Joy and Austin: Switzerland to the Backwoods of Arkansas

[motelmum]

@louisa05 my English teachers were some of my favourite teachers ever, in particular my year 8 one. She noticed my struggle with spelling and suggested I do crosswords. I still do them, 35 years later.

Just wanted to let you know there are those that loved their English teachers.

[mtc3659]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Try telling people you are an English teacher: 
"I hated my English teacher"

"I'm terrible at grammar"

"I hated reading (fill in some terrible novel that most schools don't teach anymore anyway)". 

"You aren't old and ugly, though" (yes, a dude at a church singles event really said that to me once). 

Sometimes, you get the first three all from one person. I tried "I teach drama and some other subjects" for awhile. Then the response is "Oh, you're one of those theatre people", a statement that sometime comes with an eye roll. 

History teacher gets "I could never remember names and dates" and/or "I hated history". 

Just saying teacher usually gets responses about how much free time you must have (yeah...right). And now that I am a sub, I get stuff like, "oh, that's just babysitting, isn't it?" and sometimes (I kid you not): "do you even get paid for that?" or "Oh, so you don't actually have a job". 

And I guarantee you that if subbing were volunteer work, there would be no subs. 

 

 

 

 

I am a math teacher. This past year I taught Algebra 1 to high school freshmen. It was an awful experience. They would tell me they hated my class (and consequently me). Maybe next year will be better. 

[TatiFish9]

I appreciate what everyone has shared about their careers etc. 

 

@JillyO You speak a hidden truth. Sometimes finding what you can do and doing that well is the best path. I think I will read your post again because it resonates so well. lol

@Audrey2 I like your perspective about the accountant degree matter.  

 

 

Re: Jostin

I saw a different side of Austin at the wedding. I like that he insisted Joy wears her hair the way she likes. But Joy was probably thinking if she wore it the way she wanted it, her hair would be like it is everyday. That's the disadvantage of having the cameras around, I supoose. Sometimes subtext is lost and background story is missing. We speculate to fill the gaps. 

[sawasdee]

I wanted to be an archivist, but the careers advisor at my school said the opportunities were too limited, and talked me into law. I qualified, and hated it. I knew I had to get out.

My vacation job had been working with HS and college kids visiting London, and I loved it. So I qualified as a professional guide, and then worked for the local Tourist Board training guides. I worked as a tour manager, accompanying groups on tours of just days to one month. I worked on three continents, and had a ball - I loved meeting people, loved the ongoing study to learn new places - and loved the travel.

Then the company I contracted for went bankrupt. I was offered a business partnership by a friend here in Thailand, and was on a plane a week later.

The biggest gamble of my life. I was 50 years old, and going into a business of which I had no experience. We started out as a swimming pool company, then expanded into building houses. We had a very good reputation for quality, and grew quickly. I learnt to read plans, to check that contractors were following them, to deal with some (very) demanding clients, to order materials - and to keep the books!

15 years later, I'm retired. I still dabble a little bit, buying and selling land with a friend. And I'm still in Thailand.

When I became a lawyer, I had no idea my life would take this path. I know tourism and development are not regarded as being as 'worthy' or prestigious as some jobs, but I helped give people great memories and experiences for what was for most a once in a lifetime experience, and then I helped build homes that were safe and problem free.

I am so glad that I made those two gambles.

So - while things may not always look clear, sometimes strange opportunities come along!

PS I have talked in another thread about my wonderful English teacher - and I had a battleaxe of a history teacher who nevertheless instilled a lifelong love of history.....

[Jana814]

56 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Because band is an elective. I'm sure that is the reason for the difference. I know most high school music teachers I know rarely have much in the way of discipline problems, either. They do have to sometimes put up with stage parents, though. So there is that to make their lives hell. 

I was in chorus in HS it was an elective. The only issues that came up was underclassmen wanting to get the solo parts. They always went to juniors/seniors. My chorus teacher also directed the shows. He always gave the bigger parts to upperclassmen. 

I know of a kid who a few years back got a lead male role in the musical as a sophomore that had not happened in years!!  

[HarryPotterFan]

8 minutes ago, mtc3659 said:

I am a math teacher. This past year I taught Algebra 1 to high school freshmen. It was an awful experience. They would tell me they hated my class (and consequently me). Maybe next year will be better. 

