What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[pnwgypsy]

Yeah, out of all the strange things on her blog that didn't jump out to me either. He's obviously becoming close with the family. And Kimi has a tendency to use old fashioned language. She reminds me a bit of Kidist in that regard. 

Ditto on Kimi's terminology.

I also wonder...is the firefighter a mandatory reporter?

[blessalessi]

I want to give some slight benefit of the doubt to the fireman in that he's also likely an emt or paramedic so perhaps "human anatomy" is what he felt comfortable teaching?

 

I'm judging Kim for pulling the children out of specialist education and putting the young, naive teen girls in a situation where they may feel uncomfortable or at risk.  Or be in a position where they may develop strong feelings for a man teaching them an intimate subject.

The firefighter's comfort is irrelevant to me, and I would expect these things to be of concern to him if he is a genuinely decent person. 

A friend adopted a newborn. She was at the delivery and the birth mother asked her to cut the cord. Birth mother told the delivery nurse to hand the baby to my friend first. She has been with her child from the moment of birth. With all those bonding moments she said it still tooks months before she felt the mother-child connection.  Other adoptive moms she was in a group with told her it not uncommon at all.

I don't think the feelings are uncommon, but posting live updates on those ffeelingson a public blog is the red flag.  The whole "Will I/Won't I adopt her? Tune in on Tuesday to find out!" tone is the horrific part.

[hilee]

 

 

I'm just disturbed she put her daughter's developmental and speech evaluation scores on her blog. I feel like those aren't hers to share. If her daughter wants to share her scores, that's one thing, but she clearly didn't have her permission.

 

 

 

Edited to add- Are her kids' names really Sissy, Blossom, JieJie, and Apple, or are those just pseudonyms?

I'm on the fence on that, my son is 17 months and I feel like sharing his scores is like sharing his birth weight, as he makes progress and I learn how I've helped it, I can encourage other parents. 

But I think she and I view our children in very different ways. I know it's frustrating that I don't know what my son wants, but he's also frustrated and scared, plus has a need he is having unmet possible because he can't communicate. 

I'm sick to my stomach thinking that she feels like she made a mistake bringing one of her children into her family. My son is not what I anticipated, but he's everything I never knew I wanted in life. 

[PsyD2013]

Since Kimi's daughters are employees of her day care, they are mandated to receive a specified number of hours of continuing education each year.  Her daughters are also mandatory reporters.  I'm having a very difficult time wrapping my head around this one.  Kimi goes on and on how limited her daughters are, yet she places them in the position of being responsible for day care clients.  Don't the parents of her clients pick up on how limited the teenaged girls are?   Blogging about her clients, has got to be against some code of ethics.  I'm not sure if FERPA applies to day cares or not.  

 

[Koala]

I'm on the fence on that, my son is 17 months and I feel like sharing his scores is like sharing his birth weight, as he makes progress and I learn how I've helped it, I can encourage other parents. 

 

Just to offer a different thought on that....

1) Your son is young, and sharing his scores doesn't (to me) seem on par with sharing the scores of a MUCH older child.

2) Birth weight is something everyone has, speech issues aren't.  For me personally, it's very important to protect your child's personal information.  If they want to put it out there, that should be their choice.  

3)  I get wanting to encourage/relate to other parents...I really do, so please don't think I am saying it's "bad" or "wrong".   I guess for me personally, if my issues (whatever they may be) are going to be used to encourage others, I want that choice to come from me.  I try to give my children that same respect.  Their right to privacy trumps my right to share their story in order to encourage others.  

Don't know if any of that makes any sense.... 

[EyeQueue]

I do have to say, though (aside from any of the food hoarding issues), the woman seems to feed her kids and the daycare kids very well. The meals and snacks she's shown on her blog look like the kids are getting very nutritious food. There are tons of fruits and veggies, and plenty of what appear to be sound protein sources.

There was that one post, though, where she acknowledged she was feeding the daycare kids a meal that included elements that she would not have fed her own kids (this was before her first adoption), but that it was "just for the daycare kids" and "it wasn't a usual thing." I wonder if she justifies that because she's talked about how some of the daycare kids eat crap at home on the regular.

I'm trying to find a silver lining--any silver lining--in this story.

