Jana's Future 4 - Family Ties

[anjulibai]

Huh, that's not where I was thinking. I think it's probable there's something there, but I don't think it has to do with anything like that in any way shape or form. 

[singsingsing]

Why does there have to be a bombshell? She's 27, not 57. Even in fundie circles, it's not unusual for a woman to still be single at that age. The only reason it seems so glaring is because all of her younger sisters of marrying age have now married. That could be down to personality, pickiness, even just random chance. 

I don't find it at all unusual or suspicious that she's still single. In her world, courting basically means you're expected to marry the person. Breaking up isn't forbidden or the end of the world, but it's very embarrassing, even somewhat shameful, and you have to think many of them are paranoid about their image. A broken courtship looks bad. When you're basically expected to meet someone, have supervised chats with them for a couple months, court for three months, be engaged for three months, and then BOOM, you're married and it's all over a reality TV show, social media, magazines and tabloids - dude, I'd be taking all the time in the world. I wouldn't want to commit myself, even to a courtship, unless I was as certain as possible that this was a person I wanted to marry. A 27-year-old woman not having met anyone she wants to marry yet? Not unusual at all.

Did I mention she's 27? Like... come on. Can't we save the wild speculation about bizarre reasons for her continued celibacy until she hits 30 at least?

[KimJongJimBob]

19 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I don't find it at all unusual or suspicious that she's still single. (snip) I'd be taking all the time in the world. I wouldn't want to commit myself, even to a courtship, unless I was as certain as possible that this was a person I wanted to marry. A 27-year-old woman not having met anyone she wants to marry yet? Not unusual at all.

Did I mention she's 27? Like... come on. Can't we save the wild speculation about bizarre reasons for her continued celibacy until she hits 30 at least?

I think if she were in school or eyeballs deep into a career she loved, I'd be 0% skeptical because I know her continuing either is likely dependent on her remaining single. In fact, I'd be cheering her on with every ounce of my fundie interest. Since neither of those seem to be the case, marrying is the only way to make a life that is semi-independent. She's always going to smile sweetly to the cameras and tell you how much she loves helping at home and living in TTH, but I'm really not buying it...

[singsingsing]

1 minute ago, KimJongJimBob said:

I think if she were in school or eyeballs deep into a career she loved, I'd be 0% skeptical because I know her continuing either is likely dependent on her remaining single. In fact, I'd be cheering her on with every ounce of my fundie interest. Since neither of those seem to be the case, marrying is the only way to make a life that is semi-independent. She's always going to smile sweetly to the cameras and tell you how much she loves helping at home and living in TTH, but I'm really not buying it...

So maybe she's just not willing to marry purely for practical purposes? Maybe, despite everything, she's holding out for someone she's in love with. Or feels a real connection with. Or feels very confident that she can make a better life with. It's very possible that she simply hasn't met a man who meets those criteria yet.

[KimJongJimBob]

7 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

So maybe she's just not willing to marry purely for practical purposes? Maybe, despite everything, she's holding out for someone she's in love with. Or feels a real connection with. Or feels very confident that she can make a better life with. It's very possible that she simply hasn't met a man who meets those criteria yet.

*shrugs* I guess we'll have to just disagree because I don't believe things really work that way at TTH... 

[singsingsing]

14 minutes ago, KimJongJimBob said:

*shrugs* I guess we'll have to just disagree because I don't believe things really work that way at TTH... 

If you're one of many who believe that Jim Bob is a complete sociopath who literally arranges marriages for his daughters for various diabolical purposes of his own, that said daughters have no say in the matter, and that being the case, Jana the 27-year-old tragic spinster must be single for some salacious and titillating reason, then yes, we will have to agree to disagree. 

[The Wanderer]

I'm of the opinion that the family would prefer Jana to be a permanent SAHD, but I have a feeling that her courtship and marriage will be JB's last stand before the show finally dies a much-anticipated death.

I would love to believe that she simply hasn't found the right person, or that she is shy and in the fundie world it is harder to get yourself out there. That certainly can be said for some of that age in the real world, but I have a hard time believing that, especially with Joy now married. Girls and women only get so much say in their world, and it seems to be very little.

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, KimJongJimBob said:

I personally think there is something with her fertility that makes her "damaged goods"...

You can't be serious.  So how is this supposed to work?  Do you think that once the daughter's turn 18 they're dragged to the Doctor and have a battery of tests run to determine whether or not they're fertile? 

