Maxwell 50: Maxhell Has Frozen Over. Anna and Mary Are Off to College and Sarah Moves Out!

[Caroline]

3 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

t amazes me there have ever been colleges like this. Before I started lurking in FJ, I had never even heard of a dress code or any rules about private behavior at university (and even off campus!) before. It’s such a foreign concept to me. University is secular here.

I studied abroad in a small French city for a year during college and spent a few summers at the Cité Universitaire in Paris.  For my study abroad I lived with a local family, but I made friends with people who lived in the dorms at the university.  The dorm experience there was similar to what I was used to at my state college in the US.  I noticed that most people had single rooms, though, which was not really a thing at my college unless you wanted to pay more  if rooms were even available.  My summers living in a dorm at the Cité U were also similar to my US dorm experiences except that there were men sharing the bathrooms on our floor.  We also only had single rooms.  In the US at that time, at my college anyway, guys and girls had separate dorm bathrooms.  This fundie college thing is foreign to me as well.  I can't imagine choosing such a thing, but I wasn't raised in an ultra-conservative religious home.  

I've always thought that the sharing room tradition at American colleges has to do with the idea that Americans feel that higher education is just as much a social experience as an academic one.   When my daughter went to college she could have chosen a singe room, but we talked her out of it.  Her freshman year roommate experience was  challenging, but she learned a lot that year about how to solve problems of an interpersonal nature.  She also met a great group of friends playing a college sport, another thing I think is different about the American and European college experience (the part about playing a sport in college, I mean).  My daughter also studied abroad, and was surprised at some of the differences and not surprised by others.   I am a huge proponent of studying in another country for all kinds of reasons, but learning about  and appreciating how others view education is an important one IMO.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

The roommate I was randomly put with freshman year is still my best friend. On the outside, we looked like opposites. I was a quiet art student with a love of serial killer movies. She was an extremely bubbly blonde who always dressed in pink and flowers. But we just clicked for some reason. It helped that we both absolutely adore cats. 

[ElizaB]

I imagine Abby Maxwell is simultaneously thanking God right now that she may have the option to go off to college in about 4-5 years and really praying that her aunts don't screw this up so she doesn't get to go. 

[Captain Obvious]

5 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I would also imagine there are some enforced rules about male--female contact, but FEW colleges are as strict as Hyles-Anderson or Pensecola, even very, very Conservative ones. Most acknowledge that people go to college in part to meet a possible spouse. Even very, very Conservative Christian women often MUST work today, too. Not all are in the cult, though some might like to be.

I must admit I follow PCC on my fundie sockpuppet account for the LOLs, and even they are becoming less strict than they used to be. Girls can now wear pants or shorts outside of class time, and students only need to wear "class dress" (basically skirts/dresses for girls and collared shirt tucked into pants for boys, no denim for either) 4 days a week now. I wouldn't be surprised if they abandoned the requirement for girls to wear skirts (except maybe for church) altogether in the next few years, which is what BJU has done.

2 hours ago, FrumperedCat said:

They do have a chapel on campus, hosting thrice weekly services.  Sounds mandatory too. Link to recordings - 

 

NGL, I watched that actual video (on mute) due to sheer procrastination. Not particularly surprised that the women were quite eloquent while the men appear to be barely able to string a few words together (but will probably end up pastors regardless).

[meee]

Wow, did not expect this!

So many questions, some of which I know I’m repeating. What does Sarah think of all this? Why didn’t she go too? Why isn’t she blogging anymore? What is this going to mean for Anna and Mary re marriage prospects, broadening horizons, etc.? Why are they seemingly always together at college? And what does Anna Marie, who is still living in frumpers, think of all the changes of the past several years?

[Cults-r-us]

5 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

Interestingly, she doesn’t have “author” listed as profession. I mean, I don’t think her books are well written, but it is the closest to a “career” she has.

