Bontrager/Bowers 7: Thanking the Lord for all the Matchmaking

[Florita]

It is possible that they (Helferichs) inherited the house. Could have belonged to Grandma/Grandpa at one time. That may be why it came pre-decorated.

Love the woodwork. Red walls, not so much. And the "word art" fad has run its course - sorry Hobby Lobby.

[ophelia]

3 hours ago, Nothing if not critical said:

That's really the only explanation that makes sense, isn't it? Would account for them having the shower there and for Allison's claims that they have their own place now. The Bonts also called it a "beautiful old house".

Personally, I would repaint the red walls asap - they seem so stifling to me. But hey, maybe Allison likes them...

I wonder wether Allison would be allowed to ditch some of the really old fashioned stuff and create her own style. She is probably longing for that, but I could see her husband and in-laws telling her to be grateful for a completely furnished home.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Allison made a new post pushing all her fundie humpers to invite people over to their homes. Because who cares about the pandemic? I personally think some of the biggest super spreading events have been parties in homes. She lives somewhere very cold for half of the year so they will definitely be indoors. Sharing food and germs. For months.

[browngrl]

Why do fundies place such a priority on hosting events?  I'm an introvert so I'm not going to be doing any hosting unless I have to but I can certainly understand why people who are more extroverted than me might enjoy it. However fundies seem driven to have people over. What is with that? Is it some doctrine of their religion? A chance to proselytize? Are they just lonely?

[Melissa1977]

10 minutes ago, browngrl said:

Why do fundies place such a priority on hosting events?  I'm an introvert so I'm not going to be doing any hosting unless I have to but I can certainly understand why people who are more extroverted than me might enjoy it. However fundies seem driven to have people over. What is with that? Is it some doctrine of their religion? A chance to proselytize? Are they just lonely?

Not all fundies host events (except baby showers or bridal showers). Maxwells rarely have guests. Zsu never has people at her home. Many outgoing fundies prefer to socialize in a restaurant than in a house. I think it comes with personality, not with religion. Allison loves social life, to organise events etc. And, as she's a Bontrager, she thinks that her ideas are superior and everybody has to do the same. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

11 minutes ago, browngrl said:

Why do fundies place such a priority on hosting events?  I'm an introvert so I'm not going to be doing any hosting unless I have to but I can certainly understand why people who are more extroverted than me might enjoy it. However fundies seem driven to have people over. What is with that? Is it some doctrine of their religion? A chance to proselytize? Are they just lonely?

Yes, yes, and yes, to all of the above. The need to socialize is part of being religious.

They need to proselytize both to non-believers, but also believers who may be on the fence about staying in the religion.  Allison seems lonely after leaving Iowa.

Although @Melissa1977  has a point that not all fundies do this. But most of the fundies I know in real life are quite social.  There is definitely something about making friends with people with similar beliefs and hosting those people often.

Boy, is she (Allison) smug! She's definitely getting worse. Her husband needs to get his own blog so I can see they're the perfect match. Right now, I just picture her talking a mile a minute about her dreams of being a hostess and how important it is to socialize, and him being like "Yeah, go and ahead invite some people over. I want to talk to soandso anyway."

I can't put my finger on it, but these two seem so mismatched to me and it might just be me. If he wasn't fundie, he would have stopped calling her a month after they met. 

Also I think part of the point of this post is to say "Yes, I have a home of my own and we're not staying with relatives."

[fundiefan]

I think Allison is simply trying to prove to anyone who will listen that she is a perfect, happy, well trained, loving, godly, wife and see, even when we barely moved in, we hosted guests because we are so good like that. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

There is definitely a push for “fellowshipping” in fundieland. I personally think there are a few reasons why fellowshipping is pushed. 
 

1) spending your free time with like minded families keeps you in line. Peer pressure isn’t just for high school.

2) matchmaking opportunities

3) connections you’ll likely use down the road when one of your kids needs a job or a vote for state representative. 

4) grifting

5) showing off your skills as a perfect fundie mom/wife

[usmcmom]

I mean, Allison HAS been married for over two months, I think. Of course she should be giving advice about marriage and hospitality. I don’t know about all of you, but I had never...NEVER, I SAY...thought to use table linens and candles to set a table.  And a pitcher as a vase!!! Knock me over with a feather.  And putting flowers or...or....green stuff... IN the pitcher vase?  This is good stuff!  It’s all brand new information!! 

I hope she gets pregnant soon so we can all learn how to be good mothers. If she has not blogged about parentIng by the end of her first trimester, I will be very disappointed. 
 

*end sarcasm font now

[wendy-sparkles]

I went back to the Bontrager blog to check exactly what they said about the house and I swear they've edited the post/ removed pictures. I'm sure there was a picture of the staircase, and one of the stove, that aren't there anymore. Are they showing up for anyone else? Am I going mad?

[Florita]

45 minutes ago, wendy-sparkles said:

I went back to the Bontrager blog to check exactly what they said about the house and I swear they've edited the post/ removed pictures. I'm sure there was a picture of the staircase, and one of the stove, that aren't there anymore. Are they showing up for anyone else? Am I going mad?

