Dillards 90: Degrees, Exams, Vacations and Vaccinations, Oh MY!

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I kept my maiden name and we considered which name to give our daughter right up til I filled out the birth certificate. My husband's name is way easier to spell and I thought it would just be nicer for her. All our kids, if we have more, will share it. I will respond to Mrs. Husband's Name or Mrs. My Name and not correct anyone.

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

I kept my maiden name and we considered which name to give our daughter right up til I filled out the birth certificate. My husband's name is way easier to spell and I thought it would just be nicer for her. All our kids, if we have more, will share it. I will respond to Mrs. Husband's Name or Mrs. My Name and not correct anyone.

It’s funny- my sons school and doctors all refer to me as Mrs.HisLast.

I corrected at first but enh. Whatever. I interact so seldom with my sons eye doc- who cares? And school sometimes uses Ms. MyLast- but they could call me by my first name too - it does t matter.

[shesinsane]

On 3/4/2022 at 2:04 PM, Alisamer said:

Interestingly, I have one German branch of my family. They kept the same name... but it is spelled differently in literally every generation and sometimes within generations! 

My great grandmother's married name stayed the same but changed spellings. First she was married to Mr. Schwartz, he passed away. Then she married Mr. Schwarz, and outlived him too.  🙂

[louisa05]

On 3/3/2022 at 10:35 PM, Mrs Ms said:

Regarding carrying on the family name. My grandmother couldn’t marry my grandfather because his first wife wouldn’t grant him a divorce. So she just took on his surname. My mother has his surname. She didn’t marry my father. I have her surname. My partner and I aren’t married and our kids have both our surnames. Between my step-family and “in-laws” I know 3 males in the immediate families who have taken on their wives names. Having a penis really doesn’t determine name legacies in my world. 🙄

My grandmother was obsessed with someone "carrying on the family name". She had two boys and two girls. Her two sons had, respectively, a boy and a girl (my brother and me) and two girls. (The daughters had 1. six boys and 2. two of each--but that has nothing to do with this as they all have their fathers respective names). My brother was her favorite grandchild for all of the childhoods of all 14 of us. My uncle's two daughter and me were at the bottom of her list. My brother was going to gloriously carry on the family name and that was all that mattered. 

He had one child. A boy. He was not married to the mother and she gave nephew her own last name which he still carries at 27. The family name is not being carried on. My two female cousins with me at the bottom of her pecking order and I have always found that rather delightful. 

 

[Smash!]

21 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

You can’t do that here. There’s only 3 options when you get married:

1) Both husband and wife keep their respective names (they can still change to options 2 or 3 at any time later on).

2) Women takes on the man’s last name, or vice versa.

3) Man keeps last name, woman hyphenates (you can choose which name should go firs), or vice versa.

Here in Switzerland we even have only two options:

1) Both spouses keep their name and decide on a family name the future children carry. It can be either name but it has to be decided when you get married in the courthouse (you have to get married in the courthouse with witnesses no matter if you have a ceremony before/afterwards or not. There you sign your marriage papers).

2) The spouses decide on a name both will carry.

20 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Perhaps this is a stupid question but how does that work with kids from multiple partners? Is there an exception for multiple family names in that case?

No exception, not even with hyphenating. If a couple with children divorces and lets say the woman remarries, she either keeps her name or takes on her new husband‘s name. The child from the first marriage keeps her/his name unless the new husband adopts them.

[Smee]

I married my husband when I was 21. My surname was better, but he had classic patriarchal attitudes towards taking my name (I only brought it up once). I took his. Fast forward 12 years, we’re getting divorced. But I have now graduated 2 degrees with my surname, share it with our 3 children, and have all my accounts, email address etc with that name. So I’m not changing it back, it’s my name now too, not his.

