Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People

[FiveAcres]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Has anyone ever, in the entire history of mankind,  been converted because they got a tract?  Has anybody ever read a tract they received?

Years ago I was handed an anti-D&D (fantasy roleplaying game) tract at a science fiction convention. I couldn't finish reading it because my eyes were rolling so hard. 

[smittykins]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Has anyone ever, in the entire history of mankind,  been converted because they got a tract?  Has anybody ever read a tract they received?

I don’t usually get them, but when I do, I’ll read it for the shits-and-giggles factor(like the JW one I got in the mail a few months ago, along with a handwritten letter).

[Alisamer]

3 hours ago, Hane said:

@thoughtful, what does Gary mean by “perforated people”?

 

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He only used it once, quoting another preacher IIRC, in a message.

I think it meant drug users who use needles. It was in the thread prior to this one, but I can't find it at the moment.

I think it was near the end. It baffled and amused me enough to make it into the thread title, LOL! You are likely right about it meaning drug users, but I remember wondering if it meant piercings, or vaccinated people, or what. It's Gary, could be any or all those things.

2 hours ago, FiveAcres said:

Years ago I was handed an anti-D&D (fantasy roleplaying game) tract at a science fiction convention. I couldn't finish reading it because my eyes were rolling so hard. 

I found one of the Rod family's smiley tracts on the ground at a gas station. I didn't read it.

[thoughtful]

Found it. Not that it solves the mystery:

 

Quote

"We need to convince these people that God can even use the perforated people,"

It's a toss-up whether Gary has no idea what perforated means, or if he stole that from someone else, referring to drug addicts who shoot up - that is what he talks about next.

 

[postscript]

Or, of course, it could be one of Gary’s malapropisms and mean something else entirely. You never know with Gary. 

[Black Aliss]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He only used it once, quoting another preacher IIRC, in a message.

I think it meant drug users who use needles. It was in the thread prior to this one, but I can't find it at the moment.

Ohhhhh! I just assumed it was a reference to hipster preachers with skinny jeans, tattoos, and 1" gauges in each earlobe.

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Ohhhhh! I just assumed it was a reference to hipster preachers with skinny jeans, tattoos, and 1" gauges in each earlobe.

I actually think Gary assumes God can't use those people.

7 hours ago, postscript said:

Or, of course, it could be one of Gary’s malapropisms and mean something else entirely. You never know with Gary. 

I know - I tried not to think about it too much, because it made me want to try to figure out what word he thought he was using, or what he thought "perforated" means.

And you know what King Lear said (also Adam Schiff):

Spoiler

 

 

 

[FeministShrew]

I thought Gary was trying to say “imperfect” people and came up with “perforated.” I really doubt Gary knows what “perforated” really means, or that it’s even in his vocabulary in its correct usage.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, FeministShrew said:

I thought Gary was trying to say “imperfect” people and came up with “perforated.” I really doubt Gary knows what “perforated” really means, or that it’s even in his vocabulary in its correct usage.

That's very possible.

It's the eternal mystery of Gary - sometimes we have to try very hard to figure out what he was trying to say. It's almost like reading a religious text in an outdated form of English, that was badly translated from content that was thousands of years old  and in several other languages.

😁

 

[thoughtful]

On December 1, Gary preached at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Conway, SC, with the clock that chimes Amazing Grace. This is the church he babysat for three weeks, while Pastor Pridgen and his wife went to Africa to see their son the missionary and their granddog. Looking at their Facebook page, the pastor is still in Uganda as of 1/8/2022, but Gary has moved on:

https://www.facebook.com/GospelLightIndependentBaptistChurch/

As the video starts, he's saying something about "them" "havin' a little scare" that morning. It sounds like the Pridgens were concerned about flights being canceled, because of increased travel restrictions due to Omicron.

I think he says, "So all plans is, they gonna trah t'drahve t'Lake Tara until 'ey cain't drahve no more an' then finish in the mornin'."  Lake Tara, as you might imagine, with that name, is near the Atlanta airport. However, the captions have never read Gone With the Wind:

Spoiler

Gary has to throw in that Mrs. Pridgen uses a CPAP, for some reason.