You are correct! And the picture of the room with the wicker furniture is gone too.

[ophelia]

8 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I can't put my finger on it, but these two seem so mismatched to me and it might just be me. If he wasn't fundie, he would have stopped calling her a month after they met. 
 

Also I think part of the point of this post is to say "Yes, I have a home of my own and we're not staying with relatives."

Right now I can't remember any other fundie couple that seemed as unhappy and mismatched as they do. And I don't even think he would have stopped calling her. She would have ended the relationship because she actually wanted something more - a career, her own business, a guy that seems less boring, etc.

1 hour ago, wendy-sparkles said:

I went back to the Bontrager blog to check exactly what they said about the house and I swear they've edited the post/ removed pictures. I'm sure there was a picture of the staircase, and one of the stove, that aren't there anymore. Are they showing up for anyone else? Am I going mad?

Yep, at least two pictures are gone. Strange!

[fundiefan]

Yes! The pictures are gone! Wonder what they were called out on and are now trying to hide? They didn't just randomly pull those pictures. They have a reason and it is no doubt to hide/avoid something. 

Such good, open, honest kristchens they are. 

[Howl]

On 10/23/2020 at 7:29 AM, fundiefan said:

There is nothing about them or their history to convince me they actually take COVID precautions seriously,

Except that Steve had a life before fundy-dom. 

They are not into the anti-vax crazy (that I know of) and don't participate in the MLM woo like Plexus and oils and go to regular medical doctors when necessary (except where Terri's depression is concerned, of course).  

Other than immediate family, Steve and Terri are extremely insular, so social distancing isn't a stretch.  They can't go into nursing homes these days, so that's out. 

 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

22 hours ago, Florita said:

It is possible that they (Helferichs) inherited the house. Could have belonged to Grandma/Grandpa at one time. That may be why it came pre-decorated.

Love the woodwork. Red walls, not so much. And the "word art" fad has run its course - sorry Hobby Lobby.

True, but don't forget that Hobby Lobby is a devout Christian organization. Many fundies openly support them and what ever design they have. Even if it has run its course.

On 11/1/2020 at 8:40 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Those two breaking up would shock me. They always looked so comfortable together and they seemed very close to engagement. Can you imagine breaking it off and then having to see your ex every once in awhile because your sibling is married to their sibling? Talk about awkward. 

I guess the forced Bontrager matchmaking game is coming to an end. I have a feeling if the relationship ended it was Praise who called it off. There is no way, in my opinion, that Marlin and Becky would let Denver break it off, especially with Allison marrying right into the family. I don't know about the Helferichs views, but they might not see this as big of a deal as the Bontragers. Call me crazy, but I am a bit surprised that people haven't started asking them about Praise and Denver. Unless they are monitoring their comments closely and deleting or not approving them. 

17 hours ago, fundiefan said:

I think Allison is simply trying to prove to anyone who will listen that she is a perfect, happy, well trained, loving, godly, wife and see, even when we barely moved in, we hosted guests because we are so good like that. 

Allison will never be happy at this point. I see her writings more of someone who is trying to convince herself that she is happy rather than others around house. This maybe a little premature, but I have a feeling that Allison, in the near future, is going to be doing posts about how wonderful Christian marriage counseling is. 

[HereticHick]

23 hours ago, Florita said:

It is possible that they (Helferichs) inherited the house. Could have belonged to Grandma/Grandpa at one time. That may be why it came pre-decorated.

Love the woodwork. Red walls, not so much. And the "word art" fad has run its course - sorry Hobby Lobby.

Is it possible that Ma and Pa are still in the building, living in some sort of mother-in-law suite?  Or in what the Amish call a "dawdy haus" on the property?

[MomJeans]

It seems pretty obvious, between the Bontragers randomly removing pictures of the house interior, to Allison's black and white photography, that Allison is trying to cover something up about her current living location.  

The sad part to me is- if the newlyweds inherited a house from parents/grandparents, or if there is a temporary situation going on, such as one couple living in a house/trailer on the property- it's nothing to be embarrassed about!  It's actually very normal, and in some cultures, would be expected. 

It's not like her brother who runs the Inn wasn't given both a place to live and a job when he married. 

I don't ever expect Allison to be authentic about her life and marriage, but if she doesn't want people to speculate about her housing, she shouldn't post pictures and stories about her amazing hostess-ing skills.

There are plenty of other topics and photo opportunities to create the myth of the #perfectChristianmarriage

 

[anachronistic]

Yeah, I think I’ve read that the whole concept of getting married and moving out is pretty recent, definitely only in the last few centuries in the Western world, and inter generational housing are very common. The US is the weird anomaly here. I’ve lived with family, with roommates and alone as an adult, and though I love living alone, I love living with family too. 

[lonedn]

20 hours ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

Allison will never be happy at this point. I see her writings more of someone who is trying to convince herself that she is happy rather than others around house. 

