Katie & Travis 3: Married and Expecting to be Expecting Soon….

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Not counting Michaela, Erin had the biggest gap because she had 3 miscarriages before Carson was born. Everyone besides Erin and Michael had a baby before their first wedding anniversary. 

Unless she is PG now or conceives realllllllly soon, they will make one year childfree.

[CanadianMamam]

13 hours ago, JDuggs said:

I certainly hope that Katie and Travis discussed birth control methods that they found acceptable and the timing of when to try to start a family before they got married. This would be a terrible time to start discussing it or changing their minds. It would be nice if Katie could also have frank discussions with Travis’s sister and sister-in-law to hear their reasons for waiting (if it’s actually true - in my opinion, they are waiting.) Which Bates sibling with children had the biggest gap between the wedding and first baby?

Erin, because she had miscarriages, or I guess Michal because of her infertility. The others all had a baby by the first anniversary.

[SassyPants]

If the elder Clarks have a say in Katie’s family plans, and her new husband supports that input, add that to the list of mind screws that Katie is now experiencing and trying to understand. Can you imagine being raised in a litter and all you hear about is pregnancies and leaving it up to God, and then after marrying young, moving many states away from your family, your IL’s, not God, are determining when you should/will try to conceive? Holy hell!

[JDuggs]

Working out these types of issues (family size, birth control) should all happen during the courtship period so both parties have the same expectations. Do people really think that Katie just assumed Travis wanted a quiverfull family and wanted to have a baby in the first year of marriage? If Katie is blindsided by this information, they didn’t do their due diligence before marrying.

And I realize that plans and expectations can evolve as conditions change, but the plan needs to start before the marriage, not after.

Going to give a slight edge to Duggar generation 2 on this. Jill discussed the many premarital questions she had for Derick and have discussed birth control after they’ve been married. Jinger and Jeremy discussed waiting to start a family. It appears that Justin and Claire are waiting to start a family (but they are possibly trying but not conceiving.) Joy talked about only seeing around four kids in her family.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

The two things that will be tossed aside the most in the Duggar and Bates families will likely be the skirts only and quiverful beliefs. 

[Tangy Bee]

I saw a glimpse of Travis's mom during his birthday celebration. Good to see she's up and moving around. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

13 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

I know they’re not Gothard followers but wasn’t it Gothard that said newlyweds couldn’t have a pet b/c it would distract from the couple’s relationship?  That’s some WTFery right there. 

It was the Duggars, but that was before they found ATI. The advice came from Dr. Ed Wheat, who was their doctor at the time and who co-wrote the Christian sex manual “Intended for Pleasure.” They mention the pet advice in the context of his recommendation that they not have a TV for the first year. (I strongly suspect that he also told them not to have a baby, but they didn’t mention that in their book.) Anyway, they recommended the TV advice, but didn’t seem to have an opinion about the pet thing.

[Keys]

14 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

Katie and Travis both have smart phones. I'm guessing talking on the phone was their only privacy. Long gone are the ridiculous days when poor Zack had to announce every text to the family and let them read it. I've been watching and reading about these people way too long🙄

You’re right! I have covid currently and my brain didn’t even consider phones, lol. Hopefully they had some good in-depth text and phone conversations. 

[Keys]

Katie/Travis are driving to NC to record a music soundtrack with the Clarks. Katie is doing a Q&A on her Instagram stories, and keeps doing questions asking about having babies, and pointing the camera at Travis, who deflects every time. I wonder if she is pressuring him? 
 

She also briefly showed Travis’ mom, who was reclined in the car with them. Hopefully she’s feeling okay after her injury!

[indianabones]

30 minutes ago, Keys said:

Katie/Travis are driving to NC to record a music soundtrack with the Clarks. Katie is doing a Q&A on her Instagram stories, and keeps doing questions asking about having babies, and pointing the camera at Travis, who deflects every time. I wonder if she is pressuring him?

Their social media posts are definitely making it look like she would have a baby tomorrow if she could but Travis wants to put it off as long as possible. I can't blame him- he just moved out of his parents' house for the first time and started having sex. Most people wouldn't want to add a newborn to that equation automatically.

[JermajestyDuggar]

30 minutes ago, Keys said:

Katie/Travis are driving to NC to record a music soundtrack with the Clarks. Katie is doing a Q&A on her Instagram stories, and keeps doing questions asking about having babies, and pointing the camera at Travis, who deflects every time. I wonder if she is pressuring him? 
 

She also briefly showed Travis’ mom, who was reclined in the car with them. Hopefully she’s feeling okay after her injury!

I wouldn’t be surprised if she was pressuring him to Get her pregnant and Travis’s dad is pressuring him to wait a year to have kids. He just turned 21 for fuck’s sake. It’s insane to me that someone that young is dealing with this kind of thing already. They are just kids who are married in my eyes. I can’t help but hope they wait a year to actually get to know each other better and settle into their new lives as a married couple. 