Gary rambles about himself - how he hates flying, and what he wants to do while there, and how he actually took a day off on Monday, and wanders back to asking prayers for the pastor and his wife to have "traveling grace." Becky chimes in, asking them to pray for "an uneventful trip."

Gary says "it just looked lahk the devil was fightin' ever which way yesterday, but God intervened." Because of course it couldn't be just coincidence, or people trying to protect others from Covid - nope, devil.

He asks if anyone has other prayer requests, but never stops talking, going right into his "pray for our country, it's in a mess" crap, and asking for prayers for the tracts they will hand out.

A man speaks up, and starts with "Fellas at work. They've got country boy religion." The captions:

Spoiler

He says "They know about the blood, and I believe they are saved now," and he wants them to pray to "get them in a better church."

Gary, ever the eloquent speaker, says, "Pray for the holiday travelin', ah mean it's - there, what was it up yonder just a few weeks - ah guess it was last week, that where they - that gah run over all them people an' then they had a shootin' somewhere down in Georgia yesterday, so - our country - heh - need t'be prayed for, amen?"

Becky asks prayers for Miss Suzy whose knee is hurting. Gary says to pray for Tammy and her husband - Becky keeps trying to tell him it's not Tammy, it's James and Rachel, and finally gets through to him when he turns to her for some other information.

Why are they supposed to pray for James and Rachel? "They didn't say whah they wasn't comin', they said they wouldn't be here tonaht, so pray for them, whatever's goin' ohn with them."

Gee, I hope the devil isn't holding them back from going to church, because what other reason could there be for missing a Wednesday evening with Gary preaching?

Gary blabbers about how many people he's seen come and go in the years he's been coming there, "just pray for them, ah mean, people need t'realahze it's tahm t'settle down an' git in there, do pray fer those that's - yeah - the ones that's not Rachel an' James  . . . an' Susie."

Becky reminds him about Hardy, and he asks prayers for Hardy, and tells Jacob to say the general prayer.

Jacob comes up to be song leader, and all sing What a Friend We Have in Jesus. Becky sings No One Else.

Gary comes back up, and babbles meaninglessly about their getting in touch with Pastor Pridgen while he's away. He's moving on to the next announcement (needing people to change the church decor from fall to Christmas), and Becky realizes he hasn't made the point. She calls out "Don't call the preacher," which triggers Gary's memory, and he tells them that it will cost Pridgen ten dollars if they call him, whether he answers the phone or not, so they should use email.

And he remembers to ask prayers for a new person to do the church's website, because the person who does it now is giving it up - Gary has recommended the person who does theirs:

https://hawkinsfamilyministries.org/index.php

Gary announces 1 Corinthians 12, then blabs for a while, asking them to pray that he gives good messages, because "ah don't wanna shame mah God," and the usual last days, persecution is coming, the church is being attacked stuff. Finally, he asks them to stand.

Hey, the captions are getting better at understanding "if you can, you're willing and able:"

Spoiler

I'll meet you in Corinth, later.

[thoughtful]

Continuing 12/1, at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Conway, SC, Gary never tells them what verse(s) he's starting with, but I figure it out.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+12%3A12-27&version=KJV

It's the parts of the body analogy, which always makes me think of Return of the  Archons:

Spoiler

As usual, Gary's reading is strained and stumbling, and he thinks "God hath tempted the body together."

He does, however, pronounce schism correctly.

As usual, he does his ableist thing, talking about how helpless they'd all be if one part of their body failed, and how he saw "a gah the other day, an' ah'm not makin' fun of him, but ah seen a gah the other day, an' his glasses was pretty thick, ah said 'Ah'm prob'ly headin' that way mahself amen?'"

He gets to the theme of all church members being important, and says (with no segue), "It's necessary t'have a preacher, it is necessary t'have - well, we cain't say the woody family, ah guess we'd have t'say either the padded family or th'metal family, it would be pretty rough on that, amen?"

