Alyssa & John 3: Modesty Make-Up

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 minutes ago, TatiFish9 said:

You may think I am a troll, but I am not.

I asked a question.  If I thought you were I'd have said it - not asked.

I understand that you've lived this life and have been harmed by it, but so have many others here and while you don't want your opinions negated, they have a right to their experiences as well.

[TatiFish9]

5 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I asked a question.  If I thought you were I'd have said it - not asked.

I understand that you've lived this life and have been harmed by it, but so have many others here and while you don't want your opinions negated, they have a right to their experiences as well.

I do not have a problem with counter opinions. At times, I will challenge them. I do feel exhausted by the insinuation that I am a troll because I have counter opinions here about fundie behavior.

I have not seen a troll that says "yes, I am a self-aware troll".  Most of my posts are benign re: mission of this site anyhow. I know you have the right to ask, but it seems more like a subversive comment than a true attempt to get an answer. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, TatiFish9 said:

I know you have the right to ask, but it seems more like a subversive comment than a true attempt to get an answer. 

It was an honest question - subversive passive aggression isn't my style.  No need to belabor it - I said I could have misinterpreted.

 

[TatiFish9]

1 minute ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

It was an honest question - subversive passive aggression isn't my style.  No need to belabor it - I said I could have misinterpreted.

 

Okay. I understand. I will do better.

[AliceInFundyland]

@TatiFish9
 I have an honest, no snark, question (because I always wonder when people stick to one area). Why are you only a poster in the Bates forum? Sometimes the feeling, when the debates get raised, is that people's minds might be expanded by examining some of the other fundies here. Why do you just stick around Batesville? It might give your arguments some additional credibility.

I know you feel strongly about this matter.

Edited May 26, 2019 by AliceInFundyland

[TatiFish9]

27 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

@TatiFish9
 I have an honest, no snark, question (because I always wonder when people stick to one area). Why are you only a poster in the Bates forum? Sometimes the feeling, when the debates get raised, is that people's minds might be expanded by examining some of the other fundies here. Why do you just stick around Batesville? It might give your arguments some additional credibility.

I know you feel strongly about this matter.

I was primarily in the Duggar threads but I got tired of the pet fundie stuff and comment wars.

It once was much quieter in the Bates threads. I find the discussion over here to be more productive.

I have read through and very rarely (but I have) posted in non- Bates Duggar threads. Most of the time I follow and I do not comment because I don't know enough even with the little time I have to research. Also, I have felt depressed reading in some of them. It is so sad. The Bates/Duggars while clearly harmful in their ways have gloss that makes the pain go down slightly easier for me. Plus their access to fame and resources *should* offer more promise of someone breaking away or show significant change on a more rapid level. Sadly, I think the reverse is happening.

I have been trying to learn the Rodrigues family. But on this topic of change, they still seem uber fundie in most ways. I would not need to post about them changing because I don't see anything different about them. However, I would be interested to know if their gen 2s have made any significant changes or broke free in anyway.

Edited May 26, 2019 by TatiFish9

[TatiFish9]

Alyssa seems really attached to her grandmother. It was Janie she confided to that she and John would not have more kids if she has another girl. I wonder if she said that for Janie's sake or meant it. I just noticed she favors Janie. I can see Alyssa's looks favoring Janie when she was around her age.

[AussieKrissy]

3 minutes ago, TatiFish9 said:

Alyssa seems really attached to her grandmother. It was Janie she confided to that she and John would not have more kids if she has another girl. I wonder if she said that for Janie's sake or meant it. I just noticed she favors Janie. I can see Alyssa's looks favoring Janie when she was around her age.

What? Wait? Where did she say this? 

[TatiFish9]

3 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

What? Wait? Where did she say this? 

On the show. I think it was last season. It's been discussed on FJ in previous Alyssa threads.

I don't know if it's true. Others pointed out Erin said she would not have more but she did.

[CarrotCake]

About not bringing the kids: it looks like Austin also left Gideon at home since normally he would be in pictures with them.

It would not surprise me if there are no kids but the wedding party.

[Melissa1977]

6 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I don't really find it that odd. they didn't bring the kids. I don't think Alyssa is a shit mother for leaving her kids. Maybe she just needed a break and flying with three kids seemed like a hellish nightmare. Sitting through a wedding isn't often fun for small kids, so they might just be happier at home. 

