What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Mercer]

16 hours ago, blessalessi said:

I saw a comment by Kimmie on another terrible adoption blog, where she said that Sissy will need to move to another state in order to get the residential care she requires as an adult.

I find this almost impossible to believe. (I believe she said it, I just don't believe it's accurate.) Sissy's needs don't seem that unique and complex. I'm sure she's a challenge to parent, but she'd be pretty par for the course as a group home resident.

Maybe if they were in an extremely rural area or a state with minimal services she would need to cross state lines to find an acceptable placement, but where she lives I do not buy that at all.

I think Kimmie was just attention-seeking when she said that. It does not ring true to me.

[blessalessi]

55 minutes ago, Mercer said:

I find this almost impossible to believe. (I believe she said it, I just don't believe it's accurate.) Sissy's needs don't seem that unique and complex. I'm sure she's a challenge to parent, but she'd be pretty par for the course as a group home resident.

Edit, here is one comment, though it doesn't specify which child. It is on the Hameloth blog, on the day Lynnea announced the re-homing of her Chinese daughter FIVE years after adoption.

Quote
K said...
I know how hard it's been to fight for Josie's right to good medical care, etc..... It's hard not to judge, it's only human, but when you told me that Josie was going to the Musser family I knew how perfect an arrangement you had all made and could easily see how it's in Josie's very best interests

....

I, too, struggle with getting appropriate medical care for my children with special needs. One of my daughters needs to move to another state when she's an adult if she expects to be able to get the care she needs unless I can move us all there first. But then, I move away from the care my other daughter needs here.

...

NOVEMBER 1, 2015 AT 10:33 PM

Here is a recent related post on Kimmie's blog that I struggle to make sense of. http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/fun-stuff.html

 

Quote

...Sissy's (nearly 17) reading and writing are very poor. She is failing at a beginning 2nd grade level. It's not the language, it's her inability to process and think. She doesn't draw from any experiences she's had at all in any of her writing. Math, she's 6-7 grade and doing very well. We had a great surprise. If I give her a blank piece of paper and tell her to draw a picture, it's about like a 5-6 yr. old would draw, subject as well as ability. Last week, though, I gave her bottle of salad dressing to draw and it was very well done. She didn't even know herself that she could draw like she did. I, of course, had no idea either

All three older girls are currently banned from all computers. They have repeatedly violated our rules and Sissy crashed another computer sneaking onto QQ on her sister's laptop. I will be getting a baby video monitor or some other type of camera to train on their screens when I cannot be in the same room with them, since, even though the computers are in the main family room, they switch websites the minute I leave the room.

 

I know computers are intuitive to use and don't require an education as a prerequisite, but isn't QQ a social networking site? What would a supposedly moderate/severe autistic, globally delayed girl with "an inability to process and think" be doing sneaking onto a Chinese social networking site (alongside searching for her personal documents every night)?

[blessalessi]

A new post just up, calling out the trolls who are making Saint Kim's life difficult.  

And a really long post about how very severely delayed Sissy is, but hiw glad Kim is that Sissy was made to sit and listen to the full evaluation report, even though she is now traumatised by it.

http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/update-on-sissy.html

 

[sawasdee]

32 minutes ago, blessalessi said:

A new post just up, calling out the trolls who are making Saint Kim's life difficult.  And a really long post about how very severely delayed Sissy is, but hiw glad Kim is that she was made to sit and listen to the full evaluation report, even though she is now traumatised by it.

http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/update-on-sissy.html

 

Well! This child has  deep cognitive issues that have been consistently missed,and has been physically bullying her younger siblings? Just the assistant needed for a daycare!

[apandaaries]

2 hours ago, sawasdee said:

Well! This child has  deep cognitive issues that have been consistently missed,and has been physically bullying her younger siblings? Just the assistant needed for a daycare!

Yep!  That's exactly what one needs:  a cognitively impaired, physically bullying type of eldest daughter to add to the chaotic household mix! Because her/their needs are well-met at home, she's specially capable of caring for minors in an insulated environment..in a multilingual environment, of course, to justify Kimi's indentured enslavement of her own (adopted) children.  Awesome.  

