Alyssa & John 3: Modesty Make-Up

[Carm_88]

4 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Anyone else thinking of Diana in Anne of Green Gables who greedily knocked back Marissa's "cordial" and got pissed as a newt?  Poor Anne got the blame.

That's actually what I compare it to! Diana was a glutton and Anne got blamed!  

Edited May 28, 2019 by Carm_88

[Johannah]

I think the issue is not that they had a weekend away from their kids. It’s that they’re showing excitement at being away from them, like, woo hoo! No kids! I cannot imagine Michelle or kelly jo ever expressing that sentiment, no matter how much they actually feel that way or how often they’re away from their kids. 

Wasn’t it Michelle & JB who said saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers? This feels like Alyssa saying she wants to stand away from all those flowers for a couple of days ?  Which, to be fair, I can think of many reasons why there can be too many flowers and also why you might want to step away from them for awhile. 

I think this is really just a social media-era rebrand. They’re not showing the day to day drudgery of having so many young children. That post says: we’re attractive and put-together and in love and not struggling; not only can we have multiple small children back to back, but we also get to go away for romantic weekends alone! They’re still advertising for the brand/cult. It’s just interesting that it’s with such a different approach. I wonder what M & KJ really think of it. 

[Perrierwithlemon]

25 minutes ago, Johannah said:

That post says: we’re attractive and put-together and in love and not struggling; not only can we have multiple small children back to back, but we also get to go away for romantic weekends alone! They’re still advertising for the brand/cult.

I agree. And I see this with other families as well. Then, once in a while, they throw in a "relatable post" like: "somedays I just stay in my pajamas all day with my kids and let them play and -- oh, look at that! the house is a mess because we live here! sometimes these days are hard but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I just love being a stay-at-home mom and a helpmeet! I count it all as joy!" etc. I honestly think this helps them draw new members into their cult/brand, especially from a new demographic on social media. It normalizes their obscurities and makes the brand/cult look attainable. Jill Duggar does this constantly -- trying to be relatable with words like "anyone else out there ______________?" or "who else can relate?" If you scroll through her social media (especially her captions) you'll see what I'm talking about.

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, Johannah said:

I think the issue is not that they had a weekend away from their kids. It’s that they’re showing excitement at being away from them, like, woo hoo! No kids! I cannot imagine Michelle or kelly jo ever expressing that sentiment, no matter how much they actually feel that way or how often they’re away from their kids. 

Wasn’t it Michelle & JB who said saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers? This feels like Alyssa saying she wants to stand away from all those flowers for a couple of days ?  Which, to be fair, I can think of many reasons why there can be too many flowers and also why you might want to step away from them for awhile. 

I think this is really just a social media-era rebrand. They’re not showing the day to day drudgery of having so many young children. That post says: we’re attractive and put-together and in love and not struggling; not only can we have multiple small children back to back, but we also get to go away for romantic weekends alone! They’re still advertising for the brand/cult. It’s just interesting that it’s with such a different approach. I wonder what M & KJ really think of it. 

It's not only a fundie change. It's a parenting trend in social media.

When I had my eldest 14 years ago, most parenting advice (both conservative and progressive) was all about family time, children first etc. Basically you were a bad mom if didn't want to stay 24/7 with your kids.

When I had my youngest 5 years ago, I realised there had been a change. Social media is now all about free-kid time for parents. Basically you're dumb and old fashioned if you stay with your kids all the time and don't go to parties or trips for adults only. At the same time, when you are with them, you should do pinteresty over-the-top crafts. 

OK ok, I'm exaggerating and I know it! But the trend is there.

Probably both extremes are unhealthy. Parents need a break sometimes but kids need attention and attachment. I think Alyssa shows a good balance in that matter. 

[Curious]

On 5/19/2019 at 10:29 AM, theotherelise said:

I use fj as a bit of an escape from my stresses which results in more chatty posts when there isn’t a recent action needing calling out

You may know this already, but for new people or people that came here for the Duggars/Batesesesesessssssss and have never looked around, if you want to just chat we have an actual chatroom (babble in the top nav bar) and about eleventy places for different types of chat.   We have clubs, we have forums devoted to just about every hobby you can think of and if your hobby isn't there, I'm happy to add it.  

