Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro

[Ozlsn]

18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The pastor (?) introduces Gary, saying: "Well, I tell ya, this was kind of short notice," and mumbles a few things that make me think he doesn't really know Gary.

Is it wrong that I hope this church were pressured into letting him speak and are now regretting it to the point they won't do it again?

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Is it wrong that I hope this church were pressured into letting him speak and are now regretting it to the point they won't do it again?

It's not wrong of you to hope that - I do too.  There could have been some people who were not enjoying Gary's crap.

But he was getting yells of agreement and approval, especially for his nastiness about Biden and at his most puffed-up and belligerent. It may have only been a small number of people, but they clearly felt comfortable agreeing with the worst of Gary's Garyisms.

I do sometimes wish we could see the congregation, to find it if they are split between the Gary-loving yellers, and something like the audience in The Producers, and in what proportion.

I know a lot of the things that offend us wouldn't bother some of these people, but, even so, I like to think some would be put off by the bizarre Bible readings, rambling pointlessness, and sheer stupidity.

I would be willing to bet that the arrogance and meanness doesn't bother as many people as I would like. A lot of the pastors in these churches seem just as full of themselves and nasty as Gary. They throw in "I'm just a sinner saved by grace," "I deserve Hell," and "there's nothing good in me but Jesus," and perhaps "Y'all know I'm just teasing," and they get to be as obnoxious and proud as they want.

[Ozlsn]

1 minute ago, thoughtful said:

I like to think some would be put off by the bizarre Bible readings, rambling pointlessness, and sheer stupidity.

I honestly wonder how many women in the congregation are planning their week, compiling their shopping list and blanking the entire sermon out with a polite smile on their face. I know I would be.

[AmazonGrace]

People who find him on Facebook know exactly what they're getting.

[Xan]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

It's not wrong of you to hope that - I do too.  There could have been some people who were not enjoying Gary's crap.

But he was getting yells of agreement and approval, especially for his nastiness about Biden and at his most puffed-up and belligerent. It may have only been a small number of people, but they clearly felt comfortable agreeing with the worst of Gary's Garyisms.

I do sometimes wish we could see the congregation, to find it if they are split between the Gary-loving yellers, and something like the audience in The Producers, and in what proportion.

I know a lot of the things that offend us wouldn't bother some of these people, but, even so, I like to think some would be put off by the bizarre Bible readings, rambling pointlessness, and sheer stupidity.

I would be willing to bet that the arrogance and meanness doesn't bother as many people as I would like. A lot of the pastors in these churches seem just as full of themselves and nasty as Gary. They throw in "I'm just a sinner saved by grace," "I deserve Hell," and "there's nothing good in me but Jesus," and perhaps "Y'all know I'm just teasing," and they get to be as obnoxious and proud as they want.

I think this is a mirror of some of our politics now.  Gary's brand of faux Christianity has hatefulness at it's core.  Oh, sure -- he says he wants to save people from hell.  I don't believe it.  He might be trying to add on some brownie points from Jesus but mostly Gary likes to tell the congregations how much better he and they are than those "others".  He has nothing but disdain for Democrats and gays and people who wear masks in the stores.  He despises anyone who dares to wear a bathing suit at the beach.  He thinks people who watch too much TV or listen to worldly music are hellbound and not even in his league.  The nastiness and the belligerence aren't bugs with his preaching. They're features.  He can barely tolerate women and children.  Women are to be mocked (or "mawked") and children are to be beaten.  Special Gary is going to be in a mansion in heaven eating Chah-nese and everyone who disagreed with him is going to be screaming in agony in hell.  And Gary is okay with that.

[AmazonGrace]

Who is going to cook his Chinese food in Heaven?  A lot of the people he buys it from now probably aren't Christian. 

[AmazonGrace]

Blame God for Gary: 

Spoiler

OK folks nothing better than serving the LORD.  I am Thankful that HE would allow us in the Ministry.  
Bro Gary Hawkins

Gary wants to put God in a home because there's no telling what he'll do. And that scary banging noise you heard outside your house is Jesus again. Christ, man, can't you  use the doorbell like a normal person. 

Spoiler

Ok folks if we would put GOD back in the Homes,  the school's, the Churches. No telling what GOD would do.  JESUS said HE at the door knocking.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

People who find him on Facebook know exactly what they're getting.

I think there are probably a few categories of churches that end up with a first visit from Gary. Churches that:

-  find him on Facebook, read his posts and watch his videos and, as you say, want . . . that.

- he contacts by phone, who haven't seen his Facebook or his preaching. He could talk his way in with buzzwords, or just wear them down.

- have heard from another pastor that Gary is good, or met him when he worked (but didn't preach) at the Texas camp meeting.

- are desperate for someone to cover a service due to an emergency or vacation.

5 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Who is going to cook his Chinese food in Heaven?  A lot of the people he buys it from now probably aren't Christian. 

That's why he's trying to save Chinese people - otherwise, they won't be in Heaven to cook for him. He says so, flat out.

Of course, it's just one of his little "jokes." ?

[thoughtful]

I'm pretty sure Gary is telling us that Jacob was the one explaining, to Gary, that Paul worked at a non-preaching job to be an example (I think the "I ask why" is Gary speaking to Jacob).

Gary, I doubt it, since you've got him so brainwashed, but it would be nice to think that Jacob was giving you a hint. I don't think he's ever seen you "work a job," but he hears your nastiness about other preachers who don't want to do so all the time.