[iheartchacos]

My favorite quotes:

"I'm only now just beginning to realize how skilled I am, without a degree, at teaching children with special needs. It's why nearly everyone asks if I'm a therapist, nurse or other trained professional. It's a gift, but also a curse because it made my children present much more capably and well than they really are."

"She was particularly impressed by my the time, love and attention my children obviously receive, my homeschooling skill, the physical therapy regime we maintain at home (She said, "I don't think any of my other parents even know what a Bosu ball is!), how I handle the kids, what I've taught them as far as behaving appropriately goes and what our focus is for the future, our diet, lifestyle, and what I've given up personally for my children"

"After our 2.5 hour appointment - YES, she did spend that long with us - she looked at me and said, "I don't have any other parents who are doing as much for their children as you do for yours. What you've done is amazing."

[sawasdee]

45 minutes ago, iheartchacos said:

 

My favorite quotes:

"I'm only now just beginning to realize how skilled I am, without a degree, at teaching children with special needs. It's why nearly everyone asks if I'm a therapist, nurse or other trained professional. It's a gift, but also a curse because it made my children present much more capably and well than they really are."

"She was particularly impressed by my the time, love and attention my children obviously receive, my homeschooling skill, the physical therapy regime we maintain at home (She said, "I don't think any of my other parents even know what a Bosu ball is!), how I handle the kids, what I've taught them as far as behaving appropriately goes and what our focus is for the future, our diet, lifestyle, and what I've given up personally for my children"

"After our 2.5 hour appointment - YES, she did spend that long with us - she looked at me and said, "I don't have any other parents who are doing as much for their children as you do for yours. What you've done is amazing."

Modest and unassuming, aren't we? No mention of keeping an 11 year old on a leading rein - or would the pediatrician have praised her amazingly innovative methods of teaching obedience?

[iheartchacos]

"Blossom makes friends easily. She's very bright. She is going to be fine, as is Jie Jie, as long as I continue to do my job and love and protect and teach them."

Guess she's failed at that job (according to her own reportings)

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/12/thank-you-all.html?m=1

I'm on an overnight shift and reading backwards, so please forgive all my posts. And sorry if this (or anything else has been mentioned) but on Blossom's 11/25/12 birthday post, did anyone notice the comments from her first family?

[Jeebusismycopilot]

The more I read, the more I feel that she really just doesn't like Sissy.  I feel sorry for this poor girl, she isn't getting the help or love that she needs.  It sounds like there could be programmes out there for her, but K is too busy playing the martyr to take advantage of those. Plus if Sissy is busy learning to socialize and learning to do for herself, then who will she have to do her slave work around the day care?

[blessalessi]

3 hours ago, iheartchacos said:

I'm on an overnight shift and reading backwards, so please forgive all my posts. And sorry if this (or anything else has been mentioned) but on Blossom's 11/25/12 birthday post, did anyone notice the comments from her first family?

edit: yes, I noticed a few posts, reading forward from Blossom's rehoming post there are quite a few comments which seem to be from her first adoptive parents, but they are all posted anonymously.

This is the one you mention: 

http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/blossoms-first-birthday-dinner-party.html

 

Quote

Anonymous said...
Happy Birthday, Blossom! I hope it is your first of many happy, sweet celebrations. 

K- everything looks wonderful. Such a beautiful job of making sure the day was special, not only for Blossom, but all your girls.

November 26, 2012 at 9:01 AM
 Anonymous said...
I also wanted to let you know that when she was with us, we had an Asian baby doll for her. The fact that you got her a baby doll for her birthday and she plays with it is a sign of progress, K. When she had the first one, she had no idea what to do with it. She liked Barbie type dolls, but baby dolls that you cuddle and feed and dress- no idea. In fact, when we were packing up her things, she said she didn't want it. So now that she wants a baby doll and "nurtures" it- I think it's a really great sign.

November 26, 2012 at 9:09 AM
 K said...
Yes, she doesn't really know how to take care of her baby doll yet, but she is learning from her little sister and me. Her behavior clearly indicates that she wasn't loved and nurtured, so it's taken the last two months for Blossom to observe Jie Jie with her own doll and see what one actually does with a baby doll. I did have a deliberate plan in getting her a doll that is life-like and looks so much like her. She thinks she's playing, but I know she's also learning.
November 26, 2012 at 8:30 PM

 

[fundiefan]

She sure is a amazingly perfect specimen, isn't she? If only all women/mothers/parents/humans could shine as brightly as she does. 

