Jana's Future 4 - Family Ties

[FleeJanaFree]

Regarding several pages back: I actually wouldn't be surprised if Jana does have to sleep with a younger sibling. Because of her age, I'd think her wacky parent  would try to roadblock her from....uh...sinning. (What ppl in the real world call 'masturbation' which is perfectly natural)

[Jenn The Heathen]

Thank you, @Eatingintheprayercloset for the link to the interview.  I watched the whole thing and learned a few new things.

I would really hope for Jana's sake that the theory that Boob is keeping her home to raise the little ones and run the household isn't true.  It would be just such a sad existence.  

I wonder if maybe she just doesn't want to start the cycle all over again.  Think about it, all her life she's heard that she's supposed to grow up, get married and start pumping out children for her own little army of god's warriors.  But for the last 20 years or so, she's already been performing the motherly duties for so many of her siblings.  If marriage's only purpose is to do it all over again, why would she want to?  Maybe with the speculation that Jinger and Jeremy are delaying pregnancy in some way, Jana will realize that she doesn't have to turn her uterus into a clown car like her mother and find a guy that feels that way as well.

We'll probably never know for sure. 

[ChildofScience]

IMO Jana seems to have always been a quiet observer in the family, taking everything in and carefully processing it.  I think the interview @Eatingintheprayercloset posted shows that she's a lot smarter and more in tune with her family's craziness than she's given credit for.  

I think the other married Duggar girls latched on the first guy who showed interest in them.   Maybe unlike her sisters, Jana is holding out for someone better because she doesn't want to, and feels that she doesn't have to, settle. Sad as this is, since she's not one of Josh's victims, perhaps she has more self-confidence than the other Duggar sisters, who were raised to think sexual assault is the woman's fault.  All speculation of course, but I can imagine the emotional damage Josh caused his sisters who were victims probably ruined their self-confidence even more, and that caused Jana to have trust issues in men.  No matter the reasons though, I hope Jana can find happiness with or without a man.  

[TatiFish9]

On 6/6/2017 at 8:44 AM, VelociRapture said:

Being shy makes it harder. Brandon Keilen said he didn't notice Michael Bates at first for that reason. And when he did notice her, it was difficult to get to know her because she was quieter and more reserved than her sisters. I can absolutely see that playing a role in Jana of courting or marrying. 

Great post. I have an abundance to say on this topic but do not want to write a thesis on this thread. But I want to say that Brandon's sister literally had to push him into Michael. He said he had no idea she was into him because she literally never showed interest at all. Michael admitted she continuously stood near him and smiled but would not do anything to invite him in because she firmly believed *if a guy was into you he would reach out*. And Brandon was probably the kind of guy who felt *if a girl was into you she would show signs*. The two would have never hooked up (in a Christian way) let alone married if Brandon's sister had not said *dude she is into you. Quit playing*.

Usually, in the real world people are introduced to their partners. Not everyone is lucky to accidentally meet under the stars.

One of my strongest theories on why Jana is not married yet- #3 on the list- is that she is just too dang picky. She was expecting Mr. Perfect - someone who was good enough to take her away from her children. He never arrived. Now the offers have slowed down because she is aging out of her group. 27 is the age that even non -fundie women who are looking to settle down start to makes stronger plans if they have not found someone. Even then the pickings can start to become challenging. Imagine what that would feel like in a religious culture where women have to be more subtle?

Jana is most likely not married because of something Jana has concluded/decided. There were enough older girls in that family to take the reigns if Jana had stepped our. I do think taking care of the household provided a barrier ,but there was room to get out there a meet guys.

[VelociRapture]

@TatiFish9I agree to an extent. 

27 isn't really old though. Maybe it's more common to marry younger in certain areas or religious movements... But her sisters married men who weren't involved in IBLP before meeting them. I don't think it's out of the question that Jana could end up with someone older or younger than her who has no discernible links to the movement. The only criteria the spouses seem to need to meet are that they're very conservative, the"right" type of Christian (meaning, not Catholic), and believe enough of what the Duggars believe.

That is, if she wants that. She was raised to want that, but who knows what she really wants for herself.

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

Maybe Jana sees the type of Jim Bob's approved "options" around her...

1. Bin: cleaning toilets for Boob

2. Derick: playing Jeesus in pray-cation

3. Jeremy: meh

4. Austin: cray cray family

...and goes: NOPE!

[neurogirl]

This is back several pages by now (still getting caught up from being gone this weekend) but who is that man in the picture at the beginning of the girls' room video with Jill? Is that...JIM BOB? If it is...he's...kind of a hunk ...but also WHY have a young photo of the dad in the girls' room? Please tell me I'm wrong. Because if I'm not then I think that crosses some weird lines. Like children thinking of their parents as attractive. Especially when their purity is guarded by said parent. 

