Dillards 90: Degrees, Exams, Vacations and Vaccinations, Oh MY!

[Smee]

Congratulations to them, they look very happy. I’m reserving judgment on how they’d raise a girl or how much further they might deconstruct, but I will be interested to see how the birth goes and if they listen to doctors this time. I’m also hopeful that we will hear something about a job for Derrick (or Jill, but that’s less likely) soon. There was lots of speculation about them waiting to have a third baby until Derrick finished law school, and that’s a good sign of thinking responsibly about how they will provide for their family, but if he’s still not employed anywhere when baby arrives it’s kind of moot.

[Idlewild]

I hope the silence about Derick’s career is due to discretion about his role.

Derick is arrogant and believes himself to be cleverer than most- in Duggar circles he almost certainly was. His doublespeak answers on social media seems to confirm that.

While it seems that failing the bar exam 1st time is not a disaster - it can be retaken and a successful career in law can still be had- I can see Derick taking it quite badly as he’s always had success with his academic pursuits.

The makeover and professional photo shoot for the announcement is what I’d expect from Instagram influencers or celebrities - not a ‘hippy’ Christ follower and her lawyer husband who fights for victims.

I hope I’m wrong but I have a feeling they are ramping up the influencer/paid SM so Derick can stick it to JB and TLC that he can make money from his kids just as well as they can. 

 

Edited March 1, 2022 by Idlewild

[Sullie06]

17 hours ago, SPHASH said:

At least this new baby won't have to meet Uncle Josh for a long time.

If ever. I don't see Jill and Derek going out of their way to keep Josh in their kids lives. Who knows where they will be in the hopefully decade plus before he get's out. 

16 hours ago, Travelfan said:

I’m really happy for them also. My guess is they will have a 4th within 2 years or so and then be done. That way everyone has a sibling close in age.  That’s what I meant to do, but by the time mine were 5/7 I was having so much fun with older kids I didn’t want to start over. Now that they’re 18/20 I’m really glad that I don’t also have 11/13.  But that’s just me, I’m very happy for them!

Same. My oldest are 8 and 6 right now. We had talked about having 4 but my husband wanted to wait until our youngest started school, because 4 in daycare would have killed us. When our youngest started Kindergarten last year we realized that we did not want to start all over again with babies, diapers, potty training, car seats, diaper bags, etc. Looks like two is it for us. 

[AussieKrissy]

9 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

I agree, the Dillards are the only couple that I wish to have a girl.

With Jill’s past she will make sure het daughter feels loved, appreciated and empowered. I also assume that she will be able to go to college and have a career if she wanted to.

Will she have exactly the same freedom as the boys? That we will have to see but from all the couples, a girl will have most chances in life in their house.

It will also be a good example for her cousins on how life could be. 

I just hope they don't double down on protecting her because of Jill's past. 

Being a girl will Jill feel empowered enough to read that book about not allowing touch that she read to the boys, to a girl or will she think it's ruining modesty? At least Jill is in/had therapy. After two horrific birth stories I hope she stays in counciling to help process this and process any feelings a girl may bring up. I do think it's best that if she does have a girl it's now and not with the first two. She is a good way (hopefully) in to healing the hurt little girl she was and that will only benefit her current and future children. As a female role model she will be stronger.

Now Jill book yourself in your c section on a date that (for now) will be exclusive for your child's birthday. Have a nice controlled and quick (fingers crossed) birthing process with a speedy recovery. Please don't put yourself through another horrible process chasing that elusive vaginal birth. After 2 c sections, hunny maybe natural is not for you.  

Talk to your councillor about the baby fever you may get when your body and doctor tells you, you can't have more than four kids (well I think that's the recommended cut off for c sections). 

Realise how much more 4 will have over 19 

 

[GreenBeans]

1 hour ago, AussieKrissy said:

Now Jill book yourself in your c section on a date that (for now) will be exclusive for your child's birthday. Have a nice controlled and quick (fingers crossed) birthing process with a speedy recovery. Please don't put yourself through another horrible process chasing that elusive vaginal birth. After 2 c sections, hunny maybe natural is not for you.  