[Sera's Arrow]

There she goes, blaming everyone and everything but herself. There's NO WAY the cruel and unusual methods of behavioural modification she used (and talked about) in the past has anything to do with Sissy's behaviour, after all! How can people with so little self-awareness continue to function? One day, I'm going to do a study with baselines and everything to figure out that mystery. .

You know what line popped out at me when I read that text avalanche of self-wank? "Sissy often thinks I'm making things up or making decisions arbitrarily."  I don't think there's much trust between Sissy and Kim. I don't think Sissy trusts Kim for good reason ('cruel and unusual' comes to mind) and Kim really doesn't trust Sissy. I don't think Kim even really likes Sissy. The way she talks about her, it's like she is more of a burden than a daughter and more of a special need to be labelled than a person.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship - between parent and child, teacher and student, behavioural psychologist and client,  spouses, co-workers, so on and so forth.  You'd think someone with "mad skillz" at working with children with special needs to the point where people fawn all over her and say she must be a professional would know that and work on re-building trust instead of playing "Big Brother" with her own daughter in her own house...

[Jeebusismycopilot]

18 minutes ago, Sera's Arrow said:

 

You know what line popped out at me when I read that text avalanche of self-wank? "Sissy often thinks I'm making things up or making decisions arbitrarily."  I don't think there's much trust between Sissy and Kim. I don't think Sissy trusts Kim for good reason ('cruel and unusual' comes to mind) and Kim really doesn't trust Sissy. I don't think Kim even really likes Sissy. The way she talks about her, it's like she is more of a burden than a daughter and more of a special need to be labelled than a person.

 

This woman doesn't see anything beyond her "I'm so wonderful, heap praise upon me because I adopted the "unloveable" and it has been so hard but I am a dab hand at making things amazing! Everyone is in aww of me!"  She seems to think she should be made a saint for adopting special needs children from China. 

But that was never truly her desire. In reading back, it seems she adopted the girls from there because the wait for a "good" kid was too long. She was buying baby clothes on Ebay and toys for Apple. But when the wait for a wee one was too long, she decided on bigger kids, then when that wait was still too long for her, she decided to adopt children with developmental delays. 

Her dream child was Apple. She bought toys and clothes for Apple. So of course the 3 older children will never measure up. They were almost like place holders or filler while she waited for her Apple. 

Sissy doesn't trust Kim because Kim doesn't trust her or want to trust her, it seems. Sissy is "The bad apple" (pun wasn't intended, but now, I'm thinking it fits) So rules for her ARE arbitrary. Sissy seems to be more harshly judged than the others. How can she learn if the rules for one are different than those for the others? What she has picked up on however, is that she does get some attention from Kim when she is "bad" so perhaps she does "bad" things in order to garner any attention whatsoever.  

This woman makes me want to cry. She's so self absorbed. 

[apandaaries]

6 hours ago, Jeebusismycopilot said:

The more I read, the more I feel that she really just doesn't like Sissy.  I feel sorry for this poor girl, she isn't getting the help or love that she needs.  It sounds like there could be programmes out there for her, but K is too busy playing the martyr to take advantage of those. Plus if Sissy is busy learning to socialize and learning to do for herself, then who will she have to do her slave work around the day care?

I think she might need to have some kind of "bad" kid in the mix on whom to blame all the problems.  Before it was Blossom, but now she's exonerated and Sissy is the "bad" one.  

Kim, since you're reading here, know that we're seriously concerned about your children, but not trolls.  Sometimes people from the outside have a better view.  Reading through your public blog, it's very clear to see that you have made many questionable decisions (an 11 year old on a toddler leash?  Accusing Sissy of stealing when you were out on Black Friday? et cetera).  It's very disturbing to read about their issues and how you deal with them.  The girls don't deserve that.  Please consider therapy for everyone, yourself included.  The girls have already had more than their fair share of trauma; they shouldn't to have to deal with your issues as well.  

