Chelsy and John Maxwell 6: They're More Frightened of Her than Ashamed

[Lady Grass Lake]

Thank you PennySycamore.  This was 38 years ago so time has softened the heartbreak.  I think people don't want to make you feel sad, so they don't bring it up, or don't know what to say.  Sometimes, just a hug helps, or offer to be available to listen, when they are ready to talk, and tell them no matter the time of day or night, that you are there. 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 hours ago, Lady Grass Lake said:

Thank you PennySycamore.  This was 38 years ago so time has softened the heartbreak.  I think people don't want to make you feel sad, so they don't bring it up, or don't know what to say.  Sometimes, just a hug helps, or offer to be available to listen, when they are ready to talk, and tell them no matter the time of day or night, that you are there. 

 

Thankfully, I believe attitudes have been changing over the loss of babies in the past decade or so. I believe people used to think it was better to try and forget about the baby and move on. But we now know that is impossible and halts the grieving process. I have a family member that takes lovely pictures of the family with the baby at the hospital so they have something to always remember them by. I’m very sorry for your loss. 

[PennySycamore]

@Lady Grass Lake, it's been 30 years for us since we lost our Katherine at 11 months.  She was a 26 week, 2 pound  premie and she died of complications of chronic lung disease.  I remember giving her a kiss on the forehead after she had died in the emergency room.  She looked like she was sleeping then, but when I saw her a few days later in her coffin, she looked dead.  I am glad that I was able to give her that last kiss.  

Nowadays, most hospitals put a teardrop on the doors of bereaved mothers to alert the staff that the family is grieving.  This is no time for staff to come in all cheery asking how mother and baby are.  Many hospitals also give the family any clothes the baby may have been wearing or the baby's blanket.  Parents want those tangible momentos.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I’m so sorry for all your losses. A friend has recently lost her baby 39 weeks pregnant (IVF pregnancy, she’s 38 and no embryos left) and it’s so hugely sad. 

 

I had a ‘sip & see’ after my oldest was born because he arrived before his baby shower 7 weeks early. It was fun! He was 7 weeks old (vaccinated) & was held on his due date. We had champagne (sip) and people got to see the baby. And eat lots of yummy food. 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

Do we actually know that Becky and Allison aren’t planning to be there for Chelsy? The other girls had their mother so Becky may have felt unneeded. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt for now. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

Do we actually know that Becky and Allison aren’t planning to be there for Chelsy? The other girls had their mother so Becky may have felt unneeded. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt for now. 

The way Allison has been talking about being on tour for three months makes it sound like they don’t have any plans to be there for Chelsy. 

Plus they won’t be touring anywhere near Leavenworth. They would go many many hours out of their way if they stopped by to see Chelsy. So they would have to fly to see her. And they aren’t the kind to induce labor. So they have no clue when she will actually have the baby.

[SassyPantswithASideofClass]

On ‎1‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 7:12 AM, PennySycamore said:

@Lady Grass Lake, it's been 30 years for us since we lost our Katherine at 11 months.  She was a 26 week, 2 pound  premie and she died of complications of chronic lung disease.  I remember giving her a kiss on the forehead after she had died in the emergency room.  She looked like she was sleeping then, but when I saw her a few days later in her coffin, she looked dead.  I am glad that I was able to give her that last kiss.  

Nowadays, most hospitals put a teardrop on the doors of bereaved mothers to alert the staff that the family is grieving.  This is no time for staff to come in all cheery asking how mother and baby are.  Many hospitals also give the family any clothes the baby may have been wearing or the baby's blanket.  Parents want those tangible momentos.

Aww I am so sorry. *HUGS*. Words won't ever take away the grief, I've learned that. I hope the words I type and say bring a soothing balm to your soul. Your Katherine will ALWAYS be your Katherine. YOU my dear are her MAMA no matter what. She is loved by you I can sense it and read it from your wording. So big hugs to you.

To all who have lost their babies no matter their ages, I am so very sorry. Sending big hugs to each and everyone. *HUGS*

[ophelia]

Reading about your precious babies and the losses you had to suffer through made me cry! I just want to let you know that my heart goes out to you and that I'm sending hugs from my place to yours!

[danvillebelle]

Ditto and double the hugs from me to all those who suffered the loss of a wee one.  

We lost a nephew to premature birth 20+ years ago.  I always think of him when I see my kids with their cousins at Thanksgiving.  He should be there, and he's missed always.

[SPHASH]

Happy Birthday Stud John!

[mango_fandango]

Isn’t Chelsy due soon? I think the blog specified that the baby was due between John’s birthday and hers. I remember in her blog post she said they’d be finding out the gender, but not telling anyone. I’m interested in the name. I don’t see them going super trendy/using a “yooneeq” spelling, likely something Biblical/traditional. 

[anjulibai]

She's due January 23rd, so she's got a little more than a week. Really not sure how they'll do names, but I think they likely don't feel compelled to stick with Biblical names, like Nathan and Melanie, and Christopher and NR Anna, all do. They might go in the direction of Joseph and Elissa, and just pick names they like. Hard to say. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think a middle name will be after someone in their families whether it’s a boy or girl. There are many people to choose from. Chelsy seems close with her grandma and she seems to really like Gigi, so if it’s a girl, the middle name might be after one of them. Or she could really like her own middle name and choose Renee like Anna Duggar did. I’m guessing a boy will have the middle name John. The first names are the harder ones to figure out. Some fundies go biblical for boys and not biblical for girls. I could see them doing that. I kind of hope they just pick first names they really like. That way he won’t end up the millionth kid in fundie land with the same name. 