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth. I had no reason to plan for a c section (uncomplicated pregnancy), so I thought it’ll just work out naturally. Well, it didn’t, I went past my due date, had to be induced in the hospital, nothing worked for several days, until in the end things went downhill quickly and I had to have an unplanned c section immediately (which I was really grateful for, because it meant the whole ordeal was finally coming to an end). It was the worst birthing experience, baby boy could have died or had severe complications if it hadn’t been for skilled doctors acting quickly, I was in so much pain for weeks, and if I had known this was a likely outcome, I would absolutely have had a planned c section. Have a nice shower at home, arrive at the hospital prepared and relaxed, and hold a healthy baby in your arms an hour later - yep, I’ll take that over an (attempted) “natural” birth with baby under supervision afterwards any time.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

2 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

I just hope they don't double down on protecting her because of Jill's past. 

Being a girl will Jill feel empowered enough to read that book about not allowing touch that she read to the boys, to a girl or will she think it's ruining modesty? At least Jill is in/had therapy. After two horrific birth stories I hope she stays in counciling to help process this and process any feelings a girl may bring up. I do think it's best that if she does have a girl it's now and not with the first two. She is a good way (hopefully) in to healing the hurt little girl she was and that will only benefit her current and future children. As a female role model she will be stronger.

Now Jill book yourself in your c section on a date that (for now) will be exclusive for your child's birthday. Have a nice controlled and quick (fingers crossed) birthing process with a speedy recovery. Please don't put yourself through another horrible process chasing that elusive vaginal birth. After 2 c sections, hunny maybe natural is not for you.  

Talk to your councillor about the baby fever you may get when your body and doctor tells you, you can't have more than four kids (well I think that's the recommended cut off for c sections). 

Realise how much more 4 will have over 19 

 

I agree. 

I'm also think that if they have a girl, it might bring up issues for Jill. I know someone who had an abusive older brother. He was also a fundie with a largish family and it seemed to affect the relationship he had with his older sons. 

I also think people underestimate how much being part of "mainstream conservative Christian culture" can limit girls. I'm thinking of several families I know personally. 

The sex will be whatever it is, but I pray the kid is straight and cisgender. 

Edited March 1, 2022 by Bluebirdbluebell

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, GreenBeans said:

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth. I had no reason to plan for a c section (uncomplicated pregnancy), so I thought it’ll just work out naturally. Well, it didn’t, I went past my due date, had to be induced in the hospital, nothing worked for several days, until in the end things went downhill quickly and I had to have an unplanned c section immediately (which I was really grateful for, because it meant the whole ordeal was finally coming to an end). It was the worst birthing experience, baby boy could have died or had severe complications if it hadn’t been for skilled doctors acting quickly, I was in so much pain for weeks, and if I had known this was a likely outcome, I would absolutely have had a planned c section. Have a nice shower at home, arrive at the hospital prepared and relaxed, and hold a healthy baby in your arms an hour later - yep, I’ll take that over an (attempted) “natural” birth with baby under supervision afterwards any time.

My cousin had a planned c-section because she had already had 2 c-sections and that is what the doctor recommended. It sounded so much less stressful than my births that were spontaneous. I’m also a planner by nature, so that also appealed to me. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, GreenBeans said:

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth. I had no reason to plan for a c section (uncomplicated pregnancy), so I thought it’ll just work out naturally. Well, it didn’t, I went past my due date, had to be induced in the hospital, nothing worked for several days, until in the end things went downhill quickly and I had to have an unplanned c section immediately (which I was really grateful for, because it meant the whole ordeal was finally coming to an end). It was the worst birthing experience, baby boy could have died or had severe complications if it hadn’t been for skilled doctors acting quickly, I was in so much pain for weeks, and if I had known this was a likely outcome, I would absolutely have had a planned c section. Have a nice shower at home, arrive at the hospital prepared and relaxed, and hold a healthy baby in your arms an hour later - yep, I’ll take that over an (attempted) “natural” birth with baby under supervision afterwards any time.

Your birth experience was my exact scenario too. When it came time for my second, I said, sure I’d try a Vbac. Well, when I was 2 weeks overdue my husband said, “looks like we are headed in the same direction.” Yep, I scheduled that easy C-section and never looked back.

