What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Maggie Mae]

New post up. Overly dramatic writing about getting test results, pictures of all children except for Sissy. It's still all about Kim though. 

And she's now put enough information about Jie Jie's special need that I'm pretty sure I can accurately guess what it is. She's going to have a rough transition to adulthood, independent of kim and kim's issues. 

[littlehouse]

Would you mind saying what your guess is?  Or is it too tacky for me to ask?

[blessalessi]

I think Kimi has pretty much spelled it out in a previous postby using text from a medical article to describe it. I don't know enough about it to know why she would be coy about naming it (as opposed to all the other incredibly private detail she has exposed about those girls).

[iheartchacos]

SB?

[Maggie Mae]

3 hours ago, blessalessi said:

I think Kimi has pretty much spelled it out in a previous postby using text from a medical article to describe it. I don't know enough about it to know why she would be coy about naming it (as opposed to all the other incredibly private detail she has exposed about those girls).

 

11 minutes ago, iheartchacos said:

SB?

No. She went to an SB clinic, but my guess is VACTERL with DiGeorge syndrome.

I was thinking SB with Chiari, but i found a post that stated she does not have SB, even though she attended an SB clinic. 

I think she's being weird about not naming it because the A means she has something different going on with the "waste elimination" area. And that could be embarrassing to Jie Jie in the future, and probably to Kim as well, Because Kim is kind of a monster who is very superficial, old fashioned, and ... well... has a stick up her ass. 

[Inthemadhouse]

What really bothered me (among other things) is the post that explains that Jie Jie means 'big sister', because she knew that she was going to make this girl a big sister one day with the holy coming of Apple.  Really?  "Hi, Darling, I just adopted you but guess what?  You're already second in my heart to a kid that doesn't exist yet!  In fact, I'm going to give you a nickname that reflects who you are to Apple, instead of who you are as yourself."  Really rubbed me the wrong way

[blessalessi]

I've read quite a lot of the blog in chronological order now  It is almost like watching a car crash happen.  

I wonder what on earth posessed Kim to adopt Blossom from the family that disrupted her? Reading in order, it really shows up that, although Kimi was never exactly stable things fell apart really quickly after she took in Blossom within a month of bringing home Sissy. And it is not as if she was in a honeymoon haze with Sissy. She struggled with her from the start, very briefly began to bond with her, and then quite randomly took in Blossom and became totally overwhelmed and unable to cope.

The only positive thing I can say from falling down the rabbithole of adoption blogs is that, since a Reuters expose on post-adoption abandonment in 2013, a whole circle of families who adopted children and then brought them to the USA for re-homing have been refused ever again to be considered for future China adoptions. 

http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

[Antimony]

17 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

 

No. She went to an SB clinic, but my guess is VACTERL with DiGeorge syndrome.

I was thinking SB with Chiari, but i found a post that stated she does not have SB, even though she attended an SB clinic. 

I think she's being weird about not naming it because the A means she has something different going on with the "waste elimination" area. And that could be embarrassing to Jie Jie in the future, and probably to Kim as well, Because Kim is kind of a monster who is very superficial, old fashioned, and ... well... has a stick up her ass. 

And yet, she repeats on the blog multiple times about teaching Jie Jie that "her body has not formed normally" and and goes on and on about it every single time she posts anything about Jie Jie getting a bath, or undressing for a doctor, etc. If Kim is this way with her words, it feels like she's pushing embarrassment upon the child. The way Kim bemoans Jie Jie's supposed inability to do gymanstics as well...it kills me. Jie Jie seems like she has such a great personality.

[keepercjr]

Yes she makes damn sure that each child knows *exactly* what shortcomings they have and how they are different (and not in a good way) from everyone else.  I think she can only focus on the negative if every situation instead of doing like her bishop said and focus on the positives.  Instead of "not formed normally" she can say she is unique and special and can present some challenges.  

She said this in 2012 after she had jie jie for 1 year:

Quote

And, on top of all of this, remember that after each test and/or imaging scan, I find out more about the differences in my daughter's body. I don't have a spouse to turn to for comfort and reassurance and love or for help with making big decisions. My heart is in mourning for what my daughter has lost and/or will never have. Many of these things we all take for granted and don't even think about - ever. One day she will fall in love and that love will be tested when her medical history and status have to be revealed. I wonder how many men will be scared and leave her over it, or if she'll be so blessed as to find that wonderful gem who will love her just as she is. More presently, Jie Jie is asking about how her soon-to-be older sister will feel when she sees her body and all the therapies, etc... that are becoming our norm.

Also as someone who has a chronic condition (cystic fibrosis) it really rubs me wrong.  For my kids, who do not have cf, they see nothing different about their mom and my medical supplies.  I don't hide them and their friends don't care.  If Jie Jie was actually worried about this then it is all Kim's fault.  Kids just don't see the world the way adults do.  It everything were upfront and honest and you don't hide it or cast shame or make her feel different then she should have no problem finding a man (or friends) who will love her just as she is.  I can see her biggest barrier to long term happiness Is going to be her mom.