[VeganCupcake]

I don't think there's any one big reason she's not courting yet. Just a combination of the various circumstances. It's nearly impossible to meet people if you're not in school or a job. The options within their small circle are very limited.  Jill, Jessa, & Jinger all essentially married fans. Maybe Jana doesn't like that idea. I could see Jana marrying someone similar to Austin if there was someone like him around who was her age. 

Also keep in mind the girls have been dressing more normally/attractively and trying to have more mainstream appeal for less of Jana's life because she is the oldest. I think she looks very gorgeous now, but when she was around Jess/Jinger's ages at the time of their courtships, the family still dressed in a very odd way which probably wouldn't have attracted cute fundie-light viewers such as Jeremy and Ben to try courting her. I'm not saying she's too old, just saying she missed a lot of years of being more "normal" that the other girls had. Also, seems the shyest out of the siblings. 

 

[nvmbr02]

1 hour ago, VeganCupcake said:

I think she looks very gorgeous now, but when she was around Jess/Jinger's ages at the time of their courtships, the family still dressed in a very odd way which probably wouldn't have attracted cute fundie-light viewers such as Jeremy and Ben to try courting her. I'm not saying she's too old, just saying she missed a lot of years of being more "normal" that the other girls had. Also, seems the shyest out of the siblings. 

 

She's not that much older than Jill (or even Jessa or Jinger). I highly doubt her clothing choices have anything to do with it. 

I agree with the posters that think there is likely more than one reason Jana hasn't courted/married. And really, while a lot of fundies marry very young many don't. I have a fundie lite friend who got married a few weeks before she turned 29. On the other hand I am most certainly not fundie and I married at 21 and had 3 kids well before 29. Not everyone is on the same time table, fundie or not. 

[BoPeep]

2 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

You can't be serious.  So how is this supposed to work?  Do you think that once the daughter's turn 18 they're dragged to the Doctor and have a battery of tests run to determine whether or not they're fertile? 

Ugh.  I do know a young girl who was engaged, and during their (thankfully long!) engagement, she had health issues which led to doctors finding out she was infertile.  The young groom-to-be's mom told him the wedding was off.  And so he broke their engagement, due to her infertility.  Because loving someone infertile wasn't good enough, I guess.  It was devastating, though I am glad it was found out prior.  Someone willing to cut off the person they supposedly loved and wanted to spend forever with....that quickly....wasn't truly in love.  

Eta, young girl = a very immature 18 yr old.  Her one sis was married at 19/20, but was very mature for her age.  The one above....acted 3ish yrs below her age, so like a 15 yr old...who was engaged.  

[ItsMeY'all]

One of my best friends hadn't started her period yet at seventeen. Her primary care doctor sent her to a specialist as her labs were all fairly normal.  Turns out she was born without a uterus but had ovaries.

We knew by the time I was sixteen my fertility would be an issue because of problems I was already experiencing.

Not saying this is the case with Jana, just that it wouldn't have to be some weird thing where they sent her off just to check her fertility the day she turned eighteen. Of course my friend and I had regular doctor checkups that alerted our pcp's to possible issues and for some reason I don't see that happening for the Duggar women (although I would love to be wrong!).

For the record my friend and I both ended up happily married to wonderful men (in our early 20's). She has three kids and I have a fluffy fur baby. Of course we aren't fundies...Although my friend is a no contraception Catholic. Guess that worked out just fine for her.

[Flossie]

I don't think that JB&M are intentionally keeping Jana single, but I think that unconsciously they want her to stay as long as possible.  Simply put, Jana is too valuable to them.  She runs the house, assigns chores, keeps the younger kids in line, used to run their blog (I think someone else does it now), and was the one who checked their fan mail and made replies.  

Jana is picking up the slack on many fronts, while hamstrung by gender roles and the need to work under her parents, who still want to be perceived as being in charge.  While I think that Jim Bob is still doing his part of running the house, handling finances and TLC, Michelle has checked out and wants to be considered the Ultimate Mother while not mothering at all unless there's a camera crew nearby.

Jana is stuck in a gray zone.  She is necessary to the family but despite her age she is also considered a silly little female who isn't considered a real adult because she isn't married.  So she has some measure of respect, but it's eroded by her singleness in a culture that demands a woman to marry and produce children as soon as possible.

Why is Jana still a SAHM?  I think it's a combination of things.  She might be worried that the home bound Duggars can't get along without her.  She might not want to raise a second mega family, and if she thinks birth control is evil, the only way to insure she doesn't have a large number of children is to marry later on so she's not fertile for the first 20 or more years of marriage.  She's said she wants a man who works with his hands.  I don't remember just what she said, but I have the impression she wants a man who doesn't work for her father, but works for himself as a farmer or tradesman.  At the time she said that, only Jill and Jessa were married and their husbands aren't hands-on men, but seem more focused on ministry and have placed themselves firmly under Jim Bob's control.  If that's the case, it's easier and better to wait a while longer before Jana seriously looks for a husband.

