Let the JinJer Wedding Planning Begin!

[dawbs]

3 minutes ago, ksgranola1 said:

What do we know about this boy? Is his mother living? Does he have siblings?

You'll probably find better answers in the "Jinger is courting" threads
Current (as of right now) thread, first page: 

 

[twinmama]

1 minute ago, 19 cats and counting said:

I know she spent 6K on the dress alone.

Oof! I know people who have done that. Mine was like $900 before alterations, but I did not want to pass it down to a daughter eventually. I planned on ditching it after the wedding (which was good because the train got stepped on and torn and someone spilled red wine on me!).

[naatashamaru]

6k on the dress alone???? Dang...i was hoping for no more than $1500...sheesh

 

[twinmama]

2 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

I'm Jewish and live in the Northeast.  It's our tradition to give a couple money, covering the cost of a plate plus a little extra.  I've never seen an amount written anywhere though.  We just guesstimate.  I usually give around $150 if it's a black tie optional.

It is pretty easy to tell what to give based on the invite IMO. If you have to choose between a steak dinner, a salmon dinner and a chicken dinner, it's probably a higher amount. If there are no choices and it's mid-day, lower gift amount. If it's at the country club or fancy location, bigger gift. At the church reception hall, very small gift. 

[Destiny]

Just now, naatashamaru said:

6k on the dress alone???? Dang...i was hoping for no more than $1500...sheesh

Rent. The dress I wore would have been around $5k, and I rented it for 200. Granted it was a while ago, but renting ftw.

[twinmama]

Just now, Destiny said:

Rent. The dress I wore would have been around $5k, and I rented it for 200. Granted it was a while ago, but renting ftw.

I didn't even know you could do that! I have heard of renting tuxes, but not wedding dresses! That's cool.

[naatashamaru]

Yeah I probably won't rent because Ive decided to make my own dress out of some styles that I liked...

 

edited to add the dress that I love is like $2k and id have to ship it from England...im all nawl ill figure out something similar that i like that i can create

[defraudedbychipendales]

8 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

There are some beautiful modest dresses on these pages. Frankly, I'm very uncomfortable showing my shoulders and upper arms, and shopping for dresses for "church" occasions can be very stressful. If I were looking for a wedding dress now, I'd be all over these pages. They're pretty and feminine and no worries about boobs falling out!

 

  Someone really needs to send this pic to her. Fits her style perfectly.

 

 

[naatashamaru]

I don't think they would want to associate with Mormons in any way because they don't even believe they are really Christians

 

[Gossamer1]

1 minute ago, xlurker said:

LOL--parkway or turnpike?  127 or 129...or turnpike would be 11

 

Rt 80 here, I'm exit 37!

All this talk of weddings  is fascinating.  I have almost always done the cover your plate gifting myself. When I got married in the mid-90's I received many gifts of my sterling silver and "good" china patterns. We received relatively few gifts of money. Both our backgrounds are more Mayflower than Ellis Island and old school customs seemed to be what both famlies followed. My grandmother was a bit horrified we had the reception in a catering hall instead of at home. In her time only poor people rented halls since they didn't have homes large enough to host large parties. She finally came around though and decided the reception was lovely. 

A dear friend is getting married in a few weeks and I have no idea what to give them. They're in their 50's, they both own their own homes and he's loaded. They don't need a thing and will be getting rid of a ton of stuff when they move in together. Any ideas Jingerites?

[justmy2cents]

12 minutes ago, twinmama said:

I didn't even know you could do that! I have heard of renting tuxes, but not wedding dresses! That's cool.

My cousin's wife rented her gown last year.  It cost $2,000 to rent which I thought was crazy.  You can buy a nice dress for that amount.  She said something about being the first one to wear it. Still....

[twinmama]

3 minutes ago, Gossamer1 said:

Rt 80 here, I'm exit 37!