 

It also bugs me when she harps on Jie Jie being responsible for her medical needs.  You can have the child be an active participant but making them solely responsible for refilling medical supplies and medications is crazy.  It it is YOUR job as a parent to make sure it is done.  Kids with medical issues have enough to deal with and saddling them with that can just be too much.  She should have mor responsibility as she gets older but even then it can be hard.  Heck I have a hard time sometimes and I am in my mid 30s.  I wish someone would just hand me my meds or set up my treatments for me so I don't have to think about it.

[ViolaSebastian]

@keepercjr, I wish I could give you five up votes for this, but an emoticon will have to do: 

She's mentioned that Jie Jie will need a spinal fusion/rod implantation for her scoliosis, which is a surgery that I've had done.  While it's not a walk in the park by any means, I worry that Kimi is projecting her fears onto Jie Jie.  My life actually improved considerably after I had the surgery done: it was easier to breathe, I could sit up for longer periods of time, clothes fit better, I grew in confidence because the curve was less noticeable, etc.  She also mentions that she 'came up with an idea' that's an alternative, because, of course, Kimi knows better than the orthopedic surgeons. 

[DaisyD]

The arrogance on this woman is astounding. I've had doctors that I strongly disagreed with, and I've switched because I didn't like their attitude or bedside manner. She goes around bragging about how she knows so much better than every doctor, no matter the specialty. She goes on and on about what a sad state of affairs it all is that she knows more than trained professionals. She always says "this mamma knows better". Referring to herself as "this mamma" somehow makes it even more irritating. I'm honestly a bit surprised that this level of narcissism actually exists in one person. I shouldn't be, but I am.

[PsyD2013]

Kimi mentions in her blog that she has fought for her children's quality of life since she adopted her girls.  As I read and reread her blog, the fight for quality of life always comes back to her and what a special snowflake she is.  No one can educate her girls as well as she can!  Medical needs, Kimmi will be pitching ideas to the surgeon.  Physical therapy?  No one but Kimi knows what a Beso ball is!  Even a doctor during a 2.5 hour visit pointed out that NO ONE ELSE would do for their children like Kimi.  And Kimi also has to post very personal information about her girls on her blog, so the fan girls can give her validation.  If someone dares to post a negative comment, Kimi bemoans the "hater trolls" to her admirers.  I am unfamiliar with adoption, so maybe an FJ'er can give me some guidance.  Isn't there some type of screening for people who wish to adopt?!?  It must have been brief, just long enough for a "dog and pony" show.  

[Catey]

You make it through a criminal background check and get enough respectable folks to write you a reference you are pretty well good to go. Seemed like she had the backing of members of her church as well, that looks good too. You just jump through the hoops and play nice it is not that hard, decent credit and some funds in the bank it is not nearly as hard as it should be in some instances.

 

For a mom that has blogged this much for this long with a public blog she sure has very few leg humpers...

[Rubaiyat]

On December 17, 2015 at 4:46 PM, keepercjr said:

 

Also as someone who has a chronic condition (cystic fibrosis) it really rubs me wrong.  For my kids, who do not have cf, they see nothing different about their mom and my medical supplies.  I don't hide them and their friends don't care.  If Jie Jie was actually worried about this then it is all Kim's fault.  Kids just don't see the world the way adults do.  It everything were upfront and honest and you don't hide it or cast shame or make her feel different then she should have no problem finding a man (or friends) who will love her just as she is.  I can see her biggest barrier to long term happiness Is going to be her mom.

Fellow chronic - I hesitate to use the word "sufferer" because all-round my life is pretty damn awesome - here, although not CF, and my kids are the same way.  Occasionally they will notice a difference and mention it or ask about it, and I'll reassure them, but mostly we talk about how everyone is different and move on with our lives.  

Kids are amazing.  They're not stupid, they're just short.  I'm always impressed at just how much kids can assimilate into their worldview, especially if it's presented well.  "This mama" is driving my chronic ass nuts.  Way to handicap your kid, Kimi!  I use the word handicap on purpose.  We all have challenges, and some of us are more challenged in certain ways than others, but the handicap that Kimi is handing her kids is a state of mind, and so completely unnecessary!!  Jie Jie is a beautiful child, and seems to have a sweet heart.  Her life can and will be as full and fulfilling, and as replete with loving friends and partners, as she chooses.  Why not help her choose not to be a victim?  There's incredible power in refusing to see yourself as "broken" or "defective" or "improperly formed."  Own it and roll with it.  Then, when you need to have your bad days, and kick and scream that you've been dealt a raw deal, you can!  And then go back to the life you've worked so hard to make the best of.  

TL;DR - Chronic things suck on their own, don't make the suck worse with an unnecessarily bad attitude.  Stop trying so hard to make your kid feel different in a bad way!  Solidarity fist bump to Keepercjr.  

[iheartchacos]

Y'all just don't understand the specialness that is Kimi's situation!

