Joy and Austin: Switzerland to the Backwoods of Arkansas

[mtc3659]

My original major in college was Computer Engineering because females in that field get a buttload of money. I realized a couple of weeks into my second semester my first year that I hated it, so I changed to math education and then I moved schools somewhere closer to home. I added a computer science minor when I missed the programming and was even able to student teach a class on programming. I never got my endorsement in it though (mostly because states use a different Praxis exam for it). My principal asked me if I wanted to teach Computer Science next year and i said yes, but now I need to get that pesky endorsement which requires a Business and Information Science Praxis. 

 

I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. However with how much debt my fiance and I are in currently and how much he gets paid, we won't be able to afford it. We are even going to plan out when we are having a baby so I take off as little time as possible from work. 

[bal maiden]

2 hours ago, FundieCentral said:

Another rising college senior here. ... But I am realising that I don't actually enjoy academics. Turns out I'm rather outdoorsy, have little desire for money and prestige, and value impact over status. 

Tl;dr: Not yet 25 but already having a mid-life crisis. 

As someone who loved my master's and hated my PhD, and now hates academia, I'd say quit now and get outdoors! I've been having babies the last few years, and the time away from academia has really cemented my view that I just want to be doing forestry management. I knew that 15 years ago, and yet pursued the more 'prestigious' career, and the only place it has gotten me is older, and at the same starting blocks as I would have been a decade ago. I still adore my subject area, but hate the day to day realities of academia. Whilst I agree with others here that your job doesn't have to be your omgLIFEPASSION!!!ELEVENTY!!!, not hating it is a bonus. Why propel yourself in a direction that you are instinctively resisting? 

[Thorns]

1 hour ago, season of life said:

Wow, that is cool. A doctor? Med school seems so daunting to me. Kudos to you, I could not undergo years of med school.

Since your profile says New York I'm going to guess you are american? (fun fact: going to New York this summer! Can't wait!) 

Med school in the US and med school in Norway are two very different things. Here it is a running joke that it is harder to get in than to finish, and the joke is actually not far off. Yes, it takes years (6, to be precise), and it is hard as in a lot to study. But at the same time, everything you study is fairly tangible and relatable, and most of the time you can see its relevance straight away. Not so in other fields. And, if you by nature do not like cramming, but thrives on seeing how everything is connected, it might be easier. For instance, I suck at chemistry and would flunk out of an English major, because my brain is not wired that way, but I love putting pieces of a medical history together with medical theory and my clinical skills. 

I have considered quiting a lot of times, and might still do it, but honestly I think I would always have regretted not studying IF I had become a florists. Now, I might still do it, and be happy in the knowledge I have gotten. 

Luckily the medical profession here is not as cut throat as it is elsewhere, but it is slowly getting worse. I consider myself lucky that I managed to keep mye identity separate from my profession. 

That is actually something that makes me ragey against fundamentalist parents that indoctrinates their children into their beliefs - they rob them of the possibility to make their own identity. 

[singsingsing]

I majored in History, and people would ask me all the time, "What are you going to do with that?" They were always surprised when I said, "Nothing." There are a couple History-related career paths I know I would've enjoyed, but I decided against them for various reasons. I chose History because I've always loved it and there was nothing else I particularly wanted to study that would've led to a career. I got so much shade thrown at me for telling people I just wanted to work in an office. Like I should have wanted something better. Like it's not good enough to want to be a productive member of society, or it's not cool enough to be a clerk. Luckily I don't care.

My other pet peeve was when people just assumed: "Oh, you're a History major? So you're going to be a school teacher."

Umm... no?

One of the weirdest things is that I'd say about 75% of the time when I tell someone I studied History, they feel the need to confess to me that they never liked History. I don't know if they want me to absolve them of their sins, or use the power vested in me by my B.A. to reassure them it's okay to hate History or what, but it's a bit strange.

[Carm_88]

My first degree was in Folklore with a minor in Psychology. People asked me all the time what my intention was to do with it. I could have did things with it but that wasn't what I wanted to do. (At the time, please take me back and let me be an archivist. Forgive me for my sins!)  I think we all have times where things just don't feel right, either you can push through or you need to re-evaluate and there's nothing wrong with saying "This isn't what I want." 

[Flossie]

I worked at a call center with a girl who was going to school for a degree in Computer Programming.  When she graduated with a job offer at a prestigious software development company a few hundred miles away, I assumed I'd never see her again.  

