What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[keepercjr]

I figured out her address and her house is HUGE at 4000 sq ft.  And her lot is .7 acres.  She bought it when it was at a really low price for what it is.

from Zillow:

This home features four bedrooms, four bathrooms, multiple living areas, a large kitchen, a large yard with mature landscaping. The owner replaced the roof in 2002, the pool was re-surfaced in 2004, One of the heating and air conditioning units was replaced in 2011. This home could be ideal for a person who worked out of their home and need a in home office, it features multiple private offices. 

 

 

[FrumperSeamstress]

The "gifts" she gives these children are bizarre. She gave Sissy an alarm clock for her 17th birthday, and she gave Blossom a paper shredder for Christmas.

[Jana814]

The "gifts" she gives these children are bizarre. She gave Sissy an alarm clock for her 17th birthday, and she gave Blossom a paper shredder for Christmas.

Those are some crazy gifts!!  

 

[blessalessi]

I'm worried that her latest blog post may indicate that Kimmie is thinking of abandoning Sissy.  The post is a tirade against almost everything Sissy is and does.  It ends with a request for prayer for another family that is considering a "disruption". She has tagged the post with "reactive attachment disorder" which suggests to me that this is where she is going with the latest specialist evaluation.

Saturday, November 28, 2015
Victim of a Crime
There have been many things happening in my life lately, things that need to remain private and others that I'm going to share here for the sake of all the other families struggling with the older children that they've adopted, but who have decided to stick it out as their parents.

Sissy has an appointment with a specialist early this week who will put in motion a series of further evaluations with more specialists to see what is going on, if they can. I've been trying to get her evaluated by our regional center, too, but they keep asking me for more and more paperwork and it's swamping me.

She has ceased to function unless it serves HER. Her entire world revolves around her like a 3 or 4 yr. old, whose entire existence is self-centered.

During this process of what I call "taking the cane away from the blind girl," it has become increasingly obvious that Sissy has very low functioning ability. Oh, her body can function, her hands can do chores, but she doesn't know the reasons why we do the things we do beyond the most basic level. She's a complete copycat. But the tricky part is that she's a memorizer. She's memorized things that mask her deficiencies so she appears to know. Why do we clean the bathrooms? Because they are dirty. Yes, that's right. But if we don't clean the bathrooms on Saturday because of a family outing or other activity, she becomes fixated on it, and the minute she can, even if it's a few minutes before bed time, she'll grab the cleaning supplies and think we still have the clean the bathrooms because it's Saturday. She'll say, "We clean the bathrooms because they are dirty," but her brain is telling her, "We clean the bathrooms because it's Saturday and that's what we do on Saturday." Just like she'll say, "We change a diaper because the baby is pee," (her exact words), but her brain says, "Mommy said I need to change the diaper," so she changes it even if it's dry.

I have often wondered why she latched so readily onto Jie Jie, 5 years younger, and even now still follows her, like a puppy, and never assumes the lead in anything. Well, it's because Jie Jie has been Sissy's cane, her guide through life. Even Blossom has had a main role in keeping Sissy functioning. Part of what's added to Sissy's issues is that Blossom is doing very well right now and has passed Sissy up in reading and writing and reading comprehension and Sissy absolutely cannot stand this because she can no longer fake keeping up. She has not realized what she's been doing to get through life. It's a coping mechanism, highly developed, and she's completely unconscious of this adaptation. It's worked for her until now and it's all she knows. In China, her cane was her best friend and room mate who now lives in Montana.

Sissy is now under my eye completely. She steals, lies, snoops, destroys. She does this during the night. Many things have gone missing over the months, documents, my MP3 player, little things, big things. We've been here before. Our therapist helped me tremendously when this came to light the first time, 3 years go. I started spying on her at odd times and have caught her. She can't even stay on a chair while I use the bathroom. I sneak back into the room and she's up and across the room rummaging through my papers. She's becoming paranoid and trying to find anything pertaining to her since she's now completely lost and can't figure out what's going on. It doesn't help when she's praised at speech therapy for nothing other than to keep her from feeling bad since she's failed every single exercise they've tried until it's dumbed down and they've cued her to get something out of her. I can't dumb down our life to that extent and praise her for nothing. I am learning other techniques that will help her, but it's slow going until we have a definitive diagnosis and my primary goal at the moment is to keep us all safe.