All this talk of weddings  is fascinating.  I have almost always done the cover your plate gifting myself. When I got married in the mid-90's I received many gifts of my sterling silver and "good" china patterns. We received relatively few gifts of money. Both our backgrounds are more Mayflower than Ellis Island and old school customs seemed to be what both famlies followed. My grandmother was a bit horrified we had the reception in a catering hall instead of at home. In her time only poor people rented halls since they didn't have homes large enough to host large parties. She finally came around though and decided the reception was lovely. 

A dear friend is getting married in a few weeks and I have no idea what to give them. They're in their 50's, they both own their own homes and he's loaded. They don't need a thing and will be getting rid of a ton of stuff when they move in together. Any ideas Jingerites?

$$ or if it's a good friend, ask! Maybe find out where they're going on their honeymoon and get a gift card to a restaurant so they can have a nice dinner on you. Or a gift card to a local restaurant for a night out after they settle into married life. I like giving experiences rather than stuff if people don't really need to fill the kitchen or anything. Or liquor to fill the cabinet!

[19 cats and counting]

If he's loaded, don't give them $$.

I second the 'experience' gift of a gift card to a local restaurant (enough for dinner for 2 including wine).  If you want to sweeten the pot, throw in a gift card to a movie theater to cover movie tickets (if that is what they're into).

Or you can get them tickets to a live event (concert, sports, theater) if you know what they're into (know your audience here--- don't give them tickets to the ball game when they'd rather go to the opera).  If you've bought anything on Ticketmaster in the last 15 years , you might have credits due to a class action lawsuit.

[Bad Wolf]

Even an Amazon gift card. They can use it for all kinds of things like food or music or movies or anything.

[princessmahina]

33 minutes ago, Gossamer1 said:

A dear friend is getting married in a few weeks and I have no idea what to give them. They're in their 50's, they both own their own homes and he's loaded. They don't need a thing and will be getting rid of a ton of stuff when they move in together. Any ideas Jingerites?

Do they have any kind of honeyfund? Springing for windsurfing or horseback riding or a couple's massage would be a nice gesture.

[Gossamer1]

1 minute ago, princessmahina said:

Do they have any kind of honeyfund? Springing for windsurfing or horseback riding or a couple's massage would be a nice gesture.

They aren't planning a honeymoon per se. Their plan is to sell both houses and move down south so they are taking a shopping trip to S.C. some time in August. 

They go to each other's concerts to be nice but they don't share a passion for the same music. Neither is into a particular sport. They like hanging out at home and spending time with family and friends.

I asked her point blank what kind of gift they wanted. I have been helping them plan their wedding and they keep saying that my help getting all this done in just 3 months is gift enough. A sweet sentiment to be sure but not helpful in the least. 

Let's see if Google can help. 

[19 cats and counting]

Do you know what town in the South they're moving to (or metro area)?

I'd search Google and Yelp high and low for reviews of good restaurants in town (keep in mind any restrictions-- like no steakhouse if one's a vegetarian) and order a gift certificate over the phone or online.  Even something for restaurant.com (if that still exists).

A good date night might be just what the doctor ordered after days of unpacking.

[EmCatlyn]

10 hours ago, 19 cats and counting said:

@laPapessaGiovanna the area I grew up in is heavily Italian-American and most people would self-identify as Italian (leaving out the fact that they're 3rd-4th generation American).  Maybe it is an Italian-American thing.

The cover your plate thing is very much a part of the NY-NJ-PA Italian American culture even for events that are not weddings. Even the people who have left the Catholic faith (and married in a secular ceremony) still have 'cover your plate' ingrained in them.  It is even the norm to decline an invitation if covering your plate is not in the budget.

Knowing the area Jeremy's from (my parents went to a rival high school), I can assure you cover your plate is still practiced.  My cousin (goes to same high school my parents did) recently threw a large sweet 16 party.  She had Italian-American friends (4th-5th generation) inquire about the cost per plate so they could gift accordingly.  I've even seen it mentioned on wedding invitations (IMO tacky).  I'm sure he has extended family he plans on inviting to the wedding that believe this.

 

This is interesting.  In none of the different worlds that I have lived in would "cover your plate" be considered an appropriate approach to gift-giving. As for asking (much less telling!) the cost per person for a private social event, I have always thought it a big no-no.   