Or, did Gary just want another excuse to use the tent emoji?

Oh, and Ron must have heard Gary's pronunciation of "eschew."

Spoiler

 

 

[Antipatriarch]

7 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

And that scary banging noise you heard outside your house is Jesus again. Christ, man, can't you  use the doorbell like a normal person.

Spoiler

 

[postscript]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

I'm pretty sure Gary is telling us that Jacob was the one explaining, to Gary, that Paul worked at a non-preaching job to be an example (I think the "I ask why" is Gary speaking to Jacob).

Gary, I doubt it, since you've got him so brainwashed, but it would be nice to think that Jacob was giving you a hint. I don't think he's ever seen you "work a job," but he hears your nastiness about other preachers who don't want to do so all the time.

Or, did Gary just want another excuse to use the tent emoji?

Oh, and Ron must have heard Gary's pronunciation of "eschew."

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

And Gary shatters yet another irony meter. I’d love to hear his excuse for why he can’t work even a part-time job. And no, his burden for America isn’t sufficient. He could easily do seasonal work for six months and travel the country for the other six. Is it because he’s lazy, judgmental and unemployable?

He must have that tent emoji at the top of his favorites. I have yet to see him write out the word tent. 

[Xan]

1 minute ago, postscript said:

And Gary shatters yet another irony meter. I’d love to hear his excuse for why he can’t work even a part-time job. And no, his burden for America isn’t sufficient. He could easily do seasonal work for six months and travel the country for the other six. Is it because he’s lazy, judgmental and unemployable?

He must have that tent emoji at the top of his favorites. I have yet to see him write out the word tent. 

Surely you jest.  Gary can't work.  Those things at the ends of his arms are purely ornamental.  That's why he needs to have his water bottle brought up to him while he's preaching.  You can't really expect him to use his own hands to carry a water bottle up to the lectern.  Becky does the cooking, laundry, groceries, and most errands.  I bet he even has Jacob pump the gas.  

[thoughtful]

Under the Omar Paul the tentmaker post, Ron tries to educate Gary about geography:

Spoiler

And Jethere has checked in:

Spoiler

For whatever that's worth.

[AmazonGrace]

I would go with bratwurst because Gary is the wurst brat. 

[Expectopatronus]

I hate that Gary got saved on my birthday. 365 days to choose from and he has to contaminate the 11th. He would likely be equally enraged that his salvation day falls on the birthday of an evil Catholic woman who works and is a single mom. 

[Black Aliss]

On 7/8/2021 at 2:53 PM, Ozlsn said:

I may have to join you in that. Also without gravy full stop because really, no. Trying to decide if hot dogs or cocktail franks are closer in spirit.

I have it on my calendar. Applegate Farms Organic Uncured all-beef weens (they're not pink) because that's what's in the freezer. Not sure if I can bring myself to cut it up into gravy, though.

6 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

I hate that Gary got saved on my birthday. 365 days to choose from and he has to contaminate the 11th. He would likely be equally enraged that his salvation day falls on the birthday of an evil Catholic woman who works and is a single mom. 

Once I get my ween down, what would you like me to consume in honor of your birthday?

 

[Black Aliss]

17 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

And that scary banging noise you heard outside your house is Jesus again. Christ, man, can't you  use the doorbell like a normal person. 

That reminds me of my all-time favorite Christmas card.

Spoiler

 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks, you can baptize yourself at home!  Self serve salvation and baptism, on the Bro Gary thread no less.  Bro wouldn’t like this at all.

Spoiler

 

[EyesOpen]

Oh boy my family is going to wonder why we’re having kolbas and krumpli tomorrow!

[thoughtful]

I should find out if my mother wants to join in on the celebratory ween-eating. Her hot dogs are Hebrew National, no less.

I wonder whose idea this was - I have a hard time imagining Gary being this nice, or this organized, or paying for it:

[Xan]

14 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I should find out if my mother wants to join in on the celebratory ween-eating. Her hot dogs are Hebrew National, no less.

I wonder whose idea this was - I have a hard time imagining Gary being this nice, or this organized, or paying for it:

Any idea why they went back to NC?  Is Caleb getting married to the Doss girl pretty soon?  Is it someone's birthday?  Surely they're not having a family reunion to celebrate the anniversary of Gary's soul being saved...

I agree that this doesn't sound like something Gary would plan at all nor would he volunteer to pay for it.

[thoughtful]

Getting a bit blatant there, Gary - we know you use churches, but you usually think you are being "a help." Daniel's question makes no sense:

[thoughtful]

Gary got some suggestions, and seems to have found a place to stay. Notice that Wes shared this with Nathan Rager. I sure hope that's not where Gary is planning to stay!

Spoiler

 

 

Edited July 11, 2021 by thoughtful
removing extra picture

[postscript]

Silly Greg, suggesting a motel with discounts. Gary doesn’t pay for lodging. That’s other people’s responsibility. 

[Xan]

I'm confused.  He was only in NC for dinner last night?  He can lounge around for days at some of these little churches but he basically does a hit-and-run visit for his family in NC?

Even if he spent the night in NC, he got up and immediately hit the road to be preaching in GA tomorrow.  He didn't even have lodging worked out for the gig in Florida.  That doesn't exactly give off warm fuzzies about his big family reunion.