Bontrager/Bowers 7: Thanking the Lord for all the Matchmaking

[ophelia]

17 hours ago, fundiefan said:

We don't really know this. The Maxwells are adept at image making. They refrain from most political or social conversation. With the exception of being anti-choice and supporting a random political candidate for office, they do not discuss the world at large very much. Steve knows how to craft an image  - even all these years after the dog & pony show ended - they carefully craft every word they say and everything that is public. That is one of the main reasons their blog is so god-awful boring. They very intentionally keep themselves at arms length from their "followers" being very careful what they say. 

I don't doubt for a minute, really, that they are totally on board with all the fundie crazy we see in families like the Bontragers. They do social distancing slightly more, but it's because Anna has cancer. Cancer patients are immunosuppressed in non-COVID times. Considering Chelsy & John hop about the country with her family and attend "camp", they go to a church with no distancing and no masks...I am totally of the mind that any mention of COVID is because they have to cope & say "something" - they already live in their own bubble, they can't keep fans and followers if they don't mention facts about the world outside their bubble. 

In other words, they 100% manipulate their image to show what they want you to see. There is nothing about them or their history to convince me they actually take COVID precautions seriously, outside Anna's frail medical condition - and again, even without COVID, she would be at risk and precautions would have to be taken. 

You are probably right, @fundiefan! We don't really know much about them apart from the stuff they show us on their blog. What gives me some hope is the fact that although they probably have quite a few blog readers, they don't use their platform to promote such things like conspiracy theories etc. But maybe I'm giving them too much credit!

[Melissa1977]

19 hours ago, fundiefan said:

In other words, they 100% manipulate their image to show what they want you to see. There is nothing about them or their history to convince me they actually take COVID precautions seriously, outside Anna's frail medical condition - and again, even without COVID, she would be at risk and precautions would have to be taken

Teri and Steve follow medical advice, and have always done... Unfortunately, mental health is not included. Since covid, their meetings with Gigi have been outdoors and have social distanced from Anna Marie. Jesse's wedding was very little. Yes, I know there have been some fails (easily detected in the posted pictures), but very different from other fundies. Definitely, Teri and Steve believe that covid is real. In fact, their audience would LOVE to heard that Maxwells don't believe in covid. Being covid-believers is negative for Maxwells image but they don't care, or are genuinely worried, due to their age.

When it is said that Maxwells have a bit of common sense, it does not mean they are good. They have done a deep damage to all their children! But conversely to many fundies, they have always lived comfortably, went to doctor appointments, had a (too) structured homeschooling etc. The adult sons seem to be able to afford families etc. The bar is low, I know!

Edited October 24, 2020 by Melissa1977
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[fundiewatch]

The Maxwells are soooo boring. I cannot forget one of my all time fav blog posts, about OG Anna’s birthday. Sarah had written it, and it included the language like they needed “to get ready to go out. Go out? Where?” and it was the Olive Garden. As if it was just off the hook and freewheeling. I am prone to low mood/depression and I would have died in that family. Even Rods would be better because there is some distraction. 

[nvmbr02]

I noticed on Alison's blog she replied to a comment asking if she was living with Jeremiah's parents stating that she and Jeremiah have their own place.

[LurkerOverThePond]

8 hours ago, nvmbr02 said:

I noticed on Alison's blog she replied to a comment asking if she was living with Jeremiah's parents stating that she and Jeremiah have their own place.

Jeremiah's old bedroom?

I do hope they really have their own place, even if it is a garden shed three steps from the main house. Allison really gets on my nerves, but the newlyweds deserve their own peace and quiet.

[Themanda Duggar]

11 hours ago, nvmbr02 said:

I noticed on Alison's blog she replied to a comment asking if she was living with Jeremiah's parents stating that she and Jeremiah have their own place.

I’ve never believed the speculation on here that they were living with his parents.

[Jigsaw3]

The speculation arose because the backgrounds of all the pictures she's shared of her new married life are identifiably a Helferich home that predates the wedding -- specifically, the house where her bridal shower was held -- and the assumption was made that it's Jeremiah's parents' house. Maybe that's wrong: maybe it is is Jeremiah and Allison's house, or is NOW J&A's house, or maybe Allison was just hosting at Jeremiah's parents. I will take Allison's word that they have their own place, but I'm very curious as to what the arrangements are.

I do think that maybe Allison isn't as domestic as we all assume her to be. She's a fundie daughter so she's supposed to be domestic, but maybe that's not really her interest unless forced? Her passion comes through on her blog for things like running the inn or organizing the girls' retreat, things like business and organization and leadership/ministry, not domesticity or crafting. It's a waste of her skills and another example of how the fundie world quashes girls and railroads them into a narrow, predefined set of interests.