[scoutsadie]

47 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I kind of hope they just pick first names they really like. That way he won’t end up the millionth kid in fundie land with the same name. 

As long as it's not "Spurgeon." 

[SPHASH]

Judgy Chelsy has a new photo dump up.  Her baby bump pics.  Whats with pregnant couples having a baby bump pic professionally taken anyway.  Good news Prissy Chris didn't take them.

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Judgy Chelsy has a new photo dump up.  Her baby bump pics.  Whats with pregnant couples having a baby bump pic professionally taken anyway.  Good news Prissy Chris didn't take them.

I’ll be honest... that’s a lot of pictures. They are basically posing the same way in most of them. They are pretty boring after awhile. Here you are with your hand on your bump smiling. And here’s another. And another. And another. Snore.

[Ozlsn]

On 1/16/2019 at 12:13 AM, scoutsadie said:

As long as it's not "Spurgeon." 

I am never going to stop reading that as "Sturgeon" and thinking "oh yeah, fish boy" am I.

[fundiefan]

Chelsy is half assimilated into Maxhell. The most boring, redundant lack of anything blog post yet. 20 pics if her, her baby daddy & her stomach. All she needs now is to start talking about ‘twists’ when there are none, special family times & pics of certain crews and assimilation will be complete.

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 hours ago, fundiefan said:

Chelsy is half assimilated into Maxhell. The most boring, redundant lack of anything blog post yet. 20 pics if her, her baby daddy & her stomach. All she needs now is to start talking about ‘twists’ when there are none, special family times & pics of certain crews and assimilation will be complete.

I think Chelsy has become just like all the other fundie unmarried young women. Think of all the single fundie girl blogs that stopped after they got married. She had plenty of time to blog when she was single. Now that she’s married and pregnant, she has very little time for it and probably isn’t that interested in it either. I feel like she only does it now out of a sense of obligation. It’s a great example of how single fundie girls are waiting around to get married (although many deny it). Their lives really don’t start until they are married. So they sit around and blog and dream about their future. How pathetic. What if Mr Perfect doesn’t ever come along (Sarah Maxwell)? When will your life really start? Will you feel as though you’ve wasted your time on earth waiting around? Sure Chelsy has stuff to do while she was single. But she was still waiting around until her real life began. And so is Allison. Although she constantly denies it. Her blogs entries will become rare too once she’s married. 

[fundiefan]

9 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think Chelsy has become just like all the other fundie unmarried young women. Think of all the single fundie girl blogs that stopped after they got married. She had plenty of time to blog when she was single. Now that she’s married and pregnant, she has very little time for it and probably isn’t that interested in it either. I feel like she only does it now out of a sense of obligation. It’s a great example of how single fundie girls are waiting around to get married (although many deny it). Their lives really don’t start until they are married. So they sit around and blog and dream about their future. How pathetic. What if Mr Perfect doesn’t ever come along (Sarah Maxwell)? When will your life really start? Will you feel as though you’ve wasted your time on earth waiting around? Sure Chelsy has stuff to do while she was single. But she was still waiting around until her real life began. And so is Allison. Although she constantly denies it. Her blogs entries will become rare too once she’s married. 

I never read her blogs before she was engaged - the Bons weren't a family I paid attention to until their connection to Maxhell was announced. I did read back on some and they were all the same scripted song & dance of single fundie girls...I remember the one where she talked about being single while her brothers were engaged/getting married, etc....and it was written when she was already engaged but hadn't announced it. It just made my skin crawl. Now that I read them, Allison is a pathetic little thing. Her obsessions are very clear (get married! make babies!) and every time she writes about being happy being single, it's very obvious without even having to read between the lines that she is miserable and waiting for her life to start. 

I know a lot of girls grow up wanting to get married - I did. I always assumed I'd have a husband and kids and a house and the whole shebang. It was just part of life that I expected. I was not, however, raised to believe that was my only purpose. Most non-fundie women who do want marriage & family know that life is what you make it at the time and you don't put your life into a holding pattern until you get it. I blame the parents for convincing them their worth is in their bredding & wifely duties, but I blame them when they're older and know better but won't ever admit it or do anything about it.

[FloraKitty35]

On 1/15/2019 at 8:13 AM, scoutsadie said:

As long as it's not "Spurgeon." 

or Heistheway

[browngrl]

I think there are more than a few fundie girls who use blogging as a sort of match making app. They will feature themselves doing all sorts of fundie approved activities (remember when Chelsy did a series on laundry?) while looking pretty. 

The blog helps bring them to attention. Once they are married why bother to blog. The blog has accomplished its goal.

[Lgirlrocks]

New blog post up. She does a much better job explaining what’s going on in pictures than Sarah. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m glad a friend in Leavenworth helped throw a shower for Chelsy (along with Mel). Chelsy is such a social person I bet she has made a few new friends and I’m hoping they are not Steve approved. 

[Black Aliss]

21 hours ago, browngrl said:

I think there are more than a few fundie girls who use blogging as a sort of match making app. They will feature themselves doing all sorts of fundie approved activities (remember when Chelsy did a series on laundry?) while looking pretty. 

The blog helps bring them to attention. Once they are married why bother to blog. The blog has accomplished its goal.

It sure worked that way for Meredith Hammer, née Alexander. I wonder how many SAHD started blogging when they read about Meredith's "catch"?