What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Pseudoname]

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.it/2015/11/love-her-i-dont-even-like-her.html?m=1 The adoption was only signed for this week, and the mom is announcing a potential disruption live to her blog readers. She is in China now, going on trips with the adoption tour group, deciding whether to take the girl she has just adopted home, or to leave her to age out in China, because she's not quite the product that adoptomom wanted. 

 

WTF?  Children are not commodities.  From what I understand reading these blogs, is that if you wish to adopt from China, you receive some information about a child, but likely not a full disclosure.  You are then given the choice to adopt or not, prior to going to China.  It sounds like the adoption is formalised before the new parents travel to China and meet the child?  If this is the case, and knowing all along that it is, why chose to adopt an unknown child with possible unknown personality, habits, and/or special needs if youre going to be judgemental about your  "product"?

[chaotic life]

She's in CA. For heaven's sake, put those girls in public school and any and all that qualify into Regional Center programs. You have one of the best support structures in the country--use it!

[Catey]

Following the crazy 9's blog and looking at their daughter Tess from her adoption to now, or any of their kids for that matter just makes you really think where these kids really could be if only they were surrounded by that basic thing that all children need regardless of ability, or birthright,,,Love.

http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.ca/search/label/Tess

 

Or how about this as their solution to food hoarding...

 

http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.ca/2013/07/food-issues-and-binging-5-years-later.html

It just makes me ache for what those other girls could have..

[roddma]

Without having read all the comments yet, my question is where are the jerkwad father/husband or as someone asked is she married? This is what happens when you make women think their only purpose in life is to care for kids whether they are capable or not. And this is also why I hope the Duggars never adopt. They would be 'totally' unprepared.

Without having read all the comments, My question is where are the jerkwad/fathers/husbands, or as someone asked is she married?. This is what happens when you make a woman's only purpose to care for children whether they are able or not. They feel useless without a toddler to chase after their bio kids have grown. It is why I hope the Duggars never adopt. They would be 'totally' unprepared.

Without having read all the comments, My question is where are the jerkwad/fathers/husbands, or as someone asked is she married?. This is what happens when you make a woman's only purpose to care for children whether they are able or not. They feel useless without a toddler to chase after their bio kids have grown. It is why I hope the Duggars never adopt. They would be 'totally' unprepared.

[blessalessi]

In the case of the original blog referred to on this thread, the adopter is a single woman who was not in a relationship before the adoptions. 

[warriorblade8857]

She's fairly cruel to her daycare charges too. Do these parents know she's blogging about them and their children in this way?

"She has the least educated parents, is the most unfit physically, her mom came from a physically abusive home and I believe this child's grandmother, who lives with them, drinks heavily. She is the most immature emotionally, but has highly developed verbal skills. Her parents are together, but unmarried, she has much older brother who is very overweight, born when his mom was a young teen, and a teenage uncle who dresses in what I believe is called Gothic, with long straight black hair (he's spooky looking), and, as I mentioned, grandma lives with them."

"I feel sorry for this little girl because she is sooo needy even though it's clear her parents love her. Her need for attention is extreme and she's devious and has a very hidden mean streak (she has laughed on several occasions when one of the other children has fallen and hurt themselves). If it continues into her teens, I can easily see her following in her mother's footsteps with teenage pregnancy as she looks for attention and love. It's heartbreaking because she is very intelligent and artistic. She has a well-ordered mind and would probably do very well academically if it wasn't for her under-developed emotional status and issues."

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2008/05/kids-notice-differences.html?m=0

[alexandracabot]

She's so empty inside. She's like an android that does the required program then shuts down until another program is given. It's the weirdest, most unnatural thing I've ever seen. It's like she's just existing, taking up space, breathing, much of the time. I've never seen such a blank person in my life.

 

This woman's blog is the first one that's ever made me genuinely feel that the children are at risk for extreme abuse. I don't believe you refer to your daughter as an un-redeemable "android" who is "empty inside" and don't also, eventually, come to the conclusion that it's okay to hurt her, confine her, etc. I think there's some indication (as with keeping an 11-year-old on a leash all day) that this is already occurring.

If not law enforcement, could the blog be sent to the woman's adoption agency or to, even, her church elders, who could at least be made aware of this woman's attitude towards the girls?

[pnwgypsy]

This woman's blog is the first one that's ever made me genuinely feel that the children are at risk for extreme abuse. I don't believe you refer to your daughter as an un-redeemable "android" who is "empty inside" and don't also, eventually, come to the conclusion that it's okay to hurt her, confine her, etc. I think there's some indication (as with keeping an 11-year-old on a leash all day) that this is already occurring.