Is he talking about the furniture? Who knows?

He does own up to the fact that he has preached this message before, and says it was "a while back" (I think it's been a short while, Gary), but still says he "got t'thinkin' today." As usual, he says his title twice: What Makes a Great Church? What Makes a Great Church?

Gary then tumbles into babble about needing people to come help him and Becky the next day (with the redecorating, I guess - he never says), and, after that, they can come any time after the coming weekend, if they want him to go out door-knocking with them.

What's going on that weekend (Saturday, I assume, since they'll be in church all Sunday)? "Mah son's comin' down an' - ah cain't say a lot ohn Facebook, but there's some thangs gon' happen this weekend ah guess with mah son an' his girlfrien' if the Lord works that out."

That was the weekend Caleb proposed to Sarah and was accepted. BTW, a close-up of her face has replaced the gun, Bible and towel on his Facebook page.

Here they are celebrating in the big Christmas ornament. Gary looks so happy.

Spoiler

He did smile, or at least clown, for one picture, though:

Spoiler

Or maybe he was just shout-singing.

In another picture, Caleb is wearing this t-shirt:

Spoiler

 

Back to the message - sort of. Gary goes on for a while about how he would like to go out doorknocking, and how, in the old days, you'd pull up to the church and there would be kids running around, and "people are outsahd fellowshippin' an' some are even sendin' up smoke incense, amen, y'all'll git that after a whahl."

Gary, what have you been smoking?

He swings himself back to the message - be of one accord, the devil wants to get you out of church, etc. And he goes on and on about how he hopes he will be a help to them, and repeats a compliment someone gave him after the Michigan revival (but, of course, it was God who "got holta some hearts," not Gary).

"Look at first Peter real quick-lahk." Then, the captions and I agree, he said:

Spoiler

Gary, I hate to dash your hopes, but . . . cra?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+5%3A1-3&version=KJV

Gary has a "filthy luger" again. Clean that gun already, Gary!

The first way to have a great church is to have a great "pasture." Gary sings the praises of Brother Joe Pridgen for a while.

Of course, he also tattles on him for getting frustrated when Brother Hardy kept calling him when he was trying to get packed and started on his trip. "But he loves his people."

He blunders through a story about Brother Joe praying for some people who were about to have their dog (Gary thinks it was a dog - he's not sure) euthanized because they couldn't afford a surgery it needed. But there was good news - "the surgeon went down."

Er, reduced the price of the surgery, that is.

Another good deed of Brother Joe is pretty well obscured by Gary's attempts to describe it:

Spoiler

"Go over to Romans chapter 12, real quick-lahk."

Gary, you may just say that automatically at this point, but, if you are imagining that your saying "real quick-like" makes people think you won't babble on for way too long, you are mistaken.

"If ya wanna know if ah'm nervous or not, ah am."

Gary, save your nerves for when you have completely run out of what even you think is new material, and have good reason to be nervous.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+12%3A1-2&version=KJV

This is the bit about getting back to using the altar, because it's analogous to sacrifice. Gary does his routine about what he sacrificed to go on the road, and tells them that they should be as willing to make fools of themselves for God as they were back when they were in the world, making fools of themselves due to drink and drugs.

Way to assume, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+4%3A23-24&version=KJV

Worship God the right way to have a great church.

Gary tells them about the life of Jesus:

Spoiler

Gary, Mary may have been quite good-looking, but that's pretty disrespectful.

Gary blabbers about how God/Jesus takes care of him, and how he can't do anything without Him. He knows it is God who has saved him from accidents he's seen on the road. The captions seem to think he's seen a king - or maybe a dog.

Spoiler

And he goes on to describe one, that he missed by minutes because God. I'll spare you.

"Go t'Luke chapter 17, real quick-lahk."

I'll go when I'm good and ready, Gary.