Being a math teacher sounds tough. I think it's one of the subjects where one or two bad teachers can make you hate the subject, unfortunately. Then students behave like the ones in your class. I had awful teachers two years in a row (one wouldn't let anyone take notes because he thought we'd draw instead, and another literally gave me nightmares. How are we supposed to learn if we can't take notes?!). I did like my 12th grade math teacher though. She liked my friends and me because we actually behaved, haha. Except for the one time when one student (who was kind of an asshole) said the work we were doing made him want to cry. I meant to mutter, "good" to my friends to make them laugh but instead I shouted it. Oops. Luckily my teacher thought it was hilarious. 9th grade is also tough because of the immaturity. Best of luck to you next year!!

@louisa05 I actually friended a former English teacher on Facebook, haha. A couple of my friends did as well. I'm feeling major jealousy because she's been posting gorgeous photos of her trip to Ireland.

@sawasdee I also had a battle axe of a history teacher in 11th grade. She was tough! She said it was to prepare us for college, but I didn't have a class that tough until my junior year! I still remember her fondly though, because she pushed us to think from different points of view. She was hard on us if someone said something American or western-centric. I wish she could teach world history to our congress and president! 

[SapphireSlytherin]

My favorite teacher was my high school biology (and later, zoology) teacher. I was fortunate enough to run into him at a diner about 10 years ago, and I thanked him for inspiring me to major in biology/pre-med. He was so touched, I saw tears in his eyes. This is a big ol' burly 6'6" guy! I am thankful to this day that I took the time to thank him. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

1 hour ago, sawasdee said:

I wanted to be an archivist...

(snipped)

I loved what you had to say, @sawasdee, but for some reason, I originally read that as, "I wanted to be an anarchist..." I'll see myself out, now. 

[candygirl200413]

So my entire family (plus or minus a few cousins) are STEM/ Medical field. I knew I wanted to work in the healthcare/medical sense but wasn't sure until I took a few public health classes (didn't know really what exactly was public health till I started). Now I'm getting my MPH and plan on getting my PhD as well in it  to one day work in the CDC in infectious epidemiology. As of now I'm definitely in this 110% but I totally understand how others can go into one field and realize it's not their "calling" at all. I think if it doesn't pan out I would love to work in hospitality.

 

I don't think I've had a teacher like really inspire me, but I loved how many really took an interest in me and actually cared, such as my English teacher junior year of high school, my first time taking honors English and my writing improved so beautifully.

 

[fluffernutter]

My cello teacher changed my LIFE. I was poor in a wealthy school district, geeky and overweight and wearing the all wrong clothes. Bullied by today's standards for sure. She encouraged me and told me so many times how good and talented and smart and amazing i was. I found my niche because of her. I was the music/art kid in high school. While i didn't major in music, my girls all played instruments because I encouraged them to give it a go if they were interested. The middle daughter is a cello major now in college ( her teacher- my cello teacher's husband) and my youngest a talented flute player who will most likely major in music when she hits that age. I have told that teacher what an impact she made on my life and my kids- we cried together, no joke. 

[potato]

I'm a bit late to the whole career discussion here, so forgive me!  I wanted to be an urban planner/civil engineer for the longest time, but got a chance to visit a local national lab while I was in high school as part of a women in science careers event.  While I chose to mostly attend engineering panels and discussions on that day, I had marked off that I was interested in chemistry and I ended up getting a tour of their physical sciences building. 

That was enough to spark my interest in physics.  I read a few books on it and decided that I wanted to pursue physics as a career, even though I had never taken a physics class.  I ended up majoring in physics and math and I just finished my first year of my physics PhD program!  

There's rarely a day that goes by when I don't question what I'm doing with my life.  Grad school is incredibly difficult, both in terms of work and this half-adult half-student stage of life.  I have no idea how everything will turn out in the long run, but I can't see myself doing anything else.

[Million Children For Jesus]

On June 17, 2017 at 6:25 PM, Percy said:

I was nearly 50 years old before I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

This gives me hope. If I knew how to add emojis, there would be a heart here. 

[BadMammaJana]

16 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I majored in History, and people would ask me all the time, "What are you going to do with that?" 

Oh, hi fellow history major! 

I know what you mean about the "what are you gonna do with that? Oh you're going to be a teacher?" And then the others really do tell you how they hate history, but everyone always adds that its because they hate memorizing dates. History is less memorizing dates, and more critical thinking, analysis, and so much writing.