So, what it boils down to is that Sissy must stay within my sight at ALL times. She cannot be trusted around the other girls. She has "divided and conquered" so they lie to me to cover for her, at least Jie Jie (who also has cognitive issues of her own). Blossom is starting to feel loyal to me the more successful she is - thank heavens!

Enter The Crime! Yesterday, I purchased a security camera and tablet so that I can monitor Sissy without dragging her around the house with me. At the second store we stopped into, someone swiped the tablet out of our shopping bag, which was hanging on Apple's stroller. For all I know, Sissy swiped it and hid it, but the store doesn't have access to their security video feed so I'll never know for sure. The tablet was a Black Friday special deal at only $28. I went to 5 other similar stores and they were all sold out. The time, energy and money Sissy is now costing is becoming crippling to my family. Thankfully, help is coming soon as we meet with all the specialists I am lining up.

With Sissy's language development delay, talking doesn't do a single bit of good. She doesn't understand. She knows what the individual words mean, to an extent, but can't comprehend the meaning when they are put together in to conversation.

We could use your prayers at this time. I'm dealing with all of this completely on my own. I will say this: Moving 2.5 years ago was the worse decision I ever made in my entire life. It turned out that everyone has lied to me about the most significant things I was basing my decisions on, from the conditions of my kids to the condition of my new house and ever so much more.

The is another mom who needs prayers, too. Please pray for THIS MOM since she is in the untenable position of having to decide whether or not to disrupt her brand new adoption in the face of unexpected things revealed about her new daughter while still in China.
Posted by K at 11:53 AM 
Labels: Cognitive Delay, Reactive Attachment Disorder, special needs

WRT the idea of Sissy being a "fake", I wonder if Kimmie at some level fears that she is the figurative blind child that has had her cane taken away.

[She] absolutely cannot stand this because she can no longer fake keeping up. She has not realized what she's been doing to get through life. It's a coping mechanism, highly developed, and she's completely unconscious of this adaptation. It's worked for her until now and it's all she knows.

There is an awful lot of complex stuff in that paragraph. Along with the repeated claims that all the professionals are either liars or incompetent, I suspect that Kimmie may recognise at some level that she is totally out of her depth and should have been "found out" a very long time ago.

As much as I hate to bear about "disrupted" adoption, I would love to think that Sissy ( any of the children really) could have a way out of this situation. 

 

[apandaaries]

She paints a pretty picture for the day care business, which is terrifying. 

Nothing about the site says fundie or LDS; I just glanced at it, but it seems secular to me?

I hope the fencing FJer comes back with a report. This lady makes me sick, but I can't tear myself away. 

She has that big quote from Nephi (LDS/Book of Mormon reference) at the top of the blog.  She also mentions occasionally the Bishop, the Ward, and church.  There's a lovely post where she blames her daughters for not making friends at church, despite attending for 2.5 years, because her daughters are just too self-absorbed (amazing to read from such a narcissist).

@blessalessi That was terrifying to read.  I've not gone through the blog entirely, but her inability to empathize with her children is awful.  She seems to have blamed Blossom for everything for quite some time, but is now turning this anger and blame towards Sissy.  She's even blaming Sissy for the lost tablet!  She was shopping with four kids and it was just hanging out in an accessible bag -- but it must have been her own daughter who took it.  

Actually, a lot of Sissy's behaviors sound like she's shutting down around Kimmy to avoid criticism and arguments.  If she can get up to rustle through papers, she knows something is up.  She's trying to formulate a plan.  Kimmy is evil enough to let her know how unstable her home situation is, so she's trying to find out what could be happening.  How "functionally illiterate" of her, eh?  

