Alyssa & John 3: Modesty Make-Up

[LillyP]

I would actually be pretty surprised if Alyssa was pregnant. I remember her always saying she could see herself with 6 or so kids, but I could also totally see her stopping at 3...or even maybe just having one more. She just gives that vibe that she's content to do her own thing.  I could be way off base and will likely eat my words in a few months when she's pregnant.

[Mimosa]

10 minutes ago, LillyP said:

I would actually be pretty surprised if Alyssa was pregnant. I remember her always saying she could see herself with 6 or so kids, but I could also totally see her stopping at 3...or even maybe just having one more. She just gives that vibe that she's content to do her own thing.  I could be way off base and will likely eat my words in a few months when she's pregnant.

Didn't she say that if their 4th was a girl they were done? I seem to remember that vaguely, but I can't remember where I heard it. 

[lumpentheologie]

I 100% expect more kids from Alyssa, but John's siblings don't have huge numbers of kids, and I suspect he would be okay with pausing for a bit under a doctor's orders. 

[VBOY9977]

2 hours ago, Mimosa said:

Didn't she say that if their 4th was a girl they were done? I seem to remember that vaguely, but I can't remember where I heard it. 

She said it on the show while talking to mama Jane. She said that girls fought too much

[VelociRapture]

35 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

She said it on the show while talking to mama Jane. She said that girls fought too much

Yes. Something about girls being dramatic. Which is kind of ridiculous considering her kids are at that age where they’d be dramatic regardless of what parts they have. 

I’m not about to take her at her word on this though. She and John are more than welcome to prove me wrong though and I’ll even happily admit to being wrong if they do. 

[Ali]

20 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Yes. Something about girls being dramatic. Which is kind of ridiculous considering her kids are at that age where they’d be dramatic regardless of what parts they have. 

I’m not about to take her at her word on this though. She and John are more than welcome to prove me wrong though and I’ll even happily admit to being wrong if they do. 

My three year old son has always been dramatic. 

[lizzybee]

Yeah, Alyssa should have seen my two year old son last night sobbing for ten minutes because he had to wait for his dinner roll to cool down (definitely cooled down before he did). We had to turn on the bubble machine at the dinner table to cheer him up. It’s a toddler thing, not a girl thing. 

[artdecades]

I can see Alyssa wanting to be done at 3, but I don't see them using any measures to prevent except for praying. I think they will have a large brood.

[AliceInFundyland]

1 hour ago, artdecades said:

I can see Alyssa wanting to be done at 3, but I don't see them using any measures to prevent except for praying. I think they will have a large brood.

That's the problem. I think various couples very much don't want huge broods. But they're (possibly) mentally really road blocked about birth control. SEVERELY blocked.

[Sops2]

It's not the "all matching"  I don't like; it's the bunching up of the girls' dresses in a knot to show more of their legs.

[JordynDarby5]

On ‎6‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 1:35 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Please tell me what my side is? Do you know my intentions? Do you know my background? My lifelong struggle with weight and being ridiculed EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life for three years straight as a child for being overweight. To the point of being a child contemplating suicide? That I’ve lost large amounts of weight in my life and I was suddenly a valuable person. When before I was trash? I was invisible? I was disposable? That I’ve recently lost over 30lbs with a lot of hard work on my own part and it will be a huge amount of work for me to keep it off? 

You make it all sound so simple and easy. It’s all so complex. And genetics are a starting point. Genetics influence huge parts of our lives in so many different ways. And it’s not just genetics. It’s environmental factors. It’s poverty. It’s access to good. It’s education. It’s mental health. 

You may say I’m pushing a side but you most definitely are too. But my side is coming from empathy and understanding that some people have to work MUCH HARDER than others due to their genetics. 

ETA: I think I need to be done with you. I’m not going to risk my own personal well being to converse with you on this topic any further. It’s just not good for me.