[CanadianMamam]

13 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

I

It will also be a good example for her cousins on how life could be. 

I was also thinking that, Jill’s children will be examples to their cousin and also possible sources of support should they decide to leave the cult. Just like Amy has been for Jill. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

55 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My cousin had a planned c-section because she had already had 2 c-sections and that is what the doctor recommended. It sounded so much less stressful than my births that were spontaneous. I’m also a planner by nature, so that also appealed to me. 

That was precisely what I liked about getting induced, at least the second time: being able to plan, at least a little. The first time around I was upset about not going into labor naturally, but after #2 arrived really quickly without induction I was happy to be already at the hospital with #3.

1 hour ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I agree. 

I'm also think that if they have a girl, it might bring up issues for Jill. I know someone who had an abusive older brother. He was also a fundie with a largish family and it seemed to affect the relationship he had with his older sons. 

I also think people underestimate how much being part of "mainstream conservative Christian culture" can limit girls. I'm thinking of several families I know personally. 

This. Even without the obvious issues from any lingering IBLP influence and her own family history, they might be "better" with a girl than her siblings, but they still might limit her. Didn't they once do a q&a and essentially said that they'd support a daughter having a job until she married and had kids, not just for her own preference/career?

I'm actually unnerved by how many FJers are saying they hope Jill has a girl because of this. Also somewhat ticked off on her behalf, because I guarantee you she is getting that on all sides already even before the random internet strangers and fundie watchers of all stripes and after a while it drives you nuts and can really do a number on you whether or not you have your own gender preference. Aren't we better than pre-judging a fetus based on its genitals, exactly what we snark on the fundies for?

[AussieKrissy]

I never get the gender preference snark  

I solidly believe it's  human nature to want what you want and if you don't get it to be disappointed. 

Neglecting or making that baby suffer in anyway shape or form because it's not your preference, now that is a whole kettle of fish  

I have one, I wanted a girl I would have been sad not to get a girl. If my six year old was a boy right now, would there still be a lingering desire or would I be content? To add a sister I don't know but i do know I would love that boy just as much as my daughter. Bec

[backyard sylph]

Well, I think they'd learn a lot from a daughter. Good to have one along with some sons, perhaps. 

My kids are 23-nearly 35. They're always evolving, as am I, of course. I learned so much from each of them as they grew up, and am a better person for it. They are also still growing and evolving for the better. So I hope the same for this family. 

[anjulibai]

51 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

I never get the gender preference snark  

I solidly believe it's  human nature to want what you want and if you don't get it to be disappointed. 

Neglecting or making that baby suffer in anyway shape or form because it's not your preference, now that is a whole kettle of fish  

I have one, I wanted a girl I would have been sad not to get a girl. If my six year old was a boy right now, would there still be a lingering desire or would I be content? To add a sister I don't know but i do know I would love that boy just as much as my daughter. Bec

I agree. 

I always wanted a daughter. I have two boys, and had gender disappointment with boy (more with the first than second). I also got therapy and dealt with my issue. 

I love my boys and I can't imagine not having them. They are the light in my life. 

Do I wish I had a daughter? Yes, and I'm sad I will never have one. But I wouldn't change my boys for for a girl. 

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

The birth discussion is making me remember the conversation I had with my OBGYN when I was expecting my son. 
Dr: “Have you thought about your birth plan?”

Me: “Excuse me… my what?”

Dr: “Your birth plan. You know, your preferences for labor and delivery.”

Me: “ I guess I plan to get the baby out fast and safely?”

Yes, I was clueless 😉. We had a good laugh though. I’ll say my plans didn’t change even after he explained all to me, maybe I refined it a bit, but at the end, all I wanted was a natural as possible, with immediate intervention when medically necessary (deferring to him). He was an awesome OBGYN, sadly he retired.

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Being a girl or boy doesn't determine the child's personality. 

Some girls are loud and some boys are quiet. Some girls are messy and some boys are tidy. Some girls hate pink and don't want to be ballerinas and some boys hate hunting, and football, etc. 

I think some of the sex expectations/disappointments have to do with stereotypes and beliefs that sex controls personality.