The girls appear to have bonded -- they are trying to take care of one another and cover for each other -- but she views this as competition.   She's happy that Blossom is "bonding" with her and ratting out her sisters.  The ONE good thing the kids seem to have going for them is their support from one another, and she's ruining that, too.  Has anyone else read about how parental favoritism (or the appearance thereof) can ruin sibling relationships (which ordinarily are a wonderful source of support) for a lifetime? http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/11/27/366789136/your-adult-siblings-may-be-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-life

I'm very concerned about Sissy.  She just turned 17.  Her adoptive mother seems to be threatening to disrupt her adoption, and soon she'll have aged out of many services.  Kimmy is a monster.

[Walking Cat Bed]

Sissy would do well in an environment that provided structure and "scaffolding" -- i.e., changing things gradually, still having a "safety" available, and the understanding that kids don't become Perfect overnight.

 

And...Why the hell would you take a cane from a blind person? (I do understand that it's a terribly-chosen metaphor.) That's just cruel and abusive. And that's what she's doing; she's isolating the poor child and keeping her world unstable. That's called ABUSE, Kimmie.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

I am worried that her latest blog post may indicate that Kimmie is thinking of abandoning Sissy.  The post is a tirade against almost everything Sissy is and does.  It ends with a request for prayer for another family that is considering a "disruption". She has tagged the post with "reactive attachment disorder" which suggests to me that this is where she is going with the latest specialist evaluation.

WRT the idea of Sissy being a "fake", I wonder if Kimmie at some level fears that she is the figurative blind child that has had her cane taken away.

[She] absolutely cannot stand this because she can no longer fake keeping up. She has not realized what she's been doing to get through life. It's a coping mechanism, highly developed, and she's completely unconscious of this adaptation. It's worked for her until now and it's all she knows.

There is an awful lot of complex stuff in that paragraph. Along with the repeated claims that all the professionals are either liars or incompetent, I suspect that Kimmie may recognise at some level that she is totally out of her depth and should have been "found out" a very long time ago.

As much as I hate to bear about "disrupted" adoption, I would love to think that Sissy ( any of the children really) could have a way out of this situation. 

 

 

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.it/?m=1I this is the disruption she's talking about.

[blessalessi]

Yep, that's the one Kim would like to redirect our attention towards.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Yep, that's the one Kim would like to redirect our attention towards.

The funny thing is that i found that family looking for connections with the "travel family"

[blessalessi]

She has that big quote from Nephi (LDS/Book of Mormon reference) at the top of the blog.  She also mentions occasionally the Bishop, the Ward, and church.  There's a lovely post where she blames her daughters for not making friends at church, despite attending for 2.5 years, because her daughters are just too self-absorbed (amazing to read from such a narcissist).

@blessalessi That was terrifying to read.  I've not gone through the blog entirely, but her inability to empathize with her children is awful.  She seems to have blamed Blossom for everything for quite some time, but is now turning this anger and blame towards Sissy.  She's even blaming Sissy for the lost tablet!  She was shopping with four kids and it was just hanging out in an accessible bag -- but it must have been her own daughter who took it.  

Actually, a lot of Sissy's behaviors sound like she's shutting down around Kimmy to avoid criticism and arguments.  If she can get up to rustle through papers, she knows something is up.  She's trying to formulate a plan.  Kimmy is evil enough to let her know how unstable her home situation is, so she's trying to find out what could be happening.  How "functionally illiterate" of her, eh?  

The girls appear to have bonded -- they are trying to take care of one another and cover for each other -- but she views this as competition.   She's happy that Blossom is "bonding" with her and ratting out her sisters.  The ONE good thing the kids seem to have going for them is their support from one another, and she's ruining that, too.  Has anyone else read about how parental favoritism (or the appearance thereof) can ruin sibling relationships (which ordinarily are a wonderful source of support) for a lifetime? http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/11/27/366789136/your-adult-siblings-may-be-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-life

I'm very concerned about Sissy.  She just turned 17.  Her adoptive mother seems to be threatening to disrupt her adoption, and soon she'll have aged out of many services.  Kimmy is a monster.

