Joe and Kendra 5: Married!

[nokidsmom]

10 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I can deal with the Duggars' awkwardness and emotionally repressed natures much more easily than the Bateses general... insufferableness (that's a word now). Obviously this is 100% superficial. On a deeper level, like in terms of beliefs, worldview or lifestyle, I think both families suck about equally.

Agree both families are equally bad as far as their beliefs go.   While I know I would not like to deal with either family personally, there's a certain loudness to the Batesesese that makes them and you picked the right word: "insufferable".    We hear a lot on how they are more open and expressive amongst themselves compared to the Duggars which probably contributes to a higher obnoxiousness factor when it comes to their dealings with people in general.

I am still of the belief that when the Batesesess come roaring into town, people, figuratively speaking, run and hide.   I can't believe that Gil's grifting has make a good name for himself in his community.  They may be royalty in fundie circles but in the general community,  I can't imagine people appreciate them as much.

10 hours ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

But I totally agree on her wedding - we saw her trying on a gorgeous dress with beautiful hair in an episode preview of BUB, but she then got married in a terrible dress with really poor quality modest alterations with stringy hair hat looked like it had been streaked with a DIY-at-home hair kit and her theme just didn't work for the mega church. I felt so bad for her. 

 I have felt for Michael as well.  She seems to have been the "Cinderella" of her family and she was finally getting her day.   She either didn't like that beautiful dress or got talked out of it.  Haven't seen the episode (only saw pics) so not sure but it was weird how the alterations were done similar to what was done to Erin's dress.  Alyssa's dress was also altered but didn't look as obvious. 

What is it that these girls can't have a decently altered dress?  Do they totally cheap out on those alterations or not enough time or what?  Probably both.

[Fluffles]

Did somebody mention that Jimboob redirected Kendra from Jer to Joe. Can't find any evidence. That's awful. Can anyone elaborate?

 

[LegHumperBibleThumper]

12 hours ago, seasonsoflife said:

Jill and and Carlin are not invited. They annoy me endlessly .

Carlin gives me nightmares. 

[SassyPants]

Just now, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

Carlin gives me nightmares. 

Nails on a chalkboard level. 

[Carm_88]

9 minutes ago, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

Carlin gives me nightmares. 

I wouldn't be able to deal with the Bates, they're too much for me. They Duggars are more my style for sure. That being said Carlin is the worst of the worst. If we are talking fundie Mean Girls, yeah I think Carlin would be the Regina George. Don't let the Bates fool you, they are equally 'holier than thou' and equally judgmental. 

[Irene]

I find in theire culture, the promise ring was kinda waste of money...

[LegHumperBibleThumper]

2 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I wouldn't be able to deal with the Bates, they're too much for me. They Duggars are more my style for sure. That being said Carlin is the worst of the worst. If we are talking fundie Mean Girls, yeah I think Carlin would be the Regina George. Don't let the Bates fool you, they are equally 'holier than thou' and equally judgmental. 

I actually don't get the vibe that she is mean. I get the vibe that she is super overly friendly and DESPERATELY wants people to like her. She tries really hard. I feel bad for her because it seems to me that everything she does is a cry for attention, to be noticed. She has to be so extra and over the top loud in a family that size to feel like anyone is paying attention to her. 

[singsingsing]

1 hour ago, Fluffles said:

Did somebody mention that Jimboob redirected Kendra from Jer to Joe. Can't find any evidence. That's awful. Can anyone elaborate?

 

You can't find any evidence because there is none. It's just a rumour. No idea where it came from, but most likely someone's imagination!

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Lawson & Carlin are both attention whores, I'm sure it comes from being lost in the shuffle of elleventy kids. 

As for the horrible dresses, I'm sure they try on the fancy schamancy dresses then run to like David's Bridal clearance rack to find the cheapest dress that fits the bride to avoid those alterations so they can add on the mismatched modesty panel.

[Fundie Bunny]

I just can't stand any of the bateses. The only one i can mildly tolerate is Erin, for some reason. It's probably their voices and the ''oh, poor me, i'm so dumb'' acts. Right now i can't even stand my former pet fundie, Alyssa, whose voice is just so annoying

[Lurky]

@nokidsmom I buy the FJ theory is the terrible alterations are done on purpose, so they scream "look how godly we are!".  In so many Fundy situations it would surely be easily to start with something modest - to do modesty, well, modestly.  But no, it's AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL  about making a huge deal about "look at US!". 

