What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Koala]

My heart is breaking for these girls.  Her words literally drip with hatred.

 Really, what American mom can brag that their kid remembers trash day every week? I can. But I'd gladly trade that for a kid who can THINK. 

 (sorry...that highlighted bit is really loud, but I can't seem to make it go away...)

How dare she say she would trade her child???  My god in heaven....

[Antimony]

My heart is breaking for these girls.  Her words literally drip with hatred.

 (sorry...that highlighted bit is really loud, but I can't seem to make it go away...)

How dare she say she would trade her child???  My god in heaven....

She says crap like this all the time -- that her kids can't think.

And, I mean, call me kooky but I'm just guessing that if I spent most of my formative years in an institution in a completely different language and culture, routine rote things might feel easy but anything that required layers of not only linguistic but cultural translation would be baffling! She completely lacks empathy. 

[DaisyD]

This is a bit surreal. Her diaper pattern is the one I used for my son's diapers 13 years ago. I haven't read the rest of this thread yet, I just noticed a familiar name in her blog and checked it out. It's really strange to come across it here...

[Maggie Mae]

...This woman gets upset about the weirdest thing. She put 29 small pony tails away from the incision line into Apple's hair so she wouldn't have to be shaved for surgery (she's so concerned about hair...) and was upset the surgeons didn't take the little rubber bands out!! What even?

I didn't really "get" why she was upset that the surgeons left the rubber bands in. They are surgeons, not hairstylists.

She does have a weird thing about hair, in one of the earlier posts she mentions how she always hated dolls with messy hair.However, I think she does explain why she wanted the baby to keep as much as hair as possible. The baby's hair grows super slow, and she can't fit into hats because of her physiology. And I guess her genetic condition causes sweating too. 

[LaLele]

Ugh. From her Blog:

It's now glaringly apparent after only 3 sessions of speech therapy, that Sissy cannot do the following beyond a toddler or preschool level:

1) look at a picture or real life scene and understand what is happening in it, much less describe what is happening

2) make inferences, to read between the lines figuratively and make predictions. Here are a few examples:

Let’s go swimming to cool off!
What season is it?
a. Summer
b. Winter

I'm hungry! What am I going to do? (She really did get this one wrong!)
a. drink something
b. eat something

A picture of a girl pointing to the sky, the caption reads, "There's something flying in the sky. It's not a bird or a bicycle."

Well, we all know that bicycles cannot fly. Birds do, but it's not a bird. What can it be? How about an airplane, butterfly, other insect, bat or balloon?

3) put herself in the place of another person, which goes beyond the lack of empathy kids raised in orphanages experience

4) cannot imagine - at all, which is why she and my other girls still don't grasp that movies are not real and that roles are played by actors who aren't related to each other, are sometimes older or younger than the characters they portray, etc...

I just cannot. 

This girl has been in the US since 2012 so 3+ish years.  It takes longer than 3 years for a typical older child to get to academic level English.  Add in that Sissy has developmental delays and this length of lime likely increases even more.  Inferencing, perspective taking, and higher level descriptions are something I would not expect most English Language Learner to do in English 3 years into learning.  The question is whether she can do these things in Chinese.   I highly doubt Sissy's therapy is being done in her primary language so of course she is struggling. 

 

[halcionne]

For a sec there I thought this woman was another version of that Ashleigh character who claimed to know the Duggar family. But there are actually photos there. So, is she using them for publicity? It says she's in California. Anyone from that area want to do some investigating? While she seems to be learning through the process, what it looks like is that she's taken on more than she can handle. She needs that extra support. And they need SOME male family presence, whether it's a grandpa, uncle, or older cousin. Ugh! Too much female is, just too much. They need balance.

I found her. She's near me. It wasn't difficult. What do you want investigated?

[EyeQueue]

I spent the better part of 3 hours this morning falling down this rabbit hole. Some highlights:

**The mom was upset about how the girls treated their laptops, and was mad about the "random, ignorant" way they would hit keys.

**Posting photos of Apple's poopy crib. Who the fuck does that?!?

**Her continually pointing out her daughters' deficits and how they have no higher-order reasoning skills, and have to be told what to do constantly, but how she was so joyful that the girls all sat down and had a long conversation on their own about deciding to accept Mom's religion, and how they reasoned that one out and wanted to decide without any pressure from her:

"Several months ago the girls told me that they wanted to be baptized. Apparently, they'd discussed it among themselves a lot and worked on finding out what they really believed rather than just blindly follow, and I'm very proud of them for that." (http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2015/06/three-special-baptisms.html?m=1)

So much WTFery with this blog I don't even know where to begin. But, yeah. These poor, poor girls.

Plus the blatant favoritism toward Apple is astounding.

[Antimony]

I didn't really "get" why she was upset that the surgeons left the rubber bands in. They are surgeons, not hairstylists.