In case she goes private, here was what she mentioned on 5 December 2015 (sorry about the red highlighting; can't get it off):

 

There have been a lot of trolls reading my blog lately. There are websites devoted to bashing moms like me who are doing terrific jobs with children in difficult positions. People who don't have a clue what is truly going on. How could they, when even the professionals are only beginning to realize what's up with these kids?

There are so many families out there reading my blog now or who will find it later who will benefit from my experiences. Families who will not give up on their kids, just like I'm not giving up on mine. Families who don't know what their next step should be, who may learn what to do next after reading my blog. Families who just need to know that they are not alone, that someone else is living with the same difficulties and completely understands what they are going through, and sometimes that's enough to give someone comfort, encouragement, reassurance and strength to keep going one more day.

[blessalessi]

Quote

 

There have been a lot of trolls reading my blog lately. There are websites devoted to bashing moms like me who are doing terrific jobs with children in difficult positions. People who don't have a clue what is truly going on. How could they, when even the professionals are only beginning to realize what's up with these kids?

There are so many families out there reading my blog now or who will find it later who will benefit from my experiences. Families who will not give up on their kids, just like I'm not giving up on mine. Families who don't know what their next step should be, who may learn what to do next after reading my blog. Families who just need to know that they are not alone, that someone else is living with the same difficulties and completely understands what they are going through, and sometimes that's enough to give someone comfort, encouragement, reassurance and strength to keep going one more day.

 

9 hours ago, Jeebusismycopilot said:

 

Posting without highlighting, to make it more readable!

3 hours ago, amandaaries said:

I think she might need to have some kind of "bad" kid in the mix on whom to blame all the problems.  Before it was Blossom

I totally agree. Jie Jie has also fallen out of favour at times of stress.

I kind of think Sissie would be better off transitioning to a group home sooner rather than later, especially if it were near enough to maintain contact with her sisters and the Church friends

But that would leave a vacancy for a new scapegoat. Kimmie would still need someone to blame when life gets hard.

It's notable that Kim has very few regular commenters, even from the Terrible Adopters Club. 

[apandaaries]

Thanks, @blessalessi!  I'd forgotten about Jie Jie's time out of favor, but that was there, too.  

The lack of regular commenters is odd.  She also has such a negative view of the parents for whom she works.  She is oddly competitive with other people, like the hiking story. I wonder what her relationships are truly like. 

[DaisyD]

Here's what she said about Sissy at first.

"This little girl's heart is wide open, inviting, no, PULLING me in as rapidly as possible. She is so ready for a mother's love and a family, yet I don't see desperation. She, too, has been greatly loved by the staff of her SWI and they truly seem to know her in many personal ways that indicate great care. She says, "Mama" when she feels me near in her sleep, like when I pull the covers over her. I have been most blessed once again to be able to call this precious girl my daughter."

 

The VERY next day she called her a brat, whiner, and a moaner.

 

First, I don't think she had the first clue as to what teenagers are naturally like. That shoe shopping trip sounded exactly like the last one I had with my 13 yo. All the stuff about her not being able to figure out the next step, and being ignorant seems off to me. If she was that incapable of seeing the next step in a process, how does she know to look for her paperwork? My teenager is very good at pretending he doesn't understand something when, really, he just doesn't want to do it. I wonder if Sissy is way more savvy than anyone is giving her credit for. I sure hope so. Otherwise the future is quite bleak for this poor girl.

 

 

[Eater of Worlds]

28 minutes ago, daisyd681 said:

Here's what she said about Sissy at first.

"This little girl's heart is wide open, inviting, no, PULLING me in as rapidly as possible. She is so ready for a mother's love and a family, yet I don't see desperation. She, too, has been greatly loved by the staff of her SWI and they truly seem to know her in many personal ways that indicate great care. She says, "Mama" when she feels me near in her sleep, like when I pull the covers over her. I have been most blessed once again to be able to call this precious girl my daughter."

 

The VERY next day she called her a brat, whiner, and a moaner.

 

First, I don't think she had the first clue as to what teenagers are naturally like. That shoe shopping trip sounded exactly like the last one I had with my 13 yo. All the stuff about her not being able to figure out the next step, and being ignorant seems off to me. If she was that incapable of seeing the next step in a process, how does she know to look for her paperwork? My teenager is very good at pretending he doesn't understand something when, really, he just doesn't want to do it. I wonder if Sissy is way more savvy than anyone is giving her credit for. I sure hope so. Otherwise the future is quite bleak for this poor girl.

