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What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?


LilMissMetaphor

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13 hours ago, Antimony said:

I also think it is strange that K's anger is at the people in Chinese who "hid and lied" about the girls' conditions. Surely, K would realize that if she spent this much time and money tracking down specialist after specialist, blood test after blood test, and going to different doctors that maybe its' just possible that the orphanages didn't know, or didn't know the full extent of it. It would be one thing to be mad at the world that these girls were put in this situations, that institutions (on the whole spectrum from neglectful to well-meaning) don't have the resources to provide care and diagnoses or whatever but K has decided this was a purposeful way to trick her into adopting these children and now she's bitter about it. That's what I think anyway.

Yes, I agree.

Kimmie knew at the time of Sissy's adoption that she was adopting from the "special needs" register and that there was an element on unknown risk in that. She chose to proceed, even though she already had Jie Jie and that she was still on the waiting list for the notional infant that was to be "Apple".  Kimmie was already struggling with Sissy when, a couple of weeks later, she scooped up Blossom from a random blogger who had changed her mind and decided to "re-home" Blossom.

Kimmie made choices based on the available limited evidence, and the certain knowledge that Chinese adoptees from the "special needs" register simply do not come with a clean bill of health and a complete medical file. She had read some sophisticated books about the traumatic losses that are inherent in adoption.  She knew that people from China generally speak a Chinese language, and that older children take longer to acquire new languages than younger ones. She knew all this.

She chose to go ahead anyway. Kimmie lied to herself.

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It would have been one thing if Kimmie had adopted the first older special needs child and it had left her reeling. But damn she chose to adopt 3 more! That is where you start getting into the question if she really wanted to be a martyr.

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I fell down the rabbit hole of the all kinds of chaos and disorder that is Kimi awhile ago and ended up serial reading the entire blog. Ack! I had nightmares. After some time for air and digestion of fencingmama bologna I am sleeping soundly again. I won't go down without rescue ferrets again! I think the main thing that stands out about Kimi is how she needs an antangonist. It seems like the more out of control she feels her need to blame away any current stress by putting blame on someone else. Is this her way to preserve her over inflated ego? I don't think that her precious Apple is so safe from her scorn if past behavior is any prediction of future. These poor children. 

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17 hours ago, Peas n carrots said:

It would have been one thing if Kimmie had adopted the first older special needs child and it had left her reeling. But damn she chose to adopt 3 more! That is where you start getting into the question if she really wanted to be a martyr.

Yeah, I have to agree with this.

"I didn't know what I was getting myself into!" makes complete sense for a new adoption experience, but we're talking about a person who then repeated the process three more times, barely pausing to catch her breath in between. At some point there has to be some level of accountability expected for a parent to realistically evaluate their own ability to cope before committing to even more, and if they're in over their head already they need to stop swimming deeper and deeper into the water.

The children had no choice about any of this. Kimmie did, and she seems to have made a poor one by committing to more than she was able to handle in pursuit of her perfect baby and the way she wants to view herself as a mother.

I don't blame Kimmie for being blindsided by the challenges of adopting a traumatized older child, but I do blame her for adopting repeatedly without making sure she was able to provide for each child's needs before expanding the family even further.

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7 minutes ago, Mercer said:

<snip>

I don't blame Kimmie for being blindsided by the challenges of adopting a traumatized older child, but I do blame her for adopting repeatedly without making sure she was able to provide for each child's needs before expanding the family even further.

This!

And I blame the LDS culture that made her believe that a woman's only worth is to have as many kids as possible, no matter the cost. :/

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13 hours ago, Kerfluffled said:

 I don't think that her precious Apple is so safe from her scorn if past behavior is any prediction of future. These poor children. 

I don't think so either.  Once Apple is an opinionated 13 year old, I think Kim will turn on her.