It's like the Boyer sisters and all the other Modesty bloggers, who illustrate their posts about what they're wearing and how they've made it modest with 17 photos of themselves throwing autumn leaves in the air, spinning on the lawn, looking pensive into the distance, and always, always, looking perfectly coiffed, made-up, posed and pretty.  I never understand it, because it screams "Look at me! Compliment me!" and yet they're calling it "modest".

[Georgiana]

Even if JB DID redirect Kendra (which I haven't seen any evidence for), I don't think it would be that big of a deal.  It's less common now since we have wider social pools, but in the past it was very common to court one sibling and end up marrying another.  Since the Duggars and their ilk have a much smaller pool of potential mates, this sort of thing is bound to happen occasionally.  

But there's also nothing wrong (I think) with a parent saying that they do not think two people are a good match, especially when the parties are so young like Joe and Kendra.  And especially in this case since it would be clear JB's objections weren't towards Kendra herself, but simply that he didn't think she was a good match for Jer or was a better match for Joe personality wise.  It's a bit refreshing to see women not being treated as "first come, first serve", and there definitely IS an element of "calling dibs" in the secular world, which I don't like.

Honestly, I think the Duggar parents should have gotten MORE involved with some of the previous courtships when there was a mismatch.  Maybe then we wouldn't be dealing with Derick Dillard.  

[Lurky]

@Georgiana Or if Jer was talking about Courting at age 18, and JB said nope, he's too young, I'd applaud that too.  I was always a bit horrified at Josiah's Courtship when he was 19, because how on earth could he support a quiver?  How could he head up a family when his life experience has been SO limited?  Joe has at least had 1 year living away from home, and may have a job at the car lot, and while I don't approve of this marriage either, it's way better than a teenaged Duggar groom.  Ben has turned out much better than we expected, but he and Jessa are still living in a family property, funded by the show.

(And yes, I know a ton of teenaged young men do marry, but they usually have had more experience of the world, have jobs, and aren't expecting their new wives to be SAHMs having a child a year.  Even, for example, the S'Morton & conencted sons will build/renovate their own homes, and have to have some kind of job, before they marry and start a family).

[VineHeart137]

15 hours ago, singsingsing said:

So I guess I'm the only one who prefers the Duggars to the Bateses. The Bateses overall are just too loud and obnoxious for me. The Duggars are much more reserved and less in-your-face, which is way more my speed. I can deal with the Duggars' awkwardness and emotionally repressed natures much more easily than the Bateses general... insufferableness (that's a word now). Obviously this is 100% superficial. On a deeper level, like in terms of beliefs, worldview or lifestyle, I think both families suck about equally.

This pretty much sums me up. Most of the Bates girls are far too over the top for me. I feel like hanging out with them would be exhausting.

I also don't see anything "bitchy" at all about the Duggar girls. But it's also a bit of a pet peeve of mine that we regard the whole "keep sweet" model with disdain, then when one of the girls (Jessa in particular) asserts herself somehow, she gets called "bitchy" or "bossy." So maybe that's just me.

[nokidsmom]

1 hour ago, Lurky said:

I buy the FJ theory is the terrible alterations are done on purpose, so they scream "look how godly we are!".  In so many Fundy situations it would surely be easily to start with something modest - to do modesty, well, modestly.  But no, it's AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL  about making a huge deal about "look at US!". 

ITA on this theory.  It's just that many of these dresses, not just with the Bateseses girls, they start out as what are really pretty dresses that are just ruined with these alterations.    It's like they pick a dress (and I agree with @allthegoodnamesrgone that the some of these are probably the cheapest ones off the rack after having fun trying on the fancy ones) and just decide on whatever alteration is going to make it "modest" without ever giving a thought to how it's going to look in the end.   Sure, it looks modest, but it's completely ruined.   I thought Erin's dress was quite pretty without the alteration.  She would have been better off adding a bolero over the dress like her sister in law Whitney did with her gown.

There's a lot of modest wedding dresses out there and I can't imagine they couldn't find one that was within budget.  And would fit the the tight time frame that are short fundie engagements.    But such a dress wouldn't highlight all that was done to make it modest. 

[Georgiana]

Remember that budgets aren't the only concern for Fundies when picking a dress.

Because they have such short engagements, they often CANNOT order a dress from a standard bridal line.  It wont arrive in time.  