AYTFJ has a thread that is much like Seinfeld called the specularium as well as many other threads on various more personal topics.

People tend to get "stuck" in one area of the forum and never really take a good look around.  I suggest hitting browse once in a while to go to the actual main page of the forum and check out all we offer.

/PSA

[Curious]

On 5/19/2019 at 10:55 PM, nausicaa said:

We all need to know what sort of spell Cathy and Rick have cast. 

 

The spell of saltpeter?

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

11 minutes ago, Curious said:

AYTFJ has a thread that is much like Seinfeld called the specularium as well as many other threads on various more personal topics.

When I have only a little FJ time, I always make sure to read the Specularium and all the status updates. I find FJers more interesting than most of the fundies!

[LillyP]

11 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

It's not only a fundie change. It's a parenting trend in social media.

When I had my eldest 14 years ago, most parenting advice (both conservative and progressive) was all about family time, children first etc. Basically you were a bad mom if didn't want to stay 24/7 with your kids.

 When I had my youngest 5 years ago, I realised there had been a change. Social media is now all about free-kid time for parents. Basically you're dumb and old fashioned if you stay with your kids all the time and don't go to parties or trips for adults only. At the same time, when you are with them, you should do pinteresty over-the-top crafts. 

OK ok, I'm exaggerating and I know it! But the trend is there.

Probably both extremes are unhealthy. Parents need a break sometimes but kids need attention and attachment. I think Alyssa shows a good balance in that matter. 

I agree I think Alyssa does a good job with balancing both.

In my circle alllll the moms are all about being with their kids 24/7, and I'm definitely the odd man out for enjoying my kid-free time. I know they gasp at the thought of me going on overnights and leaving my kid, or having a sitter for a date night. Part of it probably stems from being in my 30's when I had a kid, and I basically grew up without social media....meaning I just DGAF about what the other moms are doing.  Facebook wasn't available to the masses until I was out of college. Likewise my friends who are all my age parent in a similar way. They all had kids pretty fresh out of college - pre social media - so there wasn't this huge influx of mom-shamers. All the people I know with little kids are all about social media, very much caring what the other moms are doing. They're the ones who act like you're a horrible mom if you don't have your kids with you 24/7. 

[Audrey2]

Just as a reminder though, we didn't see Michelle or Kelly back in the days when they were just starting their families. We've heard about the laundry room meltdown but didn't actually watch the events leading up to it and the meltdown on television. When we got to meet the Duggars and the Bates, both of their respective mom's had been handing babies off to sister moms for many years. Had we been able to see something from the early years and had Michelle or Kelly been able to have a weekend with her husband their response might have been much like Alyssa's.

[Hisey]

3 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

Just as a reminder though, we didn't see Michelle or Kelly back in the days when they were just starting their families. We've heard about the laundry room meltdown but didn't actually watch the events leading up to it and the meltdown on television. When we got to meet the Duggars and the Bates, both of their respective mom's had been handing babies off to sister moms for many years. Had we been able to see something from the early years and had Michelle or Kelly been able to have a weekend with her husband their response might have been much like Alyssa's.

True. It's much much easier having small children if you have teenagers in the house as well.

With Jana, Jill and Jessa living at home, Michelle could go on a "date night" with JB anytime she wanted. (It's not like the girls had extracurriculars to go to). Any night of the week, they could go out for dinner or coffee, because the older girls were always there.

In contrast, Alyssa has to find a babysitter (presumably her inlaws) whenever she and John want to go out.

So I don't think she's re-branding. I think she's stuck with those little kids 24/7, and is quite delighted to be getting away.

Edited May 29, 2019 by Hisey

[PurpleCats]

She got an entire weekend of peeing in peace AND carnal relations with no interruption. Of course she’s pumped.  I don’t blame her. 

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

I think everyone experiences things in a different way. Not gonna lie, it was very hard for me to leave LittleCowboy, and it still is, although I manage it a bit better - but I miss him like crazy! Transition to daycare was hard on me but he didn't as much as blink (!). I must have called those poor daycare teachers 10 times on my first day back at work when he was 4.5 months old.