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Yeah, Kim prefers Apple now because she is the perfect cute baby girl that she always wanted, to dress up like a little doll and give her all the toys she collected. She seems to be fairly well behaved and is at the age where they think that Mommy is the best person ever and likely feeds her ego. But one day Apple is going to get opinions of her own. She is going to want to choose her own clothes and have her hair her own way (she might even decide to cut it all off!). She is going to answer back, rebel and sometimes she might even say "I hate you, youre the worst mom ever! All my friends are allowed to ____". She will likely try and sneak onto social networking sites instead of doing her homework. She will probably get fed up of having her personal information be blogged about. She will probably get fed up with the nickname Apple, and find it babyish.

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I don't think she calls her Apple to her face, though she may. All the blog names are supposed to be pseudonyms.

I don't think Kimmie gives the girls near enough credit for their accomplishments. Her pumpkin carving post is the one that really upsets me the most. 

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 a balance between knowing what their present limits are and helping them succeed with a level of direction that doesn't take the fun out of it for them, so they end up with a result that is a true accomplishment,

When Kimmie says "true accomplishment" in this post, what I here is, "Accomplishment that meets MY standards of how children's work should look."

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The previous day, we carved our jack-o-lanterns and everyone did a great job this year - even Blossom. Instead of giving her free design reign and watching her ruin it, I set the parameters (big shapes, straight lines only, and no curves), gave her paper to practice on, then gave her a marker and let her at the pumpkin. When she messed it up, which she ALWAYS does, I cleaned it off, re-did it according to the best of what she'd done, then let her start with the carving tool. Sweet success was hers to enjoy - finally! I'll get the jack-o-lantern pictures up in my next post.

It was never Blossom's project. It was Kimmie's. It's disgusting. Eventually, I am sure, she will do this to Apple. Does Blossom think her way is ruining it? Does Kimmie prevent them all from learning by doing things for them? I don't know but this pair of posts really upsets me. 

Offending posts are here fencingmama.blogspot.com/2015/11/happy-halloween-2015_2.html

and fencingmama.blogspot.com/2015/11/our-jack-o-lanterns.html 

I read another blog, called Chronicles of the Chromosomally Enhanced. It's like the opposite of Kimmie (and sometimes I have to go read some of it to dilute how much Kimmie I've read). 

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I found this comment on the Halloween post interesting --

 

Quote

Anonymous said...

Hi this is Emma again. Sissy friend from Zhuhai. I am very glad sissy is doing very well. I been reading the blog about sissy's problem. I think she will hang on to it. she will do great in speak therapy. I will keep praying for your guys:) 

-Emma Crooks

November 3, 2015 at 3:59 PM

 

Interesting because Kim acts like Sissy and Blossom have too many challenges to allow them to socialize/interact with their peers and yet maybe, just maybe, Kim's wrong...

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When she messed it up, which she ALWAYS does, I cleaned it off, re-did it 

:pb_evil: Well damned if that isn't the bitchiest thing I've heard all day.


She must think she is something special.  

 

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If you think your kid is going to mess up, they will.  They know there's no point trying as its not going to be good enough anyway.

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2 hours ago, Koala said:

:pb_evil: Well damned if that isn't the bitchiest thing I've heard all day.


She must think she is something special.  

 

I think things like that sometimes, but I wouldn't publish them in a blog post...

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Crafting with kids isn't about how it looks, its the enjoyment the kid got out of doing it, and the things they learned. It doesn't matter if Blossom's pumpkin didn't look as good as the others, because its not about having it look perfect. It doesn't matter what Kim thinks it looks like, its what Blossom thinks of it-will she be happier with an imperfect pumpkin that she had a great time carving and the accomplishment of having done it herself, or a perfect pumpkin made and directed mostly by her impatient mother, where she got no chance to do things her own way.

 

Its not about perfection. When youre doing things like this with kids, don't expect perfection (especially if they are very young or have disabilities that will make some things more difficult), it takes all the fun and individuality out of it. Kim alternates between thinking her oldest three kids are complete idiots who are incapable of doing the smallest thing, and expecting them to do things correct that a kid their age should be able to do, but not accounting for their level of development, and attributing malicious intent to the things that they do, that they just cant help.

