Bontrager/Bowers 7: Thanking the Lord for all the Matchmaking

[NancyDrewFan1989]

6 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

John and Chelsy strike me as one of the best fundie couples I've seen. I have no doubt they would be a couple in the secular world too.

Allison and Jeremiah don't give me those vibes at all.

The weddings I think played into it. Jeremiah look bored, partly because of the long-winded, dreadful, boring speeches. But I didn't see much of a connection, although maybe I missed it. John and Chelsy seemed to have chemistry. They also seem in tune with each other. 

As for the single male Bonts, I'm still hoping for a Bont-Rod wedding. After his speech at Allison's wedding, Marlin deserves to be linked to the Rods. 

They both seemed bored. By the time Marlin was halfway through the two of the seemed like they just wanted to get to the vows. Both of their fathers spoke for way too long. So, I don’t blame them for being or looking bored standing up there. But, yes, I do believe Allison and Jeremiah have a long road ahead of them. Pretty soon Allison may be doing posts about Christian marriage counseling under the guise of a couples camp/retreat like Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have posted about. Many fundie couples like them praise these as a way to “reconnect” as husband and wife. I read through the website for the one the Duggar’s use and it sounds, to me, like marriage counseling retreat under the guise of a camp.

As for the Rods, the Bons met them after one of their concerts a few years ago. Jill hasn’t really posted about them since. There could be a union at some point in the future as the youngest four Bons are close in age with the Rods middle children. But, personally, I kind of doubt it. When fundies have unions they usually expect their child to marry into a family almost exactly as them especially with media and clothing. We all know about Jills rants about women wearing pants, something the Bontragers are ok with. A few years ago Becky claimed the family shuns Disney because of there being magic and the follow your heart message. Where as Jill has posted about her kids enjoying Disney movies and books like Cinderella and Frozen. The Maxwells and Bowers seem to hold the same media and dress code as the Bontragers, even though the Maxwell girls don’t wear pants (knowing Steve Maxwell he probably expected John to force Chelsy to stop wearing pants). I don’t know about Bryn’s family standards though. If there is a Rod and Bon union in the future, then it will be a huge adjustment for the kid that marries in, especially if it is one of the daughters as she will be expected to confirm completely to her husbands beliefs. 

The more I think about Allison and Jeremiah the more I wonder if they are going to be the new Steve and Teri Maxwell sans vasectomy because both of them seem somewhat miserable and once they have kids they are going to start some form of isolation. I can very much see Allison doing what Teri did to Sarah and depend on her to raise the children. Allison already seems miserable and depressed. I just hope having kids doesn’t make it worse for her.

Edited November 6, 2020 by NancyDrewFan1989
Fix word needed to add

[Sops2]

https://www.instagram.com/dearyoungmarriedcouple/

Alison follows this "marriage guidance for young couples" instagram.

What happy young bride would even think of following an instagram like this- it's rather sad she's even looking at this so early on in her marriage

 

[Nothing if not critical]

5 minutes ago, Sops2 said:

https://www.instagram.com/dearyoungmarriedcouple/

Alison follows this "marriage guidance for young couples" instagram.

What happy young bride would even think of following an instagram like this- it's rather sad she's even looking at this so early on in her marriage

 

Seems like she's either a total perfectionist or she's unhappy already... Or maybe it's just something her parents recommended. But really, I could see Allison being super determined to do everything just right, and stressing out over every interaction that's not going perfectly. Ugh, I'm exhausted just typing this...

Edited November 8, 2020 by Nothing if not critical

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, Nothing if not critical said:

Seems like she's either a total perfectionist or she's unhappy already... Or maybe it's just something her parents recommended. But really, I could see Allison being super determined to do everything just right, and stressing out over every interaction that's not going perfectly. Ugh, I'm exhausted just typing this...

I agree. I get that sense as well. Having more than one kid will be a huge wake up call for her. Because she will likely have a toddler and a baby at the same time which will mean she can’t do everything perfectly right. It’s impossible. Toddlers and babies sometimes need you at the exact same time and there’s only one of you at home when Jeremiah is gone at work.

[Sops2]

It's like she's looking out for everything that could go wrong- it must be exhausting and nerve racking to try to be aware of every nuance of behaviour, anticipate what might go wrong and analyse everything in their relationship, to make sure she's a godly wife and her marriage is just perfect.

Nobody's marriage is perfect- after 30 years I still haven't trained Mr sops2 to put the toilet lid down

[fundiefan]

Eh, I don't know. She was raised to think that marriage is a set of rules. Just like life. I think she is just making sure she knows all the rules & doesn't miss anything & accidently make her husband want to read a book rather than hang out with her. That IG is text book fundie - the material has been covered by every fundie we've ever talked about and then some. In a way I feel bad for Jeremiah - I can't imagine her repertoire of rules from fundies across the land being played out with every step of life. 