As far as evenings/dates, I would refuse to go and leave him home with anybody but my parents (whom I trust as if it was myself) and even then, those were a very rare occurrence, first because my parents live in a different continent and are not always around, and also, because I would be out and constantly worrying about how he was, not enjoying the date with my husband. That went on until he was about a year old, then we found a trusted sitter, one of his daycare teachers who occasionally babysits for kids/families who attend the daycare, and I am a (tiny) bit more at peace with the idea. 

Totally irrational, I know, but there's nothing I can do about it, so I try to manage it the best I can. YMMV, just relating my experience. 

I remember coming back from maternity leave, and a few days later, having to go to a 3-day work conference in another city. I was terrified at the thought of leaving LittleCowboy overnight, and, given that my husband could not take the time off to accompany me, I had my mom fly in and fly to the conference with me and LittleCowboy. She took care of him and enjoyed the time (conference was at a fancy resort, not that I enjoyed any of it because I was with clients/in sessions all the time) and I could snuggle my little buddy every chance I got. ?

 

 

[VBOY9977]

The answer might change after last weekend ? 

kidding lol It’ll happen when it happens. 

And seriously why do people think it’s okay to just ask them if they’re pregnant in the comments? 

Edited May 30, 2019 by VBOY9977

[nelliebelle1197]

23 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

The answer might change after last weekend ? 

kidding lol It’ll happen when it happens. 

And seriously why do people think it’s okay to just ask them if they’re pregnant in the comments? 

Because they are public figures who became public figures because they believe in pumping out as many babies as they can, whether they can afford/care/educate them all or not.

[Bazinga]

I just want to know her exercise secrets.....? Edited to add- her secrets with three kids. I run after mine all day too and sadly that's not my secret haha.

Edited May 30, 2019 by Bazinga

[19tacos&counting]

I always laugh when people say “running after my kids keeps me thin!” I have two young very wild boys, I’m definitely overweight ?? a lot of it is genetic. 

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

6 hours ago, 19tacos&counting said:

I always laugh when people say “running after my kids keeps me thin!” I have two young very wild boys, I’m definitely overweight ?? a lot of it is genetic. 

I definitely run after LittleCowboy, but PCOS catches up on me faster sometimes! 

That, and I like to eat...  

[lizzybee]

@19tacos&counting yep, same. My evil hypothyroidism unfortunately seems to have more say than my vegan diet and the 13,000 steps a day I take exercising and chasing my two boys. So unfair. 

[Pamhalpert]

On 5/29/2019 at 5:43 PM, Hisey said:

In contrast, Alyssa has to find a babysitter (presumably her inlaws) whenever she and John want to go out.

So I don't think she's re-branding. I think she's stuck with those little kids 24/7, and is quite delighted to be getting away.

I stay at home  24/7 with our 2 and 4yo(seriously we only have one car)so I can totally relate to her excitement about getting away for a weekend! I have not had a kid free weekend(heck or even overnight trip)for 4 years now!

10 hours ago, 19tacos&counting said:

I always laugh when people say “running after my kids keeps me thin!” I have two young very wild boys, I’m definitely overweight ?? a lot of it is genetic. 

 

AMAN! It has taken me 2 long hard years to lose 40lbs even with running after my kids! It is such a lie that the kids keep you skinny...no they make you stress eat!!! haha

[JermajestyDuggar]

On 5/30/2019 at 7:19 PM, Bazinga said:

I just want to know her exercise secrets.....? Edited to add- her secrets with three kids. I run after mine all day too and sadly that's not my secret haha.

It’s mostly genetics. And we have to remember Alyssa is young. I doubt she’s doing anything special to stay as trim as she is. 

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

I definitely run after LittleCowboy, but PCOS catches up on me faster sometimes! 

That, and I like to eat...  

 

4 hours ago, lizzybee said:

@19tacos&counting yep, same. My evil hypothyroidism unfortunately seems to have more say than my vegan diet and the 13,000 steps a day I take exercising and chasing my two boys. So unfair. 

I have both of these. Be jealous of how special I am. ?

But seriously, I was diagnosed with PCOS this February and I’ve been treated for subclinical Hypothyroidism for about a year now. I’m fortunate that weight gain somehow hasn’t been a big issue for me so far. I probably carry a small amount of extra weight at times (like 5 pounds), but that’s pretty reasonable - exhaustion and acne seem to be my biggest issues. And my anxiety always gets much worse when we have to raise my thyroid medication dosage too, so it’s been fun dealing with panic attack symptoms. My meds are going up again tomorrow, so wish me luck. 

