Joy and Austin: Switzerland to the Backwoods of Arkansas

[MarblesMom]

12 minutes ago, itqitc said:

People say life is short, and I disagree.

Life can be cut short without any warning.  Trust me.

Save your pennies like there is no tomorrow, but live every day like it is your last.

That's all I have for now.

[2manyKidzzz]

5 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

I'm graduating next month. Obv a few decades younger than some of you but I have no idea what to do. No idea where to start even. My father is very unusual in that he knew what he wanted to do from a very young age. My brother also knows (somewhat) what he wants to do. My mother is the same as me- she wanted children, which she's achieved. 

What is your major? And sometimes people end up working in a totally different field......sometimes looking around and getting a job and working sideways can be interesting. 

[singsingsing]

I'm 29. I went crazy for years trying to figure out 'what I want(ed) to do'. Then a couple things happened:

1. I was diagnosed with ADD, which explained A LOT.

2. I read what might have been (for me) the best advice ever. To paraphrase: "Stop trying to find your passion. You've already found it. You know what it is, because you're already doing it. What do you love to do so much that you just naturally do it, without thinking, without having to force yourself? That's your passion. You're already doing it."

For me, that was 100% true. And I realized that the things I loved were things I do outside of work. So I came to realize that what I really want is a stable, decent-paying job with benefits, where I don't have to take work home. Regular hours, no shenanigans. Five days a week, eight hours a day (I mean, ideally I'd love to work four days a week for six hours a day, but this is the real world).

My career goals now are to slowly but surely get myself to a place where I'm working in a job that's as well-suited to my personality, strengths and weaknesses as possible. Right now I'm a temp, so I want to get on permanent. I want a more task-oriented job, rather than one that involves a lot of organization and juggling 80 different things at once. I don't want to schmooze, go out for lunch every week, or be involved in office politics/drama. My dream is to get to the point where I have somewhat interesting work to do, come in, do it, have pleasant but appropriately distant relationships with my coworkers, go home and live my life. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

27 minutes ago, itqitc said:

 

I am 38, a management consultant, and not doing what I thought I would be when I grew up but I chased the money so I can be set for what I call my act two.   

:::snip:::

People say life is short, and I disagree. Life is a long road full of wrong turns, pit stops, etc.  I urge everyone to not stay in a job they hate or a bad relationship.  It's not worth it. 

 

When I was 38, I was diagnosed with cancer. THAT makes life EXTREMELY short. I'm beyond grateful for every morning that I can open my eyes and get out of bed.

#perspective.

[itqitc]

5 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

Life can be cut short without any warning.  Trust me.

Save your pennies like there is no tomorrow, but live every day like it is your last.

That's all I have for now.

Yes, sadly I know all too well how cut short it can be.  My first love died two months before our wedding, when we were in our 20s. I was devastated for years, a part of me always will be even though I met someone else. 

Again, its the push and pull.  Be responsible but try to enjoy it. 

[Percy]

2 hours ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

What did you decide? Lots of people don't know, I haven't stuck with something over a long period of time.

I have always been a nurse.  But the angels kept pushing me towards urology nursing.

Married and moved cities 27 years ago, only job I could get was in urology.  Left that to work close to home after children, did some oncology nursing.  Moved to a hospital closer to home, offered a Urology Unit Manager position.  Left that because stress and teenagers don't mix.  Offered urology specialist nurse position just before I turned 50.

I love my job.  Of course I say 'hi, I'm the urology nurse, drop your dacks ' a few times a week. Always makes me smile as I am sure the husband has no idea how often I say that to other men.

Helping men with their health issues is very rewarding.

To others, I agree, don't stay in a job you hate.  Life is too short.

I don't make lots of money, but I love what I do. I have learned to live within my means.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, Percy said:

I was nearly 50 years old before I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

So there is hope for me yet? I'll be 47 in a few months. 

As for Joy, I think there is some of her doing what she thinks is expected of her, some that she has no idea what she wants because she's never been given that option before, and a little bit she didn't really care so she acquiesced to her headship. I agree with another poster who said had Jessa or Jinger been like this I would see red flags, with Joy it was a mix of several things that got her there.  