[browngrl]

I looked at that instagram and one of the posts (which I did not bother to read) is advice on what to do if your spouse wasn't taught to show empathy.

if your spouse has no empathy then you need to consider if your spouse has antisocial personality disorder. I'm not even sure that empathy can be taught. I mean, you can teach people to be better listeners or you can teach them some of the many different ways empathy can be expressed but to have none? I guess fundies will put up with anything because this would be a deal breaker for me.

[Sops2]

 I don't think Father Helferich's "Before the Wedding" talk with his son covered a lot of the stuff included in topics on the instagram

Jeremiah's expectations of marriage are based on his experience of family life with the Helferichs and how his parents behaved with each other. A lot of the topics mentioned probably never even occurred to him!

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, browngrl said:

I looked at that instagram and one of the posts (which I did not bother to read) is advice on what to do if your spouse wasn't taught to show empathy.

if your spouse has no empathy then you need to consider if your spouse has antisocial personality disorder. I'm not even sure that empathy can be taught. I mean, you can teach people to be better listeners or you can teach them some of the many different ways empathy can be expressed but to have none? I guess fundies will put up with anything because this would be a deal breaker for me.

Allison wrote a post before she got married about the ideal husband. Her ideal husband was very empathetic. Here is that post about true love and marriage.

Posts like that show how big illusions are and how much those illusions will be broken.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, browngrl said:

I looked at that instagram and one of the posts (which I did not bother to read) is advice on what to do if your spouse wasn't taught to show empathy.

if your spouse has no empathy then you need to consider if your spouse has antisocial personality disorder. I'm not even sure that empathy can be taught. I mean, you can teach people to be better listeners or you can teach them some of the many different ways empathy can be expressed but to have none? I guess fundies will put up with anything because this would be a deal breaker for me.

Empathy can definitely be modeled. I model empathy with my boys and have since they were babies. It was really important to me that they know what empathy looks like and it’s normal and natural. 

[GoddessOfVictory]

Allison and Jeremiah are quite possibly still in the Honeymoon stage. If so, Allison is in for a big surprise when they hit the Power Struggle stage - and they will, despite her claims that they will be in the Honeymoon stage FOREVER!!11!!!1

However, maybe she's following accounts like the Instagram one as a way to help navigate the stages of a relationship. That's great, except there are two people involved in this relationship. Allison could do everything right but if she's the only one doing any of the emotional heavy lifting, or even if she's doing most of it, she could end up resentful and frustrated. Not knowing Jeremiah, I can't say whether he is stepping up to do his part.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 11/8/2020 at 11:34 AM, Sops2 said:

https://www.instagram.com/dearyoungmarriedcouple/

Alison follows this "marriage guidance for young couples" instagram.

What happy young bride would even think of following an instagram like this- it's rather sad she's even looking at this so early on in her marriage

 

She's not even married for three months and is already following a Christian marriage counseling couple on Instagram? How much more depressing can Allison's life get? 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 11/8/2020 at 7:05 PM, GoddessOfVictory said:

Allison and Jeremiah are quite possibly still in the Honeymoon stage. If so, Allison is in for a big surprise when they hit the Power Struggle stage - and they will, despite her claims that they will be in the Honeymoon stage FOREVER!!11!!!1

However, maybe she's following accounts like the Instagram one as a way to help navigate the stages of a relationship. That's great, except there are two people involved in this relationship. Allison could do everything right but if she's the only one doing any of the emotional heavy lifting, or even if she's doing most of it, she could end up resentful and frustrated. Not knowing Jeremiah, I can't say whether he is stepping up to do his part.

The problem though is Allison is doing everything right based on how she was raised. There really doesn't seem to be much of a honeymoon phase as it was an adjusting phase to her new life as a housewife following her husband's lead. Allison was desperate to move out of her parents house and the only way she could do that was marrying the first man who put a ring on her finger. So, she settled for the first guy who did that. Marlin and Becky took a job she loved, an independent life she enjoyed and forced her to be a SAHD again taking away much of her freedom because they wanted her to get married. I don't know what Jeremiah will do for his part. I just hope that he wasn't "forced" and under as much pressure as Allison was to get married.

[JermajestyDuggar]

13 minutes ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

The problem though is Allison is doing everything right based on how she was raised. There really doesn't seem to be much of a honeymoon phase as it was an adjusting phase to her new life as a housewife following her husband's lead. Allison was desperate to move out of her parents house and the only way she could do that was marrying the first man who put a ring on her finger. So, she settled for the first guy who did that. Marlin and Becky took a job she loved, an independent life she enjoyed and forced her to be a SAHD again taking away much of her freedom because they wanted her to get married. I don't know what Jeremiah will do for his part. I just hope that he wasn't "forced" and under as much pressure as Allison was to get married.