Within a year, she was back at the call center.  She said she found out she hated the job, because she was working in a tiny office by herself, with only breaks and meetings to interact with other people.  At school, she was in a classroom with other students and professors, they had the same assignments for the most part, so they'd work together.  If they had to do a solo project, they could still count on the other students or teachers in the program for help and inspiration.  But when she was working in the real world, she was isolated and her projects were often ones that she wasn't allowed to talk about, even amongst other employees.  

The isolation was killing her, so she held out as long as she could because the pay was fantastic, but eventually quit and moved back home, and back to the call center.

[Jana814]

I have a friend who has a degree in History and a minor secondary education. She is a HS history teacher. She always knew she wanted go into teaching history and secondary education seemed right to her. In fact she is my only teacher friend (went to a college with a huge education program) that has had the same teaching job since she graduated in 2002. 

[Lilipad]

7 hours ago, JillyO said:

I think our society has become so focused on "do what you love! find your passion!" that it sets us up for disappointment. Of course, if you've always dreamed of becoming a movie star, or an airline pilot, or an oncological nurse, that's great! Go out and do it!

But so many people - the vast majority of people, I'm willing to bet - don't have that burning passion for a job/career. And that's okay too! If the things you love are outside of work, hey, that's great! Find a job that you're content with even if you don't LOVE it, and follow your passions when you get off work. Most jobs aren't rock-star level awesome. It's perfectly fine to say "I go to work to pay the bills," and live for what you do after, be that taking care of your kids, learning 27 different languages, playing tennis, or volunteering in a soup kitchen. Just don't beat yourself up over not finding the IDEAL career.

can not love this enough!

I think its Chimamanda Adichie who said in one of her essays "You don’t even have to love your job; you can merely love what your job does for you – the confidence and self-fulfillment that come with doing and earning." 

For me this is the single biggest reason I get up and go to work each morning. Supporting myself financially meant that I could find a job far away enough from home so I could get away from my traditional orthodox family and the patriarchal expectations that go along with it, and truly be independent. Being independent meant that when my first husband turned out to be a douche , I could walk away despite having no support (financial or otherwise)  from my family, knowing I would be okay. 

[JesusCampSongs]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

@season of lifeEnglish majors unite (after we finish this chapter!)

I'm loving how many of us are English majors.

I majored in English because I love to read and didn't have a whole lot of direction when I was in my early twenties. I didn't land on my current career until I was 25 or 26, and then I had to go back for a master's in order to do it. While I sometimes regret the opportunity cost of spending 22-26 waiting tables and partying instead of building my career, I had a lot to get out of my system at that point and didn't have the emotional maturity one needs in order to be in this line of work. So far, things have worked out fairly well for me, career-wise. 

I am one of those who is lucky enough to love what they do for a living. 

[subsaharanafrica]

My undergraduate degree is in history as well. At the time I wanted to be a historian. At my school everyone who wanted to teach history to kids got a degree in education. 

Anyway, I got to my senior year and realized that there aren't a lot of career prospects for historians so on a whim I went to law school and entered another equally glutted profession. I've not been practicing since we moved to Africa with the husband's job (no work permit). I do fantasize about going back and pursuing a phd in history. Maybe if our next move is close to a university with a decent program...

[HermioneSparrow]

@JesusCampSongs there's nothing wrong with being a pastry chef, they just think office desk jobs are more suitable. I actually majored in Education and most of my family were against it so I took a job in marketing with teaching as a side job. I hate marketing, I'm good at it but it's not for me. Anyway, I'm currently thinking of enrolling in school to get a master's or a different degree since where I live school is completely free and culinary school is way too expensive. I seriously don't know what to do.

[flycat]

58 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

 

One of the weirdest things is that I'd say about 75% of the time when I tell someone I studied History, they feel the need to confess to me that they never liked History. I don't know if they want me to absolve them of their sins, or use the power vested in me by my B.A. to reassure them it's okay to hate History or what, but it's a bit strange.

I have a degree in Accounting and people constantly tell me that they are bad at math. I don't do anything harder than adding, subtracting, and dividing and most of the time I do it on a spreadsheet. Mostly I talk to people and ask them questions.