She does appear to have a lot of people in and out of her house: daycare kids' parents, home study social workers, people from the church (check her entry on Thanksgiving day about the home teaching guys from the church that paid her a visit), "My Fire Fighter," etc. I'm hoping that one of these folks would raise their concerns or report if the girls are in real danger. So, at least her family isn't as isolated socially as many of the fundie families we discuss here.

[Catey]

Sharing, even at times over sharing which is something that I many of my fellow Millennials are guilty of is (IMO) a far cry from telling the world that your child is for all intent and purpose a complete and utter disappointment and fails completely at being a human being with ANY worth.

Will my kids appreciate that I have at times called them brats or shared a 1st bath pic, I am going to go with No...

Do I come across as despising my kids (even when they really, really are annoying me) no never.

Her words ooze contempt, She seems to just want to outline her kids in the worst possible light with (I guess) the vain hope that someone else with join her in commiserating about the heavy burden she bears dealing with the ungrateful children that she rescued...

The Ultimate martyr..

The Ultimate Bitch...

 

[GodsKnickers]

My folks fed us pretty decently too. When they weren't beating the living shit out of us, or telling us we were retarded (their words, not mine), would never amount to anything, that our spouses would just divorce us because we were all assholes, and so forth. That good pizza definitely made up for getting stomped and thrown into walls and fucked around mentally and emotionally.

Perhaps she only types out her assholery on the internet, rather than speak it to those girls. Perhaps she figures they're too mentally incapable of ever finding her blog and her words, so it doesn't hurt to be "honest". However, and admittedly I'm viewing this through my own lens of bias given my circumstances, I'd bet good money that she says some pretty vile shit straight to their faces.

[EyeQueue]

My folks fed us pretty decently too. When they weren't beating the living shit out of us, or telling us we were retarded (their words, not mine), would never amount to anything, that our spouses would just divorce us because we were all assholes, and so forth. That good pizza definitely made up for getting stomped and thrown into walls and fucked around mentally and emotionally.

Perhaps she only types out her assholery on the internet, rather than speak it to those girls. Perhaps she figures they're too mentally incapable of ever finding her blog and her words, so it doesn't hurt to be "honest". However, and admittedly I'm viewing this through my own lens of bias given my circumstances, I'd bet good money that she says some pretty vile shit straight to their faces.

Good point. Like I said, I was looking for something to rest my mind about those girls. And I'm so sorry about your experience.

[lawlifelgbt]

Oh yeah. I got great food. Mom loved to try new recipes and was all about health. Didn't change the fact that I stunted my own growth from starting to drink coffee as a preteen- when you're expected to get straight A's and be in every activity, you can't exactly, you know, sleep. And I got a side of guilt with all the awesome food too. Glares if I took seconds, never giving me money for extras, etc.

[Mercer]

This woman is a cee you next tuesday. Surely there are mandated reporters who've stumbled across this blog, and could do something about it.

There's nothing a mandated reporter can do here that you can't do yourself. Anyone can report. A mandated reporter has to report if we discover evidence or have reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect in the course of performing our jobs. That's the only difference. We don't have any special pull with CPS or anything; you can call the hotline just the same as we can.

From what I've read on the blog, though, I haven't seen anything reportable. She has poor parenting skills, makes bad decisions, handles her children poorly, and is in way over her head... but none of that is against the law. I haven't seen anything on her blog that is. I can't imagine CPS would actually do anything with a long-term effect if this was hotlined. I'm not sure they'd even investigate.

If you (general you, not the poster I quoted specifically) disagree and feel there is something to report, by all means call the hotline!

But here's my concern: If CPS did visit her, it's possible it would be a wake up call and she'd shape up. But it's also possible it would drive her underground and cause her to sever the ties to the few supports she has, leaving her with even fewer resources for parenting the girls. If I saw something definitive to report, it would be worth the risk, but just the general feeling that she's a poor parent doesn't justify trying to start a CPS fishing expedition in my opinion.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Considering how CPS is handling the Naugler case, where the abuse was blatant,  probably they wouldn't even investigate this situation.  The girls are housed, clothed and fed, they don't seem to be physically abused and even if I consider that not loving, demeaning, insulting and completely distrusting your child is akin to abuse, it would be difficult to demonstrate. 

