Let the JinJer Wedding Planning Begin!

[Bad Wolf]

We went to a Presbyterian church until it we went eco. Switched to Episcopal. Much friendlier and more in line with our thinking.

[2manyKidzzz]

What does "cover the plate" mean in terms of a dollar value? I am not familiar with this tradition.

[Catholic and NOT 'ebil']

23 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

What does "cover the plate" mean in terms of a dollar value? I am not familiar with this tradition.

It refers to the amount the caterer is charging per person, based on the menu. 

[2manyKidzzz]

35 minutes ago, Catholic and NOT 'ebil' said:

It refers to the amount the caterer is charging per person, based on the menu. 

Thanks.....and how do people know this amount....is it just passed around verbally to people?

[CreationMuseumCurator]

6 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Thanks.....and how do people know this amount....is it just passed around verbally to people?

This is what I was taught, but I never had a name for it. In my family, it's less about the exact dollar amount, and more an idea on generosity. We're also German, not Italian, so it may be different for other cultures.

[lizzybee]

5 hours ago, Gobsmacked said:

If Meeechelle turns up to the church in that monstrosity I hope Jinger slams and locks the door to keep her well away. How Jill forgave her  ( if she did!) I don't know. 

If my mum had worn anything even half as bad I would have had her photoshopped out of the wedding photographs!!!!!!

That dress of Michelle's just sets off my anxiety alarms. It looks like it's constricting her. I have a rule about clothing that if I can't get it off myself and within a reasonable amount of time, it is a big no. I almost melted down waiting for the bridal attendant to unlace me out of a corset dress when I was trying on wedding dresses. Michelle's dress looks like it's strangling her. 

[freethemall]

1 hour ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

What does "cover the plate" mean in terms of a dollar value? I am not familiar with this tradition.

It means to bring a gift that is close to the value of how much money is being spent on you as a guest. So for instance if the bride & groom are spending $100 on your meal at the wedding, you spend around $100 in your gift for them.

(Also - Google is your friend. Any sentence to the tune of "what does ___ mean" can probably be answered in a quick search.)

[MayMay1123]

44 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Thanks.....and how do people know this amount....is it just passed around verbally to people?

we've always just sort of guessed...root beer floats in a parking lot, gift of $2...open bar, sit down dinner, more like $100...

 

[19 cats and counting]

1 hour ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

What does "cover the plate" mean in terms of a dollar value? I am not familiar with this tradition.

It means that you write a check to the couple for the amount they're spending for you to be there.  So if it is $100 for you and your SO, you give them a check for $200.  If your two children were also invited to the event, that check increases to $400.  Some wedding expenses are broken down by guest (ie catering) but others are not (ie attire).  Some couples go as far as dividing the cost of the non guest related wedding expenses (attire, photography, transportation, etc) by guest and adding it to the cost.

Even though this is prevalent where I'm from, I don't agree with it.  The amount of $$ I give someone depends on my relationship, not how lavish their event is.  Does someone who want to do a simple BBQ reception deserve less than someone who wants a 5 course meal?

A friend of mine is attending a wedding this summer where the cost per guest (as communicated on the wedding website) is $450.  She was asked to be a bridesmaid, but she declined as that would have set her back more than $10K.

[justmy2cents]

I'm Jewish and live in the Northeast.  It's our tradition to give a couple money, covering the cost of a plate plus a little extra.  I've never seen an amount written anywhere though.  We just guesstimate.  I usually give around $150 if it's a black tie optional.

[RabbitKM]

I live in NYC and have been to two weddings in Northern NJ, both of Italian-American families.  Nowhere on the invitation or website did it say how much it costs per guests. That would be so tacky omg.  I think the general "guideline" is to cover your plate, but you never truly know how much that is.  But it also depends on your situation, too.  Being fresh out of college, I didn't contribute as much to the weddings as other people possibly did.  

Keep in mind, too, that JinJer's wedding will be nothing like these lavish Italian-American weddings.  It will be a simple fundy wedding with ice cream and punch served in a parking lot.

[Dandruff]

18 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

we've always just sort of guessed...root beer floats in a parking lot, gift of $2...open bar, sit down dinner, more like $100...

How about Chef Boyardee, coffee, and Italian ices?

[xlurker]

7 hours ago, 19 cats and counting said:

@laPapessaGiovanna the area I grew up in is heavily Italian-American and most people would self-identify as Italian (leaving out the fact that they're 3rd-4th generation American).  Maybe it is an Italian-American thing.

The cover your plate thing is very much a part of the NY-NJ-PA Italian American culture even for events that are not weddings. Even the people who have left the Catholic faith (and married in a secular ceremony) still have 'cover your plate' ingrained in them.  It is even the norm to decline an invitation if covering your plate is not in the budget.

Knowing the area Jeremy's from (my parents went to a rival high school), I can assure you cover your plate is still practiced.  My cousin (goes to same high school my parents did) recently threw a large sweet 16 party.  She had Italian-American friends (4th-5th generation) inquire about the cost per plate so they could gift accordingly.  I've even seen it mentioned on wedding invitations (IMO tacky).  I'm sure he has extended family he plans on inviting to the wedding that believe this.

 

Grew up in Jersey, and not in a heavily Italian-American area.  Cover your plate was always the norm for weddings.  I still have it ingrained that the shower is for gifts, the wedding you give cash...and at the minimum you give enough to cover your plate! LOL

[19 cats and counting]

Just now, xlurker said:

Grew up in Jersey, and not in a heavily Italian-American area.  Cover your plate was always the norm for weddings.  I still have it ingrained that the shower is for gifts, the wedding you give cash...and at the minimum you give enough to cover your plate! LOL

What part of Jersey is not heavily Italian-American?  The town I live in now had (until a few years ago) an Italian-American festival every year and there's at least 5 Italian restaurants in 1 square mile.