Jim Bob probably understands at least in part what's keeping Jana around, and so far he's happy to let things continue on as they are.  

But things are changing.  The backlash from the Josh scandals didn't go away as fast as he'd hoped.  'Counting On' focuses too much on people that aren't him, and ratings aren't as good as they were in the 'xx Kids and Counting' hayday, but he has a lot more people to support now.  He and Michelle managed to sneak on 'Counting On' over time, but he seems to think that the way to get back to the good old days is to get Josh back on TV.  I hope it's a miserable failure and 'Counting On' continues to drop in the ratings.

At that time, I hope Jana finds a man that she can love and respect, because she will become JB's ace in the hole.  He'll capitalize on the Janerella storyline and push her down the aisle with a cattle prod if necessary, knowing that it'll be ratings gold.  She'll have a televised event to rival a British Royal wedding, whether she likes it or not.

[VelociRapture]

9 hours ago, The Wanderer said:

I would love to believe that she simply hasn't found the right person, or that she is shy and in the fundie world it is harder to get yourself out there. That certainly can be said for some of that age in the real world, but I have a hard time believing that, especially with Joy now married. Girls and women only get so much say in their world, and it seems to be very little.

Being shy makes it harder. Brandon Keilen said he didn't notice Michael Bates at first for that reason. And when he did notice her, it was difficult to get to know her because she was quieter and more reserved than her sisters. I can absolutely see that playing a role in Jana of courting or marrying. 

I also think, unlike many here, that Jana could very well be the most devout of the elder girls. If that's the case then she would be the least likely to put herself out there or chase after a guy she's interested in - she'd likely follow the recommendations of praying and accepting God's will.

[SuhrEnity]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

I also think, unlike many here, that Jana could very well be the most devout of the elder girls.

I've always felt this too. I think that when she does go a courting we'll witness the strictest Duggar courtship with the strictest rules we've seen in all the courtships. All I hope is that they guy suits her cause I do have a slight fondness for Miss Jana (until she gets a social media account and tears the blinders from my eyes that is)

[KimJongJimBob]

9 hours ago, BoPeep said:

Ugh.  I do know a young girl who was engaged, and during their (thankfully long!) engagement, she had health issues which led to doctors finding out she was infertile.  The young groom-to-be's mom told him the wedding was off.  And so he broke their engagement, due to her infertility.  Because loving someone infertile wasn't good enough, I guess.  

This is more along the circumstances I was thinking. Pay attention to how she looks at her sisters' kids compared to how she looks at other people's; there seems to be a longing in her eyes that isn't evident anywhere else. 

But, no, @justmy2cents , I don't think they're subjected to an onslaught of gynecological testing the second they hit adulthood, but there are plenty of conditions that prohibit women from being fertile. 

[Carm_88]

2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Being shy makes it harder. Brandon Keilen said he didn't notice Michael Bates at first for that reason. And when he did notice her, it was difficult to get to know her because she was quieter and more reserved than her sisters. 

As someone who is very shy and reserved, I can totally vouch for this. Guys may want to talk to Jana but if she's anything like me and she has no idea what to say...conversation dies quickly. He moves on to find someone who can have a conversation with him. That's not to say that Jana doesn't have anything to say, she just doesn't know how to do it. In a sheltered environment where everything is scrutinized, well that would be tougher. 

[BoPeep]

15 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

As someone who is very shy and reserved, I can totally vouch for this. Guys may want to talk to Jana but if she's anything like me and she has no idea what to say...conversation dies quickly. He moves on to find someone who can have a conversation with him. That's not to say that Jana doesn't have anything to say, she just doesn't know how to do it. In a sheltered environment where everything is scrutinized, well that would be tougher. 

Yep, this!  I'm glad I was more outgoing as a young'un than I am now.  Even then, when with extroverted friends....they were the ones noticed and chatted up by boys, while I wasn't.  I kinda came into my own at college, and because it was a small place and I knew most everyone, my introversion didn't come out as much....I felt safe, the people talked deep issues, and I was safe to be myself....and was therefore much more outgoing.  

[batuityma]

40 minutes ago, KimJongJimBob said:

This is more along the circumstances I was thinking. Pay attention to how she looks at her sisters' kids compared to how she looks at other people's; there seems to be a longing in her eyes that isn't evident anywhere else. 

But, no, @justmy2cents , I don't think they're subjected to an onslaught of gynecological testing the second they hit adulthood, but there are plenty of conditions that prohibit women from being fertile. 