If not law enforcement, could the blog be sent to the woman's adoption agency or to, even, her church elders, who could at least be made aware of this woman's attitude towards the girls?

Writing about her day care clients on her blog probably wouldn't sit well with the state licensing folks.

She's fairly cruel to her daycare charges too. Do these parents know she's blogging about them and their children in this way?

"She has the least educated parents, is the most unfit physically, her mom came from a physically abusive home and I believe this child's grandmother, who lives with them, drinks heavily. She is the most immature emotionally, but has highly developed verbal skills. Her parents are together, but unmarried, she has much older brother who is very overweight, born when his mom was a young teen, and a teenage uncle who dresses in what I believe is called Gothic, with long straight black hair (he's spooky looking), and, as I mentioned, grandma lives with them."

"I feel sorry for this little girl because she is sooo needy even though it's clear her parents love her. Her need for attention is extreme and she's devious and has a very hidden mean streak (she has laughed on several occasions when one of the other children has fallen and hurt themselves). If it continues into her teens, I can easily see her following in her mother's footsteps with teenage pregnancy as she looks for attention and love. It's heartbreaking because she is very intelligent and artistic. She has a well-ordered mind and would probably do very well academically if it wasn't for her under-developed emotional status and issues."

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2008/05/kids-notice-differences.html?m=0

[GodsKnickers]

I've never seen such a blank person in my life.

 

Yes you have, lady. Every time you look in the mirror. You are projecting yourself onto the poor girls unfortunate to be called your children. YOU are blank.

[Chach1984i]

Seriously this blog has been bugging me since I opened it. Can we report stuff like this to CPS?  I've been sick to my stomach thinking about these girls but mostly her treatment of Sissy.

[Antimony]

With regards to the blog K linked to about potentially wanting to disrupt, I can't figure out what this woman has decided is so "wrong" with Avery.

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.it/2015/11/perhaps-unfair.html?m=1

This is all very complimentary? 

[LilMissMetaphor]

In the ESSBFG blog, I think this woman is just another one like Christie of the Raising Sunflowers blog: she wants her perfect little pack of "egg rolls", as Christie referred to her Chinese daughters, and when she sees one come along that might involve a bit of extra work or research (from a clinical POV) or just plain old love and understanding, she backs out.  Avery probably just chews loudly or something.  These women are just collecting dolls to put on a shelf, and when one doesn't fit their preconceived notion, they're full of excuses as to why.  And then they want to try again! 

[chaotic life]

Throne contemplating abandoning Avery, the only thing I saw when I looked was some references that she doesn't feel attached to the child. There are those who think the bond of attachment has to be instant or it will never happen. Usually experienced adoptive mothers don't hold that position but unless there are big things she's not writing on the blog, I cannot see anything worthy of disrupting.

The original mother--her writings on her daycare charges are disturbing as much as her writings of her daughters.

The adoption agency has no authority at this point. Her adoptions are finalized. The only place that would have any authority would be CPS but she doesn't blog anything that quantifies as intervention worthy abuse and it's all here say coming from a blog. As horrifying as it is.

[blessalessi]

Any report to CPS is surely hearsay until it is investigated, though?  Do you know for sure that the CPS in that state would not investigate if the blog content were reported?

[blessalessi]

I am also suspicious of the boundaries in place with the firefighter.  Prior to the adoptions, Kim seemed to have zero relationship prospects. Now she has a "firefighter" moved in, who shares the homeschooling and teaches the girls "human anatomy". It seems an imprudent decision, to say the least, to take the teenagers out of specialist public school services and put a male romantic partner in charge of their education about such a potentially intimate subject matter.

[DaisyD]

This woman spent decades idealizing motherhood. Even though she took care of babies, she convinced herself that it would be different. When she finally got a child, she found out that it's just like daycare, only it's 24/7 and there's no one but herself to blame for misbehavior. It can't be her fault, it has to be the girls, the experts, the orphanage. .. 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

I am also suspicious of the boundaries in place with the firefighter.  Prior to the adoptions, Kim seemed to have zero relationship prospects. Now she has a "firefighter" moved in, who shares the homeschooling and teaches the girls "human anatomy". It seems an imprudent decision, to say the least, to take the teenagers out of specialist public school services and put a male romantic partner in charge of their education about such a potentially intimate subject matter.