I tend to agree with whoever suggested Munchausen by proxy.  I  don't mean to minimise the likely impact of their life in an orphanage, but I wonder if there is very much "wrong" with the children that hasn't been caused or greatly exacerbated by Kim's parenting. The same "broken children" on the blog have met the regulations required to be registered daycare providers, after all, and absolutely no specialist seems to concur with Kim's "diagnoses". 

[apandaaries]

I tend to agree with whoever suggested Munchausen by proxy.  I  don't mean to minimise the likely impact of their life in an orphanage, but I wonder if there is very much "wrong" with the children that hasn't been caused or greatly exacerbated by Kim's parenting. The same "broken children" on the blog have met the regulations required to be registered daycare providers, after all, and absolutely no specialist seems to concur with Kim's "diagnoses". 

It's so disturbing how she's always arguing with the experts, unless she's criticizing them.  I understand needing to advocate for one's child, but that's not what she's doing.  She even criticized the speech therapists for praising her daughter, but said she couldn't "dumb down" their whole lives to do so...WTF, woman?  

She did not sound especially stable from the earlier posts -- and that's not even counting the whole, "what if I found a baby in the woods?"  But now she has four girls that she's dragging into her psychological instability.  I'm still wondering how she blames Sissy for the lost tablet -- where would the girl have hidden it?  And if she truly just threw it out, could it have been because she did not desire nonstop surveillance?  Honestly, though, handling four kids on Black Friday without watching one's bag is asking for loss.  But it seems to be much more satisfying to her to blame Sissy.  

[GodsKnickers]

I feel like this doesn't end well. For anyone.

[Maggie Mae]

Kimi is just so rude in the comments too. When she went to China to get Sissy, she mentioned something about a portable DVD player. A couple of commenters said to spend a little more and get jie jie and sissy an iPod touch. Her response was just so arrogant, rude, and dismissive. Also her language is strange, calling it a computer gizmo. She also said something about sissy downloading qq and causing the computer to malfunction. It's just such different word  choices for someone who has a habit of choosing the wrong word. 

It it drives me crazy how often she uses the wrong word. Site instead of sight, ruff instead of rough, etc. 

 

She was disappointed with sissy from the first day she met sissy in person. Poor girl. Her mom should download qq for her. 

 

 

[halcionne]

She has that big quote from Nephi (LDS/Book of Mormon reference) at the top of the blog.  She also mentions occasionally the Bishop, the Ward, and church.  There's a lovely post where she blames her daughters for not making friends at church, despite attending for 2.5 years, because her daughters are just too self-absorbed (amazing to read from such a narcissist).

@blessalessi That was terrifying to read.  I've not gone through the blog entirely, but her inability to empathize with her children is awful.  She seems to have blamed Blossom for everything for quite some time, but is now turning this anger and blame towards Sissy.  She's even blaming Sissy for the lost tablet!  She was shopping with four kids and it was just hanging out in an accessible bag -- but it must have been her own daughter who took it.  

Actually, a lot of Sissy's behaviors sound like she's shutting down around Kimmy to avoid criticism and arguments.  If she can get up to rustle through papers, she knows something is up.  She's trying to formulate a plan.  Kimmy is evil enough to let her know how unstable her home situation is, so she's trying to find out what could be happening.  How "functionally illiterate" of her, eh?  

The girls appear to have bonded -- they are trying to take care of one another and cover for each other -- but she views this as competition.   She's happy that Blossom is "bonding" with her and ratting out her sisters.  The ONE good thing the kids seem to have going for them is their support from one another, and she's ruining that, too.  Has anyone else read about how parental favoritism (or the appearance thereof) can ruin sibling relationships (which ordinarily are a wonderful source of support) for a lifetime? http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/11/27/366789136/your-adult-siblings-may-be-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-life

I'm very concerned about Sissy.  She just turned 17.  Her adoptive mother seems to be threatening to disrupt her adoption, and soon she'll have aged out of many services.  Kimmy is a monster.

I was referring to the adoption agency when I said it looked secular to me.