It amazes me there have ever been colleges like this. Before I started lurking in FJ, I had never even heard of a dress code or any rules about private behavior at university (and even off campus!) before. It’s such a foreign concept to me. University is secular here. Everyone is free to dress however they like, on and off campus, and live how / with whom ever they want. There are student dorms, but they are generally mixed, so it would be completely normal for boys/girls to share an apartment (usually no shared rooms here, though). And it would also be completely normal to have a boyfriend/girlfriend (or even one night stand) stay over. No such thing as a curfew, either.

A university policing students’ behavior is just unheard of here, and if you showed the student hand book of some of the colleges dubbed “not fundie, only conservative” to German university students, they would probably think it’s some kind of joke or prank, because it sounds just crazy for someone with a different cultural background.

I went to a Nazarene college in 1981-82. Dresses only - you had to kneel and your skirt touch the floor or a fine. If you missed chapel without an excuse, a fine. If you took your trash out from your dorm, wearing shorts, a fine. I got caught by a professor smoking a cigarette at a fast-food restaurant while doing my homework. If he had reported me, I would have been kicked out of college! I was an off-campus, non-nazarene student in the nursing program.  There were male professors hostile to a program causing women to work.

[fundiefan]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The roommate I was randomly put with freshman year is still my best friend. On the outside, we looked like opposites. I was a quiet art student with a love of serial killer movies. She was an extremely bubbly blonde who always dressed in pink and flowers. But we just clicked for some reason. It helped that we both absolutely adore cats. 

I went to college as a 'mature' student in my 30's so I didn't do roommates. It was a small, private Liberal Arts Catholic, only women's school. But there were zero rules or restrictions relared to religion or normal life- just normal school rules. The kids in dorms couldn't have men stay over night-but they couldn't have women over night either. There were 'guest rooms' for over night visitors in another building.  and it was entirely a capacity/ fire zoning thing. 

My two nieces went as teens/typical age. One had an assigned roommate & they became bff's with 3 others on their floor. All 5 roomed together in apartments the rest of college, were in each others weddings, regularly travel together. Basically a friend group that, 11 years on, are still bff's. The other niece roomed with an ecisting friend who was a year older, so her freshman year she didn't do any of the mingling to meet other freshmen. Instead she hust hung with her friend's existing group. In the end, she graduated with no lasting college friendships & most of her high school friendships had moved on to their new groups. She had a hard time after school and no close friends.

Moral of the story-don't hang out or room with people you already know when you go away to school. Meet new people. Make new friends. Become one of the large student body instead of one of an existing small group.

 

Edited September 9, 2021 by fundiefan

[mango_fandango]

As someone who is really incredibly shy, no way in hell would I have wanted to share a room at university. 

I read a thread on another forum once where the OP asked if her daughter should go for a shared room at university, and everyone said no. It’s not very common in the U.K. 

[Mela99]

I wonder if their dining halls let them have more than TWO COOKIES off the buffet

[theologygeek]

7 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

It amazes me there have ever been colleges like this. Before I started lurking in FJ, I had never even heard of a dress code or any rules about private behavior at university (and even off campus!) before. It’s such a foreign concept to me. University is secular here. Everyone is free to dress however they like, on and off campus, and live how / with whom ever they want.

We have a lot of different kinds of schools here.  Universities, private colleges, public colleges, community college, vocational/technical schools, religious colleges, art schools...  There are probably more too.  

[theologygeek]

22 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

As someone who is really incredibly shy, no way in hell would I have wanted to share a room at university. 

I read a thread on another forum once where the OP asked if her daughter should go for a shared room at university, and everyone said no. It’s not very common in the U.K. 

Roommates are common here.  Sometimes they even end up being friends for life.  Although it can go the other way too.  One of my kids did not get along with his roommate at all.  And he's the easy going one who gets along with everyone.  He got a new roommate and those two have kept in touch.  My daughter is very close to her old roommates and one of them is one of her best friends.  