 

Edited January 9, 2022 by thoughtful
grammar

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

A man speaks up, and starts with "Fellas at work. They've got country boy religion." The captions:

  Hide contents

He says "They know about the blood, and I believe they are saved now," and he wants them to pray to "get them in a better church."

Now I have "thank God I'm a country boy" stuck in my head, and I am wondering how much of "country boy religion" revolves around trucks, guns, ammo and beer. God of course is optional. "They know about the blood" - wonder how many of them are nodding and smiling and wishing he'd just shut up so they can plan hunting trips.

28 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He gets to the theme of all church members being important, and says (with no segue), "It's necessary t'have a preacher, it is necessary t'have - well, we cain't say the woody family, ah guess we'd have t'say either the padded family or th'metal family, it would be pretty rough on that, amen?"

Is he talking about the furniture? Who knows?

I can't even begin to guess on that one. Weird. 

[postscript]

Nervous, no. Nervy, yes.  

Celebrating Jesus' birthday on an old rugged crawl - my mind went to celebrating via bar crawl, a pastime which I suspect Gary enjoyed (or would have enjoyed) in his younger days. 

[thoughtful]

On 1/9/2022 at 9:05 AM, postscript said:

Celebrating Jesus' birthday on an old rugged crawl - my mind went to celebrating via bar crawl, a pastime which I suspect Gary enjoyed (or would have enjoyed) in his younger days. 

I think so. I've never heard Gary be clear and honest about his former drinking habits - he just makes vague references and assumes that others lived a wild life before getting saved.

He admits to smoking two joints, neither of which made him high because God made sure he got ineffective dope, or, he thinks, he would have been hooked.

The captions were dealing with the fact that what Gary actually said was "craw," leaving off the s sound, as he often does with "Chri" or "Chra."

Maybe there's something in his brain that accounts for all of the s sounds, and leaves them off of words that need them, after he's hissssed the ends of others, or pronounced the s at the end of Illinois.

Spoiler

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful
fixing quote

[smittykins]

12 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Now I have "thank God I'm a country boy" stuck in my head,

And now I do, too.  Thanks a LOT! 😛

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

Oh Brother Gary, you are an enigma for sure and Thoughtful's recaps have caused me to laugh the hardest I have in more than a year. I'll never leave you again, Gary. I need to figure out the backstory (prequel?) of the Good Brother. 

[thoughtful]

On the evening of December 1, at at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Conway, SC, Gary asked us to go to Luke chapter 17 (real quick-like). "Verses" six:

KJV:  And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.
Bro Gary Version:  And the Lord said, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamore tree, Be thou plucked up by the roots, an' be thou planted in the sea; an' it shall be - an' it shall obey you.

He does his usual crap about the mustard seed.

Gary said he talked to Brother Joe that day or the day before, "in between him gittin' ready an' havin' a - ah told him 'Ah guess yer mahnd's clear so we kin talk fer just a few minutes.'"

Brother Joe answered that his mind was as clear as if it was in a mud hole, but Gary didn't take the hint - he wanted to talk about how the good old days and the old-time preachers were great, and so they did.

I guess Gary's annoyance at Brother Hardy calling the pastor on the phone was mostly selfish - he wanted  Joe all to himself.

Gary blathers about a church in North Carolina that has a big sign that says "God Can."

He says he asked, "'Brother Joe, what if we start runnin' a hunnerd people before ya git back?' He said, 'You kin have th'church, ah'm gonna stay in Africa.'"

He tells a story about going out door-knocking during his recent stay in Michigan, and a woman who didn't seem to understand why they were there. She may have just been playing with them, but it sounds like they were haranguing a vulnerable person.

"She kep' ohn, ah dunno, we was trahin' our best, she kep' ohn sayin' 'What are ya tryin' t'do, git me t'join yer church?' Ah said 'No, we're here to make sure an' see that if you know an' make sure you know about your salvation, your soul, because we don't wantchu t'go t'Hell.' An' we talked to her a little bit - we never could git her completely t'unnerstan', but somehow - somehow or other we came t'the part of - an' ah tol' her an' ah said, 'Well, if ya got a Bahble,' an' she ended up not havin' a Bahble an' one the men of the church took her a Bahble over there an' ah told her that she needed t'read John, th'book of John, an' th'book of Romans"

And he goes on - the people from the church are going to "foller up" with her.