Absolutely. But based in IG, Websters are often travelling to Tenneessee with the 3 girls. That's why I was so surprised they didn't go to a major event. Anyway, I understand a couple wanting a bit of no-kids time.

[Melissa1977]

@VelociRapture I've been reading your posts about anxiety leaving your kid. I absolutely understand you. So, having been in the same place (minus the NICU experience) I feel I can say something to you. 

When you'll be on labour, you will be so focused in giving birth that anxiety about the eldest will be erased. When the baby will be born, you will need to spend a (little) time alone with him or her. So leaving your eldest at home won't be as terrible as you are anticipating. 

Having 2 kids is great. It's true that love multiplies. But also work and worries do. Don't feel guilty if there's no more anxiety for leaving them for a while and you beg for a romantic dinner or a night in a hotel haha. At least it happened to me.

(Not saying mine is the right way, just sharing the experience).

[AussieKrissy]

37 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

Absolutely. But based in IG, Websters are often travelling to Tenneessee with the 3 girls. That's why I was so surprised they didn't go to a major event. Anyway, I understand a couple wanting a bit of no-kids time.

They did make some Instagram title along the lines of kids free weekend and it is their anniversary. So maybe a weekend  

It is odd since it is their aunt to not bring them. But hey they have a shit tonne more to come and they are not even going to remember it. All the sister were in the party. No women’s to look after the babies.... may have been another reason  

hell if I had as many sitters as the Bates and duggars had I bet I would take advantage and my sanity would be better  

 

[llucie]

47 minutes ago, CarrotCake said:

About not bringing the kids: it looks like Austin also left Gideon at home since normally he would be in pictures with them.

It would not surprise me if there are no kids but the wedding party.

Not saying this is the norm but i think its pretty normal to only have closed related children at a wedding, at least it was this way in the ones i atended recently.

[OyToTheVey]

1 hour ago, llucie said:

Not saying this is the norm but i think its pretty normal to only have closed related children at a wedding, at least it was this way in the ones i atended recently.

agreed. But most weddings I go to are really formal. It would be extremely weird if someone brought their children. Super close family only and only if the invite specifies those kids. The invite would have to say Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Family. 

[justmy2cents]

Anna posted pictures of her kids on the way to Tennessee.  I don't think she would bring the kids just to leave them with a sitter so it doesn't look like a kids free wedding.

[omgpleasestop]

I don't understand what they do at wedding receptions. What sort of music do they listen to? Do they even dance other than a waltz? I'm assuming there is never any alcohol? I couldn't think of anything worse. It's like a 90th birthday party of epic proportion.

[formergothardite]

After seeing how hot and miserable that wedding was, I wonder if that was why the Webster children and at least Gideon did not come. Children would struggle to sit through that without crying. 

8 hours ago, TatiFish9 said:

Also, I have felt depressed reading in some of them. It is so sad. The Bates/Duggars while clearly harmful in their ways have gloss that makes the pain go down slightly easier for me.

The problem with the Bates is that they absolutely are as depressing as the rest of the fundies we follow, but they convince people they aren't. Focusing on just one fundie family gives a sort of warped view of what being a fundie is. Fundies drink, fundies dance, fundies get their noses pierced and get tattoos. If someone just spends time in one section it really makes it seem like when a fundie changes to a different type of fundie they are somehow less fundie. 

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

@VelociRapture I've been reading your posts about anxiety leaving your kid. I absolutely understand you. So, having been in the same place (minus the NICU experience) I feel I can say something to you. 

When you'll be on labour, you will be so focused in giving birth that anxiety about the eldest will be erased. When the baby will be born, you will need to spend a (little) time alone with him or her. So leaving your eldest at home won't be as terrible as you are anticipating. 

Having 2 kids is great. It's true that love multiplies. But also work and worries do. Don't feel guilty if there's no more anxiety for leaving them for a while and you beg for a romantic dinner or a night in a hotel haha. At least it happened to me.

(Not saying mine is the right way, just sharing the experience).

Thank you! This was really sweet of you to say. My brain doesn’t like to work the way it always should, but I know we’ll be able to handle whatever happens. At least this time we kind of know what to expect.  