I've been there and it was horrible. Constantly mocked and teased because of my weigh. Constantly having my mother on my case every day because I was fat. Watching everything I ate. The look she gave me when I dared to ask for seconds. I learned to stop asking. But also started keeping snacks in my room. The confusion because she kept buying cookies, candy and other stuff. Getting on me about exercising. Even though she never exercised. My brother and dad never exercised.  She was over weigh teen and adult.  She thought everything she was doing was going to make me lose weigh. All it really did was make me believe that nothing mattered but being thin. Who I was. My interests, being nice to people, working hard to make good grades, and being a good kid didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was being thin. She kept telling me how great I'd feel once I lost all my over weigh. Everyone keep telling me how much better I'd feel once I lost the weigh. Things would be better. People would like me. That's crap. I did lose weigh a few times but I never felt any better. Because I wasn't doing it for me. But to get everyone off my back. I hated how much everyone treated me better when I lost the weigh. I could never figure out why it mattered so much how much I weighed? I agree with you on how "valuable" you suddenly become. It never lasted long I always put the weigh back on.  Of course the comments and crap came right back. It really pissed me off. I quit dieting after the fourth time I was so sick of the constant comments and the hypocrisy. Why should I be knocking myself out to be thin for people only care about that? Why did it matter so much how thin I was? Why was that more important then what kind of person I was? When I finally decided to start getting healthy in my mid 20s. It was my decision and for me. Not for anyone else. If it was anything else people would telling you not to give in, don't change yourself for other people, screw them, etc. But when it comes to weigh? That's like the one exception. People bulling you and ridicule you for being fat? What do people say? Well, you should lose the weigh. Its your fault not theirs. No one deserves that. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Congratulations on losing 30lbs! That's amazing! You should be very proud of yourself. 

Edited June 7, 2019 by JordynDarby5

[just_ordinary]

2 hours ago, Sops2 said:

It's not the "all matching"  I don't like; it's the bunching up of the girls' dresses in a knot to show more of their legs.

What does it matter?

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

What does it matter?

The knot  up front and open shoulders that mimic styles that older girls and younger women wear does fly in the face of the “modesty” standard that these families have referenced, ad nauseam, for years. Why does a 2 year old need exposed shoulders on her dress? 

[just_ordinary]

17 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

The knot  up front and open shoulders that mimic styles that older girls and younger women wear does fly in the face of the “modesty” standard that these families have referenced, ad nauseam, for years. Why does a 2 year old need exposed shoulders on her dress? 

Yes it goes against the Bates old modesty standards. The Webster’s have their own take on that for years- I think we can rest that topic with them by now. But she could wear a spaghetti strap top and shorts and would still be dressed perfectly fine? What’s the problem with naked shoulder or legs for children? People might not like dressing little children like mini adults but that’s just preference.

Edited June 7, 2019 by just_ordinary

[Angelface]

7 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

That's the problem. I think various couples very much don't want huge broods. But they're (possibly) mentally really road blocked about birth control. SEVERELY blocked.

John’s siblings do not have particularly large families. I suspect that he’d be open to birth control if Alyssa wanted space their family or even if she decided that three was enough. In a couple of TH he has said that he will leave the size of their family up to Alyssa; if she wants lots that’s fine but if she only wants 3 or 4 that’s fine too. I also think that he could decide that her recent health issues are too much of a risk and step in as her “headship” to insist on birth control. We will see. I don’t think that Alyssa is done yet but I really hope that she sees the benefits in having a gap of say 5 years and then having a couple close together. Having 3 kids makes her more relatable and of course gives her the time to invest in her kids lives and show that on her instagram and YouTube.

[llucie]

Despite what Alyssa said i think she will keep trying until they have a boy. Hopefully its the next one.