A very interesting critical comment on Allison's blog, very well phrased:

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Allison has at least been taught how to perform domestic duties. Unlike so many fundie newlywed women. She knows how to cook, clean, and care for kids. She may not enjoy those tasks, but she at least can make a healthy meal. Unlike the Duggar girls or Bates girls when they were first married. 

[browngrl]

If they have their own place then why the dinner party pictures in the family house? 

If they have their own space then why not have a get together there? I've noticed that the people in my life who are big into hospitality, always find a way to socialize - even if they have little money and little space. In fact small scale socialization might be a great blog post of Alison ie how to show hospitality when you have a tiny budget and a tiny space. 

I don't think Alison has a completely separate place. I think they have a bedroom and maybe a bathroom to themselves - maybe in a trailer. So they have their own space to sleep but do the cooking/eating/socializing in the "main" house.

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, browngrl said:

If they have their own place then why the dinner party pictures in the family house? 

If they have their own space then why not have a get together there? I've noticed that the people in my life who are big into hospitality, always find a way to socialize - even if they have little money and little space. In fact small scale socialization might be a great blog post of Alison ie how to show hospitality when you have a tiny budget and a tiny space. 

I don't think Alison has a completely separate place. I think they have a bedroom and maybe a bathroom to themselves - maybe in a trailer. So they have their own space to sleep but do the cooking/eating/socializing in the "main" house.

Alison just posted pics on her insta stories. Her family came to visit and yes, they are hosting them in the Helferich home. Did they give them the house? Do they live on the property near the house? I’m so confused. Everything points to them living in his family home. 

[deborahlynn1979]

Allison posted this as an answer to a question from Bethany Beal (from Girl Defined) on Instagram asking what is your favorite part about being married:

Quote

"Oh my...so hard to narrow down! Living every day with my best friend, confidante, steady rock, cheerleader, and lover. So basically everything!"

I've been married for ten years and I have never once referred to my husband in any way, shape, or form as my "lover." It's so cringey.

 

[Nothing if not critical]

25 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Alison just posted pics on her insta stories. Her family came to visit and yes, they are hosting them in the Helferich home. Did they give them the house? Do they live on the property near the house? I’m so confused. Everything points to them living in his family home. 

Maybe it isn't the Helferich home at all, and they had the shower in their future home (that Jeremiah had already fully furnished and decorated for some reason)? Doesn't make much sense, I know....

[JermajestyDuggar]

59 minutes ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

Allison posted this as an answer to a question from Bethany Beal (from Girl Defined) on Instagram asking what is your favorite part about being married:

I've been married for ten years and I have never once referred to my husband in any way, shape, or form as my "lover." It's so cringey.

 

Do you remember that SNL sketch with Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch playing an old married couple that constantly call one another “lover” and make everyone around them extremely uncomfortable? That’s Allison!

Edited October 26, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[Tangy Bee]

Allison has a brand new sex life and wants everyone to know it. She'll look back 10 years from now and cringe at her own self.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

"Oh my...so hard to narrow down! Living every day with my best friend, confidante, steady rock, cheerleader, and lover. So basically everything!"

I have no problem with Allison refering to Jeremiah as her lover.  She's an adult. Taylor Swift Just a  a whole song last year called "Lover" about her man.  (I like this song.)

It's more telling that Jeremiah is "basically everything" to her. I know she's living away from her family and in a new state, which is somewhat isolating. My biggest concern is that Allison seems to have too high expectations for this relationship. She thinks he's Prince Charming and everything will be perfect. Jeremiah hasn't struck me as a man who wants to be someone's everything, and nothing is ever perfect.  Her expectations are so high she's bound to be disappointed. 

She and Jeremiah may have an appartment or trailer, etc. I doubt that they have a space big enough to host her family, even with half the kids married. If her family is visiting, maybe they'll announce an engagement soon. 

[Sops2]

This is a photo taken at the bridal shower at the Helferich's

Could this be a house built on the farm for the newlyweds'? It definitely isn't the house with the red walls and  brown windows which we think is the family home..

 

[wendy-sparkles]

I don't think Alison is hosting her family in her in-laws home, more like her in-laws are hosting the family of the boy their daughter is courting.

Probably Alison's home still has projects they're working on, and we won't see pics until it is perfectly decorated. Maybe Alison is lonely and missing having a bunch of people around, so she's spending lots of time at her in laws while Jeremiah works? 