[CaptainFunderpants]

2 hours ago, indianabones said:

Their social media posts are definitely making it look like she would have a baby tomorrow if she could but Travis wants to put it off as long as possible. I can't blame him- he just moved out of his parents' house for the first time and started having sex. Most people wouldn't want to add a newborn to that equation automatically.

I agree. I thought otherwise, but the more I see of their post-nuptial life, the more I agree with the rest of y'all that it is a TERRIBLE match. Katie would have been happier with a guy from a fellow mega family, while Travis would have been better off with a girl from his general area, if not same congregation.

[JermajestyDuggar]

17 minutes ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

I agree. I thought otherwise, but the more I see of their post-nuptial life, the more I agree with the rest of y'all that it is a TERRIBLE match. Katie would have been happier with a guy from a fellow mega family, while Travis would have been better off with a girl from his general area, if not same congregation.

It seems his brother Mike married a girl from their congregation. I’m sort of surprised Travis went after Katie instead of a girl at their church like Mike did. I guess he had to have a fundie celebrity 🙄

[CanadianMamam]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It seems his brother Mike married a girl from their congregation. I’m sort of surprised Travis went after Katie instead of a girl at their church like Mike did. I guess he had to have a fundie celebrity 🙄

He said he saw Katie's instagram and was struck by how beautiful she was, so he messaged her. I think the Bates girls are big catches in the fundie world, not just because of the show but because of how pretty and perky they are. I think Gil and Kelly encouraged her to accept his pursuit because the Clark's are well known in the fundie world. 

There is a poster on Reddit who claims to know the Clarks and says the family wasn't super happy about Mike's marriage and gave made a much bigger deal out of Katie than Devon. 

 

 

They put the dog in a dress..that poor dog. 

[Keys]

3 hours ago, indianabones said:

Their social media posts are definitely making it look like she would have a baby tomorrow if she could but Travis wants to put it off as long as possible. I can't blame him- he just moved out of his parents' house for the first time and started having sex. Most people wouldn't want to add a newborn to that equation automatically.

 

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wouldn’t be surprised if she was pressuring him to Get her pregnant and Travis’s dad is pressuring him to wait a year to have kids. He just turned 21 for fuck’s sake. It’s insane to me that someone that young is dealing with this kind of thing already. They are just kids who are married in my eyes. I can’t help but hope they wait a year to actually get to know each other better and settle into their new lives as a married couple. 

Totally. I generally don’t think it’s good vibes when people so publicly make known what they want in terms of major life steps from their partner. Like for example, whenever you see a couple in public, and one member keeps making comments about how much they want to get married, and looking at the other one like they’re holding them back. I see it as them not being on the same page, and trying to pressure the other person into something they don’t want or aren’t ready for. I think it’s much, much healthier when these discussions are had between the couple in private. No one should be made to feel pressured into major life decisions by their partner publicly like that. 

I think Katie would benefit from finding a hobby and doing something meaningful with her time. The fact that she can’t drive and is stuck at home is probably making her stir-crazy. She probably has an idealized/romanticized picture of what it means to have a baby, and she thinks it’s a great choice for them right now. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

He said he saw Katie's instagram and was struck by how beautiful she was, so he messaged her. I think the Bates girls are big catches in the fundie world, not just because of the show but because of how pretty and perky they are. I think Gil and Kelly encouraged her to accept his pursuit because the Clark's are well known in the fundie world. 

There is a poster on Reddit who claims to know the Clarks and says the family wasn't super happy about Mike's marriage and gave made a much bigger deal out of Katie than Devon. 

 

 

They put the dog in a dress..that poor dog. 

Were they mad because Devon is half black?

4 minutes ago, Keys said:

 

Totally. I generally don’t think it’s good vibes when people so publicly make known what they want in terms of major life steps from their partner. Like for example, whenever you see a couple in public, and one member keeps making comments about how much they want to get married, and looking at the other one like they’re holding them back. I see it as them not being on the same page, and trying to pressure the other person into something they don’t want or aren’t ready for. I think it’s much, much healthier when these discussions are had between the couple in private. No one should be made to feel pressured into major life decisions by their partner publicly like that. 

That always bugs me too. I’ve seen that happen on fb or in real life and I cringe on the inside. 

[Keys]

26 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Were they mad because Devon is half black?

That always bugs me too. I’ve seen that happen on fb or in real life and I cringe on the inside. 

Yes! We have friends who have been dating for 10 years and live together. Whenever we see them, she’s alwayssss making comments to us, in front of him, about how she’s waiting for a ring, how she won’t wait forever, etc. It makes me feel bad for him and uncomfortable

[raayx01]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Were they mad because Devon is half black?