 

 

THIS.  It seems like she describes her daughters to be completely delayed and unable to function at all, then she says something like that.  She makes it out like Sissy couldn't even be able to read the paperwork to know that it is hers, but then Sissy can understand what the geneticist is saying?  It makes it hard to believe anything the mother says.

[desertvixen]

So someone please tell me again how this severely delayed child gets to count as a daycare employee?

[DaisyD]

Read July 2012 onward. She goes on and on about Sissy being so smart and starting to be curious and figure things out. I think she figured some things out about the person she was now saddled to and decided to play dumb. 

[Jeebusismycopilot]

This is what makes it so ridiculously infuriating.  But it seems Kim is simply posting whatever works for her side of the story.  I think some of what holds Sissy back is Kim. 

 

As @desertvixen said, if she has so many problems, and she is so delayed - how can she possibly be an accredited nursery employee? In fact, on the website, it states her 2 oldest daughters are joining her. Isn't Blossom too young to be working at a nursery, regardless of any other impediments?

[DaisyD]

I just figured out what the "grievous sin against her sister" was, and I actually agree, though I wouldn't word it that way. Sissy was stealing items, and taking food and letting Blossom get punished for it. Blossom is the sister who was "sinned" against. I have to admit, when I punish the wrong child because they were "set up" (one child doing something that's in the other's m.o.) I'm that much more upset with the actual offender. She, of course, took it to the extreme, but I do get where that one started for her.

[WhiteRun]

Quote

She didn't know she has a special need. She is devastated to find out that she does and it's causing many behavior issues that are making things much worse for herself. It's like finding out you've got cancer.

When I first met Sissy in China she presented as a child with severe mental disability. 

Since when is Sissy finding out she has special needs comparable to being diagnosed with cancer?!? Did Kim hype it up to make it sound like her daughter was going to die from it? Hopefully Sissy can get some information from a doctor about her special needs rather than having all the information filtered though her adoptive mother.

Didn't Kim at some point mention she was going to take legal action against the orphanage where she adopted Sissy for lying about her condition? I remember reading somewhere Sissy's condition wasn't that bad (mild/moderate learning problems) until she was brought back to America and thats where the severity of her developmental problems really started to show themselves. 
 

[Sera's Arrow]

I went back and read the postings that pertained to Sissy. You know what I noticed? She has shown lots of behaviours consistent with hearing loss. The miscommunications, the "yelling to get her attention", the noted lack of interest in what is going on around her when playing around her peers, her speech and language delays. . .

I wrote the above last night while I was pondering and then this morning, I checked over M&D and what should I spy? This.  http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/diagnosing-auditory-processing-disorder.html 

[Eater of Worlds]

20 minutes ago, Sera's Arrow said:

I went back and read the postings that pertained to Sissy. You know what I noticed? She has shown lots of behaviours consistent with hearing loss. The miscommunications, the "yelling to get her attention", the noted lack of interest in what is going on around her when playing around her peers, her speech and language delays. . .

I wrote the above last night while I was pondering and then this morning, I checked over M&D and what should I spy? This.  http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/diagnosing-auditory-processing-disorder.html 

It sounds like she had a test at a speech therapist.  In order to test for APD, you have to go to an audiologist.  You can't diagnose APD if hearing loss isn't ruled out.   Only audiologists can diagnose it, not just a speech therapist who checks each ear's speech discrimination abilities. I haven't seen any mention of her taking the kids to an audiologist.  She mentioned in one post that she thinks Sissy "has a little bit of APD" but did not mention any testing.  I think she believes that the kid now has a diagnosis of that but the speech therapist apparently doesn't know enough about it to tell her to go to an audiologist and the mother obviously knows even less.

 If her kid really has APD, like I've already mentioned, the kid needs to be in ASL classes right away and she might qualify for her state's deaf school.  That's because functionally, a child with APD is just like a child with hearing loss.  I've known five or six people with APD and I've met them all at Deaf functions and they were all culturally Deaf.   

This woman is really screwing up her kids by not getting them real help if there is a suspicion of APD.