I've been feeling so down because at 29, with a BA in history, and 2 toddlers, I still kinda feel like unsure about what to do with my life. I knew I wanted kids, but never pictured being a SAHM like I am now. I'm ashamed to say I even looked down on them, but now that I am one, I have all the respect for them. I even remember having a conversation with my mother in-law about it when I had trouble finding a job and she said maybe I was just meant to be a SAHM. I felt like a failure because I was the first to get a degree in my family from a 4 year college, and I felt like I let everyone down. I even feel self conscious around my in-laws because they're all either in the medical field or engineers and even with my degree, made me feel like my degree and I was worth less than them. I also kind of feel like now that they have grandchildren, they would prefer that I don't work to take care of them since that seems to be their regret for having a career- not spending more time with their kids. 

I feel like I should get a master's degree to get better jobs at museums because I did enjoy working in them, but, I guess I just don't feel like I have the support. Because I don't have the support, I wonder if that's the career field that I'm meant for since I really only chose it because I do love it, but also because it was WAY easier than a career in the health field that I originally aimed for. Combine that with some setbacks working in museums, it makes me wonder if I'm really meant for a career in health after all, instead of utilizing my degree. It's just so hard to start over with 2 toddlers and moving every few years since I'm a military wife. Then I start wondering if I'm just meant to be a SAHM, which I have slowly learned is NOT the end of the world. I also feel like I don't deserve to be able to stay home with my kids because every other mom I know works and contributes financially to the household, and I always pictured myself working. 

I'm just trying to keep my eyes peeled for signs, and asking God to make those signs very overtly obvious for a naturally unsure person like me to not only see, but follow. 

[FundieCentral]

@BadMammaJana: Even though I'm a few years younger than you, I feel the insecurity as well. My dad had very high ambitions to become a diplomat and work in our foreign office leadership, but an accident cut short his career and I was raised with the implicit expectation that I accomplish what he didn't get to. Only the best degrees & universities, aim for the most competitive and prestigious career, and don't disappoint. I was the first to study abroad, and now I feel like I'm not making anything out of it. It seems easier now to just move in with my boyfriend, get married & have children while he is working because I'm so tired of the stress and the pressure, but that would seem like a disappointment. Basically - insecurity can befall you even if you are doing a Master's, and family members always have lots of opinions, and one can feel inferior no matter what, and moving all the time is a bitch.
Can you do some sort of part-time volunteering in both fields? Volunteer in a hospital 1 day a week, and a museum another day. Then see which one you enjoy going to more. I work part-time at a museum and I love it a lot; it's a lovely environment - great with kids as well, which isn't always the case with healthcare. And aside from all else, it's never lowly to be a stay-at-home mom. Moms are incredible, and I'm glad I had the first few years of my life until my mom went back to (part-time) work, and I am deeply grateful for her. Think of all the cool things you can do to even do history with your kids - design activities, go on treasure hunts etc. Often times the school/children engagement positions in museums are also great places to start out (which you probably already know, but just in case  

[Million Children For Jesus]

On June 17, 2017 at 7:49 PM, HermioneSparrow said:

I don't know what to do either. I have a career and I hate it.. my family pretty much pressured me to go the corporate route because I've always dreamed of being a pastry chef and they think it's stupid. I put a lot of self worth in academics and career and I was set on being miserable lol until a month ago that I quit my job and I'm taking care of an elder lady half of the day which is good money until I figure it out what the hell I wanna do with my life. I kinda wanna go back to school and do something else that I like because the pastry school is way too expensive and I can't afford it, reach for the stars and all but sometimes dreams can't become a reality. 

Are there Cottage Food Laws where you are? You can always start a specialty foods side business. Or, start importing specialty pastries, buy wholesale and then retail to restaurants. Or, buy locally made desserts and retail them to restaurants and cafes? You could be the local pastry expert go-to distributor lady. All of these can be started part time from home with under $2,000 start up.

Edit: Income varies. I know CFO home cooks that don't know how to market and therefore, don't sell anything. Others make $20,00-40,000. My one frenemy that imports specialty food products from Portugal makes well over $100,000. She's pretty cutthroat though. She lives her work. 

6 minutes ago, FundieCentral said:

Can you do some sort of part-time volunteering in both fields? Volunteer in a hospital 1 day a week, and a museum another day. Then see which one you enjoy going to more. 

This is great advice. If you enjoy doing it for free, that's a good sign. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

22 hours ago, FundieCentral said:

Turns out I'm rather outdoorsy, have little desire for money and prestige, and value impact over status. 

I mainly want to have a business, family, and become mayor of my town. 

Right now, I'd rather work as a farm aid but do real work than be a part of the big upper-class pretend game. But I don't know how good of  a deal that is.