[nvmbr02]

My daughter just left for college (in the US) last month. She decided on a single room, in a small dorm (less than 60 students) and I think that was a very good choice for her. She is someone who really needs her own space for her own mental health. She has met other girls in her dorm and is developing a friendship with her lab partner but being able to close her door when she is studying or when she just needs quiet has been good for her. They do have community bathrooms (there is a men's, women's and gender neutral bathroom, as well as community kitchen, laundry and dayroom so there is still a lot of mingling with other students. 

[theologygeek]

1 hour ago, meee said:

Wow, did not expect this!

So many questions, some of which I know I’m repeating. What does Sarah think of all this? Why didn’t she go too? 

I was thinking about that before.  Maybe it doesn't bother her at all.  She's afraid of her own shadow.  That post she made about safety in the airport...  That was just one pathetic post.  

[NotAFundieGrrrl]

There's no way this place would be in my top 1000 of educational institutions in the US (and I'm a recovering higher education administrator!), but I've got to say I'm pleasantly surprised by how reasonable-ish this place is.

For comparison, the Bible "college" (unaccredited "Tuition and housing for only $175 per month") that one of the Lockwood boys went to in North Dakota tracks girls/women into an associate's degree of church secretary studies, along with a bachelor's in missions and ministry (but not pastoral ministry, of course). I'm pretty sure that Lockwood boy married a girl in the secretary track. So, the women at ABC seem to have more options than that. (Link in case you'd like to go down that wormhole: https://www.mastersbaptistcollege.com)

And honestly, the EEEEVIL Catholics at Wyoming Catholic College are stricter than ABC is with their code of conduct. Wyoming Catholic makes students turn in their cell phones to resident assistants, doesn't allow any TVs, gaming systems, or iPods anywhere on campus, and guests of the opposite sex are not allowed in dorms, except to help move people in. To its credit, Wyoming Catholic does allow alcohol in certain circumstances (they ARE Catholics, after all), and does NOT practice "care-frontations", which made me roll my eyes so hard I felt like they'd fall out...

What a fascinating world, and completely unlike the various campuses I've experienced over the last 20 years. Good luck to Mary and Anna--run, ladies, run!

[SassyPants]

I went to an old, established Catholic University in the 70s. We could literally wear and do anything we wanted. The dorm/resident priests would often show up at parties. Different times, for sure. 

[Black Aliss]

I had two high school classmates who enrolled at the Assembly of God college in the "big city" because it was the easiest way to escape from our small town. Once there they did everything they could think of to get expelled but it turned out their grandfather (they were cousins) was one of the major donors to the college and they were considered by the administrators to be untouchable.

[Captain Obvious]

3 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I read a thread on another forum once where the OP asked if her daughter should go for a shared room at university, and everyone said no. It’s not very common in the U.K. 

I went to a commuter university (which basically all universities in Australia unless you're from a country area) but that would have been a hard no from me as well.

I can't get over how much the US charges college students for, well, everything, and they still make them share a room like children. Hell to the no. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

I finally had some time to check out Sarah's LinkedIn. I was hopeful for her with the girls going to college and talk about her being an office manager.  However, upon farther investigation, she is an Office Manager for ....

wait for it........

Nathan's company.  https://www.cciteam.com/about/

And may also be simultaneously "employed" by Swift Otter (Joseph's company).  

So I don't see her breaking free from Maxhell anytime soon.  

As an aside, both Nathan and Joseph seem to have successful, in-demand companies so kudos to them for that.

[mango_fandango]

Of course, if I had had a roommate, they could have been lovely and we could’ve been great friends. 

I didn’t really make any friends in my halls of residence, my friends came from my classes. Which makes sense! We saw each other almost every day, and you’re going to have more in common if you’re doing the same course.

[CrimsonChihuahua]

I like many are still in shock. But I am very excited they are at college. An accredited one even! I hope this opens their worldview even the slightest. I also hope they have some actual fun. 

