Lori Alexander - Still Not Learning A Thing, Part 4

[Koala]

Very rarely do Lori's posts make me laugh, but today  

Lori of "10 minutes and some lube", "pump him dry" and "naked with a smile" is advising women to be discreet.  No really. 

Quote

Most young women are not discreet today. Each generation seems to be getting less and less discreet, yet the Lord commands that I teach young women to be discreet.

Well it would serve "the Lord" well to find a better teacher. because Lori may be a lot of things, but discreet isn't one of them.

Quote

The definition of discreet is "judicious in one's conduct or speech, especially with regard to respecting privacy or maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature; prudent; circumspect." 

This would seem to imply that one wouldn't talk about their sex life online or gossip about the condition of their neighbor's home.  Unless you're Lori.  

Quote

 Some women were even bragging about their husbands wanting them to pass gas in front of them! 

The only thing that could possibly be worse?

Quote

A woman shouldn't go to the bathroom in front of her husband. She shouldn't do anything where she can't sit in a feminine way in front of him. If you have to pump your breasts, do it in private. Floss your teeth without him having to watch. Whatever isn't feminine, don't do in front of him. 

That's right.  Revealing details of your sex life online?  Discreet.

Gossiping about your neighbor's filthy house? Discreet.

Revealing things that have been told to you by those you mentor?  Discreet.

Flossing your teeth?  *gasp* Indiscreet.  

 Thanks for the laugh Lori.  I needed it.

[jerkit]

OMG I'm dying in a fit of laughter. Flossing?! LOL.

[quiversR4hunting]

1 minute ago, jerkit said:

OMG I'm dying in a fit of laughter. Flossing?! LOL.

I think she got the flossing part from Pretty Woman.

[Loveday]

Discreet. It does not mean what YOU think it means, Lori.

[Koala]

30 minutes ago, jerkit said:

OMG I'm dying in a fit of laughter. Flossing?! LOL.

Pay close attention...you'll want to remember this:

Quote

We never poop or toot in front of each other. I put my makeup on in front of him and brush my teeth. I think it is good to be as feminine and proper around your husband as you can...except in the bed!

(quote from her Naked With a Smile post comments in 2013)

 

So you can brush your teeth in front of your husband, just as long as you don't floss.

Make up is okay too.  

Make sure you don't forget now...the Lord commanded her to teach that.

[jerkit]

I haaaaaate the word "toot." Can't we be grown ups and say "fart" or "pass gas"??

[Koala]

I just know the comments are going to be a home run today.

Lori:

Quote

I've always been a bit more modest and discreet

 

Reader:

Quote

I'm not scoffing, but the definition of discreet that you are using differs from the one I'm finding used in the Bible. From what I can tell it comes from a Greek word meaning sober-minded. I can't see how not flossing your teeth in front of your husband etc. corresponds to being sober-minded? It seems more to me that those things are more of a matter of personal preference to each one's husband, rather than a violation of Scripture. I don't believe my husband has considered me any less feminine after seeing me floss my teeth, pump my breasts or helping me go to the bathroom after surgery etc. In fact, I remember one time when I was pumping (a necessity for our baby in the NICU), that he told me it was beautiful to see me doing what a mother does. I'm going to have to study this one out a little more I believe.

Lori (who never argues) replies:

Quote

"That they may teach the young women to be SOBER, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be DISCREET, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." {Titus 2:4, 5} Sober and discreet are in there. Pumping your breast in NICU is different than in every day life, just as helping you go to the bathroom after surgery. It's amazing how so many women find exceptions to what I write and want to focus upon them instead of the main message I am trying to teach.

Lori dear?  She's trying to tell you that the "main message" you are trying to teach is not found in the Bible.

It was a nice way of saying "you're full of shit".

Reader:

Quote

How does one decide on discreetness? I mean, if my husband is ok with me leaving the door open when I brush and floss, I feel that there's nothing wrong with that. If I curse in public or in front of kids, I get that that's not discreet. But where do we draw the line between public and private?

Lori is just about done with it now.  Did they not notice that she said The Lord commanded her to teach this???  God is passionate about flossing people!

Quote

I gave examples, Sara. Now it is your job to decide what being feminine and discreet looks like in all areas of your life, including in front of your husband.