According to Gary, the government's been trying to shut down the church and get rid of Jesus since the Old Testament.

He mentions a woman who is moving to that area to come to their church -"brother Joe led her to God."

Captions:

Spoiler

Lots of familiar stuff follows, including humble-brags about how Jesus/God did all kinds of good things for people, and Gary just happened to be there.

He does his I Love Lucy line while saying he has to move on, then "That's just a little humor, that's what ah do."

A man calls out "Not funny," and they all laugh.

Gary reads Job 1:22 - In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

"Ah'll tellya how t'have a great church. Learn - learn t' - learn t' - learn that th'trahhls are gonna come. Amen."

Gary goes on (and on) about the trials of life, including getting older. I'll let the captions tell you one of the trials of aging. Gary says, "Every year ah"

Spoiler

Yes, he said bottom, then corrected himself.

Gary reads Proverbs 29:18 - Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

The usual crap follows - Gary's burden for America, his friends who are trying to get to Uganda Africa, the guy who watched his video and was called to Mexico, etc.

Gary reads Proverbs 18:24 - A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Gary's usual "be friendly" crap follows. Always an irony-meter-destroyer.

Gary reads Psalms 3:8, as the Amazing Grace clock chimes again - Salvation belongeth unto the Lord: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah.

To have a great church, be part of the church. You must be born again. And he goes on about making sure you're saved for entirely too long. Jesus could come any time - you'd better be ready.

[Black Aliss]

On 1/8/2022 at 9:44 AM, thoughtful said:

It's almost like reading a religious text in an outdated form of English, that was badly translated from content that was thousands of years old  and in several other languages.

I see what you did there!

[thoughtful]

On December 5, Gary was still at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Conway, SC, teaching/preaching Sunday School.

As the video starts, he is saying "Another way that uh uh when the devil was departed out of Heaven, he wanted t'git rid of Jesus. An' he used the wahs men here, he used these men, he said 'Listen, ah wantchu t'go fahnd out where he's at,' an' he lahd in the part, he said 'Ah wantchu t'go fahnd out where he's at, send word that ah kin come an' worship him.' No he  wanted t'fahnd out where he was at, 'cause he wanted to destroy Jesus you say 'Wha?'"

He quotes a verse, and I'm pretty sure his text is some or all of Matthew chapter 2.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+2&version=KJV

It was Herod who said what Gary paraphrased above, but I guess all bad things come from the Devil, in Gary's world.

"You talk t'people t'day, they still wanna git ridda Jesus. Ya say 'Wha?'" And he goes on to say that Jesus, or possibly God, is judging America.

He claims people put Santa in the manger instead of Jesus. He watched a movie on TV (of course, he has to say that he doesn't usually watch TV, because there's nothing worth watching), in which "they lohst Jesus - somebody come an' stole Jesus outta the manger."

What were you watching, Gary? Angela's Christmas? Nah, evil Catholics. An episode of The Leftovers? I doubt it.

In any case, he says it's because "they trahin' t'destroy it - trahin' t'git rid of it."

Gary, I can't imagine a movie or TV show in which someone takes the doll or statue representing Jesus out of a nativity scene being about destroying Jesus. It would be played for laughs, or to tug at heartstrings, and all would be well in the end. And when people do it in real life, it is generally a prank. A mean, stupid prank, but a prank nonetheless, not some evil manifestation of the devil.

Gary sounds unprepared, as if he is trying to speak extemporaneously. He babbles about being careful who you listen to, because even some Baptist preachers are not Biblical,

He jumps to John:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+8%3A44&version=KJV

The devil lies, and Gary babbles about that for a while, repeating over and over how the devil is a liar.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+4%3A4&version=KJV

The devil's trying to blind people. That's why they're canceling services. Also, Joe Bahden only tells lies, because the devil has him blinded.