Reading the handbook was eye opening though. Didn't realize these fundie colleges are that strict. I should have. My 15 yr old at boarding school has less rules! Although she goes to an evil liberal all girls school that was founded on equality. 

[quiversR4hunting]

I had a roommate my freshman year in the dorms, we got along but were not friends. One of my suite mates (dorm room connected by bathroom) and I are really close now- we lost contact for around 10 years and ran into each other in the neighborhood we both live in. We got reacquainted about 7 years ago. 

I had other roommates and sorority sisters and work friends(worked in the same place for 4 years). I only have one close sorority sister and not close with any of my old roommates, work friends or classmates. Even if you don't room with people that you know from back home there isn't a guarantee that you will make friends.

A couple more anecdotes, my mom has always stayed in contact with her roommates. There were 4 of them (including my mom) and 2 of the 4 are now deceased but they all remained close. My sister roomed with her BFF from HS and then got to know people in her college program & roomed with some of them when the HS friend graduated with her associates degree and didn't go on to get her BS/BA degree. She is still friends with both the girl from HS and her program. There isn't a clear cut formula for making lasting friends in life. 

I hope that the Maxwell girls' experience is eye opening and helps loosing some of their beliefs drilled in them from Teri & Steve. 

[SPHASH]

I so want Steve or Teri to address the college thing on the blog.  Rufus make it happen!

[Petronella]

On 9/8/2021 at 3:12 PM, fundiefan said:

I don't know why she's on LinkedIn. The same reason everyone else is?

But LinkedIn is for networking in one's career. That is definitely an unexpected thing for Sarah to be doing!

21 hours ago, theologygeek said:

I was reading Sarah's Linkedin yesterday too.  LOL  She liked a lot of dog pictures.  lol 

Well okay then...I guess it's also for dog pics??

I would have thought that's more a Facebook or Instagram thing. Maybe LinkedIn was the only social media Steve would let her join.

(That's really sad to say about an adult!)

 

[church_of_dog]

17 minutes ago, Petronella said:

But LinkedIn is for networking in one's career. That is definitely an unexpected thing for Sarah to be doing!

Well okay then...I guess it's also for dog pics??

I would have thought that's more a Facebook or Instagram thing. Maybe LinkedIn was the only social media Steve would let her join.

(That's really sad to say about an adult!)

 

In my other life as a true crime fan, I'm following the Suzanne Morphew case in Colorado.  She went missing over a year ago and is presumed dead, husband arrested for her murder.

She was having an affair and apparently used LinkedIn as one of the apps she used to communicate with her lover.  Husband was uber-controlling, and, while we don't yet know for sure, it appears she used that and a few other less well known apps because it provided some privacy -- maybe controlling husband insisted on having access to her instagram, facebook, etc, but either didn't know about her LinkedIn account or didn't realize people could communicate on it.  

I could likewise see Steve insisting each social media account have parental "accountability" but think a job-oriented site was ok.

[Howl]

14 hours ago, meee said:

Why are they [Anna and Mary] seemingly always together at college?

First, I'd assume they are accountability partners, although the Maxwells may not use that term or even be aware of the formal concept. 

Second, their socialization with the wider world has been extremely limited and they likely have zero idea how to interact with others, initiate casual conversations or even have the life experiences that underpin social chat. 

"Do you know where you're going when you die" or "we slice our lettuce with a pizza cutter" or "how often do you clean your ceiling fans?"  is not the meat and potatoes of casual chat. And they are gonna find out that not all people have been marinated in the Maxhell experience:  "You put WHAT in your burritos?  We are BEANS ONLY people!" 

But, I'm so happy for these young women, who have been stunted for so long in so many ways, to be out of the house and out in the world.  

I know this is just crazy talk, but could Teri have been the one encouraging Steve to "allow" the girls to go to college?  She knows they will just molder away at the Stevestead and maybe she wants them to have a better life than she has.