[Sera's Arrow]

If this blog was written by a licensed childcare provider in Ontario, they would be committing a slow career suicide. To be licensed in the first place, she would have to be an RECE and thus expected to follow the Code of Ethics and Standards of Practice that comes with the registration into the College of ECE. In order to be registered, one requires a post-secondary diploma in Early Childhood Education as well. The CoE is pretty clear-cut, simple to follow. It has things like this: "Early Childhood Educators strive to establish and maintain reciprocal relationships with family members of children under their professional supervision. These relationships are based on trust, openness and respect for confidentiality." And this: "Through their conduct, Early Childhood Educators strive to enhance the status of the profession in their workplaces and in the wider community." This one too: "Early Childhood Educators recognize that they contribute to community and society by advocating for and promoting an appreciation of the profession, children and early learning." 

That single blog entry where she trashes a child in care in her care along with their entire immediate family shows that she has no respect for confidentiality and I wouldn't say that this woman is enhancing the status of the profession at all, she is doing the opposite though. She advocates and promotes the use of punishments to modify the behaviours of the young girls she adopted willingly that I wouldn't use on a dog, let alone another human being and how she treats those girls, especially Sissy, is horrible. Her entire blog is sickening, especially when you lean back and consider that she 1) managed to adopt four times and 2) continues to be entrusted with other people's children and 3) is -licensed- to do so. 

[Walking Cat Bed]

Signals got crossed a bit, but @blessalessi posted a blog excerpt from Kimmi over on the Bergey thread, which I replied to there but fits better here.
 

From the blog excerpt that @blessalessi posted:

Pretend regression? PRETEND regression? I don't think this woman knows the first thing about raising children, much less children with special needs. Trauma and PTSD don't manifest themselves in "meaningful" or "logical" ways, you hateful cow.
 

  Quote

Sissy tried to pull some pretend regression the first two days, but instead of regressing about meaningful things, she tried to moan and groan about wanting to use QQ, not about missing the people in China who she loves. She was obviously relieved that I stood my ground, feeling very secure that night as I tucked her in.

[GodsKnickers]

There's nothing a mandated reporter can do here that you can't do yourself. Anyone can report. A mandated reporter has to report if we discover evidence or have reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect in the course of performing our jobs. That's the only difference. We don't have any special pull with CPS or anything; you can call the hotline just the same as we can.

The reason I mentioned mandated reporter is because I live in a completely different country. Just clarifying.

[Catey]

I agree, I too live in a different country, for my local area CAS/CPS their rules for reporting abuse that I think would  apply here are:

Emotionally abusive behaviour by the caregiver can include:

• constant yelling
• demeaning remarks
• rejecting, ignoring or isolating the child
• terrorizing the child

I think that it is safe to say the above would apply here, now if she lived in my area and a complaint was made I am not suggesting that they would be taken from her care but I am pretty darn sure that she would have to enter in care plan and would have someone who would oversee their progress both with the girls and the different professionals that they see, additionally she would definitely be required to attend and provide proof of counselling specific to her children's needs.

 

[DaisyD]

I think maybe people are hoping that the mandated reporters involved in these children's lives would report anything worse that may be going on but not talked about on the blog. 

[Mercer]

I agree, I too live in a different country, for my local area CAS/CPS their rules for reporting abuse that I think would  apply here are:

Emotionally abusive behaviour by the caregiver can include:

• constant yelling
• demeaning remarks
• rejecting, ignoring or isolating the child
• terrorizing the child

I think that it is safe to say the above would apply here, now if she lived in my area and a complaint was made I am not suggesting that they would be taken from her care but I am pretty darn sure that she would have to enter in care plan and would have someone who would oversee their progress both with the girls and the different professionals that they see, additionally she would definitely be required to attend and provide proof of counselling specific to her children's needs.

 It's great that your children's authority would be so proactive!

In the course of my job I've had to make multiple CPS reports (including a parent hitting a child in the face in front of me) and nothing ever came of any of it, so I am unfortunately less optimistic.

[Antimony]

Apple's birthday post up. The favoritism and narcissism are strong in this post.

[ViolaSebastian]

Experts say that children are our mirrors, especially when they play.  If she's my mirror, I'm doing an excellent job.

Er...aren't the other children your mirrors as well?  It doesn't appear that you're doing an excellent job with them, Kimi. 

[justwatching]

Apple's birthday post up. The favoritism and narcissism are strong in this post.