[Rubaiyat]

On December 17, 2015 at 5:27 PM, ViolaSebastian said:

She's mentioned that Jie Jie will need a spinal fusion/rod implantation for her scoliosis, which is a surgery that I've had done.  While it's not a walk in the park by any means, I worry that Kimi is projecting her fears onto Jie Jie.  My life actually improved considerably after I had the surgery done: it was easier to breathe, I could sit up for longer periods of time, clothes fit better, I grew in confidence because the curve was less noticeable, etc.  She also mentions that she 'came up with an idea' that's an alternative, because, of course, Kimi knows better than the orthopedic surgeons. 

Forgive me, I missed reading your post closely on my first trip through.  Just wanted to highlight this particular sentence.    Nothing about medical interventions are fun!  But, we do them because we can benefit so SO so much!  You have to go into it with a good attitude (although sometimes that can be really hard) and just keep plugging away at making things as great as you can.  

Kimi, seriously, there's so much wisdom here.  Stop assuming you know it all, and perhaps entertain the idea that you could gain from someone else's experiences.  Life is a cooperative sport.

ViolaSebastian, I'm so glad that your surgery helped so much!!  I've had two big surgeries that were hell to go through, but - holy carp - am I crazy glad I did them.  My quality of life is incredibly improved.  I figured I was going to feel like shit either way, so maybe I could do that while recovering from something that may help.  I'm sure you've had similar thoughts.  

And, with my next post, I will totally prove that I can talk about things without a personal anecdote.

[inabauers]

God, I hope these girls (especially Sissy and Blossom) can get the help they truly need - Kimi sounds AWFUL. Holy crap.  

[Pseudoname]

I have attempted to read the entire blog from the beginning.  But holy cow, there are soooooo many posts, with pictures, of baby clothes that she has bought for her fictional (at that time) Apple.  She says that she was stopping in at Babies R Us several times a week to browse through the baby clothes.  These are posts from 2007, when she had just put in the first bits of paperwork.  She didn't get Jie Jie until 2012.  

So I've skipped through to have a quick look at 2008 and 2009 posts.  Yep, she is still posting pics of baby clothes she has bought all through 2008 and 2009 as well.  I haven't had the fortitude to browse through any further.  Do they go on for the full 5 years before she got Jie Jie?  Has she stored all these clothes in the hope they will fit her (as still yet unborn) baby Apple, who came home in 2013?  My mind boggles.  

[blessalessi]

Then there is the horrible post where she is preparing to get Jie Jie and she wonders whether to let Jie Jie use some of "apple's" stuff, and whether she shouldthen take it back when "apple" comes.

Here she is preparing Jie Jie's room amd the clothes are in boxes. That is some serious pile of stuff.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_R8IG9bQ8biA/TTQoX0PBoOI/AAAAAAAACUs/cwiCVRUZ_LM/s1600/stage.jpg

[Pseudoname]

53 minutes ago, blessalessi said:

Then there is the horrible post where she is preparing to get Jie Jie and she wonders whether to let Jie Jie use some of "apple's" stuff, and whether she shouldthen take it back when "apple" comes.

Here she is preparing Jie Jie's room amd the clothes are in boxes. That is some serious pile of stuff.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_R8IG9bQ8biA/TTQoX0PBoOI/AAAAAAAACUs/cwiCVRUZ_LM/s1600/stage.jpg

I haven't gotten that far, but WOW!   That is some serious baby obsession happening.  I wonder how many people in Kimi's life realised the extent of baby clothes hoarding that was going on.

From the looks of it, she has enough baby clothes that should could change the baby's clothes at least twice daily, and still have outfits that have been outgrown before Apple could wear them all.

[JillyO]

6 hours ago, blessalessi said:

Then there is the horrible post where she is preparing to get Jie Jie and she wonders whether to let Jie Jie use some of "apple's" stuff, and whether she shouldthen take it back when "apple" comes.

Here she is preparing Jie Jie's room amd the clothes are in boxes. That is some serious pile of stuff.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_R8IG9bQ8biA/TTQoX0PBoOI/AAAAAAAACUs/cwiCVRUZ_LM/s1600/stage.jpg

Holy fucking shit. I am, for once, at a loss for words.

[DaisyD]

I read the whole blog. After 2007 I started scrolling past the "Fashion Friday" posts. There are some posts in the 5 years before she got Jie that are very telling to her personality, but i don't think i missed anything skipping those. Nearly all of those clothes are Gymboree (sp?) too. I never understood the big deal about that brand. Apparently they retain their value, but my kids were always way too hard on clothes, especially when they were crawling and first walking. I can't see myself spending that kind of money on clothes that are just going to end up with food, poop, and grass stains on them.

[BackseatMom]

It is unreal how many abused or neglected children are reabused in their adoptive homes. Best case in those situations, these poor kids get dragged through the system again.

[chaotic life]

I have an older teen who had a near panic attack this last week at the realization the day is coming when he will be fully responsible for his own medical care. I reassured him I will hold his hand until he is ready and so long as he wants me there. I do work to help teach my kids autonomy over their medical care, but I provided a safety net.

And I cannot imagine doctors not being concerned with a parent not providing that back up support to a child still a minor and medically complex.

[blessalessi]

 

Long before Jie Jie and Apple were identified as actual prospective adoptees, Kimi was imagining the sibling rivalry she might cause: http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/jie-jie-thoughts.html?m=1