[usedbicycle]

On 10/26/2020 at 11:33 AM, browngrl said:

I don't think Alison has a completely separate place. I think they have a bedroom and maybe a bathroom to themselves - maybe in a trailer. So they have their own space to sleep but do the cooking/eating/socializing in the "main" house.

 

On 10/26/2020 at 11:43 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Alison just posted pics on her insta stories. Her family came to visit and yes, they are hosting them in the Helferich home. Did they give them the house? Do they live on the property near the house? I’m so confused. Everything points to them living in his family home. 

I think it's pretty obvious they live in an RV or trailer on the family property. It would make a lot of financial sense as a young couple with no kids saving for a down payment, and nothing to be ashamed about. Interesting that Allison hasn't posted about it at all, instead opting to showcase her large dinners in the family dining room. Is she embarassed? Is she jealous of Chelsea who moved into a debt-free house right away?

[JermajestyDuggar]

15 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

 

I think it's pretty obvious they live in an RV or trailer on the family property. It would make a lot of financial sense as a young couple with no kids saving for a down payment, and nothing to be ashamed about. Interesting that Allison hasn't posted about it at all, instead opting to showcase her large dinners in the family dining room. Is she embarassed? Is she jealous of Chelsea who moved into a debt-free house right away?

If she is living in an RV or trailer, I am not surprised in the least that she hasn’t talked about it yet. The Bontragers are great at spinning the truth into something much more palatable. Allison included. She will eventually post about their living situation and I’m positive that no matter how uncomfortable or impractical it is, she will spin it into an amazing, beautiful, magical experience that she 100% chose. 

Edited October 28, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[fundiefan]

Allison is playing at being an enlightened, educated citizen and her story is all the things she's voting for - which would have been so much easier to just take a picture of her husband's truck with his tRump sign & plaster it on her IG. But, she's gotta' pretend that she's on a good kristchen moral high ground. 

[browngrl]

6 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

nothing to be ashamed about. 

I agree but I am not so sure Alison does. I think she looks at Chelsy who got a nice house right off the bat and she's jealous. All the rhapsodizing about marriage and hospitality might be her way to cover up her dissatisfaction. 

 

Edited October 28, 2020 by browngrl
spelling

[JermajestyDuggar]

Allison is in for so much disappointment that a tiny bit of me feels sorry for her. It’s called “The Honeymoon Stage” for a reason. Because stages don’t last. I’ve never known anyone with a long marriage that had the honeymoon stage last forever. That’s not what marriage is about. And the fact that she thinks she can accomplish this shows me how very little she knows about long lasting relationships. Just like friendships, married relationships change over time because people change over time. If you still are in the honeymoon 50 years from now, you and your spouse haven’t changed. Which is basically impossible. What I’ve found in my 11 years of marriage is that adapting to the changes in yourself and your marriage is an important part of your marriage. I’m not the same person as 11 years ago and neither is my husband. There’s no way we could still be in a honeymoon stage without completely reverting backwards. And that’s not going to happen. 

Edited October 30, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[fundiefan]

Of course, he was manly. 

Gag.

I wouldn't want to take anyone's honeymoon phase away from them, but Allison's in her own world entirely. This isn't honeymoon phase behavior, this is defined fundie roles & rules on display. Trying to show everyone that her life is perfect because she is a godly girl who followed all the rules & was rewarded. 

 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Of course, he was manly. 

Gag.

I wouldn't want to take anyone's honeymoon phase away from them, but Allison's in her own world entirely. This isn't honeymoon phase behavior, this is defined fundie roles & rules on display. Trying to show everyone that her life is perfect because she is a godly girl who followed all the rules & was rewarded. 

 

 

The saddest part is that she has no clue of what she actually wants. She’s been told all her life what she is supposed to want. How is she supposed to know if what she’s told to want and what she really wants are the same? Let’s hope for her sake they are one and the same. Because if not, she’s going to be stuck in a world of hurt. 

[neurogirl]

Marriage is hard! I've been married for just over 2 years and its hard. Of course, my husband and I were together for 6 years before we got married, so our honeymoon stage was already over. But even in the two years of marriage we've survived job changes, moving, a parent being really ill, mental illness, loneliness even before covid, and then with covid, job loss, money stress, and heightened isolation. I also have some physical issues that makes sex a bit painful if theres not a bunch of time and attention put in - so therefore that happens just a few times a month and we need to have a lot of communication. 

Sometimes these fundies make me feel insecure about my marriage with their "joyfully available" and their "always falling in love." I have to remember that despite the hard times and the fact that we're still both working on ourselves, we have the space to do that individually and with each other, I can always share my feelings openly and honestly, and I'm with someone who makes me genuinely laugh every day. I don't have to put on an act and I found a companion to grow with. Shut up Allison.