northern, and appeared to come from a well off family. Then as time went on I noticed them not touching, even after engagement...and they're not orthodox jews so I found it strange. Plus more info was coming out about the Clark family and the college Travis attends. Then I found out Travis's cousin married a local fundie in my area. Then that crazy bday video of his male relatives bullying him. This is probably a case of what looks good and sounds good...is not good for you.😳

[Jackie3]

31 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

If she left Travis, her parents would welcome her back home.

They might let her come home, but they would also pressure her 24/7 to go back to him. A divorce is a terrible thing in their culture, and also awful for their brand.

13 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

In the beginning I was cool with the relationship. Travis is catalog cute, northern, and appeared to come from a well off family. Then as time went on I noticed them not touching, even after engagement...and they're not orthodox jews so I found it strange. Plus more info was coming out about the Clark family and the college Travis attends. Then I found out Travis's cousin married a local fundie in my area. Then that crazy bday video of his male relatives bullying him. This is probably a case of what looks good and sounds good...is not good for you.😳

And Katie, at 20, was far too inexperienced to see any red flags.

Edited March 12, 2022 by Jackie3

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think KJ and Gil would push Katie to stay with Travis as long as possible. But they wouldn’t shut her out or shun her if she left him. The very publicly known fundies like the Duggars and Bateses know how bad it looks when you shun your own child. They would probably make remarks to Katie and want her to go back, but if Katie was dead set on leaving Travis and coming back to TN, they would welcome her back and put on a big fake smile for social media. 

[BeccaGrim]

Kelly and Addallee have driven up for the day to see Katie. Tennessee to NJ.  Katie has been virtually not alone at all with her husband since they got married.  I don't think she's very happy.  Alyssa has a lot of company but not like this.  

[JDuggs]

8 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

Kelly and Addallee have driven up for the day to see Katie. Tennessee to NJ.  Katie has been virtually not alone at all with her husband since they got married.  I don't think she's very happy.  Alyssa has a lot of company but not like this.  

Katie and Travis were in North Carolina. Kelly visited them there.

[CaptainFunderpants]

4 hours ago, Phyllis_Stein said:

*snip*

I get the distinct feeling that Travis does not appreciate the big family/big noise environment at the Bates' gatherings, and continual and (probably) intrusive visits from her family. He knows she's bored and miserable but doesn't seem inclined to help her with positive options for filling her time and energy. If I were to guess, he resents that she is miserable and clinging to her family, as if it is a reflection on him.  His family seems awful. Katie and Travis don't appear to be a good match at all, and I don't think Travis appreciates who she is. Katie is full of life, and even if she is shallow, she is beautiful and perky and deserves to be appreciated for the lightness, fun, and good humor that she can bring to their lives. 

 

I think the light in Katie's eyes will dim quickly. I hope I am wrong. 

Katie clearly needs to work outside the house. That should be their compromise on the no-baby thing.

Once upon a time, Katie wanted to be a nurse. The smartest move for Travis would be to let Katie start taking LPN course work so she has projects to focus on, classmates to interact with, and ultimately ends up with skills that will help their family anyway.

The other option would be to let her use her existing degree and get licensed in New Jersey as a hair stylist. Wedding season is coming up, no doubt business will boom. Wasn't she originally in on Josie's business? She could absolutely treat it as an off-shoot of that, as well as still work with Josie on events somewhat regularly (every month or two), which would likely help the homesickness as well.

[Keys]

Yeah, and I don’t understand why Travis wouldn’t want her to work or do something outside the home? My understanding is that her SILs do things outside the home (even if it is at the family school). Maybe the barrier is the driving, but if so, that should be addressed ASAP. It’s hard to have any sort of independence when you live somewhat rurally and don’t drive. 

[raayx01]

18 minutes ago, Keys said:

Yeah, and I don’t understand why Travis wouldn’t want her to work or do something outside the home? My understanding is that her SILs do things outside the home (even if it is at the family school). Maybe the barrier is the driving, but if so, that should be addressed ASAP. It’s hard to have any sort of independence when you live somewhat rurally and don’t drive. 

She said that she eventually wants to do something like work at a lash studio, but for right now she is trying to get settled into her marriage, home and NJ before she starts working. Which I would fully believe her if she didn't have half her family come every other week to visit. How can you get adjusted to your new life when your old life is still there. I get she's homesick but this is excessive.

[SassyPants]

30 minutes ago, raayx01 said:

She said that she eventually wants to do something like work at a lash studio, but for right now she is trying to get settled into her marriage, home and NJ before she starts working. Which I would fully believe her if she didn't have half her family come every other week to visit. How can you get adjusted to your new life when your old life is still there. I get she's homesick but this is excessive.

She’s been married for 4 months…time to get that job, if that’s her goal.

[AussieKrissy]

Does she not drive at all or just not a confident driver? 

[Keys]

36 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

Does she not drive at all or just not a confident driver? 

She said she doesn’t feel comfortable driving in NJ. Someone above also mentioned that Kelly said she’s not a very good driver. 

[rebeccawriter01]

1 hour ago, Keys said:

She said she doesn’t feel comfortable driving in NJ. Someone above also mentioned that Kelly said she’s not a very good driver. 