Especially since she showed a tendency to romanticize and idolize relationships and seems unable to communicate effectively with her children.  Should they report something to her how many chances would they have that she would actually listen to them over an adult that she seems to trust much more? After all she repeatedly labelled two of her daughters as liars without feelings. 

[IreneIssh]

I am also suspicious of the boundaries in place with the firefighter.  Prior to the adoptions, Kim seemed to have zero relationship prospects. Now she has a "firefighter" moved in, who shares the homeschooling and teaches the girls "human anatomy". It seems an imprudent decision, to say the least, to take the teenagers out of specialist public school services and put a male romantic partner in charge of their education about such a potentially intimate subject matter.

Oh geez, when did the firefighter become a real prospect? He moved in??

[apandaaries]

Oh geez, when did the firefighter become a real prospect? He moved in??

They have September posts about him starting homeschooling with her, twice a week.  He's also shown in their pics from last Labor Day, on vacation.  She mentions him on a camping trip as well, where he had a sleeping bag separate from hers (she mentions that he and others were cold due to "inadequate sleeping bags," but she was fine).  Teaching the girls anatomy?  Sounds more than a bit hinky. I haven't found the post about him moving in, but I'm still making my way through the posts.  

About CPS, everything on her blog is scary and horrible, but does it cross any hard legal lines?  The closest I can think of is that she has her daughters working in her in-home daycare, listing them as helpful bilingual aids, but then commenting at length about their developmental disabilities on her personal blog.  Their ages and special needs would seem to make them problematic day care providers...does anyone know if that is the case in CA? Or if there's anything noteworthy to report?   

[alexandracabot]

What about keeping an 11 year old on a toddler leash? 

They have September posts about him starting homeschooling with her, twice a week.  He's also shown in their pics from last Labor Day, on vacation.  She mentions him on a camping trip as well, where he had a sleeping bag separate from hers (she mentions that he and others were cold due to "inadequate sleeping bags," but she was fine).  Teaching the girls anatomy?  Sounds more than a bit hinky. I haven't found the post about him moving in, but I'm still making my way through the posts.  

About CPS, everything on her blog is scary and horrible, but does it cross any hard legal lines?  The closest I can think of is that she has her daughters working in her in-home daycare, listing them as helpful bilingual aids, but then commenting at length about their developmental disabilities on her personal blog.  Their ages and special needs would seem to make them problematic day care providers...does anyone know if that is the case in CA? Or if there's anything noteworthy to report?   

What about keeping an 11-year-old on a toddler leash for a week?

[Maggie Mae]

She says at one point that her relationship with the firefighter (who it seems she met when they moved) is wary of the relationship, because of the girls and some other undisclosed factors. (My guess is that since he already had a child who is married and out of the house, he doesn't necessarily want to jump back into raising a baby and several children who may never leave.) But it looks like he's now feeling obligated to at least help with the education of the girls. 

This woman is just such a jerk. When she climbed half dome she couldn't resist bragging about how she made it to the top first. And how they beat the younger couple back to the van. She's competetive and brags a lot. And there are very few posts about them having fun. It's all "we took them to the zoo so they could have the experience" "I signed her up for school but they were playing games and I didn't like that so I pulled her back out" There is more to education that just filling out worksheets, crazy kimi! 

[blessalessi]

In the UK reports to child protection are about things that cause concern for a child's safety and wellbeing the caller doesn't have to work out if legal lines are crossed.  The duty worker's job is to work out if an investigation is warranted.

If anything illegal is going on, then the police would probably be the first port of call.

[pnwgypsy]

I want to give some slight benefit of the doubt to the fireman in that he's also likely an emt or paramedic so perhaps "human anatomy" is what he felt comfortable teaching?

[Maggie Mae]

I want to give some slight benefit of the doubt to the fireman in that he's also likely an emt or paramedic so perhaps "human anatomy" is what he felt comfortable teaching?

 

Yeah, out of all the strange things on her blog that didn't jump out to me either. He's obviously becoming close with the family. And Kimi has a tendency to use old fashioned language. She reminds me a bit of Kidist in that regard. 

[Gossamer1]

Throne contemplating abandoning Avery, the only thing I saw when I looked was some references that she doesn't feel attached to the child. There are those who think the bond of attachment has to be instant or it will never happen. Usually experienced adoptive mothers don't hold that position

A friend adopted a newborn. She was at the delivery and the birth mother asked her to cut the cord. Birth mother told the delivery nurse to hand the baby to my friend first. She has been with her child from the moment of birth. With all those bonding moments she said it still tooks months before she felt the mother-child connection.  Other adoptive moms she was in a group with told her it not uncommon at all.