She does have a weird thing about hair, in one of the earlier posts she mentions how she always hated dolls with messy hair.However, I think she does explain why she wanted the baby to keep as much as hair as possible. The baby's hair grows super slow, and she can't fit into hats because of her physiology. And I guess her genetic condition causes sweating too. 

I mean...she sews. She could sew some really easy hats and maybe crochet some others. 
OR she could get over their weird hair obsession (Blossom's too!!)

[EyeQueue]

This lady should never adopted. And wtf? Obey mommy? I feel so bad for her kids. 

And does she ever explain why she feels the need to adopt 4 girls who are not a sibling group, who are special needs, within the space of 2 years? 

Oh, I forgot.  She claims the girls were "misrepresented" and she had no clue they were special needs or at least not the severity. SMH.

Even her Bishop calls her out on it at one point, saying how unprepared she was and how she's in way over her head (and a commenter really lays into her about the same issue).

[keepercjr]

I am horrified to find out they live in the same city as me.  

[pamplemousse]

I fell down the rabbit hole and read her entire blog.  She entered the adoption process with romanticized ideas of parenthood.   Despite her "research" on adoption she was totally unprepared for raising children with attachment and developmental disabilities.  She strikes me as being very narcissistic.  I cringed every time I read that her daughters' behaviors were exhibited for the sole purpose of making her life miserable.  Sorry bitch, I hate to tell you "behaviors" serve just four functions-  to escape a situation, to gain access to attention for a tangible item, or for sensory purposes.  She should have stuck to collecting cats.  These girls deserve a parent who loves them unconditionally.

 

 

1. She's not even fit to collect cats.  

2. "Yeah that" to everything you said.

3. Who in the world could possibly be supportive of her?  Daycare parents, "(her) firefighter", fellow church members (IMO, that Bishop might want to place a call to CPS), people at the school Blossom very briefly attended -- is there NO ONE who was willing to go to the authorities about her?

4. The girls decided on their own to be baptized into her religion without any pressure from her? Yeah, right. 

I read a couple of pages of posts on that blog and my blood was boiling. How in the world she was able to adopt those girls is beyond me.

[ViolaSebastian]

And does she ever explain why she feels the need to adopt 4 girls who are not a sibling group, who are special needs, within the space of 2 years? 

Oh, I forgot.  She claims the girls were "misrepresented" and she had no clue they were special needs or at least not the severity. SMH.

Even her Bishop calls her out on it at one point, saying how unprepared she was and how she's in way over her head (and a commenter really lays into her about the same issue).

Here's what I don't understand.  If one or two of the girls were misrepresented, that'd be one thing.  But to compound that by adopting more children, through the same organization, and expecting it to be any different brings to mind the saying "fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me."  It also strikes me as exceedingly naive to think that the records kept on these girls by the orphanages that neglected them would be up to standards and thorough, but maybe that's just me.

[pnwgypsy]

Where did this woman get the financial resources to adopt 4 special needs kids & how is she supporting them now?

[Sylvan]

For a sec there I thought this woman was another version of that Ashleigh character who claimed to know the Duggar family. But there are actually photos there. So, is she using them for publicity? It says she's in California. Anyone from that area want to do some investigating? While she seems to be learning through the process, what it looks like is that she's taken on more than she can handle. She needs that extra support. And they need SOME male family presence, whether it's a grandpa, uncle, or older cousin. Ugh! Too much female is, just too much. They need balance.

Her firefighter boyfriend seems to be filling that role. Not sure how much time he spends with them, but he's been helping out with homeschooling in some of the recent posts.

I spent most of my free time reading this woman's blog today. On the surface she's not all that bad..the girls get plenty of outings, food, and things to do. The way she talks about the older girls bothers me, as does the lack of regard for their privacy. The last thing they need after what they've been through is their pictures put up and their behavioural issues discussed/griped about in great detail, where anyone can read.

The Blossom haircut post freaking upset me. The poor girl cried and "thought it was a punishment at first". Teenage girls can be quite attached to their hair. My mom would occasionally threaten to cut mine if I couldn't make it look presentable; I know I would never have forgiven her if she had. Bangs growing out are a pain, but surely there was a better solution than chopping so much off? 

What I still don't understand:

- Why would a single woman with no parenting experience adopt not one, not two, but FOUR special needs kids from a culture completely different from her own? Four kids is a handful even for stable two-parent families, what made her think it was a good idea to take that on? One or two I would understand, but four?

- How can she afford all the kids, a nice house, medical bills, vet bills for the cats, etc. Anyone know what home daycare rates are like in CA?

- If the girls are so cognitively impaired, how did they talk among themselves and made their own decision to get baptized?

And the adoption agency sounds sketchy. 

[ViolaSebastian]

I love this post, which is a "I'm totally not racist, guys!," followed by a healthy dose of, you guessed it, racism:

http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2014/10/racism-friendships-and-more.html

[iheartchacos]

I can only read her blog every couple of months. She has an excuse for every single awful and sadistic choice she makes for those girls. One that sticks out to me was someone suggesting she let her children dress their age and not in the cutesy, outdated outfits/hairstyles and she had some dumbass reason as to why she dresses them like she does. And of course, her homeschool lessons are so much better than anyone else could provide. Just look at the progress!