The men always seem to do better so I’m not too worried about him. When it comes to patriarchy, the woman usually has it worse than the man in a bad marriage. Because patriarchy will always benefit men. That’s the whole point of it. 

[GoddessOfVictory]

1 hour ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

The problem though is Allison is doing everything right based on how she was raised. There really doesn't seem to be much of a honeymoon phase as it was an adjusting phase to her new life as a housewife following her husband's lead. Allison was desperate to move out of her parents house and the only way she could do that was marrying the first man who put a ring on her finger. So, she settled for the first guy who did that. Marlin and Becky took a job she loved, an independent life she enjoyed and forced her to be a SAHD again taking away much of her freedom because they wanted her to get married. I don't know what Jeremiah will do for his part. I just hope that he wasn't "forced" and under as much pressure as Allison was to get married.

Allison certainly seems to think she's in the Honeymoon phase or at least she wants all of her followers on Instagram to think she is, based on the posts she's been making.

[ophelia]

4 hours ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

Marlin and Becky took a job she loved, an independent life she enjoyed and forced her to be a SAHD again taking away much of her freedom because they wanted her to get married. I don't know what Jeremiah will do for his part. I just hope that he wasn't "forced" and under as much pressure as Allison was to get married.

Marlin and Becky are vicious IMHO. Raising daughters in patriarchy is terrible, but then letting them have some freedom when it fits them and their needs and taking it away from their daugther because THEY feel she needs to get married ASAP is just incredible mean.

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The men always seem to do better so I’m not too worried about him. When it comes to patriarchy, the woman usually has it worse than the man in a bad marriage. Because patriarchy will always benefit men. That’s the whole point of it. 

While I agree that men seem to do better in the vast majority of cases, I can also see fathers (parents) pushing their sons to get married in fear they might go astray.

[LorEl]

My husband would be miserable. He loves doing everything a mother typically does and he would have loved to stay at home with the kids. But I don't make enough money so I stayed home. 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Marlin and Becky took her job away for several reasons:

1. They needed her to sing with the family. Allison is considered one of the better singers. A lot of people prefer female singers to male singers, unless the man is very talented. 

2. In order to sing with the family, she needed to be able to tour with them. One of the many things they have in common with Jill R is that Marlin and Becky are happiest traveling and touring. Their touring schedule makes it harder for them to hold down job beyond touring. 

3. Mitchell got married and took over the motel business. A married man with a future family to support takes priority over a single lady.

4. They wanted her to get married soon. They also wanted her near them so they could put pressure on her to get married. 

5. She was more likely to meet the right kind of fundie touring than at home. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 11/10/2020 at 2:30 AM, ophelia said:

Marlin and Becky are vicious IMHO. Raising daughters in patriarchy is terrible, but then letting them have some freedom when it fits them and their needs and taking it away from their daugther because THEY feel she needs to get married ASAP is just incredible mean.

While I agree that men seem to do better in the vast majority of cases, I can also see fathers (parents) pushing their sons to get married in fear they might go astray.

Yeah, pretty much that is how they are. I used to think that Marlin and Becky were a bit more progressive than other fundie parents because they seemed to encourage their daughters to do what makes them happy, including having a small business (Chelsy used to do have her own photography one and Allison used to make and sell her own jewelry). Now, I see them as being two of the worse parents out there. I can pretty much guarantee you that this time next year Denver and Taylor will either be engaged or married. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Now that half of their children are married, I think they will slow down their push for their children to marry. But the momentum may already be Too much. Denver is dating Praise and Lincoln Taylor has plenty of Bible bee money. He could pretty easily set up a home for a godly little wife in the next year or so. I hope the Bons end up sorry they pushed so many into marriage when their family band is down to 3 teens and Joe.

Edited November 11, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have a feeling no more Bon kids with come in first at the Bible bee. Rebs and Liz aren’t super into it and I don’t know if Hudson is good at memorizing as Lincoln Taylor. I hope lots of girls won their categories. Because I know how sexist these fundies can be. 

Edited November 11, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[petrushka]

Bryn (Leppert) Bontrager's brother Alex is getting married this weekend at Marion Ave. Baptist Church.

[Nothing if not critical]

On 11/11/2020 at 5:52 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don’t know if Hudson is good at memorizing as Lincoln Taylor

I believe Hudson won 1st place in his age group in 2019 as per the comments on their November post:

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, Nothing if not critical said:

I believe Hudson won 1st place in his age group in 2019 as per the comments on their November post:

 

You’re right. He won in the Junior category. This year is his first year in the senior category which means he’s most likely younger than a lot of his competitors. It’s not surprising that he didn’t get in the top three this year. He might not next year either. But maybe the year after that. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Looking at the stop five in each category this year, there are only two boys. One in the junior level and one in the senior. No boys got first place. It’s being dominated by girls and I love it. Because you know it’s mostly fundies entering their kids in this competition.