 People should give wedding and similar gifts according to their means, their closeness to the individuals/families involved, and the relative social obligation. (If your daughter got a handsome gift from the bride's family when she married, you need to come up with a handsome gift-- but within your means.) I was taught by Miss Manners and her ilk (in two languages) that it is tacky in the extreme to decide on a cash gift based on what you are getting as food/entertainment.  Why not just have the family sell tickets?

 This is not to snark at anyone's customs.  I can see how, if a community is originally very poor, chipping in on the wedding party makes the party possible.  And the custom could "stick" even after the community is no longer poor.  But I am of the opinion that the purpose of wedding gifts is to help the couple get started in life, not to pay for the party.  

I have been to many weddings where my gift was either higher or lower than the cost per plate, but it has never bothered me.  And if I heard someone snarking about how the party they attended was not worthy of their gift (or how guests didn't bring gifts worthy of the cost of the party), I would probably judge them as materialistic and crass. But that is just me.  

[19 cats and counting]

2 minutes ago, EmCatlyn said:

This is interesting.  In none of the different worlds that I have lived in would "cover your plate" be considered an appropriate approach to gift-giving. As for asking (much less telling!) the cost per person for a private social event, I have always thought it a big no-no.   

 People should give wedding and similar gifts according to their means, their closeness to the individuals/families involved, and the relative social obligation. (If your daughter got a handsome gift from the bride's family when she married, you need to come up with a handsome gift-- but within your means.) I was taught by Miss Manners and her ilk (in two languages) that it is tacky in the extreme to decide on a cash gift based on what you are getting as food/entertainment.  Why not just have the family sell tickets?

 This is not to snark at anyone's customs.  I can see how, if a community is originally very poor, chipping in on the wedding party makes the party possible.  And the custom could "stick" even after the community is no longer poor.  But I am of the opinion that the purpose of wedding gifts is to help the couple get started in life, not to pay for the party.  

I have been to many weddings where my gift was either higher or lower than the cost per plate, but it has never bothered me.  And if I heard someone snarking about how the party they attended was not worthy of their gift (or how guests didn't bring gifts worthy of the cost of the party), I would probably judge them as materialistic and crass. But that is just me.  

An example of a miscommunication in gifts and expectations for a bride for a guest to cover their plate.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/20/wedding-gift-etiquette-_n_3473519.html

 

I've also know of couples who don't invite their friends to their wedding because they know they can't afford to cover the plate (ie grad student) and instead invite wealthier more distant relatives.  One of my sister's friends only had one friend in attendance (the only non family bridesmaid) for this reason.

[Gossamer1]

35 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

Do you know what town in the South they're moving to (or metro area)?

I'd search Google and Yelp high and low for reviews of good restaurants in town (keep in mind any restrictions-- like no steakhouse if one's a vegetarian) and order a gift certificate over the phone or online.  Even something for restaurant.com (if that still exists).

A good date night might be just what the doctor ordered after days of unpacking.

That's a great idea! I will start Googling right away in the Myrtle Beach area.  In all likelihood they will get a new construction home so I also decided on a door knocker as a more permanent gift.

[naatashamaru]

2 minutes ago, Gossamer1 said:

That's a great idea! I will start Googling right away in the Myrtle Beach area.  In all likelihood they will get a new construction home so I also decided on a door knocker as a more permanent gift.

my family just came back from our family vacation to Myrtle Beach...it is so lovely there...well in the summer im not sure about the colder months

 

[OrchidBlossom]

5 hours ago, 19 cats and counting said:

 

A friend of mine is attending a wedding this summer where the cost per guest (as communicated on the wedding website) is $450.  She was asked to be a bridesmaid, but she declined as that would have set her back more than $10K.

I'm sorry HOW much to be a bridesmaid? Were her dresses all gold or something?