I read her blog and don't get the feeling she even enjoys children at all.

[halcionne]

- How can she afford all the kids, a nice house, medical bills, vet bills for the cats, etc. Anyone know what home daycare rates are like in CA?

Daycare workers* are underpaid pretty much everywhere, and she only has three kids right now from what I could tell. I couldn't look too closely at her blog without getting upset. And she lives in a very high COL area. I can't even begin to understand how she can pay her bills and international adoption expenses with what amounts to three or four part time hustles jobs.

*I tried to find her licensing information but all I was able to see were a couple of defunct DBAs. The state website won't allow a search on a home-based day care without a license number or correct business name, in order to protect providers' home addresses. So at this time I can't confirm that she is a licensed provider.

[Anonymousguest]

This woman sounds like a nut!!  Is she married. 

no,  she's not.

It appears she is Mormon. 

I'm curious,  in general,  do midday of you feel that these kids who have been adopted at older ages from foreign orphanages,  or even domestic fostercare would be better of not being adopted? 

[Maggie Mae]

I spent most of my day reading this blog.

I find her to be completely insufferable.

She started out with this romanticized idea of adoption, and shared way too many dreams and thoughts. She posted clothing purchases for months.

Her dream was a baby, that she called Apple. Blossom basically showed up on her doorstep, because someone else had a disrupted adoption. Supposedly. Then there was a mix up and she finally got her baby, Apple. Who had some physical challenges but so far doesn't have significant development delays.

She's very strange.

And I can't figure out how she can afford this.

I hate the way she talks about her older daughters.

[FloraDoraDolly]

From what I've heard about international adoptions in general, once you bring the child home there is usually little or no follow-up from the agency. As far as support services go, you're on your own. Where older or special needs are concerned, the agencies are more likely to look the other way and approve people who wouldn't be allowed to adopt a healthy younger child (i.e. singles, older people, people who already have a lot of kids). In other words, the special needs children go to the parents who are least equipped to deal with them. This appears to be the case here.

Kathryn Joyce, the author of "Quiverfull", also wrote a book about Christians who adopt children in order to "save" them. This type of thinking isn't limited to religious people, unfortunately. A lot of not-especially-religious people will adopt a child from an impoverished nation and expect the kid to be oh-so grateful. Of course, the kid is going to act like a kid, which means he/she is not going to show much appreciation or gratitude.

[Chach1984i]

<snip>

- Why would a single woman with no parenting experience adopt not one, not two, but FOUR special needs kids from a culture completely different from her own? Four kids is a handful even for stable two-parent families, what made her think it was a good idea to take that on? One or two I would understand, but four?

I did close to a decade in special ed... I'm convinced Munchausen by proxy by Special Ed is a thing. I couldn't get too far into this blog without getting ragey but what I did read gave me Munchausen vibes. 

[ViolaSebastian]

This post is just sick.  Sissy was "stealing" food, so she made a decoy bottle filled with salt water and tabasco.  Of course, the child got sick when she guzzled it.  

http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2012/12/where-we-are-today.html

[Anonymousguest]

This is a bit surreal. Her diaper pattern is the one I used for my son's diapers 13 years ago. I haven't read the rest of this thread yet, I just noticed a familiar name in her blog and checked it out. It's really strange to come across it here...

wait what??!! Is she Kimmie with the poo pockets?  i was one of her original testers back in um, 1998ish! We were on a sew your own diaper yahoo list together,  as well as a couple other patenting and child birth lists.  I spoke on the phone with her several times. She was incredibly sweet.  And completely obsessed with babies. She was a doula and studying to be a midwife at the time. She was doing daycare then too. 

 

Wow so surreal! Thanksfor pointing that out! 

[iheartchacos]

I've been in contact with other moms with children from Sissy's orphanage and the problems are quite similar in all of them. The first thing we all agree on is that these kids are spoiled brats. I know that seems like a harsh term to use for orphans, but in this case it does seem to be the truth. Like most institutionally raised children, Sissy doesn't have any empathy for others. At all.

Why does she enjoy degrading these children publically?

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/11/new-family-development.html?m=0

[Pseudoname]

Wow.  There is so much what the fuckery in every post.

Single mum, 4 special needs homeschooled kids, doing daycare ideally with 3 babies and 3 toddlers in her care, and 9 cats.  I can't imagine that anyone gets any type of support, care, and supervision that they need.

One of her posts about one of the girls speech pathology, she stated that she had rules, the speech path was only to "work" with the child, she would not allow the speech path to play games with the child.   There is so much speech and language taught/learnt through play.  A child enjoying herself, having fun will learn so much more than being forced to do boring, regimented exercises.  A mix of both is good.