A lot of the alterations we see I think are because they are restricted to selecting sample dresses or trunk show pieces that they can get immediately and a modest offering may not be among them.  With the standard Duggar engagement lasting 3 months, I really know of no other way for them to get a dress unless they order it before the engagement or have a deal with the designer to expedite the order.  

[Mela99]

I actually had a few of Allure's modest line to try on. I didn't even realize before I looked at the label. They're gorgeous dresses. Even some of the LDS websites have *seriously* nice gowns.

[Jessie E]

On 9/10/2017 at 6:36 PM, singsingsing said:

Thanks guys!

(Seriously, I hope it's clear that this is meant to be fun and I'm poking fun at myself with it, too. )

I also made one for watching the actual weddings:

  Hide contents

 

Laughing out loud at work right now! Excellent job on these guys LOL!

[formerpastorswife]

1 hour ago, Lurky said:

@nokidsmom I buy the FJ theory is the terrible alterations are done on purpose, so they scream "look how godly we are!".  In so many Fundy situations it would surely be easily to start with something modest - to do modesty, well, modestly.  But no, it's AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL  about making a huge deal about "look at US!". 

It's because "modest" is yet another one of those words redefined by fundies. They teach that "modest" in the Bible means one of two things-- either "long and flowing" (this is the definition taught by most ankle-length skirt wearers) or "covering all private body parts, including the thigh". You can draw attention to yourself as much as you want, as long as you're not drawing attention to the crotch or buttocks (putting the boobs on display in skin-tight shirts appears to not be as big of a deal).

 

2 hours ago, Lurky said:

@nokidsmom I buy the FJ theory is the terrible alterations are done on purpose, so they scream "look how godly we are!".  In so many Fundy situations it would surely be easily to start with something modest - to do modesty, well, modestly.  But no, it's AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL  about making a huge deal about "look at US!". 

I was a broke fundie missionary's kid when I bought my wedding dress for my first wedding. This was in the infancy of online shopping, so we didn't have all the online options, plus my budget was like zero. So I went with my mom to several local bridal boutiques, fully expecting (at least the way I'd heard from other "modest brides") that I'd end up buying whatever gown I could afford and then have to make plenty of alterations to it to make it modest. Lo and behold, I found my perfect gown totally off the rack, simple with embroidery and cap sleeves-- no plunging necklines or backlines to fill in, no sleeves to add, or anything! All that to say, there ARE options! And for someone with as many resources as the Duggars have, there is no need for all the tacky additives.

[nokidsmom]

13 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Because they have such short engagements, they often CANNOT order a dress from a standard bridal line.  It wont arrive in time.  

I agree that short engagements are a factor in addition to budget.    And so they are restricted to what can be found in a store or make special arrangements which will cost more money.   But as others have said, there are options out there in the stores, maybe it's just a matter of luck or looking more, who knows.  

[nausicaa]

23 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

A lot of the alterations we see I think are because they are restricted to selecting sample dresses or trunk show pieces that they can get immediately and a modest offering may not be among them.  With the standard Duggar engagement lasting 3 months, I really know of no other way for them to get a dress unless they order it before the engagement or have a deal with the designer to expedite the order.  

This is where it would help if they were willing to buy LDS dresses. Most Mormon women have two to four month engagements as well, and seem to have much better wedding gowns than Fundie women. I guess because they buy from an LDS online store and then just have a few minor fitting alterations made by a seamstress, which should take a couple weeks tops. 

[Audrey2]

Thank you, @singsingsing for your great Fundie Wedding Bingo card. The only things I see missing are "it's not a wedding without alcohol" and "Dancing! There must be dancing! What would you do without it?"

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

I did a Google image search of Michael Bate's wedding dress for a quick reminder, as well as her bridesmaid dresses. While those dresses are everything you say and more, I was scrolling through a bunch of pictures and Alyssa's wedding pictures came up with her neon pink and blue bridesmaid dresses. Looking at Alyssa's photos literally hurt my eyes. So, Michael wins that one for me.

[habert]

you know what though, if you're only getting married once like why not have fun. I like that Alyssa was fundie-fuck it about her wedding. 19 years old, stuck all her life in a cramped house, part of a family brand, about to be a teen bride and knocked up in 90 seconds, like why not just be like "I want PINK and BLUE and a SEXY DRESS fuck you" lol 

 

[jerkit]

Oh God, I had forgotten about the neon monstrosity that was Alyssa Bates' wedding.