[VelociRapture]

@neurogirlI didn't watch the video, but yes. There was a framed photo of a young Jim Bob in their room.

I don't know the real reason for it. I'm guessing it's because they aren't allowed to vocalize their crushes and are taught to idolize their father. So instead of a picture of a guy they might like, they end up with a photo of their father.

[TatiFish9]

@velociRapture

 

Hi! No 27 is not old in the scheme of things. However on a fertility based scale and in regards to finding a mate, it pushes on the older end even for "secular groups".

30 is usually the marker. Are these standards ridiculous ? Absolutely. While a woman can have a baby until her last cycle (technically), the first huge decline in fertility happens around 30. 

30 is considered an older age for a woman to have her first child, especially if she is expected to have several and especially if she will not use any medical assistance to have these babies. Many women defy these numbers everyday (thank God), but there is  still a cultural standard. 

Now imagine the average fundie man looking for a woman. Just like in the olden days, he'll think the younger the better. But we know this does not mean Jana's life is over or her choices are up.  I think (if she wants to) she will find someone in her own time - or as she would probably say: in God's timing.

[Percy]

In another thread there is talk about a widow and widower marrying.  Jana,now that she is older, has the option of marrying a widower.  Someone older, with more confidence to stand up to Jim Bob and his 'must marry a preacher' thing.

[Jingeyk]

11 minutes ago, Percy said:

In another thread there is talk about a widow and widower marrying.  Jana,now that she is older, has the option of marrying a widower.  Someone older, with more confidence to stand up to Jim Bob and his 'must marry a preacher' thing.

If she were out in the rest of the world, I could totally see Jana going for an older, more established man, rather than someone closer to her age. I'm not sure how that works in their circles though - are there that many young widowers, or would she have to go older?

[Percy]

I would like to think going older, as in 30-40's, would give her greater choice.

 

Pure speculation and wishful thinking.

[Exjw2015deed]

So for years now I always had the strong feeling that Jana (much like Michael bates) is waiting on a particular guy. As many of you have already mentioned, by reading Michael and Brandon's blog piece about how they met each other, Michael was dead set on him being the one and turned down other offers.

So I always thought that Jana was waiting on skylar Weiss. He is always in popular fundie circles, his sister was a bridesmaid at jessa's wedding, and I believe he helped josh paint on 19kac. 

Please tell me I am wrong and he is not holding hands with some girl in this photo. 

I also still stick to my old theory that Joe Duggar want to crown college for a year to see if there was any potential with Carlin bates, but again all speculation.

[AnnaRuk09]

The guy in the pic is Andrew Patton. He's holding hands with his wife. Based one all the interviews and material we've been given, I don't think she's waiting on someone in particular. I've personally always thought that Jana simply hasn't met one one worth marrying period.

Didn't Michaela meet and get interested in Brandon many years before they got married? Well for many many years, the Duggars and Jana herself have said that the one hasn't been shown yet. I personally don't think they're not telling the truth. So to me, it seems that there's never really been anybody that has convinced her that it's "the one." Just MHO. 

I also think there was something between Joe and Carlin. And that's because of that pic of them sitting on the couch together real close. But wait. Didn't that cost them pieces of their heart? 

[eveandadam]

On 7.6.2017 at 8:54 PM, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

Maybe Jana sees the type of Jim Bob's approved "options" around her...

1. Bin: cleaning toilets for Boob

2. Derick: playing Jeesus in pray-cation

3. Jeremy: meh

4. Austin: cray cray family

...and goes: NOPE!

Hahah! Perfect! If I were a daughter in the Duggar family, I would definitaley be Jana. Seing my younger sisters getting married to, well, men they hardly know or men who come from even stricter families than myself (Austen), nope! Another interesting question: Will Joahnna get married before Jana does? She is turning 12 soon. If Jana waits another 6 years to get married, Johanna could be first!

 

 

[veron1que]

On 6/6/2017 at 8:10 PM, FleeJanaFree said:

Regarding several pages back: I actually wouldn't be surprised if Jana does have to sleep with a younger sibling. Because of her age, I'd think her wacky parent  would try to roadblock her from....uh...sinning. (What ppl in the real world call 'masturbation' which is perfectly natural)

Jana has most likely shared a bed her entire life. When the older girls got new beds hers was one the bigger ones and they had only 5 beds for all those girls. I'm sure she shared with at least one if not several of her sisters. 

The thought of sharing a bed with a sister my whole life horrifies me, but I've read plenty of accounts from those who have and they prefer not to sleep alone. At this point it may be more normal for her. And while modern Americans find the practice weird and in some cases abusive, families sharing beds was once fairly normal and is still common in parts of the world. 