[SassyPants]

24 minutes ago, just_ordinary said:

Yes it goes against the Bates old modesty standards. The Webster’s have their own take on that for years- I think we can rest that topic with them by now. But she could wear a spaghetti strap top and shorts and would still be dressed perfectly fine? What’s the problem with naked shoulder or legs for children? People might not like dressing little children like mini adults but that’s just preference.

I don’t like dressing kids like mini adults- they aren’t adults, they are kids. Clothing should give them the freedom to run, jump, tumble and participate in any and all activities that are kid and venue appropriate. Those dresses look cumbersome as hell.

[Hisey]

41 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

The knot  up front and open shoulders that mimic styles that older girls and younger women wear does fly in the face of the “modesty” standard that these families have referenced, ad nauseam, for years. Why does a 2 year old need exposed shoulders on her dress? 

Alyssa doesn’t dress her girls for comfort. She doesn’t dress them in ways to encourage active play and the development of their gross motor skills. She doesn’t mind if they look pseudo-adult. Look at Lexi’s shoes, for example. She’s going to a tough time climbing in the church playground on those. Most likely she’ll give up and do something more passive. Her mom is ok with that. The whole point is to look good, especially for pictures!

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, Hisey said:

Alyssa doesn’t dress her girls for comfort. She doesn’t dress them in ways to encourage active play and the development of their gross motor skills. She doesn’t mind if they look pseudo-adult. Look at Lexi’s shoes, for example. She’s going to a tough time climbing in the church playground on those. Most likely she’ll give up and do something more passive. Her mom is ok with that. The whole point is to look good, especially for pictures!

And that, my friends, is gross and so developmentally inappropriate. For people who want to overrun the world with their spawn, these folks could all sure use a few child development classes.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

11 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I don’t like dressing kids like mini adults- they aren’t adults, they are kids. Clothing should give them the freedom to run, jump, tumble and participate in any and all activities that are kid and venue appropriate. Those dresses look cumbersome as hell.

Aren’t they at church?  Even non- fundies dress for the occasion.

[19tacos&counting]

I’d be pretty shocked if they stopped at 3. If baby #4 is a boy, I’d be shocked still. I’d bet they have at least 5-6 kids. AT LEAST. They have had 3 kids in 4 years. I could see them doing NFP after baby 5 and still having 1-2 surprises kids along the way.

[SassyPants]

33 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Aren’t they at church?  Even non- fundies dress for the occasion.

I don’t know anything about their actual services. Do the girls go to church or do they go to a kids play service (AKA babysitting) while their parents attend services? 

[VBOY9977]

Off topic sorta but I’ve always found it strange when people dress up so much for church. I don’t know if it’s an American thing or a Christian thing or what but I’ve never experienced it before. I grew up catholic in Colombia and I used to go to mass at 9am and people went on their sweat pants? you could tell they just rolled out of bed but no one cared. People don’t even dress up for Easter or Christmas here, only for a special event like a wedding or a baptism. 

Edited June 7, 2019 by VBOY9977

[Bobology]

I remember Alyssa's 'I'll stop if I have 4 girls they are drama' discussion. I always thought it was due to what she experienced growing up in that crowded house with all the kids (thus lots of girls) and all the manipulation and control by her parents. I bet lots of dramatic shenanigans went on while the girls tried to jockey themselves to be in favor with a parent while shoving a sister under the bus. Therefore Alyssa assumes girls are full of drama. To be fair, they are, but like others have pointed out, so are boys and I imagine adults, too, living in cramped and controlled conditions. I have two girls, would have loved having 4 girls, but we had agreed on two kids. BTW, neither girl ever wore a bow until she was old enough and asked and picked one out at the store. Yeah, I should have been mother-of-the-year for that alone. ?

[ohgeeze999]

My husband and I go to a Catholic Church every Sunday. I wear jeans, he wears dress clothes. I’ve worn athletic shorts before. At least we are there ??‍♀️

I think Alyssa views church as photo op time, and they are probably well known due to her father in law and possibly the TV show. She needs to look like she has it together 24-7, right?