My maiden name was an occupation name, and my sister’s ex-partner also had an occupation surname. They weren’t married when they had kids, and even if they had been I don’t think my sister would have taken his name because she has an academic career and publications etc under her surname. They start with the same letter so if they’d hyphenated for their kids, it would have been like Tanner-Taylor. His surname is also a common boys’ first name so there were plenty of jokes around about naming their son the equivalent of Taylor Tanner-Taylor.

[SassyPants]

15 minutes ago, Smee said:

I married my husband when I was 21. My surname was better, but he had classic patriarchal attitudes towards taking my name (I only brought it up once). I took his. Fast forward 12 years, we’re getting divorced. But I have now graduated 2 degrees with my surname, share it with our 3 children, and have all my accounts, email address etc with that name. So I’m not changing it back, it’s my name now too, not his.

My maiden name was an occupation name, and my sister’s ex-partner also had an occupation surname. They weren’t married when they had kids, and even if they had been I don’t think my sister would have taken his name because she has an academic career and publications etc under her surname. They start with the same letter so if they’d hyphenated for their kids, it would have been like Tanner-Taylor. His surname is also a common boys’ first name so there were plenty of jokes around about naming their son the equivalent of Taylor Tanner-Taylor.

My SIL’s first, middle and last names all start with the same letter, as does our last name. In his So American country you also have your mother’s last name incorporated. They did not give our GD a name starting with that letter, an obscure first letter for a name. Let’s just say there are a lot of vowels in all their names.

Edited March 5, 2022 by SassyPants

[onekidanddone]

I became a mom before I was married so my kid automatically got my last name. Many times people in my kids doctors offices or in school would refer to my husband as Mr. my last name 

[feministxtian]

I happily took his last name. 6 letter, generic American. My maiden name is 11 letters, very ethnic and most folks find it damn near impossible to pronounce properly. Someone asked me if I was going to go back to my maiden name after he died, seeing as how "you really aren't married anymore". I prefer to call it "involuntarily separated". So, I became Mrs. HisLastName in 1998 and I will go to my grave as Mrs. HisLastName. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

Someone asked me if I was going to go back to my maiden name after he died, seeing as how "you really aren't married anymore"

Sometimes people just open their mouths and vomit comes out.

[feministxtian]

22 minutes ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

Sometimes people just open their mouths and vomit comes out.

Just like the one who said "I'm going through a divorce, I know how you feel". People say lots of really dumb and insensitive things at times. Recently I was told "he's been dead for over 2 years, get over it". Uh huh...

And people wonder why I'm still on a shitload of psych meds...

[SorenaJ]

My last name is Danish, husband's is Scottish. We chose to hyphenate, because my Danish identity is important to me, and his Scottish to him, so we liked that our shared surname would be Danish-Scottish. 

I hope I will get a kid, of any gender, that chooses to carry on my family name, because it is very unusual, and I have traced it so far back, and it is very important to me. 

I don't really care if the full hyphenated name is clunky, or hard to pronounce, I wanted my name in there as well. Middle spot wouldn't have cut it. 

(In Denmark, women don't take the husband's surname when marrying, most people have two surnames, and then often they choose one surname each and then combine those two to make a two-surname last name. Or often they keep their own name, and any kids would get the new combined surname. Taking your husband's surname and giving up yours would be seen as very old-fashioned.) 

Edited March 6, 2022 by SorenaJ

[SamanthasMom]

I hope Jill has an easy pregnancy, and I am glad that this will be a wanted child who is offered an education. I do have to say though that I had hoped she would go back to school herself now that her boys will both be in school soon. Derick has gotten a lot of good coverage during the trial, but I do think he pushes his own narrative. I hope Jill feels like she has her own voice, and can deal with or not deal with her own family however she sees fit.

Like I said, I hope Derick is supportive in private, but there is a huge potential power difference with him embarking on a professional career and Jill uneducated with a new baby. Regardless of his recent good press, Derick has definitely been a jerk and self-involved several times. I hope he truly has evolved for Jill’s sake.

[Smash!]