My personal opinion is that it's very unlikely that they are trying to stop her from masturbating. Most conservative girls I knew in college didn't even know much about their anatomy let alone pleasuring themselves. I think masturbation is far more common in boys simply because they get erections and are thus more likely I explore down there. 

[Four is Enough]

I have always felt (hoped?) that Jana wasn't interested in marriage because she didn't want to marry someone in "ministry"... or at least the GotHard type ministry.

[Jenn The Heathen]

8 hours ago, veron1que said:

The thought of sharing a bed with a sister my whole life horrifies me, but I've read plenty of accounts from those who have and they prefer not to sleep alone. At this point it may be more normal for her. And while modern Americans find the practice weird and in some cases abusive, families sharing beds was once fairly normal and is still common in parts of the world. 

I had to share a bed with my sister from the time I was 13 and she was 12 until I left for college.  My now ex stepfather made us share a bed when we moved from a house with 4 bedrooms to a house with 3.  We didn't care about sharing a room, we had done it from birth until I was 10, and then when we had her own rooms, I'd wake up to find her asleep on my floor.  His reasoning was that he was going to build me my own bedroom soon so this whole sharing a bed thing would be temporary.  But, it never happened and it was beyond mortifying as we got older even though it was a queen.  Fortunately, my sister was able to convince him to let us get twin beds during my first year of college.

 

Also, @eveandadam a girl can get married in Arkansas at the age of 16 with her parents' permission, meaning Johannah could be married in as little as 4 years if Jim Bob is really desperate for attention.  I wouldn't put it past him.

[Exjw2015deed]

13 hours ago, AnnaRuk09 said:

The guy in the pic is Andrew Patton. He's holding hands with his wife. Based one all the interviews and material we've been given, I don't think she's waiting on someone in particular. I've personally always thought that Jana simply hasn't met one one worth marrying 

Thank you for answering. Idk why I'm so stuck on Jana marrying skylar Weiss even though he's a couple of years younger than her. I don't believe anything that the Duggars say in regards to their love life until it's official. They lied about Jill even after the little ones told the truth. 

But with Michael she said in her blog she didn't want to be like other forward girls who tempted men into relationships. So she was super stand offish around Brandon, he didn't even think she would be slightly interested until his sister said something. Meanwhile her family knew she was praying for him for years. I can see the Duggars doing the same.

I might be the minority in saying this, but in this culture I do sort of feel bad for the younger men. They're expected to marry pure naive girls and be the ultimate provider for her and a million possible children. Yes they rule the house but that amount of pressure must be crippling for a (horny) 19 year old to decide with a clear understanding. Did ben seewald really understand that in 10 years things can be tough even with a leader like Jessa?

On the other side I remember reading Ashley saylers old blog about learning to cook. She said she disliked it but has to learn to love it to be a perfect helpmeet. That it is what god has destined for her to do.

 I don't understand why jim bob and Michelle expect their children to live a life that they didn't commit themselves to. They kissed before marriage, held off on children, and Michelle got to work with jim bob. I'm happy that Jana is being patient, if she had married at joy's age she'd be about 5 kids in. That video of her sitting with the older girls giving well wishes to joy on married life was hard to watch. 

I hope when Jana finds the right one she is honest about her journey like Michael bates was, and not tell a bull shit story of being perfectly content waiting for mr. Right.

[SilverBeach]

On 6/5/2017 at 7:29 PM, singsingsing said:

If you're one of many who believe that Jim Bob is a complete sociopath who literally arranges marriages for his daughters for various diabolical purposes of his own, that said daughters have no say in the matter, and that being the case, Jana the 27-year-old tragic spinster must be single for some salacious and titillating reason, then yes, we will have to agree to disagree. 

I don't believe JB is a complete sociopath. It was obvious at Jinger's wedding that he loved her very much, and likely loves all his offspring.

That said, he believes in the patriarchy and Gothardism. One of the tenets of  both is that daughters remain under the control of their fathers until they marry. Another tenet is adherence to the courtship model. Both of these principles give limited self-governance to daughters.

JB's purposes are not his own but are those of the cult, to raise as many cultural warriors as possible, which is kind of diabolical in my opinion.

The Jana speculation bus will run amok until she writes a tell-all or does a Barbara Walter's interview. 

The following remarks are my random thoughts for the good and welfare.

I find the search feature on FJ invaluable for digging deeper into topics and expanding on information members may post that is not fully fleshed out. I have found that posters respond well to inquiries that are preceded by some effort at self-service. I don't think anyone has a problem with informed speculation, its the totally baseless, out of left field type of speculation that may draw a side eye.