[MadeItOut]

I knew at age four-ish that I wanted to have a dressing up box job, so Dad told me ''be an actor, but since all actors have times when they can't earn money doing what they want most, it's important to develop related side skills.'' As a result, among others, I hold an associates' degree in alternate theologies, with a dual ordination in spiritual humanism and a pagan denomination; a certificate in teaching adults; sundry other qualifications in different things; a few languages; and currently studying herbal medicine and genealogy.  - It's a wild ride, but all these things are people focused, so make me a better actor too.

[VineHeart137]

@VelociRapture I'm the same. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. That was it. I enjoy children and thought I might also like being an elementary school teacher. Unfortunately I didn't finish my bachelor's (I am going back to school in the fall though!), but I was a substitute and then I started teaching preschool which I really enjoyed even though the pay was crap. Then my daughter was born and I quit to stay home with her and I have to say, I am totally content being a SAHM and homemaker. The difference between me and the Duggars of course, is that I had a choice in the matter.

I do plan to go back to work eventually but I'm not sure I want to go back to teaching. I think I want to try working in a library. It'll be a few years before I begin working, partially because I have quite a bit of schooling to finish and partially because I don't really plan to go back to work at least until my daughter is in school, and probably later since we are hoping to have a second (and most likely last) baby soon and I'll want to be home with that child as well. But it's a start. 

Anyway. All that to say, I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing career wise and I'm just winging it. Sounds like a lot of us are or have been in the same boat. Virtual hugs to you all.

[NanisBlessing]

3 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I'm 50 and I still don't know. What did you decide? Maybe it will give me an idea! lol

I am 51 and I am still clueless......even though I have a really good job, it is not that fullfilling....but for now it pays the bills  

[Chicken bones]

Always wanted to be a mom, am a SAHM now, might even have another child if things work out. I worked in my career for a good 10 years, got a to a director position, and was satisfied with that. Don't want to go back into that field. I would like to find something fun, rewarding, where i can contribute financially to the family but no idea what! I have the time to take some classes now but no clue.

[SamiKatz]

In late 2016 I left my full time, benefits paying job to become a work from home, self employed virtual assistant.

Scariest thing I've ever done but I was really unhappy in the previous gig and my soul cried out for something different.

 

[feministxtian]

Right now it's really looking like I'll be a SAHW...this damn car accident fkd me up but good. Who would have known that getting sideswiped can fk you up that bad. 5 bulging discs in my lumbar spine and something else going on in my neck...I've had a headache pretty much continuously since 4/27/17. Maybe eventually I'll find something else to do. 

[JillyO]

I think our society has become so focused on "do what you love! find your passion!" that it sets us up for disappointment. Of course, if you've always dreamed of becoming a movie star, or an airline pilot, or an oncological nurse, that's great! Go out and do it!

But so many people - the vast majority of people, I'm willing to bet - don't have that burning passion for a job/career. And that's okay too! If the things you love are outside of work, hey, that's great! Find a job that you're content with even if you don't LOVE it, and follow your passions when you get off work. Most jobs aren't rock-star level awesome. It's perfectly fine to say "I go to work to pay the bills," and live for what you do after, be that taking care of your kids, learning 27 different languages, playing tennis, or volunteering in a soup kitchen. Just don't beat yourself up over not finding the IDEAL career.

[season of life]

I am majoring in English right now. I came into college wanting to be an English high school teacher. I actually dreamed of being a bestselling author, but decided to go the more practical route by being a teacher. My plan was to graduate and then go get my MFA in creative writing through a fully funded program. That's not my plan now. They have people who have never taught grading the exams necessary to obtain your license and with Betsy DeVos in charge, I feel like things won't be improving for schools.

I just want to make sure I leave my parents' home by the time I turn 22. I want to be independent and be an adult who can pay her own bills. Most of all, I want to be married. Baby steps. 