And, winning the Bereft of Self-Awareness Award (or possibly the Knows What He's Saying But Has Big Brass Balls Award), Gary asks if they've ever met anyone like Biden, who lies so much they believe their own lies.

Yeah, I'm looking at one right now - how long have you been married to Becky, Gary, and how many children did you have together, and what did you really preach to Jonathan Nez?

He tells a garbled story about history books Jacob was studying - I think the point was that one source didn't exactly agree with the other. Gary, of course, said "Ah got the history booka the worl', ah got the Bahble, amen."

Gary almost completely fucks up his attempt to read:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+2%3A2-3&version=KJV

Then he is incoherent about the devil having power. If worldly music (even Christmas music) feeds the flesh, "it's the lust of th'desires of this worl' ya say 'What is that?' That's the prince of the power of the devil that's working, an' then that gives us disobedience, because we go to believin' what? Just any an' everything, that's the reason we gotta lotta people t'day that don't realahze that the dev - how much power th'devil's got now listen hey, the devil does not got enough power t'overrahd God but it does got enough power see that's the reason if you wanna go over you kin read it sometahm an' ah'm sure maybe y'already have but Ephizzans chapter six in order t'be able t'fight against th'devil ya gotta have God an' ya gotta be fully clothed let's look over there real quick-lahk Fizzins chapter six an' ah'll readya a few things here ohn howta - how to how to uh be strong butchu gotta have the Lord verses 10 says"

And he goes right on, reading the whole armor of God verses.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+6%3A10-18&version=KJV

Then he jumps right to Matthew 4:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+4%3A1-10&version=KJV

KJV: Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness
Gary: Then was the devil led up of the Spirit into the wilderness
Becky, gently: No.
Gary: What?
Becky: Start again.
Gary: Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. What did ah say? The devil?
Becky, amused: Yep.
A man: Oops!

Gary does his usual bit about these verses (the devil couldn't tempt Jesus, because Jesus/God already owns everything), then blathers about the devil wanting vengeance against Jesus, but will burn in Hell with the damned.

"Go t'Job chapter one real quick-lahk - y'all maht have a little extra gossipin' tahm this week."

He reads Job 1:9 - Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?

"Then go to verses 22."

KJV: In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.
BGV: An' all these things Job done, an' in all these things Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

He takes about a minute to make sure they know how much Job lost, and that he, like Gary, had "frenemies," then he's off to another chapter.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A22&version=KJV

He stumbles and mumbles, and finally spits out that the devil got Peter to deny Jesus, then jumps to chapter 26, and reads bits and pieces of:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+26%3A68-74&version=KJV

All lost people are controlled by the devil, according to Gary, and some saved people are "follerin'" after him. His example is people not having church or not coming to church because of Covid.

After some more meaningless babble about the devil, Gary prays, then says "Amen, ya got just a little bitta tahm."

This time, I think he means between Sunday School and the main service, not on this earth.

But who knows - it's Gary.

Edited January 11, 2022 by thoughtful
My grammar was almost as bad as Gary's!

[Jasmar]

A week or two ago, I spent a few days reading an old blog that posted and commented on various Chick tracts. I remember seeing Chick tracts as a kid and teenager (70s and 80s), and thought they were some of the wackiest things ever created. Reading on that website reinforced that impression.

Anyway, when I came back to the Bro Gary thread afterwards, it just hit me like a ton of bricks that Gary’s theology is based on Chick tracts, or at least the legacy of Chick tracts. It’s really kind of spooky how many of his themes and harangues are straight from Jack Chick’s tortured soul.

Even though I spent 20 years as a fundigelical in adulthood, I was nonetheless shocked to see just how seriously a lot of people apparently took those stupid tracts. Like, there’s a whole world of people like Gary who took it all to heart. From the anti-Catholic frenzy, to KJV only, to “sensual” music, to end times and persecution fantasies, to the magic words that get you into heaven, it’s all the same.