5 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

My last name is Danish, husband's is Scottish. We chose to hyphenate, because my Danish identity is important to me, and his Scottish to him, so we liked that our shared surname would be Danish-Scottish. 

I hope I will get a kid, of any gender, that chooses to carry on my family name, because it is very unusual, and I have traced it so far back, and it is very important to me. 

I don't really care if the full hyphenated name is clunky, or hard to pronounce, I wanted my name in there as well. Middle spot wouldn't have cut it. 

(In Denmark, women don't take the husband's surname when marrying, most people have two surnames, and then often they choose one surname each and then combine those two to make a two-surname last name. Or often they keep their own name, and any kids would get the new combined surname. Taking your husband's surname and giving up yours would be seen as very old-fashioned.) 

I would love to have that here! This way everyone keeps their name and identity but still with a shared name.

Do you usually go with just your name or with the hyphenated one? 

[helenprev]

On 3/3/2022 at 8:12 PM, cacophony_grey said:

Nine years ago when my youngest was born, I was absolutely certain he was a girl. Six years later, he let me know that he was really a boy. OOP! What an adventure the last three years has been as I unpack all the gender bullshit I didn't even know I was carrying. 

That has happened to me twice! Trans kids are awesome (mine are 21 and 17 now.) You have described the process beautifully!

[JermajestyDuggar]

Nobody pronounced my maiden name right and nobody pronounces my married name right. They aren’t difficult names! I don’t correct people because I found that even when I correct people, they still pronounce them wrong. So I just say fuck it. 

[SorenaJ]

2 hours ago, Smash! said:

I would love to have that here! This way everyone keeps their name and identity but still with a shared name.

Do you usually go with just your name or with the hyphenated one? 

I am in the UK , and personally I go with my hyphenated name. In Denmark, people will often choose one of their two surnames to go with. Hyphenating is not so common, you just have two separate surnames, and often choose one of them for day to day use. 

In Denmark, most babies are born before marriage, so the question of what surname to give the kids often pops up before the question of what surname to take when we get married. So each parent will often have separate surnames when naming a child, so that might also factor in. 

[louisa05]

8 hours ago, SamanthasMom said:

I hope Jill has an easy pregnancy, and I am glad that this will be a wanted child who is offered an education. I do have to say though that I had hoped she would go back to school herself now that her boys will both be in school soon. Derick has gotten a lot of good coverage during the trial, but I do think he pushes his own narrative. I hope Jill feels like she has her own voice, and can deal with or not deal with her own family however she sees fit.

Like I said, I hope Derick is supportive in private, but there is a huge potential power difference with him embarking on a professional career and Jill uneducated with a new baby. Regardless of his recent good press, Derick has definitely been a jerk and self-involved several times. I hope he truly has evolved for Jill’s sake.

Derick has posted a grand total of three Tweets in 2022. Over on IG, five posts. One on each platform is the same statement Jill posted about the girls’ court case. Three of the eight are  about the pregnancy announcement. One on IG is an OSU football bowl game score. There’s a ten year challenge post and a Valentines post on IG. The third Tweet is a random Bible verse—a very innocuous “trust in the lord” one. 
There’s no agenda there. He’s actually been extremely quiet since Josh’s trial. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

18 hours ago, onekidanddone said:

I became a mom before I was married so my kid automatically got my last name. Many times people in my kids doctors offices or in school would refer to my husband as Mr. my last name 

That happens to us depending on which of us they met first. I get Mrs. Hislast if someone knows my husband or is going off my kids' names, he gets Mr. Mylast if it's someone who knows me. Whether we correct them depends in the circumstances. It's just a hazard of nobody changing their last name, I think.

With our kids we went with my husband's last name for several reasons, including not wanting to hyphenate. We talked about doing a gender split, boys getting his and girls mine or vice versa, but I was the one who hated that idea. Frankly, I didn't change my name because it's my name, but it's a unique name that is frequently mispronounced or misspelled or both and I was never madly in love with it enough to pass it down.