I am definitely getting this vibe as well! Ever since her first instagram-post, this had been on my mind. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think it will take awhile before she’s fully realizes her married life isn’t as perfect as she had expected. Chelsy seems a bit more laid back about things. If you look at her wedding, you see that she just laughed off the fact that she lost her vows, ran out to find them, and then read them off a phone. I think Chelsy still has plenty of expectations for her married life and children. But Allison has always given me the feeling that if something doesn’t go just as how she expected, it hits her much harder than it would hit Chelsy. I mean look at how Chelsy hosts people at her home! Her plastic folding table rarely even has a table cloth. No flowers or candles either. I don’t think Chelsy cares to be the instagram perfect hostess. Maybe Allison is focusing on this because her marriage isn’t so perfect and she needs to focus on something she feels she has complete control over. Chelsy doesn’t give a fuck about pretty table cloths because she’s too busy being totally happy and in love with John Maxwell. This is all speculation of course. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think it will take awhile before she’s fully realizes her married life isn’t as perfect as she had expected. Chelsy seems a bit more laid back about things. If you look at her wedding, you see that she just laughed off the fact that she lost her vows, ran out to find them, and then read them off a phone. I think Chelsy still has plenty of expectations for her married life and children. But Allison has always given me the feeling that if something doesn’t go just as how she expected, it hits her much harder than it would hit Chelsy. I mean look at how Chelsy hosts people at her home! Her plastic folding table rarely even has a table cloth. No flowers or candles either. I don’t think Chelsy cares to be the instagram perfect hostess. Maybe Allison is focusing on this because her marriage isn’t so perfect and she needs to focus on something she feels she has complete control over. Chelsy doesn’t give a fuck about pretty table cloths because she’s too busy being totally happy and in love with John Maxwell. This is all speculation of course. 

I noticed that about John and Chelsy. Despite all the snark, they do seem to love and support each other very much. Plus, Chelsy hasn't had all the fun snuffed out her since entering the Maxwell compound and, from the looks on the Bontrager's and Chelsy's blog John has partaken in some of the *gasp* sports games the kids play. This may sound premature and I have speculated about this earlier, but I do have a strong feeling that in a couple years John and Chelsy are going to head to Iowa. When I see the photos of John and Chelsy in Iowa with her family they seem happier than they do when they are in Kansas with the Maxwells. It could be due to the fact that they don't see them as much. But, they really do seem genuinely more happy there than in Kansas. 

5 hours ago, lonedn said:

I am definitely getting this vibe as well! Ever since her first instagram-post, this had been on my mind. 

I don't know whether to feel bad for Allison or pity her. She really had no choice in marrying at this point and Marlin and Becky seemed to do whatever they could to make her miserable and give her the hint to find a husband. 

[MomJeans]

Yes, it's one of the reasons that Chelsy's marriage choice was so fascinating to me- their parents' different views on marriage. Maxwell daughters don't marry. 

The Bontragers do not (by their own admission of praying and fasting) believe that adult children should stay at home unmarried.

So Allison had to get married. Despite my snark, I do feel bad for her- I can't imagine the pressure she was under.  And I think she built up #ChristianMarriage to be something perfect and effortless, as long as she followed courtship rules. 

It's probably going pretty well right now - she finally gets to experience sex, she's out from under her father's authority, and she's been getting a ton of attention as a bride & newlywed.  And she's no longer the embarrassingly single daughter.  

[browngrl]

Chelsy and John seem like a better "fit" for each other and this has been the case since the first time we saw them together. On the other hand Alison's and Jeremiah's marriage seems like something engineered by the Bontrager parents.

Initially I thought this might be because Jeremiah has said nothing in public other than his vows and has little social media presence. However, John has never said much either on the Maxwell blog or Chelsy's blog and yet I get the feeling that he and Chelsy are more suited for each other than Alison + Jeremiah. 

I hope Alison is happy with the bed she has made.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

John and Chelsy strike me as one of the best fundie couples I've seen. I have no doubt they would be a couple in the secular world too.

Allison and Jeremiah don't give me those vibes at all.

The weddings I think played into it. Jeremiah look bored, partly because of the long-winded, dreadful, boring speeches. But I didn't see much of a connection, although maybe I missed it. John and Chelsy seemed to have chemistry. They also seem in tune with each other. 

As for the single male Bonts, I'm still hoping for a Bont-Rod wedding. After his speech at Allison's wedding, Marlin deserves to be linked to the Rods. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

4 hours ago, browngrl said:

Chelsy and John seem like a better "fit" for each other and this has been the case since the first time we saw them together. On the other hand Alison's and Jeremiah's marriage seems like something engineered by the Bontrager parents.

Initially I thought this might be because Jeremiah has said nothing in public other than his vows and has little social media presence. However, John has never said much either on the Maxwell blog or Chelsy's blog and yet I get the feeling that he and Chelsy are more suited for each other than Alison + Jeremiah. 

I hope Alison is happy with the bed she has made.

I believe you mean the bed Marlin and Becky forced her to make. Those two were definitely behind Allison’s desperation to get married.