Lori Alexander - Still Not Learning A Thing, Part 4

[Mrsaztx]

I also have never met someone who brags about farting in front of their husband. Is she thinking of Sarah Silverman? Lori may note she has no husband, possibly because she's gross. Again Lori is taking what could be a fine idea (I personally don't use the toilet in front of my husband, the surgery thing would be an exception) and going bonkers with it, does she expect a wife to get up an hour before her husband so that she's blow-up doll ready for him? How is tooth brushing more feminine than tooth flossing? Are these men aware that their wives are human people? Or are they emotionally stunted 10 year olds who think the Victoria's Secret models are an accurate representation of adult women with children?

[quiversR4hunting]

1 minute ago, Mrsaztx said:

I also have never met someone who brags about farting in front of their husband. Is she thinking of Sarah Silverman? Lori may note she has no husband, possibly because she's gross. Again Lori is taking what could be a fine idea (I personally don't use the toilet in front of my husband, the surgery thing would be an exception) and going bonkers with it, does she expect a wife to get up an hour before her husband so that she's blow-up doll ready for him? How is tooth brushing more feminine than tooth flossing? Are these men aware that their wives are human people? Or are they emotionally stunted 10 year olds who think the Victoria's Secret models are an accurate representation of adult women with children?

These people all live in Stepford. I swear that is the only logical explanation.

[beth889]

Another example of her "discreetness"- letting the world know (in blog comments) that you have sex w/ your husband while you're on your period. But kudos to you for not letting him see you floss your teeth.  

[Koala]

It's sounds so crude when you refer to it as "sex".  Maybe "pumping your husband dry" while on your period would sound more discreet....

[keen23]

39 minutes ago, Koala said:

That's what I thought too.  The fact that she seems completely unaware of how strange it sounds makes it even weirder.

My 12 y.o. has a friend who's mother still keeps a baby monitor in the kid's room. To "keep her safe. What if something happens at night and she needs me?" Yeah, my kid isn't allowed to stay at that house anymore. It's just too creepy.

[iweartanktops]

7 minutes ago, keen23 said:

My 12 y.o. has a friend who's mother still keeps a baby monitor in the kid's room. To "keep her safe. What if something happens at night and she needs me?" Yeah, my kid isn't allowed to stay at that house anymore. It's just too creepy.

Wow! Good call. That's way too old! I started feeling a bit awkward as a nanny in the past when they still had a monitor in a 4 year old's room. 

I personally don't do a lot of my grooming/personal hygiene in front of Mr. Tank Tops, mostly because of our schedules. But when we do get ready together, it's not like he sits and stares as I floss my teeth! What the hell? 

[Koala]

Here are some more examples of Lori and Ken's idea of discretion:

Lori Alexander

Quote

My husband couldn't think about going on a vacation without having lots of sex. 

Ken Alexander

Quote

Under the covers quiet sex with kids up to 8 years old in the room is probably a non issue, but teenagers in the room it is probably not wise. 
 

(this sounds criminal imo)

Ken Alexander:

Quote

Having sex on vacation is prescribed by God 

Picture of discretion, those two.  *gag*

[helenprev]

2 minutes ago, Koala said:

Having sex on vacation is prescribed by God 

I'm a single parent. When I go on holiday it is with my three children and usually camping. I must remember this. I'm sure my kids won't mind at all when I go and find a random stranger to bring back to the tent and have some God-prescribed fun....

Oh, Ken? Was that not what you meant? *innocent look*

[Koala]

I just want him to cite the scripture that accompanies "God's prescription" 

[Mrsaztx]

I didn't realize God was a big fan of vacations, let alone vacation sex. Learn something new every day, especially if you subscribe to unfounded lunacy

[iweartanktops]

I just can't believe they put that shit on the Internet! 

[Koala]

Ken Alexander:

Quote

I can share with you that there have been many many times we have been intimate that I am just amazed that she has been so willing. It's not that great to have sex with a woman experiencing 7 out of 10 in pain, but there are times I have given Lori sex, not for my own needs, but to distract her from her pain and to make things pleasurable for her. Oxytocin is a powerful pain killer produced in the brain during intimacy and may help headaches more than stomach aches. 

The bottom line is this. In all the years I have been married to Lori we have both enjoyed a very active and fun sex life and the only time I ever felt deprived by her was in the early years of our marriage when she chose to be in control and she was healthy.