I'm never attending another wedding (or baby) shower again (I'd rather listen to Ben preach 24/7 than sit through 5 minutes of shower games), but I always thought it was unfair to females who are expected to give twice the wedding gifts as men. 

(Not being Italian-American, Irish-American, Catholic, or Jewish, I was a cultural anomaly in my hometown in NY.  I can still see my Puritan descent maternal relatives cringing at the thought of giving cash for anything.  My sister didn't receive cash from a single relative on either side of the family for wedding gifts.   Most of the grandparent gifts she received were old family recipes.)

[xlurker]

7 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

What part of Jersey is not heavily Italian-American?  The town I live in now had (until a few years ago) an Italian-American festival every year and there's at least 5 Italian restaurants in 1 square mile.

 

Italian restaurants for sure!  If I had to label the area, I would say most people were of Irish/German and Slavic decent.  With a smattering of everything else thrown in   While the area has changed dramatically since I was younger, and has become much more urbanized and diverse, sections are still known as the "Polish section" and "Little Budapest"  Come to think of it, there was an "Italian-American Club"  but it never seemed as crowded as the Hungarian Club   This was in Central Jersey BTW

 

[19 cats and counting]

Just now, xlurker said:

Italian restaurants for sure!  If I had to label the area, I would say most people were of Irish/German and Slavic decent.  With a smattering of everything else thrown in   While the area has changed dramatically since I was younger, and has become much more urbanized and diverse, sections are still known as the "Polish section" and "Little Budapest"  Come to think of it, there was an "Italian-American Club"  but it never seemed as crowded as the Hungarian Club   This was in Central Jersey BTW

 

What exit?  (Yes very stereotypical Jersey question)

[Destiny]

2 hours ago, 19 cats and counting said:

A friend of mine is attending a wedding this summer where the cost per guest (as communicated on the wedding website) is $450.  She was asked to be a bridesmaid, but she declined as that would have set her back more than $10K.

WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK? How is $450/person POSSIBLE? I thought my $8,000 wedding was fucking ridiculous. HOLY CRAP!

Topic: I could not possibly care less about JinJer's wedding, but holy crap, am I enjoying the discussion of how wedding traditions vary so much even within the US.

[naatashamaru]

An 8k wedding is ridiculously cheap though...many weddings usually are between 10k-15k. A $450 dollar plate probably means the wedding is in an expensive city, the caterer is fancy, and that its a sit down dinner and not a buffet. In many places sit down dinners are super expensive. She also probably has a lot of people at her wedding.

 

[ksgranola1]

TLC will pay for the dress just b/c buying it will take up at least 2 episodes. She would look lovely with her hair swept up w/flowers in it. Maybe she'll do something really unique and take some Italian things from her fiancée's tradition.

Get married on the lawn under a tree or a hoopa or trellis. have only 500 ppl. Serve real food. have JUST the immediate family on both sides. I suppose the boy's father will perform the ceremony.

I don't know, I'm from Long Island where a wedding was second only to a coronation.

[twinmama]

All I have to say about Jinger's wedding dress is what goes with orange? I hope she lays off the fake tan and pound of eyeliner before the wedding.

And I'm fine with the cover your plate idea. If you are going to spend $100 feeding me dinner and giving me access to an open bar, I can give you a $100 gift card to Williams Sonoma! That said, we spent around that I think per guest and had some friends who clearly could not afford a gift that large or didn't give us a gift at all and I didn't care. They were there with us and that's what mattered. Though, I do recall exactly who did not give us a wedding gift at all, 8 years later. lol

[naatashamaru]

When we thought she was courting Lawson wasn't she not hitting the tan so much??? Maybe Jeremy has helped her not tan so much???? Here's to hoping anyways

 

[xlurker]

18 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

What exit?  (Yes very stereotypical Jersey question)

LOL--parkway or turnpike?  127 or 129...or turnpike would be 11

 

[twinmama]

5 minutes ago, ksgranola1 said:

I'm from Long Island where a wedding was second only to a coronation.

lol I'm from CT where every person you know gets married in the church with a reception at the country club. Being an atheist who lived in Cali at the time, I got married and had my reception at a vineyard.

And an $8,000 wedding seems very small to me. But it depends on SO many factors, where it is located, how many people you invite, what food/drink you want. Mine was probably $20-30k, but it was in wine country California, full sit down dinner and open bar, but only 75 people. I think my location alone cost around $8k.

My opinion on weddings is do what you can afford, but only invite as many people as you can treat well. I don't want to be at a wedding at dinner time that only serves mints. If you can only afford that, don't do your wedding at meal time.

[ksgranola1]

What do we know about this boy? Is his mother living? Does he have siblings?

[19 cats and counting]

12 minutes ago, Destiny said:

WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK? How is $450/person POSSIBLE? I thought my $8,000 wedding was fucking ridiculous. HOLY CRAP!

Topic: I could not possibly care less about JinJer's wedding, but holy crap, am I enjoying the discussion of how wedding traditions vary so much even within the US.

It is an expensive venue.  Also the menu is probably something like filet mignon and lobster.

I'll have to find out more about if non food costs are to be subsidized by guests next time I talk to my friend.  I know she spent 6K on the dress alone.

The wedding hasn't happened yet (not sure if my friend is going or not as the cost of the wedding is a student loan payment) so I'm not sure the guest list size.