[Divemaster01]

2 hours ago, season of life said:

I am majoring in English right now. I came into college wanting to be an English high school teacher. I actually dreamed of being a bestselling author, but decided to go the more practical route by being a teacher. My plan was to graduate and then go get my MFA in creative writing through a fully funded program. That's not my plan now. They have people who have never taught grading the exams necessary to obtain your license and with Betsy DeVos in charge, I feel like things won't be improving for schools.

I just want to make sure I leave my parents' home by the time I turn 22. I want to be independent and be an adult who can pay her own bills. Most of all, I want to be married. Baby steps. 

I did manage to move out on my own in 1989 at 22 with a Culinary Arts Associate degree.  My parents allowed me to save my work money while going to school full-time and living at home. I had over $4,000 saved by then and was ready to move!  Eight years later (1997) I met my future husband, we married in 1999. We both decided, no kids   We are quite happy 18 years later. I hope you realize your dreams too seasons of life. 

[FundieCentral]

Another rising college senior here. 

My plan has changed so many times thus far. Started out wanting to be a psychologist, but the route was too long and the classes weren't my style at all (even bought I love to counse people!) switched to politics/international studies, and I do love learning about this area. But I am realising that I don't actually enjoy academics. Turns out I'm rather outdoorsy, have little desire for money and prestige, and value impact over status. 

But I don't know what to do with that. Because the more I do those kinds of things instead of interning for prestigious consulting and finance jobs, the more "unemployable" I become, especially in my field. Not sure what to do about that. And it's very difficult to be surrounded by people that want to live the upper class lifestyle when I mainly want to have a business, family, and become mayor of my town. So I'm currently at a bit of a crossroads where I have to decide whether I want what I'm supposed to want, in a corporate career in a glitzy city and do the expensive master's/law school and internships that make you a worthy person in that world, or cut the BS. Right now, I'd rather work as a farm aid but do real work than be a part of the big upper-class pretend game. But I don't know how good of  a deal that is. Who knows what  the future brings, maybe I should sacrifice these early years  to save up money before we all become automatised and I'll be unemployed with no retirement my entire life? 

Tl;dr: Not yet 25 but already having a mid-life crisis. 

[itqitc]

3 minutes ago, FundieCentral said:

Another rising college senior here. 

Tl;dr: Not yet 25 but already having a mid-life crisis. 

You are having a quarter life crisis, it's a real thing! My two cents, do what you love. 

[just_ordinary]

@JillyO I wish I could like your post a thousand times. When I realised this, my life became instantly so much better. Finding an office job with a nice team and reasonable hours opened much more opportunities for me than looking for the perfect one. For my self value it is only important to work not necessarily a certain job or rank.

My dreams and passions lie somewhere else. It is fine to dream of a big career or to want a certain job. If that is what pays into your self value- go for it. But be true to yourself and don't get pressured by what others think is the acceptable goal!

[JesusCampSongs]

8 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

I don't know what to do either. I have a career and I hate it.. my family pretty much pressured me to go the corporate route because I've always dreamed of being a pastry chef and they think it's stupid. I put a lot of self worth in academics and career and I was set on being miserable lol until a month ago that I quit my job and I'm taking care of an elder lady half of the day which is good money until I figure it out what the hell I wanna do with my life. I kinda wanna go back to school and do something else that I like because the pastry school is way too expensive and I can't afford it, reach for the stars and all but sometimes dreams can't become a reality. 

What's wrong with being a pastry chef?!?! As far as the culinary field goes, that's one of the better gigs as you can usually set your own hours and don't have to work until fuck you o'clock every night in a hot ass kitchen. I know a few people in that line of work, and they either keep their own hours entirely or work from early-thirty to noon and have the rest of the day to themselves. Not a bad job, if you're a morning person. 

3 hours ago, season of life said:

I am majoring in English right now. I came into college wanting to be an English high school teacher. I actually dreamed of being a bestselling author, but decided to go the more practical route by being a teacher. My plan was to graduate and then go get my MFA in creative writing through a fully funded program. That's not my plan now. They have people who have never taught grading the exams necessary to obtain your license and with Betsy DeVos in charge, I feel like things won't be improving for schools.