[eveandadam]

I have a degree in French language and literature and general linguistics. I also was asked constantly what I wanted to do with it in the future  as job opportunities are really rare, except if you want to become a high school teacher. Later, I added a degree in Biotechnology because everyone told me that chances to get a job will be very high. Turns out chances are only high if you are male, 25 and have a CV free from bumps, and not female, 32 and severeal degrees from very different fields. Now, I am working in a field that is not related to anything I have a degree in, marketing..., which I hate btw, but which was the only thing I could get. So I get what you are saying @HermioneSparrow.

[Elvis Presby]

I have never had any great drive or felt a desire for any certain career.  When I was 21 I started my first full time office job as an accounts receivable clerk.  Over the years (I am 46 now) I have worked in several different industries, but always in an accounting position (except for 1 job where I worked in the parts department for a construction machinery company).    I have been pretty satisfied with this path.

4 years ago I left my full time job because the office had relocated and the commute was just too much.  My youngest child had not yet been diagnosed with ADHD.  He was in a K3 program at an educational child care center near our home.  His behavior issues really started to be evident during that time.  The child care center was calling me a minimum of 3 times a week to either talk to him on the phone or just come pick him up all together.  This, coupled with my horrible commute, lead to my decision to just leave the job force and hopefully find something closer to home.  Or not.  

 

After 8 months of being a SAHM a friend of mine contacted me to see if I was interested in doing accounting work for their company via telecommuting.  I did that for the better part of a year.  For the last 2 years I have been the financial director for a preschool.  The hours are perfect.  I am still available for my youngest 2 children (14 and 8) during non school hours and able to do doctors appointments, etc without having to take off work.  I'm thinking that when my youngest starts middle school may be a good time to transition to full time work again.

I used to feel bad about myself because I never felt strongly about what I wanted to do with my life.  Now it doesn't bother me and it seems like things have worked out ok so far.

[2manyKidzzz]

This is an amazing discussion. Wonderful to hear so many different life paths with regard to jobs and employment and how things don't always go as anticipated but morph into worthwhile job experiences. 

I love this. Wonderful. 

[xlurker]

I too, always wanted to be a mom.  I think (hope) I did ok, the xlurkerlings have grown to be caring, educated productive members of society.  I also miss them more than anything and hate this empty nest!  LOL  Career wise, I've done ok..some college, some trades.  Financially I could have done better but many have done worse.  I've always had an artist's soul and to this day create in any way I can, only wish I could make more money at it so that I could leave the health insurance giving, soul sucking job I now hold :/

 

[Jana814]

I have a friend from college who has a degree in teacher from the college we went to in Long Island, NY. She lives in North Carolina. Teaching did not work out for her do to many things. Now she works for her step-Dad's company. 

[onekidanddone]

13 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I'm 53 and STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up...it's starting to look like I will end up being a SAHW...it sucks as I always measured my self-worth by how much money I made...

53 here as well, and I have about given up on the whole "grown up" thing.  Just trying to live each day as best I can. Life can change in the blink of an eye.

I sorta fell into my career path. I have some physical disabilities in addition to ADD.  In my early 20s I was going to community college, but it was clear I was not on track for any type of employment. My parents growing ever more worried that I would not be able to support myself pushed me into getting vocational training through my state.  After all the testing it turned out I had t he aptitude for computer programming.  I spent a year in intensive computer classes and was matched with an unpaid internship.  They hired me and I've been doing programming and then web design since the late 80s.

[HarryPotterFan]

12 hours ago, itqitc said:

The health insurance is a big thing, remember you can COBRA your insurance thought its stupid expensive.  I wish you luck, just don't stay in a field you hate.  

It may be work going to a career or life coach, sometimes you need someone to help focus your thoughts/energy. 

I started working with a career coach. I'm having some difficulty with the assignments, like working out life purpose and transferable skills.

[fluffernutter]

I went to college for interior design because I got a scholarship. Even then, I was fascinated with pregnancy, childbirth, and being a mom. I also played the cello, and could've majored in that. That dumb scholarship was like a dangling carrot. So I worked in that field for 2 years, found it rather annoying, then started having kids and was home full time. During those years I became a LLL leader, then a doula. Tried to start back with the cello, but it didn't stick. Tried to go to nursing school to become a midwife, found it too difficult with raising the kids. Then did the whole PTA mom thing, driving them to all their activities, husband has a job that is intense and he travels a lot, so I am still at home. Stopped doing doula work after my mom passed away several years ago. I'm 44 and still have no idea what I will do when the kids are all gone. I am so grateful to be in the position that it's all up to me. 