[sableduck]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Derick has posted a grand total of three Tweets in 2022. Over on IG, five posts. One on each platform is the same statement Jill posted about the girls’ court case. Three of the eight are  about the pregnancy announcement. One on IG is an OSU football bowl game score. There’s a ten year challenge post and a Valentines post on IG. The third Tweet is a random Bible verse—a very innocuous “trust in the lord” one. 
There’s no agenda there. He’s actually been extremely quiet since Josh’s trial. 

I think he has a personal agenda of bringing down JB, but he doesn’t need Twitter to do that.  He actually may be thinking that JB is doing a good job of imploding by himself.

I think Derick very much loves Jill and his children, and he also seems to have an innate passion for justice, and both of those have collided in the form of publicly bringing down his father in law.

Edited March 6, 2022 by sableduck

[arareyeah]

In my country not every family has familial last name. Usually only families with some sort of aristocratic bloodline or belonged to a certain ethnic groups. So taking your husband's last name is never an issue because sometimes there's no actual familial last name to take. You can do it for social settings/social media, but legally you'll still be your maiden name in every document. If you're married, people tend to call you Mrs. Husband First Name, tho.

But preference for male heir is still high of course. Even without last name to preserve, continuing your bloodline only counts with boys. 🙄🙄🙄

Thankfully my family and my husband's family don't care about such thing.

[onekidanddone]

17 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Just like the one who said "I'm going through a divorce, I know how you feel". People say lots of really dumb and insensitive things at times. Recently I was told "he's been dead for over 2 years, get over it". Uh huh...

And people wonder why I'm still on a shitload of psych meds...

I remember when my dad died people said all kinds of dumb fuck things including ‘aren’t you over it by now’. 
One guy though said ‘ I lost a parent recently.  It sucks’. 
I comment was sincere and appreciated. 

55 minutes ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

That happens to us depending on which of us they met first. I get Mrs. Hislast if someone knows my husband or is going off my kids' names, he gets Mr. Mylast if it's someone who knows me. Whether we correct them depends in the circumstances. It's just a hazard of nobody changing their last name, I think.

With our kids we went with my husband's last name for several reasons, including not wanting to hyphenate. We talked about doing a gender split, boys getting his and girls mine or vice versa, but I was the one who hated that idea. Frankly, I didn't change my name because it's my name, but it's a unique name that is frequently mispronounced or misspelled or both and I was never madly in love with it enough to pass it down.

My last name is pretty rare do just about anyone with it (there are different spellings) is most likely a cousin or something. 

[feministxtian]

9 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

I remember when my dad died people said all kinds of dumb fuck things including ‘aren’t you over it by now’. 
One guy though said ‘ I lost a parent recently.  It sucks’. 
I comment was sincere and appreciated. 

I hate that "aren't you over it by now" shit. My grandfather died in 1981 and I still wish I could see him one more time. If I'm not over that after 40+ years, I don't see me being "over" Mr Xtian's death in 2 1/2 years. It kills me that my dad didn't live long enough to meet his great grands. 

I think its one of those things you don't comprehend until you go through it. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

14 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

I remember when my dad died people said all kinds of dumb fuck things including ‘aren’t you over it by now’. 
One guy though said ‘ I lost a parent recently.  It sucks’. 
I comment was sincere and appreciated. 

My last name is pretty rare do just about anyone with it (there are different spellings) is most likely a cousin or something. 

You, too? Though mine is usually the same spelling.

[medimus]

In Belgium everyone keeps their own last name. Until very recently (early 2000s) children got their father's last name unless there was no father on the birth cert, then they got the mother's. Now you can choose either the father's, mother's or the two hyphenated. If the parents can't decide it is both names in alphabetical order.

On things like Christmas cards, things will often be signed from first name and first name last name last name so eg Mary and John Smith Jones, with their actual names being Mary Smith and John Jones. But that is just how you write it down, they will never be known as both last names.