13 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

An example of a miscommunication in gifts and expectations for a bride for a guest to cover their plate.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/20/wedding-gift-etiquette-_n_3473519.html

 

I've also know of couples who don't invite their friends to their wedding because they know they can't afford to cover the plate (ie grad student) and instead invite wealthier more distant relatives.  One of my sister's friends only had one friend in attendance (the only non family bridesmaid) for this reason.

I will admit, this I don't get. I understand trying to cover your plate if you can afford it as a courtesy thing, but at the same time my family has always viewed weddings the same way we view any other party we throw. We are throwing it, we are paying for it. The people we invite we invite because we want there, because they are special to us. I know at least one of my aunts paid for her bridesmaids expenses because not all of them could participate otherwise. Of course, being able to do that is an economic luxury. But I think all things equal if I had to choose between eating the cost of having my closest friends at my wedding or inviting my wealthier, perhaps more distant, friends and family, I would eat the cost.

[EmCatlyn]

3 hours ago, Gossamer1 said:

. 

A dear friend is getting married in a few weeks and I have no idea what to give them. They're in their 50's, they both own their own homes and he's loaded. They don't need a thing and will be getting rid of a ton of stuff when they move in together. Any ideas Jingerites?

I got married in my fifties a few years ago.  Neither of us is loaded, but we pretty much had everything we needed-- the problem is sorting and getting rid of stuff.

I discouraged wedding gifts, but various friends felt they had to give me something.  

The best gifts were gift cards to restaurants. One friend gave me a gift card to a place she knew my new hubby and I liked to have brunch at, and wrote a nice note saying she hoped we would think of all her good wishes when we enjoyed the brunches.  Another friend introduced us to her and her husband's favorite restaurant with a gift card we used to celebrate one month of marriage. (It is a really fancy restaurant.). Other friends just gave restaurant chain cards saying they knew we didn't need anything for the house.  It was a good thought. (The amounts of the card varied between $40 at Cracker Barrel and $200 at the fancy restaurant my friends liked.)

Another nice gift was a set of his and her bathrobes with our initials.  These came from a close relative.    It might not be right for everyone, but my bathrobe was old, and he didn't have one at all, so it worked for us.

Less good for us (we drink very little), but appropriate, were bottles of expensive wine or liqueurs.  Another friend bought us a membership to a nearby "Gardens and Museum" place where we could go for free throughout the year.  Several people gave us plants. (A nice thought, and appreciated, though I have a knack for killing plants... And I did kill these within a year.)  I wouldn't have minded a subscription to a "fruit of the month" club, or a memento, such as scrapbook of our wedding with pictures taken by friens etc

Anyway, my advice for this sort of gift (unless you know your friend needs a bathrobe) is to get something consumable or in the memento category.  

ETA- I like your idea of a door knocker.  If it is their style, you could have a brass doorknob engraved with their initials.    

[Gossamer1]

@OrchidBlossom, I agree 10,000 is a ridiculous amount  of money to spend to be a bridesmaid but costs add up quickly. Much of it depends on the bride and groom and how elaborate they want the wedding and all related events.

In addition to the dress there is hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure. Bridal shower, shower gift, bachelorette party - this can turn into a week long vacation in some cases. There can also be travel and hotel expenses if the brideslave isn't near the wedding venue or it's a destination wedding. 

Oh, and let's not forget a wedding gift too!

[OrchidBlossom]

2 minutes ago, Gossamer1 said:

@OrchidBlossom, I agree 10,000 is a ridiculous amount  of money to spend to be a bridesmaid but costs add up quickly. Much of it depends on the bride and groom and how elaborate they want the wedding and all related events.

In addition to the dress there is hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure. Bridal shower, shower gift, bachelorette party - this can turn into a week long vacation in some cases. There can also be travel and hotel expenses if the brideslave isn't near the wedding venue or it's a destination wedding. 

Oh, and let's not forget a wedding gift too!

I've never been a bridesmaid (I'm just hitting that "season of life" where my peers are getting married, I'm in my mid 20s) but my partner was a groomsman and he definitely didn't spend near that much. I can see how women would spend more, but still! He also was asked not to give a wedding gift, as the bride and groom considered his participation a gift (although we did still give him a small token anyway).