Have you considered, "City Planner" ?

You get to listen to people, mediate a lot, attend events, local events, with or without your family, make an impact, be both inside and outside, run around town, and as a bonus, probably not commute and make decent money. In my area, about $200,000. Of course, you need a degree and 10 years experience working your way up through the City Departments, but it might check all of your boxes. 

The farm aid gig? I've done that. I love food, nutrition, farming. I had to come to terms with it being a hobby. I spend 12 hours a week farming now on a microfarm, but it's not my main job. It's my lifestyle. I attend about one event per week related to sustainable farming and community outreach. I feel like I make an impact, but it's not my job. I bring my kids to the events and when they're not in school, to the farm, too, so it's family friendly, and you can do it while working full-time. 

[Iokaste]

So I watched the wedding last night and have a few questions for the USians here:

Is it normal to just have a reception but no dinner or real party for a wedding?

And why does Joy say that they "can't stay super long"?
I guess she means they have to go, to get on their honeymoon, but would that be considered appropriate outside (or even inside fundy-culture), I mean, people are there to celebrate them, not just to drop of presents and get a cupcake. 
Here that would be considered super weird and rude. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

1 hour ago, BadMammaJana said:

Snipped

Oh you're going to be a teacher?"

.....and so much writing.

I feel like I should get a master's degree to get better jobs at museums because I did enjoy working in them, but, I guess I just don't feel like I have the support. Because I don't have the support, I wonder if that's the career field that I'm meant for since I really only chose it because I do love it, but also because it was WAY easier than a career in the health field that I originally aimed for. Combine that with some setbacks working in museums, it makes me wonder if I'm really meant for a career in health after all, instead of utilizing my degree.

I'm just trying to keep my eyes peeled for signs, and asking God to make those signs very overtly obvious for a naturally unsure person like me to not only see, but follow. 

Teaching? I know three people with history degrees. Two are cops. One went on to get a PhD and is a school administrator. Teaching is always a viable option. It doesn't have to be kids. If you earn your Masters degree, (when you get the time and support), you can teach Art History or History at a community college. 

Writing? If you enjoy the writing part, would you consider grant writing? Grant writers are always in demand. You can work from home taking freelance jobs specializing in museums. Freelance grant writers make $50,000-75,000. You would be able to take work, or turn it down, as your family responsibilities allowed, and moving a lot wouldn't cause breaks in your employment, since you would be working for yourself. 

Here's your sign: Do NOT work in health care because... you. do. not. like. it. Work in museums because you LOVE it and that's what you went to school to do. There are a lot of options. Not just working in the museum, but volunteering, or taking contract work for special events. You didn't mention what you were doing at the museum, so if you're gagging about the grant writing idea, sorry about that.

You're ONLY 29. So young and yet you have already have done A LOT. A degree, a marriage, two kids. Being a SAHM is a huge amount of work. You certainly shouldn't feel guilted into taking on extra responsibilities. 

 

[MadeItOut]

9 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

 

@louisa05 - I'm so sorry. I managed to create this box and I can't get rid of it or your tag somehow (I loathe mobile somehow).

 

8 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

I have no idea what I want to do. I've always had this idea that I wanted to do something in theatre, so that's my major. But now I'm not sure if I did it because that's what I always said, or if it's actually what I'd enjoy doing. I actually haven't been involved much in theatre while in college due to crippling anxiety. I spend so much of my time trying to get through the day that don't even know what I like doing.

 

Find your niche. Anxiety is often part of how you know you're doing it right in our industry and we need more strong thinkers coming in.

[Divemaster01]

With all this talk about college and regrets,   I wish Joy and Austin met on a college campus instead during a football game or class or something. Maybe Joy being a cheerleader like her mom was at the college. Instead they both grew up in a cult and fast tracked into marriage before turning 20.  I didn't even know who I was yet. But then, my parents only dated 6 months before marrying,  my mom was 18 and dad 21.  They made it to their 50th but are married in name only, they lost their love a long time ago.    I hope these two make it in the long haul.   

[Escadora]

Gonna jump into the careers discussion before it drifts back into staying on-topic.

I know that 22 isn't a giant, grand old age in the grand scheme of things and that I have plenty of time to figure it out yadda yadda, but I recently realised that when my mother was my age she'd already almost accomplished her one big dream in life (she was pregnant with me, and all she'd ever wanted was to be a mother). I just got out of college and am about to start uni to get certified to become a teacher, but I know I also want to be able to have children of my own some day and with the pain of a recent breakup hanging over me sometimes it's hard to believe I'll ever get to a stage in my life where I can have all the things I want out of it. I get that I can't have it all at once but just maybe some of it would be nice. 