 

[salex]

To me, discreet would be not dragging out 25 years of miserable marriage over and over again, not mentioning to anyone,ever,  including the victim  my husband that I had lied about using intact contraceptives to get knocked up so I could quit my job (note, not because I was desperate for a baby, but to quit my job) or giving specifics about out sex life to friends, relatives, mentees (or mentos)  or the internet at large. 

Generally, we close the door to the toilet area in our bathroom when using it. but yes, we floss as we are getting dressed in the morning. We got the giant bathroom floor plan with dual sinks, etc so we could get ready simultaneously.  He's even seen me shaving my pits and my lets (gasp).  

I can only wish impotence and boils on Lori and Ken, because then maybe she'll shut up about their sex life.  

[Koala]

Am I going crazy, or did she go back and add this paragraph:

Quote

Most young women scoff at this today but if you are a young woman who desires to become a godly women, I encourage you to not scoff at this but learn to be discreet in all you do, especially with what you say. Never use foul language. Don't gossip and say mean things about others. Let the law of kindness always be on your lips. This is part of being discreet and feminine as well.

I am about 99% sure it wasn't there at first.  Anyway:

Lori:

Quote

When I was growing up, my mom had a very dear friend who she was very close to.  She was a terrible housekeeper, however.

Lori:

Quote

Don't gossip and say mean things about others. Let the law of kindness always be on your lips

Lori:

Quote

When my children were growing up, we had a neighbor who was the same way.  I sent a young woman who was helping me when I had four small children and Ken was traveling half the year to clean her house one time.  She said it was terrible.  She found dog poop on the floor, it was infested with fleas, and smelled badly.  My children detested the days that she was the driver for the carpool.  Her car smelled like vomit and it was trashed.

Lori:

Quote

Don't gossip and say mean things about others. Let the law of kindness always be on your lips

Lori:

Quote

Never use foul language.

Unless you are quoting a man referring to women as bitches  Then it's okay:

Quote

You need to lose weight, grow your hair out, wear nice clothes and some decent makeup. You might be a b****, and if you are, you need to be nicer. 

 

[helenprev]

I keep thinking Lori can't possibly really be as cruel and nasty as I remember her being from last time I looked at her blog, and then I read things like her replies to the women quoted here and I realise, yes. She really is. And still every time I am shocked all over again!

Edited to add: Ha! Look at me clutching my pearls in this post which is the one that tipped me over into being a Pearl Clutcher!

[Koala]

Lori today:

Quote

Don't gossip and say mean things about others. Let the law of kindness always be on your lips.

Lori today:

Quote

I was at a leaders' Bible study once and most of the women were in sweat pants, t-shirts, no make-up and their hair in a ponytail.

That's a compliment, right Lori?  I know you would never say anything mean or gossip.

[desertvixen]

From Lori:

A woman shouldn't go to the bathroom in front of her husband. She shouldn't do anything where she can't sit in a feminine way in front of him. If you have to pump your breasts, do it in private. Floss your teeth without him having to watch. Whatever isn't feminine, don't do in front of him. 

I won't lie - neither of us uses the bathroom in front of each other (personally, I'm enjoying being out of the season of life that involves small people always wanting to be in the bathroom with me). 

But how in Earth is pumping your breasts not feminine?  It's generally not discreet - at least not when I was using the one with 2 hookups - but it's not unfeminine.  Although I'd be willing to bet Lori is one of the "okay to show cleavage because the mens like it but not to show your breasts to nurse" crowd...

[Hisey]

I have three words for Miss-Lori-I've-Always-Been-Discreet.

"Pump and dump."

I am too discreet, myself, to want to say anymore. But I think it's safe to say that you can't advise women to do the above, and then call yourself "discreet."

[molecule]

In the comments:

Anon says

Quote

I'm not scoffing, but the definition of discreet that you are using differs from the one I'm finding used in the Bible. From what I can tell it comes from a Greek word meaning sober-minded. I can't see how not flossing your teeth in front of your husband etc. corresponds to being sober-minded? It seems more to me that those things are more of a matter of personal preference to each one's husband, rather than a violation of Scripture. I don't believe my husband has considered me any less feminine after seeing me floss my teeth, pump my breasts or helping me go to the bathroom after surgery etc. In fact, I remember one time when I was pumping (a necessity for our baby in the NICU), that he told me it was beautiful to see me doing what a mother does. I'm going to have to study this one out a little more I believe.