Super creepy, and honestly disturbing. No one I’d ever met took those things seriously, but I obviously didn’t know the right people.

[Xan]

15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"...you say 'Wha?'"

This is one of Gary's oft-used phrases that drives me nuts.  Nobody asks him "why" about anything.  Pretty much everything he reads is almost self-explanatory and all these people travel the same path anyway.  I think he wants to consider himself some sort of preacher/sage from whom people seek advice or clarification.  Nope.

15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Go t'Job chapter one real quick-lahk - y'all maht have a little extra gossipin' tahm this week."

So, if they don't want to hang around the church all day listening to Gary mumble-drone, they're out the door straightaway to spread gossip.  Nice way to praise your congregation there, Gary.

[Black Aliss]

4 minutes ago, Xan said:

15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Go t'Job chapter one real quick-lahk - y'all maht have a little extra gossipin' tahm this week."

So, if they don't want to hang around the church all day listening to Gary mumble-drone, they're out the door straightaway to spread gossip.  Nice way to praise your congregation there, Gary.

Until I started reading @Thoughtfuls recaps of Brother Gary's sermons I never understood the appeal of Don Rickles. But Gary's audiences, right there, that's the Rickles demographic. To paraphrase OFM, "such a nasty man"

 

[thoughtful]

On 1/11/2022 at 2:52 PM, Xan said:

I think he wants to consider himself some sort of preacher/sage from whom people seek advice or clarification.  Nope.

I wonder how many of Gary's little exclamations came from a real urge like that, but have now turned into verbal tics. Some of them he just pops in for no reason. Although "Ya say wha?" at least seems to come up with some context.

On 1/11/2022 at 1:08 PM, Jasmar said:

I was nonetheless shocked to see just how seriously a lot of people apparently took those stupid tracts. Like, there’s a whole world of people like Gary who took it all to heart. From the anti-Catholic frenzy, to KJV only, to “sensual” music, to end times and persecution fantasies, to the magic words that get you into heaven, it’s all the same.

There are lots of connections and things they have in common - they are not what he hands out, but I think Gary has mentioned Chick tracts in the past.

It only seems to take one little difference for someone to want to split off and form a new church, though. For example, one thing on your list is not true of Gary (and, as far as I have been able to tell, the churches he visits) - no "magic words." Gary makes it clear that he detests the idea of a sinners' prayer.

The person having the salvation experience has to feel it in their heart and express it in their own way. He says he has no memory of what he said when he pictured himself burning and asked God/Jesus to save him.

On 1/11/2022 at 2:52 PM, Xan said:

On 1/10/2022 at 11:31 PM, thoughtful said:

"Go t'Job chapter one real quick-lahk - y'all maht have a little extra gossipin' tahm this week."

So, if they don't want to hang around the church all day listening to Gary mumble-drone, they're out the door straightaway to spread gossip.  Nice way to praise your congregation there, Gary.

Well, he was referring to the time between Sunday School and the main church service, since he thought he was ending Sunday School early. He was offering them more time to stand around there, or hang out in the bathrooms or have a smoke out on the lawn, before they sat back down for more mumble-drone. No going home allowed!

 

Edited January 12, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Until I started reading @Thoughtfuls recaps of Brother Gary's sermons I never understood the appeal of Don Rickles. But Gary's audiences, right there, that's the Rickles demographic.

 

And so many of the pastors seem to be like that, as well, as are Gary's family members.

Nasty.

[thoughtful]

 On to the main Sunday service on 12/5, at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Conway, SC.

Only a few services into this three week stay, and I am already thinking (to the tune of Amazing Grace, of course):

Annoying clock, please stop that sound,
You'll make a wreck of me!
You drove this tune into the ground,
Be kind, and set me free!

Gary is already speaking, and sucking his teeth a lot, when the video starts, telling them about a man he met at the gym and invited to church. He thanks the people who came to help change the church decor from fall to Christmas.