 

By taking over and directing a child's project, youre destroying their love of creativity and their ability to express themselves, and also the work they have created-maybe Blossom thought it looked good the way it did before Kim cleaned her design off the pumpkin and did it again, probably while complaining that it wasn't good enough, maybe in Blossom's eyes, her mother ruined her hard work. Doing it for them doesn't develop their independence, it teaches them to rely on others. It also affects children's ability to get the most out of doing the project. Arts and crafts with kids teaches them a lot-using imagination, motor skills, the ability to experiment with different textures and shapes, confidence in creating something and pride at what they have accomplished, social skills and language by doing it with other people and talking about what theyre doing...play is how children learn.

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7 hours ago, Antimony said:

 

It was never Blossom's project. It was Kimmie's. It's disgusting. Eventually, I am sure, she will do this to Apple. Does Blossom think her way is ruining it? Does Kimmie prevent them all from learning by doing things for them? I don't know but this pair of posts really upsets me. 

Offending posts are here fencingmama.blogspot.com/2015/11/happy-halloween-2015_2.html

and fencingmama.blogspot.com/2015/11/our-jack-o-lanterns.html 

I read another blog, called Chronicles of the Chromosomally Enhanced. It's like the opposite of Kimmie (and sometimes I have to go read some of it to dilute how much Kimmie I've read). 

I just noticed a comment on that post: 

"Hi this is Emma again. Sissy friend from Zhuhai. I am very glad sissy is doing very well. I been reading the blog about sissy's problem. I think she will hang on to it. she will do great in speak therapy. I will keep praying for your guys:)"

How heartbreaking to think that Sissy's friends from China are reading the degrading, hypercritical things that Kim posts about her. 

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14 minutes ago, alexandracabot said:

I just noticed a comment on that post: 

"Hi this is Emma again. Sissy friend from Zhuhai. I am very glad sissy is doing very well. I been reading the blog about sissy's problem. I think she will hang on to it. she will do great in speak therapy. I will keep praying for your guys:)"

How heartbreaking to think that Sissy's friends from China are reading the degrading, hypercritical things that Kim posts about her. 

That is so sad. I wonder if Sissy is allowed to have a relationship with old friends. 

 

Also, maybe this has been discussed...but why is Jie-Jie the only one on the side of the blog? There aren't pictures of the others on the side. 

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10 hours ago, Shiny said:

That is so sad. I wonder if Sissy is allowed to have a relationship with old friends. 

I swear to God K has declared Sissy incapable of making friends and connecting to other people. She's a "robot, there's nothing there." And yet in China, she connected to a friend who cared about her so much that she reads her blog and prays for her. 

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So she has an American sounding first an  last name, the friend. Is she adopted too? In the states even, maybe? I wonder if a reunion could be arranged.

I wonder how Emma found the blog to begin with and how she knew that Sissy was the same person she knew in China. I don't want to be skeptical but I am, a little, and also sad because I don't think there's any way on earth that Kimmie would let Sissy have a friend.  I wonder if whoever adopted Emma is also reading this blog and feeling as notified and sad as we are. 

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Emma posted a couple other comments on the blog.

Quote

 

Anonymous said...

Hi! This is Sissy's best friend from Zhu Hai orphanage. My Chinese name is Zhu Mei Xin and my English name is Emma. I have been in America 4 1/2 years. I have been reading your blog since Sissy got adopted and I am very happy. I just want to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

November 22, 2014 at 6:08 PM

 

link. Kim replied to the comment and asked her to send an email.

And Emma's mom on another post:

Quote

 

Kathy said...

Just want to say Congratulations! She is as beautiful as I remember her when we went to the orphanage.I remember the trip as if it were yesterday. My daughter came through those same doors when she was placed in my arms. Priceless!
Corgratulations! Enjoy the trip. It goes by so fast.

Kathy 
DD- Emma

March 29, 2011 at 7:04 AM

 

link

 

It sounds like Emma is real....it's not as if Kim is famous and people would think to troll her, but who really knows with the Internet.

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Or maybe she's an American volunteer or ngo worker or a Westerner do goooder. Anyway who she is is beside the point, she feels to be a friend of Sissy so probably Sissy is more capable at relationships than Kim wants to admit.

ETA crossposted with bertnee

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