[Pseudoname]

The "gifts" she gives these children are bizarre. She gave Sissy an alarm clock for her 17th birthday, and she gave Blossom a paper shredder for Christmas.

I'm fairly certain that the paper shredder box was recycled and had the Barbie van the in it.  

[apandaaries]

I was referring to the adoption agency when I said it looked secular to me.

Ah! Beg your pardon...reading comprehension fail.

[EyeQueue]

The "gifts" she gives these children are bizarre. She gave Sissy an alarm clock for her 17th birthday, and she gave Blossom a paper shredder for Christmas.

I think the doll van was inside the paper shredder box. The sequence of photos shows her with the paper shredder box and then the van in her hands. Since the mom buys stuff from E-bay frequently, I'm assuming she received the gift in a re-purposed box.

ETA: Ooops. Pseudoname addresses this above. Sorry!

She has a huge house with a pool. I don't really know where the money comes from.  

She hasn't said anything about an inheritance, but I that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

She does run a home daycare with about 8 kids, ranging from babies to toddlers. That probably brings in a pretty good chunk of change, and if she's registered through the Federal nutrition program, she's also getting a portion of her food budget rebated each month/year. My mom used to run a home daycare and was on that program, and if you serve the foods they designate, you get quite a good rebate.

She also runs a couple of home businesses: teaching people to sew and selling her "Poo Pockets" diapers (although I haven't been able to figure out if she sales the actual diapers, or just the pattern to the diapers (??).

[EyeQueue]

    <snip>

The girls appear to have bonded -- they are trying to take care of one another and cover for each other -- but she views this as competition.   She's happy that Blossom is "bonding" with her and ratting out her sisters.  The ONE good thing the kids seem to have going for them is their support from one another, and she's ruining that, too.  Has anyone else read about how parental favoritism (or the appearance thereof) can ruin sibling relationships (which ordinarily are a wonderful source of support) for a lifetime? http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/11/27/366789136/your-adult-siblings-may-be-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-life

I'm very concerned about Sissy.  She just turned 17.  Her adoptive mother seems to be threatening to disrupt her adoption, and soon she'll have aged out of many services.  Kimmy is a monster.

The woman seems hyper-focused on being *the* main contact in the girls' lives, and not letting them have a "peer-guided upbringing" (or whatever term she flings around several times). She claims that Sissy's problem from the outset is that she was basically raised by her peers in the orphanage, and not by any of the adults.

There's a lot of rhetoric throughout the blog (I just finished it at about 1:00 a.m. last night) about how the parents need to be primary, and if she lets them go to public school, peers will have too much of a role in their lives. There's even a post (can't remember month or year) titled "Where Do They Belong?" and the answer in the first sentence is something like, "At home. With me."

But then she complains that the girls don't have very good social skills, but she's purposefully crippling them from gaining those skills if she won't let them have contacts with their peers.

It seems like a lot of "protecting my kids' hearts" bullshit a la the Maxwells and other hard-core fundie families.

[EyeQueue]

 

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.it/?m=1I this is the disruption she's talking about.

Do you know which entry covers the disruption? I've skimmed through a couple of years of entries and can't find it. Did she scrub all reference to it from her blog?

[LaLele]

With Sissy's language development delay, talking doesn't do a single bit of good. She doesn't understand. She knows what the individual words mean, to an extent, but can't comprehend the meaning when they are put together in to conversation.

Again.  Ugh.  Lots and lots of children with only 3 years of English under their belts are going to have this same issue.  I cannot say if Sissy has a delay or not, but I can almost certainly say she has a language difference just based on her history.  I think Sissy's SLPs have told this to the "mom" and that is why she seems to have a hard on against speech therapy.  

I hope Sissy's SLPs dotted all i's and crossed all t's  cause this sounds like Kimmie is itching to go due process (legal action over IEPs). 

It doesn't help when she's praised at speech therapy for nothing other than to keep her from feeling bad since she's failed every single exercise they've tried until it's dumbed down and they've cued her to get something out of her. I can't dumb down our life to that extent and praise her for nothing.