Although united in our disgust of fundamentalism, Quiverfull, Gothardism, and all of that, FJ is not a hive vagina or echo chamber, and would be boring if it was. Nothing wrong with lively differences of opinion as long as it doesn't get personal. It's too bad that some are afraid to jump in because of this. Anybody willing to stand up and defend their viewpoint will be OK, based on what I've seen. Everybody gets challenged at one time or another

And if it does become personal, although I don't think I have ever used it, there is a block/ignore feature available here. If you just can't tolerate another poster, you don't have to see their stuff and can enjoy your posting experience undisturbed. I think this feature is used sparingly by most members, but may be useful if a member feels ragey toward another member and wants to attack them personally, which is not useful at all.

As in real life, some members just are not compatible, and that's OK. FJ is a huge board with many topics and members, there is always another sandbox to play in. Many don't even venture into the Duggar threads! 

Whew! Sorry for the long post. It's near dinner time in my part of the world, we're having pizza. Its ninety plus degrees and nobody wants to cook.

[eveandadam]

9 hours ago, Jenn The Heathen said:

Also, @eveandadam a girl can get married in Arkansas at the age of 16 with her parents' permission, meaning Johannah could be married in as little as 4 years if Jim Bob is really desperate for attention.  I wouldn't put it past him.

Oh, I kind of forgot about that. And half of the Duggar children's weddings will have had teens in the couple. So this would definately a possibility.

[veron1que]

21 hours ago, Jenn The Heathen said:

I had to share a bed with my sister from the time I was 13 and she was 12 until I left for college.  My now ex stepfather made us share a bed when we moved from a house with 4 bedrooms to a house with 3.  We didn't care about sharing a room, we had done it from birth until I was 10, and then when we had her own rooms, I'd wake up to find her asleep on my floor.  His reasoning was that he was going to build me my own bedroom soon so this whole sharing a bed thing would be temporary.  But, it never happened and it was beyond mortifying as we got older even though it was a queen.  Fortunately, my sister was able to convince him to let us get twin beds during my first year of college.

Thank you for sharing you experience. I definitely don't speak for all children who are made to share bed. That sounds horrible, and frankly, kind of weird.

I have to think Jana's experience was slightly different because she shared a bed her whole life, vs. being made to share a bed after spending your childhood not doing so. I also wonder about the co-sleeping aspect. Many members here consider Jana to be the true "mom" of the littles, and so it is more like she is sharing a bed with her children than her sisters.

After your experience growing up, do you/have you co-slept with your children? Forgive me for being nosy, one of my pet interests into fundamental culture is the lack of personal space or privacy and its consequences. I know my own experience doesn't have a full grasp of how different people are raised in and out of fundamentalism. For context, we did not co-sleep as children and personal space and privacy were strictly enforced by my parents. My mother dealt with sexual abuse as a child, and she wanted to make sure that we all understood the importance of privacy and not being touched. Though I shared a room with both of my sisters growing up, we never changed in front of each other. 

[snickers34]

42 minutes ago, veron1que said:

I have to think Jana's experience was slightly different because she shared a bed her whole life, vs. being made to share a bed after spending your childhood not doing so.

Not a particularly critical distinction, but Jana did admit that when they were younger they had bunk beds, before the TTH. You saw it in the first few specials, and she openly discussed the fights with Jessa and that Jesss would kick her top bunk bed mattress from below. IDK, of all the shitty parts about being the oldest daughter in that family, this seems like hardly the shittiest, but just thought I'd point out.  

[ItsMeY'all]

Is the main reason we assume Jana shares a bed because the headboard with her name in it is a double/queen? I'd stick 3 smaller kiddos in that larger bed and give Jana one of the twins and just ignore the name thing if I was a Duggar. If I just had a massive family and wasn't a Duggar I'd have a home with more bedrooms or at least do bunk beds.

Maybe I'm just old (pushing 40) but I had several friends share beds with their sisters. Guess I never thought about it being strange. 

[FeministShrew]

Maybe Jana just really doesn't want to get married. Maybe she feels "called" to stay single and help with the (not so) littles, not out of guilt, but because she likes her life.
It's also possible that, as the oldest daughter, remembers the laundry room meltdown and worries about how Michelle would cope if she (Jana) married & moved away.
Some people just don't want to get married, or even meet anyone they want to marry. As a fundie woman, feeling "led" to stay single and "minister" to her parents is the perfect out.
Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one. We won't know unless Jana comes here and tells us.
While I do wish she had the opportunity to go to college or have more freedom, we really don't know much about her life outside of camera range. We only see what the Duggars & TLC want us to see.
 You do you, Jana.