Lori's reply:

Quote

"That they may teach the young women to be SOBER, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be DISCREET, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." {Titus 2:4, 5} Sober and discreet are in there. Pumping your breast in NICU is different than in every day life, just as helping you go to the bathroom after surgery. It's amazing how so many women find exceptions to what I write and want to focus upon them instead of the main message I am trying to teach.

She doesn't respond at all to the fact that the reader sees a different biblical definition of "discreet" than Lori does. Instead, she responds by putting the word in capital letters as though that makes it correct. (It's sort of like shouting at someone who speaks a different language with the idea that volume leads to understanding.)

And then another reader asks for advice:

Quote

How does one decide on discreetness? I mean, if my husband is ok with me leaving the door open when I brush and floss, I feel that there's nothing wrong with that. If I curse in public or in front of kids, I get that that's not discreet. But where do we draw the line between public and private?

Lori can't be bothered to actually answer that (no surprise, since the answer according to Loriken world is to do whatever the husband prefers). Instead, she just tells her to figure it out for herself:

Quote

I gave examples, Sara. Now it is your job to decide what being feminine and discreet looks like in all areas of your life, including in front of your husband.

If the Lord commands that she teach young women to be discreet, shouldn't she actually teach? A young woman has asked for her to teach her, and Lori can't bring herself to do what she insists the God of the Universe commands her to do. What a fraud.

[feministxtian]

Bitch be trippin. Hubs and I have seen way too much of each other's bodily functions...him holding me up in the shower and walking me to the potty after surgery and me for him too.

Lori, being discreet means to STFU ya dumb bitch.

[kpmom]

54 minutes ago, desertvixen said:

From Lori:

A woman shouldn't go to the bathroom in front of her husband. She shouldn't do anything where she can't sit in a feminine way in front of him. If you have to pump your breasts, do it in private. Floss your teeth without him having to watch. Whatever isn't feminine, don't do in front of him. 

 

But how in Earth is pumping your breasts not feminine? 

Considering this is not something men can do wouldn't it be the height of being feminine?

ETA: I'm also wondering what's Lori's opinion on husbands in the delivery room?  Are feet in stirrups and legs spread a "feminine way of sitting" (whatever the hell that means)?  Seriously, your life partner can have sex with you, see you give birth, but can't bear the sight of you flossing your teeth?

[Mrsaztx]

44 minutes ago, Koala said:

Lori today:

Lori today:

That's a compliment, right Lori?  I know you would never say anything mean or gossip.

Also since she's such an advocate for dressing for your husband, if you're not in a place where there are men, why waste your makeup (gotta live frugally, doncha know) on women? Why waste your house cleaning or husband-pumping (gag) time on doing your hair for women? Are women not allowed any chill time in her world? Rhetorical, of course they aren't. Unless they're Lori.

[Koala]

Lori:

Quote

 there is very little shame in our culture anymore. Everyone does what is right in their own eyes

Lori has lamented the lack of shame before.  In the context of this post, it seems that she feels it's an integral part of a happy relationship.  

After 15 years of marriage, various medical procedures for my husband, and 4 pregnancies for me (2 failed), I am grateful that shame isn't a part of our relationship.  We'd have been in for a lot of uncomfortable situations if it were.

I did find it interesting that she complains that "everyone does what is right in their own eyes".

#1. Her entire post is filled with rules she's made up off the top of her head.  (Pumping breast milk is not okay, brushing teeth and applying make up is okay, flossing is not okay).  As one of her readers pointed out, none of this is scriptural...it's what Lori sees as right and wrong.

Quote

It was not my intention to look for exceptions, I just really and truly have never heard that activities like flossing teeth and pumping breasts in front of your husband were indiscreet. The bathroom thing I can see, but like I said, it seems more like husband's personal preference than violating scripture.

I think Lori's main gripe is that her readers won't comply with what is right in her eyes.

#2.  Lori just got done advising a reader to figure it out herself (do what is right in her own eyes).

Quote

it is your job to decide what being feminine and discreet looks like

How can you complain about people doing what is right in their own eyes, when you (a Godly Mentor) advises them to do just that?

Contradiction, thy name is Lori Alexander.

[ViolaSebastian]

28 minutes ago, Mrsaztx said:

Also since she's such an advocate for dressing for your husband, if you're not in a place where there are men, why waste your makeup (gotta live frugally, doncha know) on women? Why waste your house cleaning or husband-pumping (gag) time on doing your hair for women? Are women not allowed any chill time in her world? Rhetorical, of course they aren't. Unless they're Lori.