Also, sometimes you have to cue the shit out of kids at the beginning of them learning a new skill.  That is how they learn!!!  You reduce cues when you are able, but you have to cue to teach the skill!  If the mom isn't going to help with that, good luck to Sissy learning the new skill cause she prob only sees the SLPs an hour a week max. 

This woman burns me. 

[Antimony]

I feel like something happened to K or her mental thought processes regarding parenting.

This post: http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/09/now-shes-trying.html
has a completely different tone, is much more positive, praises Blossom's intelligence.

What the heck went down? 

[blessalessi]

Do you know which entry covers the disruption? I've skimmed through a couple of years of entries and can't find it. Did she scrub all reference to it from her blog?

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.it/2015/11/love-her-i-dont-even-like-her.html?m=1 The adoption was only signed for this week, and the mom is announcing a potential disruption live to her blog readers. She is in China now, going on trips with the adoption tour group, deciding whether to take the girl she has just adopted home, or to leave her to age out in China, because she's not quite the product that adoptomom wanted. 

I feel like something happened to K or her mental thought processes regarding parenting.

This post: http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/09/now-shes-trying.html
has a completely different tone, is much more positive, praises Blossom's intelligence.

What the heck went down? 

She only has a positive tone when things are going as Kim wants. She spent 15 years collecting baby clothes before giving up on hopes of meeting a man and having bio children. Then 4+ years decorating her house and buying prams and shit for her fantasy of a perfect adopted child. Occasionally, when a day goes well, she gets a glimpse of what she dreamed of all that time.  Mostly she is filled with anger because her children have their own needs and can't therefore fulfil Kim's needs.

[EyeQueue]

I feel like something happened to K or her mental thought processes regarding parenting.

This post: http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/09/now-shes-trying.html
has a completely different tone, is much more positive, praises Blossom's intelligence.

What the heck went down? 

I think she kept gradually discovering that the girls had more special needs than she had been led to believe during the adoption process. Check out this entry, for example:

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2014/05/time-for-update-on-girls.html

She seems to be devastated when she discovers that Blossom appears to not have solid reasoning skills (the whole goodnight kiss episode).

http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.it/2015/11/love-her-i-dont-even-like-her.html?m=1 The adoption was only signed for this week, and the mom is announcing a potential disruption live to her blog readers. She is in China now, going on trips with the adoption tour group, deciding whether to take the girl she has just adopted home, or to leave her to age out in China, because she's not quite the product that adoptomom wanted. 

@Blessalessi: Oh, this is a new disruption. I somehow got the impression that this was the family that left Blossom on Kimmie's doorstep.

The comments on that post. OMG...they're encouraging her to bring the kid back to the US and then disrupt.

Are there no regulations to protect the kids' interests here? This is heartbreaking and sickening!

ETA: And this is another single woman who seems to be taking on way more than she can handle, but it's OK because Jesus.

[EyeQueue]

I keep seeing this reference in a few of the posts above to "the Travel family." Does someone have a link? Is this the family that disrupted their adoption of Blossom before fencingmama got her?

[blessalessi]

I was guessing who it might be from the information I mentioned, but I'm almost certain I was wrong now.  I don't want to say more for the reasons I gave under the spoiler.  

 

I think she kept gradually discovering that the girls had more special needs than she had been led to believe during the adoption process. Check out this entry, for example:

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2014/05/time-for-update-on-girls.html

She seems to be devastated when she discovers that Blossom appears to not have solid reasoning skills (the whole goodnight kiss episode).

@Blessalessi: Oh, this is a new disruption. I somehow got the impression that this was the family that left Blossom on Kimmie's doorstep.

The comments on that post. OMG...they're encouraging her to bring the kid back to the US and then disrupt.

Are there no regulations to protect the kids' interests here? This is heartbreaking and sickening!

ETA: And this is another single woman who seems to be taking on way more than she can handle, but it's OK because Jesus.

She seems to be attention-seeking to an extreme in the blog headings.  I kind of don't want to validate her by discussing her in too much detail.  Vile woman.