If that's the case it's just ridiculous and abhorrent. I've always thought that Deven is super pretty and Mike seems really happy with her. The same goes for Travis's sister Kayla and her husband Cameron, they seem happy together. Travis and Katie just seemed forced. Not that they were arranged but that they both wanted a good looking partner and Katie wanted a wedding and to say she has a husband.

[Smash!]

I get Katie‘s desire for a baby and if the speculation is true that he is the one who wants to wait then this is one more thing that‘s fucked up with her situation. She cones from a mega family, all her sister had a kid shortly after marriage. This is what she knows. Then she gets married super young, moving several states away from her family who she‘s close to and is now bored and homesick. She doesn‘t have or isn‘t allowed to have any hobbies or a job and then her husband says no to trying for a baby probably the one thing that would make her transition easier because I imagine a baby makes it easier to make new friends with other moms. While I understand Travis‘ possible reasons it shows Katies own wishes, wants and needs seem to be completely irrelevant.

[Tangy Bee]

It all sounds so frustrating. Katie is pressured  by him to wait...but Travis is pressured by her to not wait. Curious to know when this topic came up. Was it during courtship or after engagement? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

It all sounds so frustrating. Katie is pressured  by him to wait...but Travis is pressured by her to not wait. Curious to know when this topic came up. Was it during courtship or after engagement? 

I don’t know but I’m sure it came up. Because the Bateses are extremely vocal about their quiverful beliefs. And Travis’s family is very obviously not quiverful. So you know it came up. 

[Sabine]

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don’t know but I’m sure it came up. Because the Bateses are extremely vocal about their quiverful beliefs. And Travis’s family is very obviously not quiverful. So you know it came up. 

maybe they can find the compromise. One kid quickly so that she is finally a 'complete' women in the eyes of her family and community. Not only married, but with child. After that.......maybe a gap of 5 years between each kid? But i guess that is what the first kid is, a sign that this union is blessed by god. 

[Phyllis_Stein]

I feel sad for Katie. In NJ she has no friends, no family, no hobbies, no job, a strange (to her) family and regional culture, and nothing else to think about but what she has been raised to do, which is to produce babies early and often. She was given no other avenues or outlets growing up except for the goal of motherhood, and she is prevented from that one and only path indefinitely. Plus, she's used to tons of noise, activity, and constant company. 

 

I think that they probably talked about waiting to start a family, but the reality of living isolated from her family with nothing to do but wait for and follow Travis around is harder than she thought. She seems like an extrovert so it is coming down hard on her.

 

I get the distinct feeling that Travis does not appreciate the big family/big noise environment at the Bates' gatherings, and continual and (probably) intrusive visits from her family. He knows she's bored and miserable but doesn't seem inclined to help her with positive options for filling her time and energy. If I were to guess, he resents that she is miserable and clinging to her family, as if it is a reflection on him.  His family seems awful. Katie and Travis don't appear to be a good match at all, and I don't think Travis appreciates who she is. Katie is full of life, and even if she is shallow, she is beautiful and perky and deserves to be appreciated for the lightness, fun, and good humor that she can bring to their lives. 

 

I think the light in Katie's eyes will dim quickly. I hope I am wrong. 

[clueliss]

I’m gonna be honest here I’m having a hard time feeling sympathy for either one in this couple. If they didn’t discuss this before he proposed and she accepted well maybe that should’ve been on the discussion list. If either one of them went into this thinking that they could change the other one well maybe you shouldn’t have gotten married because you’re not mature enough to be married. But we’re in funding land so hey everybody Mary off young.

 

I’m gonna be honest here I’m having a hard time feeling sympathy for either one in this couple. If they didn’t discuss this before he proposed and she accepted well maybe that should’ve been on the discussion list. If either one of them went into this thinking that they could change the other one well maybe you shouldn’t have gotten married because you’re not mature enough to be married. But we’re in funding land so hey everybody Mary of young.

 

Katie’s parents have seen the results of these no touch limited contact relationships court ships whatever they are in the past in their own family.  And yet they let this continue even though all of this was going on at a distance because he was in Tennessee and he was in New Jersey.

 

And yet they let this continue even though all of this was going on at a distance because he was in Tennessee and he was in New Jersey.

 

I often related to fund the relationships that sometimes go bad and reminded of a conversation that I witnessed between two conservative Catholic family members at a curves workout session one day.  One member was discussing her brother and his wife. The other member was either her sister or her sister-in-law. So they’re all part of the same family. And the attitude was you’re married you stay married forever and that’s that. Basically you’re stuck with him. Now these were Catholics however I have applied that logic to every stinking Funday we follow on this board. Because most of the time that’s the direction they think.

[SassyPants]

I do have a touch compassion for all these couples because they’ve grown up in a cult and many, especially the younger ones, seemingly do not have any idea of how to make their own, adult, individual decisions. As each of these folks gets older, has more distance from the mothership and especially when start having kids of their own, my sympathy quickly diminishes.