Another shining example of discretion 

Also this bit by TJFW:

Quote

Several times over the past couple of months I have been out shopping with my kids and had men of all ages either stop me or walk by, look at how myself and my children are dressed, and smile. Men have told me how nice it is to see a lady dressed like a lady. Many of the men who have smiled were walking with their wife, who had unkempt hair and were wearing pajamas and slippers. They would look and smile at us as they walk by and I have seen more than one husband look back at his wife, frown, put his head down, and walk more slowly behind her. The wives usually look me up and down and give me a negative look, but I always think that it would take so little effort on their part to be respectful of their husbands in this area. Many of them are beautiful women who could really make him proud to be out with her if she cared enough to be presentable. 
 

I don't even believe what she wrote, but if it happened (and multiple times at that), she sure isn't being very modest or discreet about it.

[sophie10130]

"given Lori sex" ????

that does not sound like a "fun" sex life to me.

[Firiel]

Oh my... this is the funniest Lori post I've read in a while.

Lori should give up a clear list about what is allowed in front of a husband and what isn't.  We know flossing isn't allowed, but how about brushing one's teeth?  Doing one's makeup?  Can you fart in front of your husband as long as it's not loud or smelly?  What if he's asleep and you are still awake?  Can you vomit in front of him or must he stay out of the house when you get the flu?

My tiny female brain can't figure it all out... if only I had a wise mentor to help me navigate it all! 

[Mrsaztx]

First of all, Ken, oxytocin is not a pain reliever, you're an idiot. And how sweet of you to have sex with your wife when she didn't want it and was in massive pain. Real awesome guy. Most people would line up to give you a "worst husband to exist" award (the trophy is a black eye), but I'm glad you're proud of yourself. This man disgusts me on so many levels.  That "looks ashamed at their wives wearing sweats" thing is the biggest bunch of spectacular bullshit I've ever heard. And why, exactly, are these men only looking ashamed of their wives after they run into these two? Or do they get more and more ashamed with each person they pass until they are blocks away from one another? Is that how it works in crazy land where these two live?

[Maggie Mae]

Lori Alexander, Always Judging

 

LoriKen, 

How difficult is it for you to understand that not everyone is the same as you? I have "used the restroom" plenty of times in front of my BF. The first time was when we were on a multi-day backpacking expedition. Not a whole lot of options for "privacy" when you are naked from the waste down and squatting beside a trail. You might think this is a "modern thing" but how do you think the pioneers that traveled from Independance Rock to ... oh, let's just go with California handled toileting while they walked out to settle the west? Women to the left of the wagon, Men to the right. Everyone knew what everyone else was doing. 

Before you tell me I shouldn't be camping or hiking or kayaking with my SO, maybe you should LEARN that MEN are different and some men actually prefer women who can handle themselves and don't just sit around knitting tea cozies or whatever it is the fuck you do.

 

Ecclesiastes 11:5

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

 

[polecat]

8 hours ago, jerkit said:

I haaaaaate the word "toot." Can't we be grown ups and say "fart" or "pass gas"??

No, no, no. I have a pathological dislike of the word "fart." I only ever toot. Although for you, dear Jerkit, I may change to "pass gas" or "flatulate" if it is that important to you.

I never did this in front of my husband either, and then I got pregnant. And I happened to be one of those pregnant women who gets uncontrollable gas as a lovely side effect. I cried the first time I passed gas in front of my husband -- while he laughed uproariously. (He's one of those men who thinks gas is the funniest thing evah). So that ship has sailed. But after 15 years, I can still say we have NEVER used the bathroom in front of one another and never plan to. 

And that's just an "us" thing. I could seriously not care less what other people do. Heck, use the bathroom at the same time if it floats your boat. Lori -- the only woman I've ever known or even heard of who cares how other people poop. 

[iweartanktops]

5 minutes ago, polecat said:

No, no, no. I have a pathological dislike of the word "fart." I only ever toot. Although for you, dear Jerkit, I may change to "pass gas" or "flatulate" if it is that important to you.

I never did this in front of my husband either, and then I got pregnant. And I happened to be one of those pregnant women who gets uncontrollable gas as a lovely side effect. I cried the first time I passed gas in front of my husband -- while he laughed uproariously. (He's one of those men who thinks gas is the funniest thing evah). So that ship has sailed. But after 15 years, I can still say we have NEVER used the bathroom in front of one another and never plan to. 