 

Edited March 2, 2022 by Bluebirdbluebell

[backyard sylph]

I had three daughters and three sons, and they are certainly all different from each other, as well as different from me and their father. Nevertheless, I enjoyed having some of each, and there were discrete experiences that were female-centric, and other discrete experiences that were male-centric, despite them all having varying levels of what might be very generally termed masculine or feminine traits. But I don't tend to assume I know more than other people about how life works, just try to hope for the best for these oddballs we discuss. 

[Smee]

5 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth. I had no reason to plan for a c section (uncomplicated pregnancy), so I thought it’ll just work out naturally. Well, it didn’t, I went past my due date, had to be induced in the hospital, nothing worked for several days, until in the end things went downhill quickly and I had to have an unplanned c section immediately (which I was really grateful for, because it meant the whole ordeal was finally coming to an end). It was the worst birthing experience, baby boy could have died or had severe complications if it hadn’t been for skilled doctors acting quickly, I was in so much pain for weeks, and if I had known this was a likely outcome, I would absolutely have had a planned c section. Have a nice shower at home, arrive at the hospital prepared and relaxed, and hold a healthy baby in your arms an hour later - yep, I’ll take that over an (attempted) “natural” birth with baby under supervision afterwards any time.

I do understand to an extent - among my friends we’ve had some complicated/traumatic vaginal births (forceps, vacuum, episiotomy, 2nd and 3rd degree tears, haematoma, 35hr+ labours etc), some straightforward vaginal births, some emergency c-sections and some planned c-sections. An emergency c-section is the least desirable outcome, so if it looks likely you’re going that way then for sure, a planned c-section is 100x better. But for those who did manage vaginal births, even the complicated ones, recovery was much faster, milk came in more easily, they were less likely to have breathing problems, and there’s evidence of better gut flora. So I understand wanting to try, even for a VBAC, but in Jill’s situation with 2 prior emergency Caesars, a NICU stay and probable GD? Book in that surgery.

49 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Being a girl or boy doesn't determine the child's personality. 

Some girls are loud and some boys are quiet. Some girls are messy and some boys are tidy. Some girls hate pink and don't want to be ballerinas and some boys hate hunting, and football, etc. 

I think some of the sex expectations/disappointments have to do with stereotypes and beliefs that sex controls personality.

 

Probably in some cases, but I’m not an especially “feminine” person (never been into pink, makeup, fashion, dance etc) and was always going to raise my son to wear and be interested in whatever he liked. I still hoped I’d get at least one girl (I ended up with 2, extremely different daughters). There was a name I wanted to use, and especially once puberty hits I think the mother-daughter and father-son relationships get different/closer. Then of course there’s the socially gendered sentimental things like taking her shopping for a wedding dress or braiding her hair into fancy styles for the first day of school. 
 

I do hope that whatever the sex, the Dillard baby is cisgender and straight because for all their changes, those two are not what I would consider accepting parents for a queer child.

[patsymae]

On 2/24/2022 at 5:52 PM, Idlewild said:

A few years ago Jill partnered with ‘dating divas’ app which had ideas to improve married sex life.

she posted some photos of her anniversary trip which had a copy of the Kama sutra by her bed. After some criticism she posted this

 

So basically they were either just looking for some ideas? Or else hadn't even looked at the book and just did some product placement to make themselves look hip?

[HeartsAFundie]

If Jill has a girl, I wonder if they will name her Selah?  That was the girl name in the running when she was pregnant with Israel as well as Samuel. 

[feministxtian]

36 minutes ago, Smee said:

I’m not an especially “feminine” person (never been into pink, makeup, fashion, dance etc) and was always going to raise my son to wear and be interested in whatever he liked. I still hoped I’d get at least one girl (I ended up with 2, extremely different daughters).

I'm not either. My daughter, however...make up, hair, clothes, the whole bit. I love her to pieces but she and I are very different people in some ways. #1 son is totally straight. #2 son is bi ----> pan. When he came out to me, he was afraid. Then he discovered that his mama still loved him beyond reason. 

[AussieKrissy]

2 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Being a girl or boy doesn't determine the child's personality. 