On the show there were a bunch of comments about her lack of driving skills. There was "surprise" that she was relatively good at flying a plane with Nathan giving her lessons because she wasn't a great driver. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I don’t think I’m a good driver but I’m aware if it. Which makes me more vigilant about always paying attention to everything happening on the roads. The worst drivers in my experience are the ones who think they are awesome drivers and actually suck. Their over confidence fucks then up and they end up in a bunch of fender benders. 

[SassyPants]

7 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don’t think I’m a good driver but I’m aware if it. Which makes me more vigilant about always paying attention to everything happening on the roads. The worst drivers in my experience are the ones who think they are awesome drivers and actually suck. Their over confidence fucks then up and they end up in a bunch of fender benders. 

Well, my husband is a very skilled driver. He could park a motor home is a sidewalk crack. He also speeds and has been to traffic school more times that I can count. Like you, I know my limits. I can not park in small spots, and am terrible in reverse. If I have to back into a spot, between 2 cars, I am toast, although I have zero problems backing out. If you asked the state of CA, I am the better driver, but I know he is far more skilled. I also rely on audio navigation when driving to unknown places.

[Melissa1977]

I'm a horrible driver. That's why I live in the town center, next to the train station haha.

 

[WiseGirl]

19 hours ago, Keys said:

She said she doesn’t feel comfortable driving in NJ.

I can't fault her on that. Driving in NJ is not for the faint of heart.

[rebeccawriter01]

18 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don’t think I’m a good driver but I’m aware if it. Which makes me more vigilant about always paying attention to everything happening on the roads. The worst drivers in my experience are the ones who think they are awesome drivers and actually suck. Their over confidence fucks then up and they end up in a bunch of fender benders. 

NJ isn't easy, especially for someone who lacks confidence. If the things said about Katie on the show were said to her behind the scenes, I'm betting she does lack some confidence. Gil, Kelly Jo, and the siblings aren't really known for boosting people up unless it is Lawson and his singing. The only compliments or boosts they get are when they "help" others in the family. Otherwise it is pretty rare. 

I would bet that Katie probably does suffer from some low self esteem about her abilities in most anything. Add in that Travis can appear quite dismissive of her, she's probably going to have issues with driving etc. until it is a necessity. 

[CaptainFunderpants]

2 hours ago, rebeccawriter01 said:

*snip*

I would bet that Katie probably does suffer from some low self esteem about her abilities in most anything. Add in that Travis can appear quite dismissive of her, she's probably going to have issues with driving etc. until it is a necessity. 

Then IDK why she's pushing to get pregnant. If she's pregnant/a new mom, it's going to be a necessity.

[SassyPants]

And don’t they live in Southern NJ? They aren’t outside of busy NYC or Philadelphia, right? 

[candygirl200413]

I'm pretty sure they are in the suburbs of south jersey (so yes not near new york and right outside of philly). Suburban driving isn't too bad I feel like especially in comparison to rural driving which she is probs used to.

[HereticHick]

12 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

I'm pretty sure they are in the suburbs of south jersey (so yes not near new york and right outside of philly). Suburban driving isn't too bad I feel like especially in comparison to rural driving which she is probs used to.

Katie has also had to contend with more snow in NJ. I just looked and the average yearly snowfall in Rocky Top, TN is 5.6 inches; in Berlin, NJ it is 14.1 inches.  When I moved a couple of states north, I found it difficult to adjust to driving in snow. It took me years to accept the idea that people can actually drive/do things when it is snowing lightly, and not be totally freaked out about it.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

Wow, that is one grey/white house. Was there a single object visible? It didn’t look like they had moved in. Katie didn’t seem to have been involved in the house renovation at all (and barely involved in purchasing the house). The Duggar women are super involved by comparison. I thought it was sweet that Travis was the one who wanted a bathtub, though maybe he was looking ahead to bathing small children rather than planning to take baths himself.

[Tdoc72]

On 3/13/2022 at 8:32 PM, candygirl200413 said:

I'm pretty sure they are in the suburbs of south jersey (so yes not near new york and right outside of philly). Suburban driving isn't too bad I feel like especially in comparison to rural driving which she is probs used to.

If she stayed on local roads, she’d probably be fine. Busy roads and highways are a different story. We’re very aggressive and impatient drivers here in NJ.  I told my teens when they were learning that people are going to beep at you, but try your best to ignore it and never make eye contact. We’re also a very crowded state. Lotta people, lotta cars. 

[backyard sylph]

6 minutes ago, Tdoc72 said:

If she stayed on local roads, she’d probably be fine. Busy roads and highways are a different story. We’re very aggressivand impatient drivers here in NJ.  I told my teens when they were learning that people are going to beep at you, but try your best to ignore it and never make eye contact. We’re also a very crowded state. Lotta people, lotta cars. 

I lived in New Jersey for eleven years. It made me a better driver, though I was fine before in other places. It demands a lot of situational awareness, both on the road and just in general, and I'm still frustrated sometimes where I live now, after another eleven years, at the lack of that here. 

If Katie could warm up to the idea of getting out on the road, she could probably sharpen her skills pretty quickly, and then expand her routes as she gained confidence.