I'm having a hard time getting to Jana must be forlorn over the fact that she is infertile because her facial expression seems different  when she looks at her sisters' kids compared to how she looks at other people's kids.

When I see a random stranger's baby I smile because...well...babies are sweet.  But If you were to look at pictures of me with my nieces and nephews as babies, I'm sure the look on my face would be different. (And it definitely wouldn't be a look of "longing" to have one of my own.) There is just something very special about being an auntie (or uncle.) Personally, that feeling would be the first conclusion I would jump to if I noticed a difference in Jana's facial expression.

[Pretzel]

People here get way too invested in Jana Duggar's uterus. Mind your own, leave hers alone. 

[cascarones]

I don't know Jana, or anything about her aspirations. She comes off as shy, which isn't a bad thing. You could sit on a porch with her and read your own book and not feel pressured to talk. The sisters always make me think of that Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride', where Richard Gere asks all of her former suitors how they take their eggs and how she liked them. The answer was always the same ('just like me') and there was a confrontation about it and her eating eggs all different ways to try and figure out who she was, over who she was with him. 

I get the impression Jana knows how she likes her eggs cooked, she's beyond the pure smile and match 'we love everything the exact same' stage. 

[Jinder Roles]

Does anyone remember the interview of a woman who was Quiverfull like the Duggars? She said that eldest daughters tend to get married later (or remain unmarried) because they have more responsibility to the family than their younger siblings. 

This may a factor in Jana's case, along with other factors. However, we will never know for certain. 

[Lurky]

Here's a thing about Jana - people always talk her up as in charge of the house, but simultaneously, people also talk about how messy it is, how dirty the floors are, how bad their food it - and in eg Jessa's Xmas morning film, it looked like chaos, with kids sleeping all over the sofas etc. 

Now, I know having 14 people in the house means more mess, but it also means more people to marshal into cleaning up etc - so I wonder how much time it actually takes?  I guess I'm never bought into the "Jana is such a good housekeeper than JB&M are preventing her from marrying", as it only seems like there's an adequate job done on keeping the chaos in check (same with Jana and the little kids, in all the &Counting shows where they played on the pantry shelves/climbed all over the kitchen etc etc).  To note - I absolutely don't mean this as criticism of Jana as keeping the house in order is her damn parents' job, BUT as an observation.

I also wonder what they are doing now Jinger and Joy have left, in terms of their jurisdictions (Jinger said she took over break making after a sister married, and taught Joy in CO, though I bet that was for TLC).  Jana can't do it all - have they passed them to the twins and the older boys?

[The Wanderer]

57 minutes ago, cascarones said:

I don't know Jana, or anything about her aspirations. She comes off as shy, which isn't a bad thing. You could sit on a porch with her and read your own book and not feel pressured to talk. The sisters always make me think of that Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride', where Richard Gere asks all of her former suitors how they take their eggs and how she liked them. The answer was always the same ('just like me') and there was a confrontation about it and her eating eggs all different ways to try and figure out who she was, over who she was with him. 

I get the impression Jana knows how she likes her eggs cooked, she's beyond the pure smile and match 'we love everything the exact same' stage. 

If/when Jana starts courting, I hope (if it's televised) that they won't force her to act just like her sisters did in their own courtships. I think people are more interested in what she would do naturally as opposed to the usual wash, rinse, repeat cycle.

Surely TLC recognizes this tired cycle. Although who am I kidding? Of course they don't.

[snickers34]

14 hours ago, singsingsing said:

If you're one of many who believe that Jim Bob is a complete sociopath who literally arranges marriages for his daughters for various diabolical purposes of his own, that said daughters have no say in the matter, and that being the case, Jana the 27-year-old tragic spinster must be single for some salacious and titillating reason, then yes, we will have to agree to disagree. 

Agreed (if I'm understanding what side of the fence you're on!). JB is a gross, controlling famewhore. But I do believe he genuinely loves his daughters and would not force them into anything. Also, the whole keep her at home thing doesn't hold weight either:

1. Jana's courtship announcement = ratings gold. JB may love his kids, but he also still loves attention.
2. They've still got lots of money/resources and the younger kids are getting older. If they need help running the show there are plenty of other SAHD's where Tabitha came from that would happily move in and help blanket train whoever needs it.

She's just shy and waiting on the right one, imo, and knows that courting=major attention that I don't think she craves. So she's going slow. Oh, and yeah, like @singsingsing said, did we mention she's only 27? I'm 35 and still single - I must have major uterus & psychological issues! How do I get out of bed everyday??