[Bugaboo]

I'm going to be 25 this year and I transferred schools four times and changed majors each time. I still have no idea what I want to do for a career. I'm working as a no fault IME appointment scheduler now, and it's fine for now, but not what I want to do my entire life. I just have no direction that I'm being pulled in. 

[cascarones]

1 hour ago, flycat said:

I have a degree in Accounting and people constantly tell me that they are bad at math. I don't do anything harder than adding, subtracting, and dividing and most of the time I do it on a spreadsheet. Mostly I talk to people and ask them questions.

Yes, this all the time and there's definitely times where it's said with pride or as an excuse. I work in analytics/data science, but do a lot of tutoring for volunteering. I try and reinforce with my teens that being good or bad at math isn't inherent, it's a skill you learn just like reading. It might just take a bit more effort.

We're in the planning for marriage and kids stage where we're looking at combining our finances. It's interesting because I've always intended on being SAHM, who likely works part time in the gig economy, he's very unsure about this because he wants to make sure we can pay for a nice house once we're out of the starter and college, etc. While we both have jobs where a family could be comfortable on one income, mine does pay more and he's not comfortable with the idea of being a SAHD.   So we'll just keep talking about it and see where we're at when the time comes, I'm about to start a new job and maybe I'll really really love it and want the balance.

 

[JesSky03]

13 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I'm 29. I went crazy for years trying to figure out 'what I want(ed) to do'. Then a couple things happened:

1. I was diagnosed with ADD, which explained A LOT.

2. I read what might have been (for me) the best advice ever. To paraphrase: "Stop trying to find your passion. You've already found it. You know what it is, because you're already doing it. What do you love to do so much that you just naturally do it, without thinking, without having to force yourself? That's your passion. You're already doing it."

For me, that was 100% true. And I realized that the things I loved were things I do outside of work. So I came to realize that what I really want is a stable, decent-paying job with benefits, where I don't have to take work home. Regular hours, no shenanigans. Five days a week, eight hours a day (I mean, ideally I'd love to work four days a week for six hours a day, but this is the real world).

My career goals now are to slowly but surely get myself to a place where I'm working in a job that's as well-suited to my personality, strengths and weaknesses as possible. Right now I'm a temp, so I want to get on permanent. I want a more task-oriented job, rather than one that involves a lot of organization and juggling 80 different things at once. I don't want to schmooze, go out for lunch every week, or be involved in office politics/drama. My dream is to get to the point where I have somewhat interesting work to do, come in, do it, have pleasant but appropriately distant relationships with my coworkers, go home and live my life. 

Any interest in medical coding? I work first shift m-f, I come in every day knowing what I have to do for the day, I don't have to do a ton of socializing with my coworkers, and I never take work home In a few weeks or so I will be able to work from home so no need to even drive to the office. It can be interesting and challenging and pays well-sometimes really well depending on your experience and specialties. Oh and you can earn a certificate in 1 year or go for the associates for just 2 years. Just a thought

[JordynDarby5]

I've never figured out what my career path should be or what I wanted to be when I grew up. I love history and reading, my mom always told me I should be a teacher but I just knew spending all day teaching kids wasn't for me. I tried selling checks but was horrible at it. I learned I was really bad at selling products I don't or rarely use. Let alone try to upsell them. When ever a customer would say they were too expensive or didn't need that many boxes of checks I agreed with them.  I did much better when I worked in  call center selling wrapping paper, cards and things. That was much easier and a lot fun I loved seeing the cute new stuff  we got. I never felt like I was upselling just checking off items they might be interested in or see if they wanted bows with their wrapping paper.  The customers were great and it was so much fun.  I worked medical insurance for a couple years and I hated it. It was such a depressing job every day talking to customers newly diagnosis with cancer or their terrified parents. The money was good but it was so depressing. My favorite job though was working in the factory of the wrapping paper and cards place. I loved it. Walking in every day knowing what you needed to do and how many orders needed to be filled, I loved working in every area from picking, to shipping to bagging up the items. I loved learning every department. I loved seeing the new items coming in. Music was blasting while you worked  and I really loved the busy seasons working twelve to sixteen hour days every day. If I ever get healthy enough again I'm going back to that job.

[seraaa]

I just  wanted to say that everything everyone has been saying in this thread about careers has been balm to my soul as I try and struggle through my own quarter-life crisis (can confirm: definitely a thing). 

I've been thinking along the same lines as @JillyO's post, but it's very validating to see it written down by somebody else.