[LillyP]

I think Alyssa is happy to just do life how she wants. It seems she and John always do a couples getaway for their anniversary. As this is over their anniversary maybe they plan to make it a little getaway? Two of the kids now require a seat, that makes 4 airline tickets which is expensive. I wouldn't want to drive with 3 kids to TN.

Maybe they just didn't feel like wrangling 3 kids at a wedding? I don't take my kid to weddings because it's not enjoyable. I personally don't see the point of bringing kids at weddings but I'll admit I'm probably a little biased because as a wedding photographer I see it over and over again....instead of watching the ceremony, enjoying their dinner, or having conversations with friends/family or dancing they're usually spending the entire time trying to entertain or chase little ones around. Plenty of people don't feel that way and I'm sure I'll have a million people tell me they love having their kids at weddings. That's ok, I'm just giving a different perspective. Kid free weddings are very much the norm in my circle.

 I've felt for a while that Alyssa has just been rapidly moving her way from fundie to just regular conservative Christian. I think she keeps up appearances because of the show and her family, and I don't doubt she holds her same conservative beliefs, but I also think she recognizes the way she was raised just isn't how she wants to live.

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, LillyP said:

I've felt for a while that Alyssa has just been rapidly moving her way from fundie to just regular conservative Christian. I think she keeps up appearances because of the show and her family, and I don't doubt she holds her same conservative beliefs, but I also think she recognizes the way she was raised just isn't how she wants to live.

She is now living the Webster life. They were IBLP fundies and lived the way Alyssa is currently living. She has moved away from living the exact life her parents did but there is no signs she has even slightly left off being a fundie.

ITA about kids at weddings. I'm sure some people love having kids at their weddings and some kids love it, but I remember hating as child having to sit through weddings. 

[Hisey]

Also, they have three very small children. Even Zoey is toddling. How would Alyssa and John spend the wedding? Trying to stop three little kids from pulling on tablecloths, wandering onto the dance floor, running off, tripping up the people serving food. When this wasn't happening, Zoey or Lexi would be pooping in their diapers and messing up their fancy clothes. Plus, can you imagine the size of the diaper bag for two kids in diapers AND a four year old? (You'd certainly need to carry a change of clothes for the four year old, and tons of stuff for the babies.)

I remember seeing one cousin at a wedding with his two year old. He and his wife spent the entire time switching off. One would chase the toddler (and basically have no fun) then the other would take over. And these guys have three kids, all mobile. The kids wouldn't have fun and, guaranteed, Alyssa and John wouldn't.

Weddings are to celebrate the new couple. It's hard to do that under these circumstances. I think it would be shocking if they HAD brought the kids. 

[BrandoBarks]

Personally, I prefer to go to a wedding without my children and I always try to leave them with my mother or neighbor. Usually weddings for kids are boring and they don’t like to sit still during the ceremony and reception. Also, I like to have some kid-free fun from time to time, have a drink or two and celebrate the couple without having to chase a toddler or nursing a baby. My Italian family thinks it’s strange that we leave them but to each their own ?

[Perrierwithlemon]

 

Spoiler

I know we’re trying to post less pictures here on the Bates threads, but I feel like Instagram stories are sometimes ok because they are temporary and not everyone may get the chance to see them. 

I think that Alyssa does look really pretty in this picture. With her hair and eye makeup she kinda reminds me of Britney Spears. 

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, BrandoBarks said:

Personally, I prefer to go to a wedding without my children and I always try to leave them with my mother or neighbor. Usually weddings for kids are boring and they don’t like to sit still during the ceremony and reception. Also, I like to have some kid-free fun from time to time, have a drink or two and celebrate the couple without having to chase a toddler or nursing a baby. My Italian family thinks it’s strange that we leave them but to each their own ?

I’ve only been to one wedding since our daughter was born, but I agree. It was nice to have a chance to just relax and enjoy ourselves, all while knowing our toddler was safe at home with my in-laws. I missed her like crazy and it felt weird to be without her, but it was nice to just be with my husband too. If it was a family wedding and she was invited we’d likely bring her, but we don’t mind leaving her at home if we have family available to watch her for us. 

So yeah. I don’t see anything wrong with the Websters leaving the girls at home. It’s a bit odd given the emphasis the cult places on children, but I get wanting to enjoy yourselves or the bridal couple wanting to keep the number of guests down by not inviting kids outside the bridal party.