Some girls are loud and some boys are quiet. Some girls are messy and some boys are tidy. Some girls hate pink and don't want to be ballerinas and some boys hate hunting, and football, etc. 

I think some of the sex expectations/disappointments have to do with stereotypes and beliefs that sex controls personality.

 

I do agree with this but this is stuff that is not found out until after birth  so people have time to adjust and fall in love. Sadly though I think your point is some parents don't accept the gender  stereotypical non conforming child. 

I often say I got the best of both worlds I got a "girl" who I can say is more stereotypically a boy personality. I have had six years to love and adore her. 

Sometimes it crosses my mind about all those pretty dresses still hanging with tags I bought years ago but I stopped buying them years ago (only ones for special occasions). Because that is not who my girl is. And who my girl is, is worth more to me than all the pretty dresses I would put her in

[Sullie06]

16 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth. I had no reason to plan for a c section (uncomplicated pregnancy), so I thought it’ll just work out naturally. Well, it didn’t, I went past my due date, had to be induced in the hospital, nothing worked for several days, until in the end things went downhill quickly and I had to have an unplanned c section immediately (which I was really grateful for, because it meant the whole ordeal was finally coming to an end). It was the worst birthing experience, baby boy could have died or had severe complications if it hadn’t been for skilled doctors acting quickly, I was in so much pain for weeks, and if I had known this was a likely outcome, I would absolutely have had a planned c section. Have a nice shower at home, arrive at the hospital prepared and relaxed, and hold a healthy baby in your arms an hour later - yep, I’ll take that over an (attempted) “natural” birth with baby under supervision afterwards any time.

With my first I had a uncomplicated vaginal delivery albeit long (21 hours) and he was huge (9lbs 9oz). With my second, I had Placenta Previa and had to have a C Section, I was terrified of that notion leading up to it and even had an anxiety attack while getting my spinal. Well... I will never have another vaginal delivery again, I will take the planned CSection any day and that's after having a relatively easy vaginal birth.  

[viii]

19 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth.

Probably because a c-section is an invasive surgery and recovery can be awful. Health wise, vaginal births tend to be much better for you but thank goodness we live in a time and place where c-sections exist for mommas and babies alike. 

13 hours ago, HeartsAFundie said:

If Jill has a girl, I wonder if they will name her Selah?  That was the girl name in the running when she was pregnant with Israel as well as Samuel. 

I doubt it; I'm guessing we will probably see a different name from them. I know Selah was their original pick but I feel like Jill has done some deconstructing since she said that and I'd be surprised if we got such a heavily religious name from them. 

[Honey Beach]

19 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I will never understand why people absolutely want to have a vaginal birth. I had no reason to plan for a c section (uncomplicated pregnancy), so I thought it’ll just work out naturally. Well, it didn’t, I went past my due date, had to be induced in the hospital, nothing worked for several days, until in the end things went downhill quickly and I had to have an unplanned c section immediately (which I was really grateful for, because it meant the whole ordeal was finally coming to an end). It was the worst birthing experience, baby boy could have died or had severe complications if it hadn’t been for skilled doctors acting quickly, I was in so much pain for weeks, and if I had known this was a likely outcome, I would absolutely have had a planned c section. Have a nice shower at home, arrive at the hospital prepared and relaxed, and hold a healthy baby in your arms an hour later - yep, I’ll take that over an (attempted) “natural” birth with baby under supervision afterwards any time.

Same. Had a high-risk pregnancy, because I was obese and developed gestational diabetes, but I felt great never even threw up once. It was an easy pregnancy, I was super careful and weighed 5 lbs. less after giving birth than when I got pregnant. Was induced at the hospital Sunday, finally delivered her Wednesday via C-Section. I was so grateful to have her and she was healthy, we both were doing well, did not care about vaginal birthing. But, I have friends who cried and cried in the delivery room after being told they would need a C-Section. I just did what the doctor thought was best for baby and me.

 

Edited March 2, 2022 by Honey Beach

[feministxtian]

I had 3 relatively quick and easy vaginal births. By the time I got to the last one, all I wanted was said child evicted pronto. My daughter could not deliver vaginally due to pelvic injuries. I think she got the best deal though. Report to the hospital on this date and time and w/in 90 minutes you had a baby!