Totally agree.  I read through her blog/adoption timeline a couple of months ago.  It was pretty apparent to me that Apple was the one she wanted all along, the others just seemed to me like she was placating herself (or trying to stay in favor with the adoption agency) until she finally got what she wanted.  Those poor girls

[FutureA]

Totally agree.  I read through her blog/adoption timeline a couple of months ago.  It was pretty apparent to me that Apple was the one she wanted all along, the others just seemed to me like she was placating herself (or trying to stay in favor with the adoption agency) until she finally got what she wanted.  Those poor girls

This woman's blog makes me sad. I agree she was just looking for a child like Apple and got what she thinks is her dream child. 

[apandaaries]

I agree, I too live in a different country, for my local area CAS/CPS their rules for reporting abuse that I think would  apply here are:

Emotionally abusive behaviour by the caregiver can include:

• constant yelling
• demeaning remarks
• rejecting, ignoring or isolating the child
• terrorizing the child

I think that it is safe to say the above would apply here, now if she lived in my area and a complaint was made I am not suggesting that they would be taken from her care but I am pretty darn sure that she would have to enter in care plan and would have someone who would oversee their progress both with the girls and the different professionals that they see, additionally she would definitely be required to attend and provide proof of counselling specific to her children's needs.

 

I am always so jealous of you Canadians....a care plan, counselors, professionals for them to access.  I wish we cared more about children and less about war here in the States.   

The problem I see with calling CPS is that it's hard to find definitive proof of what CPS would term "abusive."  As LaPapessa noted, the Nauglers also have CPS in their lives...  I'm in CA, and a friend called CPS and the cops when her daughter returned from her dad and step-mom's place with scratches and bruises on her arms from the step-mom.  After lots of paperwork, exactly *nothing* was done for the girl or the situation.  (One brief happy note: the dad finally left the step-mom, though it took years of demeaning treatment.  Girl in question often stayed with her paternal grandparents on visiting weekends rather than with her hideous step-mom, who was generally more verbally and emotionally abusive, but would also occasionally cross other lines. SO shitty of the system to have done nothing.)

The other thing is that she's in Fresno, which has a lot of poverty and the abuse that often seems to come with impoverished situations.  I have a terrible feeling that the CPS workers there are accustomed to worse.  The most problematic element seems to be that she has her daughters working for her (her "right hand" -- bleh!) in the home daycare, but I'm afraid if investigated, she'd go deep underground.  Although maybe not...her narcissism probably wouldn't allow her to stay quiet for too long.  It does seem likely that the blog would go private, though, and the girls would be at risk of her wrath and anger about having CPS coming by.  

[Jeebusismycopilot]

 

 

As I special education teacher, this blog especially breaks my heart. One of the most basic principles of teaching is to find what the child likes and build on it. The way to build motivation is to design activities based on the child's interest. For example, I had a student who was obsessed with vacuums. In order to teach her to read (something her former teacher claimed she wouldn't be able to do) I wrote short stories about her favorite brands of vacuums. That student can read now. She needs to focus on what her girls like, because that is the way to unlock their potential. Forcing her child to sew is not going to produce any results.

 

I agree completely. As a teacher you learn to adapt your teaching methods for each child in order to help them grasp concepts and maintain enthusiasm and interest.  If they are not engaged, they shut out and shut down.  

Just because you like sewing, you can't make her enjoy it. 

 

This woman also seems hell bent against the idea of positive reinforcement. When speech pathologists are praising her daughters for small victories, she seems to think it isn't helpful. But if you don't maintain that positive attitude and praise them for any achievements, then the child will become disheartened and instead of progressing, may start to regress. And yes, sometimes that happens, but patience and positivity will get you through. 

 

I haven't read everything she has posted, but so far it seems the youngest can do no wrong, the oldest 2 are evil and she occasionally mentions the other. I will have to read more even though it breaks my heart.  

 

I have had children removed from my class by parents who didn't feel my teaching methods or the school's mission statement were good enough and they chose to home school. It is very hard to make those judgements within the first week or so of a new school year, in a new class with strangers and a strange teacher.  Especially with children who have developmental delays that need to be addressed.  I have always been willing to take the extra time to work with the child and/or meet with the parents so that we can work together. But that requires open minded parents who want to see their child progress and want their experience to be positive. It seems that this was not the case with this woman. 

[Safetyfirst]

If her daughters are her employees in the day care, aren't there some age restrictions pertaining to minors?