Spoiler

before (from the Wednesday 1/1 video):

after:

"Pray for Rachel an' . . . "
Becky: "James."
Gary: "James. They text us last night, an' said they'd be ready, we stopped bah there, called 'em, 'ey wouldn't answer, ah went an' knocked on th'door, no answer, so  . . . we have not had a text, so  . . . maybe they overslept or . . . pray for them."

Nobody has any new prayer requests, so Jacob says a general prayer, then comes up to lead songs. All sing The Old Account Was Settled Long Ago, and Are You Washed in the Blood, Gary asks Becky "You got a song picked out, baby?" The Hawkinses fumble through I'm Using My Bible as a Roadmap.

Gary mumbles some announcements, then says "Go to Psalms - no, go to Proverbs chapter three."

He mumbles some more while they find chapter three, then asks them to stand. Let's see what the captions make of "If you can, you're willin' an' able, stand again for the readin'ah th'worda God" this time:

Spoiler

 

 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+3%3A4-10&version=KJV

KJV: So shalt thou find favour
Bro Gary Version: So shalt thout find favour
Captions:

Spoiler

KJV: and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel and marrow to thy bones
BGV: and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel and marrar to thy bones
Captions:

Spoiler

He re-reads verses 5 and 6, and says the problem with America today is that even the people of God put their trust in the wrong places.

There's another list for someone to make - how many different ways has Gary finished the sentence "The problem with America today is . . . "

His title is How to Get a Touch From God. How to Get a Touch From God.

Gary says that, "in the day and hour we're livin' in," we need a touch from the Lord. Hey, Gary, I thought it was usually you putting a touch on the Lord, and everyone else, for that matter.

Psalms 37:23, KJV: The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
BGV: The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and his delight - is in his way.

The Lord will lead you in the path. That reminds him of the 23rd Psalm, which he misquotes a bit.

He gets fast and loud, and keeps repeating how he wants God to direct him. At one point, it comes out "Ah wanna be dreck!"

Gary, you have achieved your goal.

"An' yer gonna get that's listen hey you get a touch from God an' you get feel - you get God ohn you listen ohn that part listen hey an' you have that uh uh you're walking in the right ways a step of a good man."

After more word vomit about following the right path, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=daniel+3%3A17-18&version=KJV

KJV: the golden image which thou hast set up
BGV: the golden image which thou has set upon us.

While yelling his usual crap about standing up for rights, Gary is reminded about his "boy" - in this case, it's Caleb.

"Standin' up for the Lor' Jesus Crise listen hey - the worl's gonna come to ya, they gonna say - mah boy tells me all th'tahm he's got somebody that he works for an' that boy evidently his grandfather musta been a preacher or in ch - some, somethin' involved in bein' in church an' everything, an' mah boy tol' him he was a preacher an' he goes t'church an' all this kinda things, an' here's what he throws up to him - he said 'Well you some y'all think y'all holy rollers an' y'all live better'n ah do,' an' ah know what it was because mah boy's trahin' t'live raht an' he's gonna wait an' uh uh go t'bed with his wife after they're married AMEN an' then that boy's makin' fun of 'im."

If you stand for God and the King James Bible, other people will make fun of you. "How long has that been goin' ohn? Ever since Adam and Eve messed up in the Garden."

Um, Gary . . . oh, never mind.

"God told Noah, 'Listen hey, build us an Ark."

Captions:

Spoiler

Gary screams about how he would rather have God's goods than the goods of the world, how Becky prayed for a place to stay put for a few weeks, and then Brother Joe asked them to come stay there, Becky's glad to be near the ocean but Gary prefers the mountains, but "Hey we need to stand in these last days. Ya say 'Wha?' Because God's worthy amen?"

Gary's glad he has a vehicle. He watched Sheffey the other day, and Sheffey had to ride a horse everywhere he went.

Gary announces Romans chapter 12, verses 1. "Ah know ah read this Wednesday naht, but we're gonna go a different way with it."

Hope your different way is still on God's path, Gary! I'll find you there later.