I just want to make sure I leave my parents' home by the time I turn 22. I want to be independent and be an adult who can pay her own bills. Most of all, I want to be married. Baby steps. 

I have an English degree! I was going to become a teacher, but discovered that I am ill-suited to that field pretty early on, so I wound up becoming a therapist. When I graduated, there were twelve of us in the English Honors program. I think 4 or 5 went to law school, another 2-3 went on to get doctoral degrees in English, 1 went into journalism, 1 went into tech, 1 went to med school, and I became a clinical social worker. I think only one person is working as a high school teacher, but she dropped put of a PhD program ABD and is working at a private school. So there are a lot of options out there other than being a teacher. I think the ability to read and synthesize information quickly as well as strong writing skills are useful in a wide variety of fields. 

57 minutes ago, FundieCentral said:

Another rising college senior here. 

My plan has changed so many times thus far. Started out wanting to be a psychologist, but the route was too long and the classes weren't my style at all (even bought I love to counse people!) switched to politics/international studies, and I do love learning about this area. But I am realising that I don't actually enjoy academics. Turns out I'm rather outdoorsy, have little desire for money and prestige, and value impact over status. 

I think that psychology degrees are largely counterproductive to being a good therapist (I say this as a therapist). The psychology field is great for research, experimentation, and testing, but the vast majority of psychologists I know don't have the temperament, personality, or interpersonal skills to be good therapists. So...I wouldn't let not enjoying psych classes or wanting to do a PhD deter you from the mental health field if that's what you're drawn to. Most therapists in the US (and probably Canada; their licensing system is similar to ours in most respects) only have master's degrees in counseling, social work, or marriage and family therapy, which only take a year or two to obtain depending on the program and your undergraduate coursework. Your interests sound like you'd be a great wilderness or experiential therapist-- and you can probably get on as a BA-level worker at a wilderness therapy outfit (there are tons of them in the US, idk about anywhere else) and see if you like it. 

Just a thought.

[Thorns]

In high school I did not known what I wanted to study, so I took a gap year in what we call "folkehøyskole" - basically live in a dorm together with lots of people your age, and do something fun for a year. Still did not know what I wanted, so took another gap year. On the bus towards a random destination it hit me that maybe med school would be fun. This coming from the girl that had known that becoming a doctor was a no go. Well, I became a doctor. Always knew that the years in school would be way greater than the job. The summer jobs as a junior doctor was okay, even tho being on call scared the crap outa me. The first year in my internship was great (except for the night shifts). The half a year I did in family medicine, being on call all alone in the middle of nowhere with no support system and everyone I knew hours away every third day nearly made me quit and gave me depression. Not clinically ptsd, but close. Then nearly a year in geriatrics, which was okay but made me ragey on behalf on the patients. I seriously considered changing line of work completely, even going as far as applying for university again.

Then I did what I always said I wouldn't do since I started med school, and started in pediatrics. And now I look forward to going to work, and got "the joy" back

I don't know if I will stick to it. Pediatrics frequently makes me ragey as well, but it is not so mentally exhausting when I like my job. I honestly think I could be at least as happy as a flower decorator - but at the same time I now have the choice of doing doctors work part time and life the rest of the time. And I am extremely privileged to have these options! Okay, this was rambling, but I guess I share the feeling of not knowing what to do with my life.

Tl;dr: Was not going to became a doctor, and pediatrics was even less likely. Became a doctor, started in pediatrics after almost quiting because the job sucked. Now I like my job. Still might become a florist. 

[season of life]

7 minutes ago, Thorns said:

Tl;dr: Was not going to became a doctor, and pediatrics was even less likely. Became a doctor, started in pediatrics after almost quiting because the job sucked. Now I like my job. Still might become a florist. 

Wow, that is cool. A doctor? Med school seems so daunting to me. Kudos to you, I could not undergo years of med school.