Strange to think, really. In our school leaving memorial book things all of my old friends said they thought I'd be the first to get married and have children and now I'm the only one not married, and five of them have children. I'm happy for them, because they are all doing really well and are happy, but *puts the bad person hat on* sometimes I get soooooo bitter and jealous. 

And then it gets to the stage where I start to hate myself for my breakdown a few years back because it seems like such wasted, empty time. My grandparents on my dad's side (who I was really close to and loved a lot) died within three months of each other, and then my best friend died of complications with epilepsy during a heart attack two days after my grandmother's funeral. Without meaning to I just shut down completely and it took three years of isolation and being so scared of everything for reasons I never quite understood (I'm serious, during one of those years I only left the house six times because I was so terrified) to even try and magic myself better.

I've been lucky and I remain so grateful that my parents aren't the kind to kick a not-working, not-in-school adult out of their house and that they supported me when I was having that crisis of self. They were so proud when I told them I wanted to try again and I remember bringing home my grades to show them a couple of weeks back and it was such a good feeling to have them looking at my work and smiling and being proud. 

I didn't do any therapy, and I remain scared of a lot of things, but all anyone can do is their best. I know everyone should try to be happy with what they get but I will be disappointed if I get to, say, 50 years old and I haven't married and I haven't had children. 

Still, though, life is on the upswing. I have so many more prospects than I had this time a year ago, I'm not too anxious to leave the house anymore, and I finally managed to grow my hair to just below my bra strap. 

If I had any advice it'd be just to try things. Say yes to things you wouldn't normally on occasion (though, obviously, not if that thing is dangerous or otherwise stupid). Volunteer to do things or be the first to go up and participate in activities. Help people where you can and don't be afraid to receive help where you yourself need it. 

Like my dad said (or, rather, to paraphrase): "There's so much in life to be afraid of. Nuclear bombs, the sun exploding, World War Three, and spiders. All the people you love are going to die at some point, but that doesn't mean you have to give up your life before you've even had a chance to live it."   - Morbid? Yes. Comforting? Well, to me it was.

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 hours ago, Iokaste said:

Is it normal to just have a reception but no dinner or real party for a wedding?

Not sure how to define "normal" when it comes to weddings, because traditions vary geographically, economically, and socially.

Depending on the time of day (around the dinner hour), it's customary in my area to have a full dinner, whether plated or buffet-style, with (or without) an open bar. A noonish wedding should have a sit-down or heavy hors d'oeuvres (with or without a bar). Some religious traditions frown on alcohol at wedding receptions. 

I've been to mid-afternoon weddings where the reception was cake/punch/nuts/mints. 

[Fundie Bunny]

@Escadora You can't imagine how much I can relate to you. After my grandmother and father died a couple months aparto,  i shut down for almost 3 years. But now it looks like I have my life back on track, even if it means I am 2 years behind everyone around me. But it doesn't matter, because after all, two years is nothing, and you'll be able to see it too. Soon enough you'll feel fully like your old self.

[Iokaste]

34 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Not sure how to define "normal" when it comes to weddings, because traditions vary geographically, economically, and socially.

Depending on the time of day (around the dinner hour), it's customary in my area to have a full dinner, whether plated or buffet-style, with (or without) an open bar. A noonish wedding should have a sit-down or heavy hors d'oeuvres (with or without a bar). Some religious traditions frown on alcohol at wedding receptions. 

I've been to mid-afternoon weddings where the reception was cake/punch/nuts/mints. 

You're right, "normal" is the wrong word to use, so maybe a better question is: did it strike you as odd, or was it within expectations of what a wedding might be like to Americans?  

[Jessie E]

I am 30 years old and my fiance is 29.  We just bought our first home last summer and we are getting married on September 23rd.  We both had time to get a university degree and college diplomas.  We have both traveled a bit before finding each other.  I look at Austin and Joy and my heart breaks for them.  To be  only 19 and know that this is your whole life.  I cannot even imagine it.  

A close friend of mine got married at 19 as well. She was pregnant with her first child one month after the wedding. She was pregnant with her second child 6 months after having her first.  She has major regrets about doing it all so young and fast. She has told me this more than once.  I know it may be different for Austin and Joy because of their upbringing and beliefs  but my heart still hurts for them. Now I just hope that Joy has a better outcome then poor Anna.