Well, if women do it because their husbands like it and want it, it's a loophole in the "me time" argument.  I guess the secret to all this is having a husband who is turned on by you having some "me time."  

[usmcmom]

*sigh* How many times must we recall the dress Lori wore to her kid's wedding (I can't remember which kid).  You know...the dress that was cut nearly to her waist.  How is THAT discreet?  How is her dancing daughter discreet when she posts pictures of herself wearing next to nothing?

As for things like seeing each other go to the bathroom - I think Lori can't comprehend helping a spouse with something like that (like after surgery) because she and Ken would NOT help each other.  Lori was quite sick fairly recently and Ken couldn't even fix her a bowl of soup. Do any of us think he'd actually help her use the bathroom??? 

And I can't seem to get over the shock of how rude she is to her commenters. I should be used to it by now but it catches me off guard every time.  It's like she's invited people into her home for a visit and then scratches their eyes out when they, you know, actually talk to her. She must be a real jewel of a hostess when she's being "hospitable." 

[molecule]

On her public FB page, she posted this:

Quote

There are verses that tell women to bear children, to manage the household, and to be homeworkers {1 Tim. 5:10, 14; Titus 2:4, 5}, but careerists ignore or slight these verses.

Careerists? For pete's sake.

"Careerists" just might be noticing that the bible doesn't say that should not have careers. In fact, perhaps they are reading parts of the bible that Lori seems to slight, like Proverbs 31 or Acts 16. Both of these chapters show us women who are job-type people.

I have had a career--and I've born children, managed the household, and done housework (or whatever she means by "homeworker"). Maybe I need to start referring to myself as a Christian careerist.

 

[Koala]

Some of her readers are so 

Quote

 I was raised in a house where bathroom doors were closed and where there were clearly things that were not done in front of others. My youngest sister, 8 years younger, was raised in exactly the same house/same way, but is not discreet at all. Doors always open, noises coming from bodies, etc...all the time. I don't understand, I guess. We just continue to teach. My girls have always kept the bathroom door open, mostly because they were little and we needed to be sure they were ok. But, it is nearly always me (unless I am ill) checking on them or being with them in that way. My oldest is nearly 15 and has started shutting the door to the bathroom unless she is grabbing her contacts or such.

Wha???  Her daughter is 15 and just started shutting the bathroom door??  Because before she was little and her mom need to make sure she was okay?  Huh?  Someone tell me what I am missing here.  How many things can go wrong when you're using the bathroom?  Good lord.

[Grimalkin]

14 minutes ago, Koala said:

Some of her readers are so 

Wha???  Her daughter is 15 and just started shutting the bathroom door??  Because before she was little and her mom need to make sure she was okay?  Huh?  Someone tell me what I am missing here.  How many things can go wrong when you're using the bathroom?  Good lord.

           I check on my ten year old daughter when she showers because she does not lways rinse her hair, who am I kidding, she flat out does not wash it sometimes, and I make sure its done properly. (her hair is beautiful, I should chop it but honestly its so pretty) Other than that I got nothing.

         I came here to say never in my life have I heard a friend brag that her husband wants her to fart in front of him. Not caring is one thing but, wanting them too.......sounds a bit kinky and put me off my lunch (bean soup).

[molecule]

17 minutes ago, Koala said:

Wha???  Her daughter is 15 and just started shutting the bathroom door??  Because before she was little and her mom need to make sure she was okay?  Huh?  Someone tell me what I am missing here.  How many things can go wrong when you're using the bathroom?  Good lord.

I thought that was just a little creepy. How can someone learn to be discreet if she is just starting to close the bathroom door at 15? 

This is the part that really bugged me:

Quote

But, it is nearly always me (unless I am ill) checking on them or being with them in that way.

So does this mean that the father of a 14-year-old girl is checking on his daughter as she uses the toilet? Gives me the creeps.

[Koala]

2 minutes ago, molecule said:

I thought that was just a little creepy. How can someone learn to be discreet if she is just starting to close the bathroom door at 15? 

This is the part that really bugged me:

So does this mean that the father of a 14-year-old girl is checking on his daughter as she uses the toilet? Gives me the creeps.

That's what I thought too.  The fact that she seems completely unaware of how strange it sounds makes it even weirder.