[lizzybee]

@VelociRapture *Priscilla Waller voice* yaaaaaaaaaaassss, the fatigue and the anxiety is so awful. The worst is when I’m feeling great and then they check my levels and they’re not right. Then they’re changing my dosage and I’m back to being a wreck and the fatigue is like sludging through mud to do anything. I actually just asked to be sent to an endocrinologist to help me manage things better because I’m so tired of this up and down and back and forth junk. 

[Rachel333]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

But seriously, I was diagnosed with PCOS this February

Hey, me too. Same month and everything. I don't think I really have it, though, since I have none of the symptoms other than that my ultrasound findings were consistent with PCOS.

I also have hypothyroidism. I never would have guessed it but it was caught on a blood test I got on a hospital admission and my TSH and T4 levels were genuinely out of the normal range. The biggest difference I've noticed with medication is that I'm no longer cold all the time.

Anyway, regarding Alyssa, I don't follow the Bates much but I do recall reading that Kelly made some comments about Alyssa watching her weight, so I would imagine that she does watch her diet, regardless of any exercise routine she does or does not have. Exercise doesn't affect weight very much anyway.

[nausicaa]

Yeah...it's not genetics. There is very little evidence that metabolism differs all that much between people (or even varies much according to age). She just consistently consumes fewer calories than people who are her height and weigh more that she does. 

It's strange that we have to throw out every other reason for her weight other than the very obvious, scientifically supported one. 

[VelociRapture]

9 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

Hey, me too. Same month and everything. I don't think I really have it, though, since I have none of the symptoms other than that my ultrasound findings were consistent with PCOS.

I also have hypothyroidism. I never would have guessed it but it was caught on a blood test I got on a hospital admission and my TSH and T4 levels were genuinely out of the normal range. The biggest difference I've noticed with medication is that I'm no longer cold all the time.

Anyway, regarding Alyssa, I don't follow the Bates much but I do recall reading that Kelly made some comments about Alyssa watching her weight, so I would imagine that she does watch her diet, regardless of any exercise routine she does or does not have. Exercise doesn't affect weight very much anyway.

High fives all around!

I believe some women with PCOS actually don’t really have symptoms. The specialist who finally diagnosed me said I met the criteria because I have cysts on my ovaries, skin changes, and longer than normal cycles - this time it was anywhere between 41 and 51 days. I don’t have a lot of the classic symptoms, which is partly why it took a long tine to figure out. My sister does have some of the classic symptoms though and she was diagnosed years ago - that’s the biggest reason why my normal Doctor suspected PCOS to be honest since there is some evidence to suspect it’s partly genetic. 

I’m fortunate though. I know from my sister and SIL that it can be much worse than what I deal with. It was disheartening to have the Specialist immediately start talking about fertility treatments this time, especially since our insurance won’t cover anything related to treating infertility or fertility related issues. We would have been on the hook for thousands of dollars had we opted to start treatments. And then of course my body went and trolled me so hard by getting pregnant just over two weeks later anyways. I’m still glad I saw him though because I wouldn’t have been diagnosed otherwise. 

11 hours ago, lizzybee said:

@VelociRapture *Priscilla Waller voice* yaaaaaaaaaaassss, the fatigue and the anxiety is so awful. The worst is when I’m feeling great and then they check my levels and they’re not right. Then they’re changing my dosage and I’m back to being a wreck and the fatigue is like sludging through mud to do anything. I actually just asked to be sent to an endocrinologist to help me manage things better because I’m so tired of this up and down and back and forth junk. 

The anxiety can be really bad. Each tine my dosage has increased I get panic attack symptoms - like panic, intense cold, shaking, inability to sleep, and vomiting (if it’s bad enough.) We increase my dosage slowly and that helps, but it can still tough for a few days. I’m hoping I won’t have any of that tonight, but we’ll have to see what happens. At least my husband is around tomorrow to help with the kids if I need to rest.

A good Endocrinologist can make a huge difference. My PCP is fantastic, but he knows it’s not his speciality and he had no issues referring me to someone he felt could help me better than he could. I’ve been very pleased with the results I’ve gotten with my Endocrinologist so far and I feel better knowing she’s monitoring my levels during this pregnancy.