[nastyhobbitses]

I thought for a long time that I'd want to be a teacher. So after college I packed up my things and moved to China to teach English. After a year of 60-kid classrooms, serious classroom management issues, and near-constant anxiety and depression, I realized that while I really enjoyed planning lessons, creating content, and learning about educational theory and policy, teaching was not for me. So I got into an MA program in the UK that focused on language education policy. Between my teaching job and that, I worked for a private equity firm to make money, which taught me that I really did like policy, and that I wanted the sort of job where you're done at 6pm and don't take work home.

During my MA, I tutored English to adults, which I really loved doing, and then I got an internship as a sort of executive assistant/project manager for a policy think tank. That was the dream. I had so much fun at that job. I thought about staying in the UK, but most of the jobs I wanted already wanted you to have a work visa, which I didn't have. So I moved back to the US, and the firm I used to work for very graciously took me back in a new department. The job I'm doing now is very much my wheelhouse and I love what I do (I handle most of the regulatory stuff, plus I research regulatory and geopolitical risks for our international jurisdictions), and I love my coworkers. It's not a job that sounds very exciting, but I make good money and my work life is separate from my personal life.

But life can never be simple, and a few months ago, I reconnected with a guy in London from my MA internship, and we're now in the sort of LDR where we're seeing how things pan out. But he knows the head of a risk analysis firm I really wanted to work for, and have networked with before, and he might be able to help me finagle a job with that company. That would combine all the things I love: research, looking at business from a geopolitics perspective, writing, and analysis. And London. And being with this dude.

It's weird: I would jump on a plane in a hot second if all of that panned out, but I'm also really happy here in the States at my current job. I watched Moana recently, and I realize how much I relate to her story: I love my home and my family and my duties, but see that light on the edge of the sea?

[Jane M.]

5 hours ago, JillyO said:

But so many people - the vast majority of people, I'm willing to bet - don't have that burning passion for a job/career. And that's okay too! If the things you love are outside of work, hey, that's great! Find a job that you're content with even if you don't LOVE it, and follow your passions when you get off work. Most jobs aren't rock-star level awesome. It's perfectly fine to say "I go to work to pay the bills," and live for what you do after, be that taking care of your kids, learning 27 different languages, playing tennis, or volunteering in a soup kitchen. Just don't beat yourself up over not finding the IDEAL career.

I wish I could like this a million times!!!

[VelociRapture]

@season of lifeEnglish majors unite (after we finish this chapter!)

I majored in English because I love it, I'm good at it, and I thought I wanted to be a Jourbalist or teacher. I don't have the personality for a journalist (and a general disdain for the way a lot of journalists act) and I'm not a fan of the direction education is taking these days.

The issue with liberal arts is that there is no real defined career path. My husband earned a BS and Master's in Accounting - you can do other things with those, but the career path is a bit more defined, whereas liberal arts degrees are more open-ended. You can do a lot with a degree in English, but that type of choice can be scary and overwhelming (at least it is for me.)

As gruesome as this is, Husband and I have talked about what would happen should he pass away before our daughter is 18. We've agreed I'd work with his dad (he's worked in Finance and for banks his entire career) to make the best financial decisions possible. We also agreed I'd use part of the life insurance money to return to school to pursue a Master's in Education. Not my dream, but it'd be a solid investment and would allow me to properly care for our child long term.

@VineHeart137 I love being home with my baby and dog right now. I consider it a huge privilege because so many parents don't have the choice I did. I wish the US offered better and more support for young families, so parents who want to stay home can and parents who want to work can do so as well.

I'm likely staying home until baby (or a second child, if we have one) starts Kindergarten. I honestly don't know what I'll do when I return to work. Any money I bring in will ultimately go towards padding Velocibaby's college fund, so I guess it doesn't matter much... but I'm hoping I can at least find something I won't feel miserable doing.

8 hours ago, Pasta said:

I envy you.  All I want to be is a wife and mother.  I did the college thing. I'm working full-time now. I'm just ready for my real life to begin.

I'm sorry. I hope you're able to have the beautiful family you've hoped for.