And that's just an "us" thing. I could seriously not care less what other people do. Heck, use the bathroom at the same time if it floats your boat. Lori -- the only woman I've ever known or even heard of who cares how other people poop. 

This. Why does she even care? I'd love to see her and Erika Shupe try to out-god each other! They're both complete hypocrites giving out advice about shit that half the time doesn't matter, and all the time is none of their business! 

[Mrsaztx]

Lori, what if your husband is into scat play? Then what? What if, like polecat, gas brings your husband immense joy? Are you to deny him that joy? What does God have to say about that?

[lynn0810]

1 hour ago, Mrsaztx said:

Lori, what if your husband is into scat play? Then what? What if, like polecat, gas brings your husband immense joy? Are you to deny him that joy? What does God have to say about that?

Don't worry. Lori has stated before that its ok to disobey your husband if he asks you to sin. Farting in front of your husband is a sin! She found it in Michael Pearl's study of Romans. 

The fundies can add this to their scary gospel tracts! Repent of the farts! 

[Heathen525]

My SO looooooves me in yoga pants. So now I'm confused! Should I dress like a lady or wear pants?!

[usmcmom]

The Joy Filled Wife has chimed in. I'll just share part of her comment:

Quote

When my husband asks me to mentor any of the women in business he works with, one of the biggest things I teach them is that you represent yourself, your family, and your profession wherever you go based on how you carry yourself, how you interact, and how you dress. I also tell women that if you wear immodest clothing, no one will respect you or take you seriously. Most of them really appreciate hearing this because they were never taught that. They always come back to me and say how differently and more respectful people treat them when they make this change.

Several times over the past couple of months I have been out shopping with my kids and had men of all ages either stop me or walk by, look at how myself and my children are dressed, and smile. Men have told me how nice it is to see a lady dressed like a lady. Many of the men who have smiled were walking with their wife, who had unkempt hair and were wearing pajamas and slippers. They would look and smile at us as they walk by and I have seen more than one husband look back at his wife, frown, put his head down, and walk more slowly behind her. The wives usually look me up and down and give me a negative look, but I always think that it would take so little effort on their part to be respectful of their husbands in this area. Many of them are beautiful women who could really make him proud to be out with her if she cared enough to be presentable

This one thinks quite highly of herself, doesn't she? 

 

[Koala]

Her readers are (very kindly) taking her to task over the fact that these rules are just arbitrary ideas she pulled out of her ass.

Reader:

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Lori, I agree women need to look feminine and act like a lady. But some examples you gave are a matter of personal preference imho

Lori (very conveniently) ignores that these rules are not scriptural (remember, she claims she was commanded by God to teach this), but just Lori Rules that she'd like her readership to obey.

Lori:

Quote

I never mentioned not dressing in front of each other, walking around naked with him, childbirth, being intimate with the light on, brushing your teeth or not being sexy with your husband

DUH!  She said you can't floss!  HUGE difference!

Lori:

Quote

I never felt comfortable pumping my breast in front of anyone, including Ken. I did it in the privacy of my bedroom if I needed to do it. Breastfeeding a baby in front of our husbands is different since it is natural and feminine. Pumping our breast is easily done in private and is part of being discreet, in my opinion.

Breastfeeding= Feminine (Get's the Godly Mentor Seal of Approval)

"Pumping your breasts" = Not feminine (Men do it all.the.time)

I find it hilarious that she will go into graphic detail about pumping your husband dry, on the internet for the whole world to read, but she wouldn't pump breast milk in front of her husband.  

I don't think discreet means what Lori thinks it means.
 

[Grimalkin]

After 18 years of marriage hearing my husband floss his teeth while I'm watching TV annoys the heck out of me to put it nicely. I don't poop in front of him because I keep the bathroom door closed when I poop. It comes in for some reason it's on him.To be honest, I prefer not seeing my husband poop, luckily he keeps the door closed too. 

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

The Joy Filled Wife has chimed in. I'll just share part of her comment:

This one thinks quite highly of herself, doesn't she? 

 

Wow, the JFW sure gets a lot of attention when she goes out. Men approve of her (yay!), women disapprove (they suck!).

Could it be she's imagining all of this, and no one is noticing her feminine ways at all? Maybe they are all thinking of their own things, and not noticing her classy, feminine attire? Or is the world really struck dumb by the amazingly feminine Joy-Filled Wife?